Saturday, March 01, 2008

If This City is Hockey, The World is Canadiens: Habs 6, Buffalos 2


In the middle of the second period of last night’s game, I took out my cell phone and sent HF29 a message: “So what do you think? Is this team for real? I’m confused.”

In wanting to shed some more light on this hesitation I decided to poll the leaders of the world, since they are obviously all Habs fans and all watched the Habs beat up on the Buffalo Buffalos by a score of 6-2.

You know, this Thomas Plekanec iz fool of imagination and creativity. He is magnetic to vatch and vunderfool to follow. I can’t believe how he can recover from the abysmal dread of a 7-game slump, stuck in terminal agony and dream monsters haunting his nights. The trick in his hat proved the most incredible repellant of dark angels infesting his cavernous soul. Also, depression is inescapable and drapes a somber coat of macabre colors in the infested craters of your mind.
- Angela Merkel, Chancellor Germany

Komrad Kovalev has done well to represent his kountry and has avoided his family being subjected to repeated “korrections” at home in kase of ANY misrepresentations of our homeland’s superiority at the game of hockey that we have invented for the world. Lenin looks on from the korner of his embalmed pupil and nods a kreaky acknowledgment of approval. These four 4 kontributions to goal klearly symbolize Kovalev’s fondness of the four pillars of our identity: Trotsky, Stalin, Lenin and the website Ass-Cysts.com, a Russian favorite. We would also wish to take the time to send a message to our brothers KGB to find one Khabibulin and return him “unharmed”, we wish to speak with him.

- President Medvedev, Russia

I can hhonesly say dat we did not hhheggspect le Club de Hockey Canadien to go in Buffalo hhand win dat game de way dey did. The hhen-tiiire nation du Québec his amazed at ow dis team continue to find le courage to play well hhin pressure. Dey score fass hhin de first période and don’t stop to play good on de power play. Tree for tree. Iss incredible. Dey don’t play soff like Buffalo. Tonight, it was mens against boys. Firss place, really, h’immm so pride to be a Quebecer today until Pitsburgh beat Ottawa and we become in fif place again and I hasshamed.
- Pauline Marois, leader of the Parti Quebecois, Quebec


Whoa this team! Just incrrredible. I watch the game via satellite from Roma. My satellite hooked up to the feed to Tv on restaurant on Dante in Montreal. This tv in restaurant have the hook-up to il Centro Bello (the beautiful Centre). Oh! They play so good. These two breast brothers, hoh! They look so good! Ah, big and plump One, he put a goal and wop! The other do it too. Like they are jealous of each other! Hoh! Look ma, I score a goal! Hey mama, look me too!! Ho! I just wanna make love to the screen! Hoh my! Maybe I canna buy this team and embezzle the country’s public funds into their payroll and use a little extra change that I skimmed of the top to pay off this Marouelli referee, he sounds like a good Italian man who can be bought cheap. Wow! This team! Oh ma Gad!
-President Giorgio Napolitano, Italy


Gosh, darnit, this is the best American team we’ve got.
- President George W. Bush, United States of America


And the little player, who was sick and became captain, and almost lost an eye, and came back with career numbers, and willed his team to first place, …YES, he can.

And the sniper, with back to back 30-goal campaigns, and a trade hanging over his head, and stuck in a fowl slump, trying to revive his scoring touch,…YES, he can.

And this Francis Bouillon, our American son, who’s skin is so dark, and who deep inside, may want to be black, and be known as a brother,… YES, he can.

And the goalie, who’s just a kid, who’s never played a single playoff game, who’s taken on the hopes of an entire city, YES,… he can.

And this team, mediocre, for so long, with its frustrated fans, and a beautiful legacy…YES, it can.

And these fans, with their ambitions and their dreams, and their longing for a 25th Stanley Cup,
YES!!! They can!
- Barack Obama, Democratic candidate

Leesten, If I could fuuuuck, zis teem, fuuuck zem hard, you know I wood. Every player on zis teem. Juste gorgeous. Ils sont tout à fait délectables. Je les prendrais un par un, tel un somptueux chocolat enrobé, et les introduirais dans ma bouche avec toute la délicatesse d’un agneau. Un agneau en chaleur. I wood take zem hard and show zem zat le Fraance has no hard feeleengs for the trade of Cristobal Huet, because zis teeem know what it is doing and we supporte zem. Now, I have to go give Carla le cuni lingus. Bonnce chance, vive la France et vive moi.
- President Nicolas Sarkozy, France

Well, no need for HF29’s insight, I guess. The world has spoken and it is firmly behind the Habs. Kofi-gure.

14 comments:

HabsFan29 said...

For the record, I texted back "No. we're doing it with mirrors"

the Obama one killed, 33. the rest wasnt bad either

HabsFan29 said...

haha 33 i just watched that video. "i am so disappoint about alots of guy". 4 minutes of comedy gold

HabsFan33 said...

dey play so soff.

Anonymous said...

Fuckin hell you guys are brilliant.

I am drunk. Must go to bed or I will die.

My respects

Jeff in Hong kong

HabsFan33 said...

Don't you die, Jeff! Don't you dare die on us now!!!

THIS ...NEVER...GETS...ANY....EASIER!

One country, two systems. Peace out.

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Shenanigans! That sentence is way too grammatically correct to be the real Dubya.

Jeff in Hong Kong?? Mein Gott! They're everywhere! Re-education may be more difficult than we had at first anticipated. Good thing I've got an Airmiles card.

Baroque said...

Agreed on the Dubya comment. The man speaks like those instructions you get that read as though they were translated to English from Swahili by someone who only speaks Spanish.

Awesome job. Don't you guys ever have to work?

(And I think David Copperfield has done pretty well with smoke and mirrors.) :)

HabsFan29 said...

we have drunken readers in Hong Kong?

Senators Lost Cojones said...

HF29: The Series Of Tubes spans everything. At least until The Chairman decides that pantsless muppets are inimical to the revolution. DIDDY MAO!

Loser Domi said...

I am in awe of your grasp of other countries'/people personalities. 'Tis a thing of beauty here

Doug said...

This one was so brilliant I had to send it the quotes to my ex-wife. We're talking again, now. Thanks, guys.

Doug in Boston

HabsFan33 said...

Doug, is this good news? If so, I am touched, and if not then I am a matrimonial lawyer who can reduce your alimony payments.

Anonymous said...

Well Done boys, one country two fuckups indeed. Never been the same since the handjob in 97.

Yes 29, indeed we are here, and drunk, and we are watching you. We will cut out part of your brain too. For fun, for a laugh.

Fondly, fondling, fondle
Jeff

Jeff said...

You just made my day. The French minister is a dirtybird. You guys are fucking brilliant. Go habs.