Thursday, November 06, 2008

Hello, I'm David Kellerman and I Love Entourage

I like to keep pints of blood on me in case I have a spontaneous craving for a transfusion.


Hi.

My name is David Kellerman.

This summer, I asked Mike Boone at Habs Inside/Out if they needed a new writer for the blog. After a few weeks, he confirmed that the gig was mine if I wanted it, along with three new writers who would form the newly minted “Other Wing”.

When the Gazette launched the project, they accidentally published my name on their website and divulged my involvement with Four Habs Fans. I wasn’t too thrilled about it at first. But what surprised me however is that I quickly felt a measure of relief when it happened. I’m still not sure why. I did enjoy that it gave the FHF more exposure. So because I was outed there, I think I can do it here, because here is where it all really started.

As you all know, the FHF are four lawyers. We all practice law to various degrees.

It has taken me a while, but I have grown increasingly comfortable with this very difficult profession, the toll it can take on your mind, and the long hours it claims from your life. For the longest time, as I navigated myself through the first years in law, working for large firms, my mind would constantly drift towards journalism, which I weaved through my practice in various ways. I found a way to appear on 110% many years ago – I called and told them I could do it, they said why not and the rest is a history of the most awkward 15 minutes of my life. Bertrand Raymond, Réjean Tremblay, host Paul Rivard, and me. It’s not easy to do live TV. Even harder when the formula the show uses clearly doesn’t suit your style.

Paul Graif, then anchor for Global News, graciously let me shadow him for a few days, right after I was sworn in by the Bar. He even took me to the press box for a game, and to the dressing rooms for post-game interviews. Paul may not know it, but that may have been the single-most exciting experience I have been through. I used to do a segment called the Legal Minute on the Team 990.

Last year, I left a job with a good firm and decided that I would finally want to quench this unrelenting thirst. Maybe I needed to dive into journalism head first. Next thing you know, as life’s odd twists of fate often teach us, I got very busy working for clients who needed immediate legal attention. The result of these first couple of files is that today, I own my own practice.

I love our project here at Four Habs Fans. We all love writing our blog. We love reading your comments, we love the pseudo-community this site and others have spawned. FHF was hatched out of our passion for writing, the Montreal Canadiens and, as Panger told me recently, out of our desire, the four of us, to stay connected to one another. Good, clean man-on-man love. Not that the wives think there’s anything wrong with that.

Sometimes, we flirt with the line, and that what has always made me want to keep the lawyer and blogger as separate individuals.

My best example of regret is my last post on Election Day in the US, a spoof of Martin Luther King’s memorable speech in Washington. I regretted it the second I posted it, and felt far more remorse that night, as Barack Obama was elected. I was immensely touched by him. My brother, a white, Jewish photographer, spent the entire night in a church in Harlem, taking pictures, celebrating. Those are the values we uphold. King’s searing words were a rallying cry in a time of abuse, murder and tyranny. It is nothing to laugh about, especially not on a night when the country was poised to repudiate this past. That post was a mistake.

What I like about doing Inside Out is that I can write a more serious article when I want to, and I can go for a more off-the-cusp entry if that’s what’s stirring inside. That’s why I write under my name on Inside Out, to build on something, be it by way of comedy or no-nonsense hockey talk. It gives me a new platform, not only to write, but to find my place in journalism. But Jaro stays here, for your eyes only, I promise.

I’ll continue doing both until The Economist recruits me to man the Chief Correspondent Bureau in Peshawar. I really hope my clients agree to follow my new firm there, Kulti Mupti Kellerman. Located a few shops past the madrasah, no not that madrasah the other one, no not that one, the other one.

28 comments:

HabsFan29 said...

I have a coming out annoucement as well. My name is Mike Boone. you may know me from Habs I/O, but this site is so much more fun to write for. And the meth is way better than I get from my Gazette collegues.

HabsFan4 said...

Way to get me fired there, John, er, 29.

HabsFan4 said...

Kidding folks, 29's name isn't John, it's Bartholomew.

Pension Plan Puppets said...

That's a really great post. When I saw your name on HI/O I wondered if it was a mistake or if you were coming out of the blogger closet.

Hopefully HI/O can take you where you want to go and you don't forget this site. All of the best in the future.

p.s. In terms of the MLK post, I think that on its own it was a good post. The timing however could have been a bit better. Live and learn, don't beat yourself up about it.

fezworth said...

After reading your post in confusion, I read it again. And again. And finally, once again.

Then I realised that there is no punch line. I feel very strange.

I've enjoyed reading your posts on H:I/O, but never noticed the connection.

Congratulations HF4, and good luck in both your journalistic as well as legal endeavours. Keep it up!

PS. Just for the record, I thought your MLK piece was hillarious. Look at it this way; It's ok to have cried with joy on the night of the 4th, as well as cried with laughter reading The Onion's headlines on the 5th. My favourites are:

"Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress"
and
"Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job"

I wouldn't feel bad about it. Laughing about it doesn't mean you can't celebrate it as well.

HabsFan4 said...

@ppp: Thank you for your kind words and sound advice.

Damn! Why does it hurt so bad to love you so much! Aahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Habsfan10 said...

David Kellerman ... nope, never heard of him. Met a guy named "Dave" at Hurleys one time while drinking with HF29. Didn't look like the photo.

Habsfan10 said...

Hey, when do we reveal that Panger is Eklund?

HabsFan4 said...

Dave, Dave, nope, doesn't ring a bell.

HabsFan4 said...

and that 29 is Batman!

Shutdown said...

hf4, I saw that little name drop on Habs I/O before. I kind of winced when I saw it, knowing it probably wasn't in your plans to do so.
Anyway, I don't care if you start reporting from the Australian Outback as long as we get some monthly Jaro.

J.T. said...

Hi David. Nice to meet you! :) And, I'm with shutdown...I'll forgive you a lot if I'm getting my Jaro.

fezworth said...

Thirded. Jaro is missed.

HabsFan4 said...

J.T., you rule. The pleasure is mine.

LeNoceur said...

As a journalist who was recanted and became a hockey-blogging lawyer, I wish you well. If it doesn't work out, try used car sales, or maybe Amway.

panger76 said...

...and HF10 is actually Howard Berger.

Oh, and my latest rumours: Jay Boumeester for Marc Denis and Mathieu Carle , Marian Gaborik for the rights to Alexandr Buturlin and DOOM's foreskin, and Patrick Marleau for Kyle Chipchura and the fat Carey Price lost over the summer.

Habsfan10 said...

Berger? That's a low blow, Panger. At least the stuff Eklund makes up is funny!

lostinleafland said...

enough guilt HF4.
Solid writing is what matters, regardless of your name. Your contributions to both sites are awesome. Having a split personality might be a good thing?

"Strippers and Hockey. They are truly doing the Lord's work."

If HF10 is really Howard Berger,well fuck me, then there is no god.

moeman said...

A good read David. Any relation to Sally?

Always fun to get to know more about our online friends.

Montréaliste1 said...

I didn't get why you published your name... lol that explains a lot. I'm glad that you are able to do what you like in life !

Anyways, here or on H hi/o, nothing to be a shamed of, you do a great fucking job. And your wife will understand for all the strippers. Its 29's idea after all !

Bryan said...

panger? eklund?

not a chance. i've met panger and the man on the internet with no name or face has far more personality! haha j/k

lawyergirl77 said...

HF4 - Great post. And I laughed at the MLK post too... FWIW, I really don't think that you should beat yourself up about it.

And let me join the "We Want Jaro" chorus... I'm sure he'd have fun in Peshawar too.

Oh and Bryan, I actually said "oh, SNAP" out loud when I read your dig on Panger. And then I realized that, as a true friend of Panger's, I had to post that I was lame enough to say "Oh, SNAP" so that he would have some more ammunition with which to mock me.

orangeman said...

Oh God we need a Habs game.

And why was the MLK post bad timing? Did something happen this week? Sorry, I've been on vacation under a rock with my eyes closed and my fingers stuck in my ears. On Mars. Why are all these people smiling and gazing at their chidren with new found hope?

For some reason I feel the urge to go hug all my American friends. See you next Habs game! Lord Stanley? YES WE CAN!

buju banto said...

wtf is entourage?
your brother's slightly sexier... in a school bus fire kind of way.

Flying Toaster said...

Well in honor of the coming out party, i'll be the first one to follow the posting requirements... So here we go:

Fuckity fuck cunt! This girl is hot:

http://www.maxporn.com/pornvideos/9931/Stunning_Girlfriend_Makes_Sex_Video.html

And although Breezer might need to get locked up in a trunk, permanently, i think O'Byrne needs to get out of the closet before he can find his game.

Whew! Wasn't so hard!

grrrreg said...

Nice post! I was surprised too to see your name on HIO. As long as this blog keeps on providing me with laughs and strippers, everything is fine!

HabsFan4 said...

@buju: wtf is entourage?

What a sad world to be living in when one must pose such questions.

Pension Plan Puppets said...

@HF4: There is no pleasure without pain!