- 7 PM start, Wachovia Center. It's on CBC, so you can watch the fabulous Bob Cole! And the equally fabulous Don Cherry! Like fine wine, age has only made those two guys better;
- We praise the fine bloggers of the Flyers, Flyers. Femme, eager to go psycho, and Flyers Goal Scored By. Today we add Cuseadelphia to that list. Seem like nice chaps;
- Breezer is back in the line-up! As Fezworth correctly pointed out in the comments yesterday, we've lost both games with him out. We have been saved!
- We welcome the return of the delightful Mike Knuble to the Flyers line-up;
- Who cares which goalie plays for the Habs? They are both wonderful!
- Habs are kicking ass in the SOG department! 36-23 in Game 2, then 34-14 in Game 3;
- Martin Biron is undoubtedly a leading Conn Smythe Trophy candidate, and Danny Brière is near the top of playoff scoring. Well deserved!
- Unrelated to the game, Sean Avery has been hospitalized with a lacerated spleen. We wish him a speedy recovery, he's such a fine amiable fellow that the entire hockey world should rally around.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
"I figured, you know, there is really not much difference, and it seems the decisions I make don't really affect games anyway, so why not?" Carbo said. "It's not like one of our goalies has been annointed the franchise saviour or anything. So I'll just call them into my office at 5 PM, and do that eeny meeny thing. I don't think it will affect their performance at all."
Other selection processes that were ultimately rejected included a coin flip, one potato-two potato, and letting the goalies fight to the death "Amok Time"-style with the winner getting to play and mate with the hot blonde chick who sits behind Carbo at the Bell Centre.
- Well this is gonna be a dull and short second round. Pens, Wings, and Stars all take 3-0 leads in their series. Yawn;
- Let's take a quick look at the Playoff scoring leaders. All the ususal suspects are there in the top five - Jagr, Crosby, Brière, Malkin, the Little Fuckity-Fuck. Wait, what?
- Iggy, Malkin, and your winner Ovie are the Hart finalists.
Pivotal. We expect to use that word all day.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Two acts of prostitution today. First, you have one day left to enter the Bring Home the Cup Contest. You could win a big motherfucking HDTV, tons of delicious yet fattening and cholesterol-laden Pepsi and Lays products, an Xbox 360 and more goodies. All of it brought to your house by Mark Messier, who will have the real fucking Stanley Cup with him! Yeah, yeah, I know it's Messier and you probably hate him, but he's got the Cup dammit! You can drink booze out of it or piss in it or whatever you want! With 19 of your friends. What a prize.
Our second act of prostitution is to tell you to watch the Stanley Cup Playoffs on Versus! Where the fuck else you gonna watch it? You know, assuming you live in the U.S.A. and actually have Versus on your cable, and don't get CBC. Then make sure to watch the Stanley Cup Playoffs on Versus!
I feel dirty.
(h/t to MYFO and their The Weekly Whoring series, which is our obvious inspiration)
*if deluge means "2 or 3"
Game at Bell Centre waz so baad for teem, but was joke for big clown Cari. Put your stupide red nose on your nose clown Cari! You pley like litel clown and kids laf at you and you are clown! Hole teem say to me, its ok the stupide clown pley better next time.
So we take aroplane to Feeladelfia. Stupide teem sing baxing song wen we land. You no baxers Mentreal Cenediens! You hackey guys! Hackey guys and clown guy, this is reel name of teem. Hello, I am Jaro. I pley for hackey guys and clown guy.
Now game stori. Big clown go to net. So crazy things heppen. I pley hapskatch in halls and when I cam back to bench I see only 3 filadelfia guys on ice. We are 5! I no wat heppen. Same thing in league in Parkesh when one pleyer pleying and he fall becase he skate no tied! Ha! He fall all the time. Wen he go beck to bench to tie skate, he make mistake and tie he skate to player next to him skate! Wen coach tell them to go pley they fall together on ice! So fanny!!! I think filadepihia pleyers do same thing on bench in 3 game. Stuck on bench on no cant move. Hahaha.
Mentreal so sad for filadelfia we tell feelaphia pleyers, its ok we no score on you, we pass pack until they come beck. So we pley with pack on all the ice for 2 minoutes. Pheeladelfeea pleyers untie skate laces and go beck on ice.
Then Mentreal tell golie Biron, its ok golie Biron, we have open net and you not in your position becase you fall, we wait for you to go beack in net and we shoot pack in your belly, its no fare to shoot pack if you not in your net golie Biron. If we can we also hit post for you to give you the time to bo beck to your best pasition. I hear Kepten Saku tell Biron this. Biron give him big hag. It look very man gay, like Tchecoslovaka Sunday opera.
In second period, I watch beeeautifoul blond woman behind coach Carboner all period. She make my penis go to my pads. I tell her I like her and leek the glass so mach. We probably get married soon. Then Cari soooo jelos of Jaro, he cry in net like baby clown and say “I want marry her, I want marri her!”. I laf so hard. You think beutifooul girl like this want fat guy like you? Cari you cat your hair you look like peecack. I call you Chanel 5 Cari always now! And you want girl? No way Channel 5, she is for me.
So Cari pley 20 meenutes of so crep hackey. Filadelphia have 1 shat in second period and score 3 gols! So in break, coch tell me Jaro, you pley period 3. I tell coch “ no, I have date with Virginia, blond girl behind the bench!” Cocah no understand and I have to pley. But she watch me so I pley good. I make so many saves! Two! Two saves!!!! Marri me Virginia!!!!!!
Teem try to fix Cari crep clown hackey but also no want to hurt Biron feelings so only make 2 gols. Mentreal want to be nice becase every fieldephia fan have oroange ts-hirt say “Cenediens”. Papa call me after geme and say “That was most incrredibel golie performance alltime in history of Chekoslovakia. Everbady is celebrating with big parade outside. You make two saves and give all children hope. They change name of street from Havel Street to Havel Boulevard . women hagging each other crying saying ‘did you see Jaro saves?’ Tomoarrow no work here, netional haliday”. Coach tell me that becase my 2 saves I probably ween Conn Smythe trophy. I think so too. Cari ween Clown Smythe trophy!!!
- Well that was a hell of a... third period. TFS gets pulled after two periods after letting in 3 goals on 12 shots. Habs lose 3-2. More later today;
- Uh, that's it I guess.
Monday, April 28, 2008
That punch / facewash was only part of the story of the nastiness. The coaches got into a war of words over it. During the game, there seemed to be pushing and fracases after alot of whistles. Big battles along the boards. Some crease and goalie shoving. A playoff series is beginning to emerge. So with the heat rising, let's hit the bullet points to turn up the thermostat even more:
- 7 PM start, Wachovia Center. Good seats still available! Habs did win twice there during the regular season, but of course that means dick all;
- God bless the fine threesome of Flyers blogs, Flyers. Femme, eager to go psycho, and Flyers Goal Scored By. Ryan's post about NHL'ers taking internships is killer. And Nadine: 3 down, one to go!
- The SlowGreekBang Line has been our most dominant line all post-season, so of course Carbo is breaking them up. Habs I/O reports the lines will be: KoKoHigg, Pleks and the two Tits, Slow Gui! and the Greek, then Mad Max, Streit and Bégin. Oh Ryder, will we ever see you in a Habs uni again?
- Also, Rhino plays again, let's hope he's starting to get comfortable. Breezer continues to be sidelined by his mysterious leg injury. Give it up - which one of our three loyal readers went Gilooly on his ass? I owe you dinner!
- Props where props are due - Brière, Biron, Timonen, Umberger, Jim Dowd. I knew Habs should never have let Dowd go as a UFA;
- TFS - who's worried?
- Other, less important, suckitude - Mad Max, Gui!, El Dandy. And PLEKS! How can I forget him? (thanks matt-ftc);
- On a more positive note, I think we actually played one of our best games of the playoffs Saturday Night. Seriously. Their hot goalie dominated our shaky goalie. I really feel good about that performance (TFS excluded). Am I on crack? (or meth? wait don't answer that).
Among the accused of the Salem Witch Trials was one Prudence Goodwin, imprisoned 0n August 13, 1692 after being accused. However, Goodwin never stood trial; on October 31, 1692 an empty cell, broken shackles and a strange orange and black "P" symbol burned into the floor were all that remained of Goodwin's presence in Salem. Legends persisted that Goodwin escaped South towards Philadelphia, terrorizing the lands as "The Jersey Devil" before moving further afield. Family histories and ancient black magic ritual verses found near Sault Ste Marie, Michigan in 1763 reveal a coven celebrating their founder "Mother P", and subsequent rough diaries and land title documents from a Robert P. Goodwin were found in an abandoned hovel emblazoned with the same "P" of Prudence Goodwin's in a small settlement in present-day Manitoba in 1804. The diaries discuss the birth of Robert P. Goodwin's daughter Agnes, who married settler Joseph R. Clarke in 1861 and moved to Flin Flon, Manitoba.
On August 13, 1949, Robert Earle Clarke was born in Flin Flon, with the Philadelphia Flyers logo burned into his chest.
Everyone keeps talking about this video and keeps sending it to us (thanks to Montréaliste and Nose Bleed Bob) so we figure we should post it for posterity, despite it being out of date already.
I have many jokes about Hitler and Bob Clarke, but they're pretty insensitive to Hitler, so I'll hold my tongue.
- Great, now the Pens can play D? They beat the Rangers at their own game, a tight defensive 2-0 struggle;
- Face it, the little fuckity-fuck is going to the Finals. Stars win 2nd straight in San Jose;
Alighty off to Philly for Game 3. Emotions are finally starting to run high. Now we've got a playoff series.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
So, you know, game one was alright. Pretty exciting really, what with the crazy bounces and goals and a happy ending. But it was exciting in the regular season sense. Both teams were tired and sloppy from their 7 game series. The couldn't give us the epic, tough playoff battle type of exciting. There was that Richards hit on Kovy (btw, no attempt to injure imho, though others disagree), but no real chippiness. So that's what I want starting tonight (well, not attempts to injure) - emotions. Grittiness. Dirt. A playoff series, for fuck's sake. Here's some bullet points to get the catfight going:
- 7 PM start. Have any of you been to that lame "tailgating" thing next to the Bell Centre before games? What's the deal?
- Be sure to pray to the Holy Trinity of flyers blogs, Flyers. Femme, eager to go psycho, and Flyers Goal Scored By. Nadine, i'm working on getting HF4 and Panger over to take your dare. They're stuck in a strip club, as usual;
- SlowGreekBang Line. Who loves ya baby?
- And Kovy. You know, he does stupid things, he disappears for periods or games sometimes, but in the end he always seems to get plenty of points in the playoffs, again this year a point per game;
- Hot for the Flyers - Jim Dowd!
- No line-up changes, meaning Breezer is free to score more goals (into his own net! [rimshot]) while Rhino's built-for-the-playoffs giant body languishes in the pressbox;
- Here's what I think. The Flyers were tired in game one, and we were pretty lucky to win. This game is going to be a lot tougher.
Alright enough talk from me, let's hear it from you. Go hockey, go pants, etc, etc.
We asked the two blogs to sit down over tea to try to resolve their difference of opinion. The following is a transcript.
Pensblog: Good day to you, fine sir. A delight to be with you.
BB: Good day to you as well. May I begin by saying how lovely it is to sit down with you and converse in such a rational manner. Civilized discourse is the key to a harmonious society, especially in the blogosphere.
Pensblog: I tend to agree. If I may, to begin, you must acknowledge that Mr. Crosby was prevented from using his glorious rapidity to get to the puck, which by definition is, in fact, interference.
BB: While I have no quarrels with your definition, good sir, I do believe that is not the issue. The question was whether in fact it was poorly timed, with under 4 minutes to go in a 4-4 playoff contest.
Pensblog: I must respectfully disagree. Should not a penalty be a penalty whenever it occurs? It would seem ungentlemanly to change the rules throughout the course of a game, would it not?
BB: Well good sir, the art of refereeing is subjective at the best of times, there is no reason external factors cannot influence what should and should not be called.
Pensblog: No, my good man, it is not subjective, there is a definition of a penalty and it should be called the same regardless of the situation. That's pure objectivity.
BB: Bite me, dickwad.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Although we here at FHF would never suggest to an attractive young lady such as this keep her jersey on, it's probably too early to be jumping off the Flyers bandwagon just yet. Besides, girls like this look hot in any hockey Jersey, even if it is the Face of Evil.
AND THIS IS WHY HE SHOULD BE LOCKED IN A TRUNK: the Flyers first goal is deflected behind TFS (tm) by the anti-Saviour, Breezer. Where oh where is Rhino??
Is it too early for lunch? Some guy named 'Hamburger' got credit for the first goal.
Who knew we'd long for the days of Jim Dowd? The former Hab (well, he's a former a lot of things) doubled the visitor's lead in the first, scoring one of the prettiest goals of the playoffs. Coming from JIM FREAKING DOWD though (the same guy who was waived earlier this season by the Flyers) in itself makes it another fluky goal. Hey, it's not how they go in, it's how many.
Those must have been some good intermission hotdogs in the dressing room. After coming out flat in the first, the Habs took their play up several notches in the second.
Denied. The Habs seemed to be turning the tide in the second, when Big Tits was awarded a penalty shot on a somewhat generous call (since he did get a shot off, IMHO), but was stoned by Biron's pad save. Small consolation, Big Tits did look sweet with those nifty puckhandling moves.
What are they, related? Big Tits gets is back a couple of minutes later on an amazing play with Little Tits: Sergei picks off a Jeff Carter pass in the neutral zone, tears down the ice, cuts across the slot and fakes a shot while letting the puck slide over to big brother Andrei, who rips it behind Biron. Like they were sharing a brain.
High stick? What high stick? Turtleplek fires a shot on Biron while penalty killing, which is deflected up. Kovy, following the play, swipes it out of the air and the refs call a goal. Replays show Montreal fans inconclusive results. I'm pretty sure at least some Flyers fans felt was a high stick - good thing they don't riot over these types of things in Philly. Well, too bad - the Habs have suffered from enough bad replay calls (I still can't let that early-season game against the Pens go). Still, it's nice to catch a break.
And now another city hates you, Joffrey. Mere seconds into the third, Lupul puts the Flyers ahead again on a PP. More pressingly, what's with the "o" instead of an "e"? Are his parents dyslexic??
Relax, AK27 is back. Worried? Who was worried. Everyone knew that the game plan was for the Habs to stay a goal down until the dying seconds, then pick up a powerplay, pull the goalie, have the opposing center's stick break on an offensive-zone faceoff, resulting in their best player grabing the loose puck and ripping a shot top corner to extend the game to overtime. Then winning one the first shift in OT. Just like Coach Carbo drew it up int he dressing room before the game.
And that is why Mike Richards is the true heir to Bobby Clarke. Not only was that late call clearly a penalty, Richards should get a suspension for intent to injure as he stopped and turned into Kovy's knee. We're not hold our breathe for any announcements by Colin Campbell, though. In Richard's defence, he thought he was going after some guy named "Kharlamov", not "Kovalev". Names beginning with "k"s and ending in "v"s can be tricky for brain-dead goons, though. (Jinx)
Maybe Philly should just let the other team score the second goal. For the 2nd time in their last three games, the Flyers jump out to a 2 goal lead, just to watch it evaporate.
48 seconds. That's all it took for Greek Lightening to strike in OT (sorry, too easy). Have we mentioned we like that SlowGreekBang line?
Stats that make us feel good : Little Tits leads the way with 5 hits, as the Habs outhit the big bad Flyers 38-28, and the Habs win 60% of faceoffs.
Next Game against the same Evil Evil opponent: Saturday in MTL should be a good rematch, with Philly expected to pick it up a notch and both teams looking for a 60-minute (at least) effort. This will not be over quickly, folks.
Yeah, yeah, I know there was a game last night and we'll get to it eventually. But hot chicks!
- Tastes like souvlaki and vodka this morning, as Kosto and Kovy are the heroes in Habs' 4-3 OT win. A weird yet thrilling game, which you can see in the long-form video (Bob Cole warning). More later today;
- From around the blogosphere: Habs "stole one" over at Cuseadelphia. Seems like the Flyers fans around our comments agree. Whatevs;
- Wings hold on to take their opener over the Avs 4-3;
- Team Canada's World Champioship entry is bolstered by the likes of Spezza, Heatley, and Mathieu Garon.
If Game 1 was any indication, this is gonna be a hell of a series.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I may not have HF29's archive of insanely hot girls, but I figured hot female + habs jersey + very short skirt = good start to Round 2.
HF29 is in a dentist's chair right now, getting his front teeth put back in by our good friend Dr. Randy Gregg. Panger thanks him for the opportunity to post the Game Preview - and for all those things 29 mysteriously picked up for him from Foot Locker on 'Tuesday'. I also thank him for setting the precendent for the following lazy, bullet-point ridden post (really, we like to read comments from our readers more anyway):
- #1 seed Montreal faces #6 seed Philadelphia in this first game of their second round series in the National Hockey League's playoff for the Stanley Cup. But if you didn't know that, why the fuck are you reading this anyway?
- 7:00 pm EDT/5:00 pm MDT at Le Centre Bell in Montreal.
- CBC, RDS (TV) CJAD, CKAC (Radio); Tsn.ca/rds.ca (webcast) - which LG77 informs us is well worth the 3 bucks, cause you get to see DOOM before the game in his tighty whiteys, we're guessing.
- TFS(Tm) faces Marty Biron.
- Both clubs coming off big Game 7 wins, with Montreal lucking out with an extra day of rest.
- No lineup changes planned for Habs, so Breezer is going to bring his game-full-of-turnovers while Coach Carbo leaves Rhino's muscles in the press box. Which is fine, cause it's not like the Phlyers play physical or anything. Yeesh.
- The new #1 line of Kovy-Saks-Higgs (we're now soliciting nicknames for this new combo) remains together, with Turtleplek in the enviable position of playing between two tits all night. Lucky bastard. Let's hope the Bros. turn another Titty Trick tonight.
- Daniel Briere led all scorers with 11 points in the first round. Bell Centre Fans, you may continue to boo him every time he touches the puck.
Go Hockey! Go pants! GO HABS GO!
We surpassed 100 comments last game people, let us know what's on your mind and let's go for the century mark again.
Habs - with DOOM finally rounding into form after his injury, the Habs D corps is looking as solid as Fergie's abs. We've got the terror-inducing body checks and shot-blocking of DOOM, the veteran presence of Hamrlik, the feistiness of Gorges and Franky B, and the (alleged) offensive talents of Markov. Even Breezer is not sucking, tied for third in Habs playoff scoring [bangs head against keyboard]. Throw in Rhino if he plays, and the fact that Streit has gone back to forward where he can't be frightened by opponents like he was in his games as D against Boston, and this gang looks good to go.
Flyers - Saku's BFF Kimmo Timonen really showed something against the Caps. He played well offensively (especially in Game 7, where he set up the winner) and did a fabulous job shadowing Ovie. He's small, but very smart and quick. Kimmo's partner Braydon Coburn is a reasonable facsimile of an NHL D and led the Flyers in +/- during the regular season. If that pair does as well against Kovy as they did Ovie, Kovy will get frustrated. Of course Derian Hatcher is Derian Hatcher, close to 200 PIM during the regular season and tied for the Flyers lead in +/- during the Caps' series. I don't know any other Flyers D.
Edge - Habs, but with Timonen playing out of his mind, I think it's closer than some people think.
(by FHF resident goalie expert Panger76)
Lots of parallels here: both keepers are hybrid-butterfly goalies drafted in the first round (albeit 10 years apart) and who lead their respective teams to a 7-game series win in their first NHL playoff experience. I suppose this isn’t to surprising since when Biron played in Buffalo he was behind a multiple Vezina and Hart trophy winner. Still, Buffalo won nothing in those years (haha Sabres suck…but wait, we’re making of fun of the Flyers. OK.). In the first round, TFS had 2 shutouts to Biron’s one, and had better stats (GAA and Save %). The both got 4 wins though, with Biron grabbing two in OT. So not too much to pick from stats wise. Reputation wise…well I don’t remember Biron leading his country or any of his teams to any championships. Of course I didn’t follow his career in midget.
The big difference is size: Price is bigger by a couple of inches and many pounds, which will come in handy when Flyers forwards are crashing the net and the refs keep their whistles in their pockets. Size not just between Biron and Price, but between Price and the last goalie the Flyers faced, some guy named HueT. Anyone who underestimates how important TFS’s size is is not paying attention: Habs fans couldn’t have been presented with a better illustration of why Gainey traded HueT that they replay from game 7 when HueT got smoked by an onrushing Flyers forward, was knocked out of the net and the Flyers popped the puck into the deserted cage. Price won’t be knocked around so easily.
Two big questions: can TFS(tm) continue to play well beyond his years and steal some wins for the Habs? And on the other side, will the French-Canadian kid step up his game like so many other Quebecers playing in Montreal?
[HF29 note: I thought we were supposed to have the answers Panger ;)]
Bonne chance to all. Not you, Philadelphia.
I just listened to an hour's worth of audio on Habs I/O to get all the latest breaking news from the heart of the Bell Centre.
Here it is: Carbo's not changing anything from Game 7. That is all. The pic is to distract you from the uselessness of this post.
You guys already know about Flyers.femme and eager to go psycho, but I thought I would take a second to introduce you to the third member fo the killer Flyers blog troika, Ryan of Flyers Goal Scored By. And not just because he just wrote a really nice (yet possibly sarcastic) profile of FHF. Ryan brings the funny, so check him out over the next 7-14 days.
Ryan this one is for you: Jim Dowd was a fantastic... converter of oxygen to carbon dioxide.
- Some final thoughts on the riot: Montreal blogger Fagstein has what is the definitive first-person photo essay to prove his point about a lot of media-created myths. But being the sick fucks we are, we'll take SLC's brilliant satirical take, thank you;
- Speaking of brilliance, if you didn't catch our self-pimping link to HF10's Bruins eulogy on Yahoo! yesterday, be sure to catch it now;
- Oh, right, we have a series with the Flyers starting tonight. And our Flyers blog friends are laying down! (get your minds out of the gutter, people) Kristin from eager to go psycho has laid down the welcome mat, while Nadine of Flyers.Femme has laid down the gauntlet. Man this is fun already. Hellooooo, threeway;
- And speakng of the Flyers, you know we have 1o reasons to hate them, eh?
OK we've got a busy day ahead, assuming the lawyering doesn't get in the way. Some more A History of Evil, maybe some sort of actual hockey analysis god forbid, and undoubtedly some half-naked chick(s) to bring us to puck drop. Conference semifinal action on FHF - catch the fever! Of course, fever is the first symptom in many STDs, so be careful.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Rachael is the only non-evil thing about the Flyers. Don't say FHF didn't have something nice to say, Flyers fans.
Be sure to check it out. It's our last word on the B's. Until next year.
June 3, 1966 (Reuters) - Needing to house his newly-won expansion franchise, Flyers owner Ed Snider buys and bulldozes St. Jude's Roman Catholic Church and the adjoining Sisters of Mercy Orphanage to build the Spectrum, the Flyers home from 1967 to 1994. The now homeless orphans are put to work laying the foundation for the new rink. Those that survive the harsh building conditions find employment afterwards as combatants in Snider's pit-fighting ring in the Spectrum basement.
Prince of Wales
Philly @ Habs, Thursday 7 PM
Rangers @ Pens, Friday 7 PM
Avs @ Wings, Thursday 7:30 PM
The Little Fuckity-fuck @ Sharks, Friday 10 PM
Flyers, eh? TMS can live with that. We'll get you some sort of stripperriffic preview over the next 2 days (shit, tomorrow night already?). And I'm sure we'll have some sort of fun with Nadine of Flyers.Femme and maybe Kristin of eager to go psycho too (oooh, another threeway!), so stick around. It's better than rioting.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Welcome Back, Tits. Have a nice vacation?:The series ends how it started, with the Brothers Tit scoring mere minutes apart in a dismantling of the Bruins. Nice of the boys to show up for games 1 and 7 ... apparently there was some sort of Belarussian holiday the week of games 2 thru 6. Seriously, though, those two need to stop disappearing in games against the B's. Although last night ...
I awoke at my usual ungodly hour this morning full of excitement. Ready to write TMS in all its post-series win glory. I was even going to praise Coach Carbo! That'll tell you what kind of mood I was in. Sure, the praise was going to be tempered by the first of many "act like you've been there before, Habs fans" mini-rants that you're going to get from me over the next day or two. But as I turned on CJAD, the news hit me like a ton of bricks. And my immediate reaction was what the fuck is wrong with you people?
Look, I enjoy a good riot as much as the next guy. I've been there. But after a Round 1 win? Are you fucking kidding me? The fine people at Reebok and Foot Locker (TMS wears a size 9, thanks!) did not deserve to have their stores smashed and looted. The Montreal police did not deserve to have their cars burnt like in the video above. And the happy Montrealers who just happened to have parked downtown last night certainly did not deserve what they got.
Now I'm sure it was not a majority of celebrators who did nasty things. It was undoubtedly a small group of people who were hell-bent on destruction probably no matter what happened at the game. But the "one bad apple spoils the bunch" axiom is staring us in the face here. We'll have to watch our step walking downtown this morning because of all the broken glass on the streets thanks to those bad apple fucktards.
Montreal is the greatest city in the world. I'm proud to call this city my home for nearly 40 years. But now we look like idiots to everyone else. So this morning, I am no longer proud. I'm just fucking embarassed.
Monday, April 21, 2008
- Coach Fucktard Carbonneau, yesterday's press conference
You know what would make a difference today, fucktard? You doing some coaching instead of worrying about your fucking lucky tie. Not just pretending something good will happen. Not implementing some useless defensive system on the eve of the playoffs when your team led the fucking league in goals scored this year. Do you even look at the stats? Oh, and Bruins were on the ice yesterday, working hard in prep for the big game. You gave the guys the day off to masturbate. Who needs practice now anyway right? We're playing so well, no need to change anything. Fucktard.
Hey ho, I'm back from LG77 rant land. That was fun. Couple of quick notes to get the conversation started, and of course, as this may be my last preview for the year, they are in bullet point form:
- 7 PM start, Bell Centre, all the usual crappy (RDS excepted) media outlets;
- Happy Patriot's Day to our friends at Bruins for Life and Ghosts of the Garden. Sam Adams and Pawtucket Patriot Ale for everyone!
- Lineup changes? I doubt it. that would involve, you know, coaching;
- I could give you a bunch of stats about history, and Game 7's, and 2004, but fuck that shit. One and done, that's all that matters. Plus, I need to save blog real estate space to post the awesome photo below. Big thanks to uber-hot Habs fan Carolina and her equally uber-hot friend Jessica for permission to post. I love this town. Go hockey pants.
- Buh-bye, defending champs, Mickey Ribs is too powerful for you;
- Flames force a Game 7 of their own. If no Canadian teams are left in the playoff forest, does the CBC hear it?
- Red Wings move on. Wings pass Leafs for second all-time on the playoff series win list. I'd make a joke about the Leafs never winning another playoff series, but Habs fans are on no position to say anything of the sort.
Game 7 tonight, excitement, yada yada.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
- Yes, God? Is that you?
- THOU SHALL NOT EVER TRY A HASEK MOVE AT THE END OF THE THIRD PERIOD AND ATTEMPT TO STOP THE GAME WINNING GOAL WITH HIS BACK TO THE PLAY.
- THOU SHALL NOT ALLOW THE OPPONENT TO SCORE ON YOU AT WILL WHEN YOUR TEAM'S OFFENCE HAS SUDDENLY COME OUT OF IT'S FUNK AND PROVIDED YOU WITH ALL THE GOALS NEEDED TO ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND.
- THOU SHALL NOT DROP A PUCK IN FRONT OF THE CREASE AS IF ONE WERE FEEDING A FUCKING DOLPHIN.
- THOU SHALL REMEMBER THAT SINCE THOU ALREADY RUINED THE PASSOVER SEDER, A BIT OF OVERTIME WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING KILLED US.
- THOU SHALL NOT OPEN UP THE FIVE HOLE AS IF IT WERE AN EGYPTIAN VAGINA.
- THOU SHALL NOT SHAVE HIS HEAD LIKE A STUPID CHILD IN THE MIDDLE OF A PLAYOFF SERIES AND THOU SHALL NOT ALLOW OTHER TEAMMATES TO INDULGE IN SAME. YEAH SO WHAT IF THERE ARE 2 RULES HERE, THESE ARE MY FUCKING COMMANDMENTS.
- THOU SHALL NOT EAT ANY BREAD DURING THE PLAYOFFS. IF THOU ISN'T MAKING ANY BREAD DURING THE PLAYOFFS, THEN THOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO EAT ANY.
- THOU SHALL NOT DISPLAY PICTURES OF GARTH BROOKS ON HIS FACE MASK AND LOOK LIKE A PHILISTINE HICK.
- THOU SHALL NOT ALLOW COMPARISONS TO OTHER ROOKIE GOALTENDERS GET TO HIS HEAD.
- THOU SHALL NOT LOSE A SEVENTH GAME. CAUSE IF YOU DO, OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!
....NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
Carey began his descent, visibly moved by the experience. He trekked back to the shores where his deflated teammates had been resting after the night's collapse.
The Captain lifted himself off the ground when he saw Carey appear out in the distance. The whole team rose to their feet and watched him approach. He stopped and stood before them. "Guys, I think I have the solution".
Then the Captain spoke: "Dude, what's with the grey mohawk."
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Simchat Torah - the holiday where we dance. The dance on ice goes at 7 PM tonight in Boston. Let's hope visiting Habs fans are treated better than this guy, who got his face danced on.
Purim - commemorating the Jews' deliverance from their enemies. Be sure to check out our enemies, the Big Bad Bruins. At least they ain't as bad as the Persians. If the Habs lose tonight, you may wish to participate in the Purim tradition of wearing a mask to disguise yourself.
Rosh Hashanah - The Jewish New Year is all about rebirth and renewal. The return of Saku and Franky B to the lineup could bring the rebirth of the team. Let's fucking hope so.
Yom Kippur - the theme is atoning for your sins. Let's see, who needs some atonement right about now? TFS, Pleks, Higgins, Streit, Big Tits, etc, etc. Basically, the whole fucking team.
Hannukkah - the Festival of Lights and oily fried foods. Mmm, donuts. The holiday lasts for 8 glorious days. This series has now lasted for 9 totally unglorious ones. This Jewish holiday gimmick has now clearly run its course.
OK less Hebrew school, more hockey. Remember, on Passover you must drink 4 glasses of wine. In each period.
Friday, April 18, 2008
I've broken from the usual TMS format to highlight a couple of things from the open thread last night that make us feel the panic. Matt brilliantly went from "ftc" to "fear the collapse" to "we are witnessing the collapse" in a matter of minutes. Rips it, scores! hit the record books to point out the eeerie similarities between 2004 and 2008, in terms of margin of victory and win patterns, which are identical so far:
G1: Boston won 3 – 0
G2: Boston won 2 – 1
G3: Montreal won 3 – 2
G4: Boston won 4 – 3
G5: Montreal won 5 – 1
G1: Montreal won 4 – 1
G2: Montreal won 3 – 2
G3: Boston won 2 – 1
G4: Montreal won 1 – 0
G5: Boston won 5 – 1
He then contemplated ritual suicide. Finally, LawyerGirl77 got home from the game and laid down a rant of epic proportions where TMS agrees it belongs - on Carbo. Go read it.
We feel the panic. It's well deserved. More later today.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
- Habs have 4 players tied for the team lead in scoring in the playoffs. Three of them are Greek Lightning, Slowinski, and Breezer. That's just not right;
- Streit has a sore hip and will not play. Ryder gets his spot;
- Saku actually skated today, but is not at all ready to play. Franky B is also still on the mend;
- For the B's, Aaron Ward is questionable and apparently Chara has sore ribs or something. Someone want to pull a Bobby Clarke on Kharlamov?
- For those of you on the Facebooks, I have discovered this aweseome new group of Habs Girls. Thanks to Stevey for pointing it out;
- FINALLY, a decent Bruins blog has been created. Meet The Big Bad Bruins. Welcome to Blogtopia kids, too bad your stay may be a short one;
- Keys to the game: Habs need to put the puck in the fucking net. That is all. Well, and Our Saviour needs to keep it up.
K let's hear your take. I'm tired of the sound of my voice, er, typing.
- Sens: big collapse in the history of the league, or biggest collapse in the history of the league? Who remembers the "Habs of '76-77" talk early in the year? Seems like another lifetime ago as the Sens get swept by the Pens. SLC sums it up nicely;
- TMS is suddenly a Nashville fan, after they even their series with the Wings. Go, uh, er, uh, Predators! Yeah, that's it, Predators. Had to look it up;
- Sean Avery's still a douche, but that doesn't stop the Rangers from taking a 3-1 stranglehold against the Devils;
- Sergei Samsonov's WhalerCanes' rebirth, like a Phoenix rising from Arizona, pays off big time.
Hey, Habs can win a playoff series tonight! You know, if we can figure out how to score goals.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I know Carey Price is a devout Christian and would probably find all of this blasphemous..but fuck it, I'm going to hell anyway: Praise Carey! He's MY saviour.
TFS(tm) lived up to the hype last night and carried the Habs to a 1-0 victory in Boston. Are the Bruins the most powerful offensive force in the NHL? Hardly. But Mr. Price stood tall all night long, took some risks that paid off (see Sturm, Marco) and as usual never looked like he broke a sweat. His puckhandling skills around the net consistently kept the Broons from setting up a cycle down low, and he's big enough that he makes the saves in traffic. As a result, he's the first rookie goalie to earn a playoff shutout since, you guessed it, St. Patrick in 1986. Team defence kept the Bruins from having any truly great scoring chances, except while shorthanded in the first. The third went by relatively quickly considering we were clinging to a one-goal lead, thanks to my new found devotion to and faith in TFS(tm) .
Now I'm going to do something that makes me feel icky: Breezer is playing well. Hell, he's been the only defencemen that has made a solid outlet pass, and he scored on an absolute bullet of a shot - everyone watching the game down at the Rose & Crown (shout out to Bryan and Fezworth!) thought the puck had gone over the glass, such was our collective disbelief that Breezer could play the role of offensive hero - or indeed anything other than pylon.
While I'm playing 'bizarro' FHF today, let me also praise Carbo for doing the obvious and moving Swiss Mister - who's new nickname could have been 'asphalt' for the number of times he's been run over in the series thus far - to forward and bringing back big, bad Rhino (although even Rhino looks like a child next to Count Chocula...that freak.) I didn't miss Milk Carton, did you?
Unfortunately the Dance a dix line continued to do a whole lot of nothing (except for Big Tits crashing the net on the PP leading to Breezer's goal), ditto Little Tits and Higgins. Where or where art thou, Saku?? The complete disappearance of our offense (save for the SlowGreekBang line, who once again was the Habs' best) is a huge fucking worry, and Turtleplek & co. did little to dispel the "little girl" comparisons. It's Tiny Tim, people!! Get some shots on net.
Thursday night is Bruins Elimination Game #1 - and the Habs better bury them then, otherwise Julien's troops may get some ideas about making amends for thier 2004 debacle. Too bad for them that we have TFS in nets, not Raayyyycroft. And if he plays like he did last night, it'll be lights out in Beantown. Jinx.
Bring on Ole!
- Goodbye everyone! Black is white, down is up, left is right, and Breezer is the hero as the Habs win 1-0 and take a 3-1 series lead. TFS was pretty ok too. More later;
- Flames get a whole 10 shots in the game and lose 3-2 thanks to Joe Thornton's winner with 9-2 seconds left. Joe Thornton as playoff clutch? Damn, it is bizarro world;
- Danny Brière looks more like the MVP than Ovie in the Flyers 6-3 win over Caps, getting 2G and 1A. BOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Sorry, just warming up for any Habs-Flyers series to come;
- In case you missed it, Jose Theodore has been excellent (really!) and last night he helped the Avs tie their series against the Wild with a 5-1 win;
- Ducks finally realise the playoffs started, take Game 3 with a 4-2 win.
Paging Habs offence, you're needed in surgery.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
If ever there was a "pivotal" Game 4, this is it. Take a 3-1 stranglehold or slink back to Montreal for the start of a best of three. Habs have sucked out the joint for the last two games. Don't believe me? Listen to the team:
We had our chances, but we aren't working, we aren't talking on the ice and that's why we we're in trouble - Steve Bégin
Some of the players need to realize that we're in the playoffs - Carbo
The last two games, I played like a little girl out there - TurtlePlek
I love that last quote. I may type it in every FHF post I write 'til the end of the playoffs. But I digress. Back to my point. And my point is that Habs need to get their shit together. And fast. The things that need improving include, but are not necessarily limited to:
- The PP, 1 for a million in the series so far;
- The Danse à Dix line needs to uh, score;
- Coach Carbo needs to, uh, coach. After a crap Game 2, he did nothing. After a crap Game 3, let's hope he takes some action. Move Streit up front, put Rhino in. Is that so fucking hard? Look at me, I'm an NHL coach;
- Markov, Higgins, Ryder, and Streit need to show up.
- The SlowGreekBang line;
- My alcohol and meth intake. After extensive testing, I feel I have found just the right balance.
If you want info from the other side, check out Ghosts of the Garden. The boys had been pretty slow through March and April, but have really picked up their coverage in the playoffs. I've seen Doobie around these here FHF parts, and he seems nice. For a B's fan.
OK, less bullshit and lame meth jokes from me, more comments from you. What are the keys to the game?
Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a Marilyn Monroe sex tape...
- Fork, meet the Sens' season. Even with Alfie's return, Sens lose 4-1. We don't like to give up on teams down 3-0, especially those supported by our internet BFF, but even he has given up, so I guess we can to;
- Preds get back in the series with a 2-1 win over the Wings;
- It looks like TMS is missing a hell of a series out West. Wild beat Avs to go up 2-1 in a series where every game has gone to OT;
- Canucks dump GM Dave Nonis. Remember the good lod days when just the coach got fired for missing the playoffs?
- Great, now that Sean Avery has a rule named afer him, he's gonna be even more of a douchebag / dick / fuckwit / asshat (thanks for the swear words, ladies of FHF).
Alright, time for dicking around is over. Time for our best players to show up. Turtleplek himself admits he "played like a little girl out there." Time to elevate his play to a tween boy.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Yeah, I got a review:
Other than Greek Lightning and TFS, everyone fucking sucked last night. Bad Kovy is back. Doom made some nice hits and spent most of the night out of position. Milan Lucic is a little fucker and rapidly climbing my most hated player list.
However ... the Habs have played two absolute garbage games in a row, and the Bruins have only got one overtime win to show for it. Get their heads screwed on straight again, and this is still over in five. Carbo? Over to you.
Maybe we'll talk more later, maybe we won't. But that about sums up our feelings right about now.
- When does a 2-1 series lead make TMS feel like shit? When the Habs suck (The SlowGreekBang Line excepted). We got some good playoff hockey in a 2-1 OT loss, but that's about all we can say. More later today;
- On the other hand, Flames have all sorts of effort in coming back from 0-3 down to win 4-3. Curtis Joseph gets the win for Calgary. Did I read that right? He's still in the league?;
- Devils get back in their series with a 4-3 (OT) win. Oh, and Sean Avery is a dick. But I guess that's not news;
- Mighty Caps can't score, Flyers win 2-0.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
- the game is at 7pm at the TD Banknorth Fleet Centre Boston Garden
- Mike Milbury is an idiot
- The Habs top ranked power play bailed them out of a significant amount of fecal matter, but it stands as their only PP marker of the series. Boston figured it out maybe, after 12 games?
- Carey Price stood on his head, or rather on Garth Brooks' cowboy hat, in Game 2. People, with all the history this franchise has to offer, its number 1 goalie has Garth Brooks painted on his mask, and we haven't said a thing about this yet?
- This game is huge.
- The Thunder Rolls.
- Tim Thomas played a great game in Game 2. That's enough, Tim Thomas.
- Alexei Kovalev, star of the newly released DVD, AK 27, needs to give Pleks a boost and fully revive this first line.
- Chris Higgins should drink a concoction of Base, Fuel, Red Bull and a latte from Starbucks and kindly proceed to wake the fuck up.
- Ef-fuckin'-haristo, TK, we didn't know what kind of jewel we had on our hands.
- If we win, Saku will be enjoying more champagne and chocolate foot massages at Spa Diva.
TFS is God - 37 saves. Lots on in-close chances. As all around him were crumbling, he just stood in there and did what he had to do. Playoff goaltending at its best. In his second NHL playoff game. At 20 years old. Excuse me, I need a tissue.
Kovy: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - The Good was the redemption he got scoring the OT winner, and the magnificence in the offensive zone as he did all the work on Little Tits' 2nd period goal. The Bad was his inability to do much on the PP until the OT winer. The Ugly was what he got redemption from, his stupid retaliation slash that got him two minutes and got the B's the tying goal. Veterans who do that shit in the playoffs should be benched. Good thing Kovy refuses to go back to the bench most of the time, so he was on the ice to score the winner.
Open your fucking eyes - the refs were, uh, not good. They missed what they needed to see, they saw what they needed to miss. Both teams could rightfully complain on this night.
Other crap - Markov played like it. Must have had a bad pre-game meal, because he shat his way across both zones. The PP, given every chance to win the game, even thought they finally did, was tentative and weak throughout. May have something to do with Slowinski getting major minutes on it. Whoever picked the 3 stars was the ultimate homer. The stats sheet says we had 28 giveaways. That can't be good. Ryder and Higgins need to show up soon.
Just so I can't be accused of being completely negative - I thought Hamr had a great game in both ends. The Kosto-Slowinski-Bégin line continued to be the spark. We're up 2-0, I guess that's something.
See you in a few hours. At least I don't have to get on a plane. Who came up with this joke of a schedule?