Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Today's preview and open thread is all about Tits and BJ's

Mmm, Tits. Aren't they great? Of course they are. Everyone loves Tits. They're fun, they're bouncy, they seem to be coming to life just at the right time, ready to explode in the midst of BJ's.

Wait, what?

Putting on the bra details - 7:30 PM start in Montreal. Get ready for McSplooging on some Tits. This is the only meeting this year between the two teams. They played once last year, with Columbus winning in a SO, but only after Little Tits tied the game in the final minute. Destiny! Columbus is off to a decent start, 12-7-3 though they've lost two in a row coming in.

It's a bro... no, it's a manzier - On the other side of the aisle, check out Tea with Ms. McGill. Any blog that references Youngblood is alright by us.

Nice bazongas - Big Tits is coming around, 3 points in his last 2 games. It's a start. Squid is single-handedly willing this team to points, with a huge assist to Pleks. TFS is hot enough to have been named 2nd star in the NHL last week, and he's getting the start again.

Man those things are saggy - with Gui Gone Wild (TM L Dude), Gomez on the shelf, and BGL losing salary, no one is really qualifying for this space. Métro is pointless in 4, but so what.

Some bodacious tatas - Kristian Huselius has 5 points in his last 3 and RJ Umberger has 3 points in his last 2. Overall, the BJ's have the 3rd best PP in the league.

Tara Reid's lopsided surgical wonders - both Rick Nash (o points, -4) and Steve Mason (4 goals in 26 minutes and pulled) shit the bed in NY last night. Overall Steve Mason is suffering some sophomore blues, with a 3.59 GAA and a .885 save%.

In need of some augmentation surgery - to the nice list of Gio, Gomez, Vodkov, Gill, and Dagger, you can now add Benoit Pouliot. And you also add Jaro 2.0 to the list as of this morning, putting Jay Leach in the lineup. From practice today, it looks like Little Tits will be on the 4th line with CHips (yay!) and a just called up JT Wyman (who?). This team will be unrecognizable by Christmas.

Your post-game adult entertainment - can only be tits.com. It could not be more NSFW if it tried. It features tits, as you may have guessed.

Lets hope Tits are around for a while.

126 comments:

eyebleaf said...

TITS!!!!!!1

lawyergirl77 said...

+ a bazillion bazongas for the Tara Reid and manzier references. Outstanding!

Funny factoid: Little Tits is the feature player on today's tix in the season's tickets package. Destiny, indeed... or perhaps simply Density (TM BttF).

CivilizedWorm said...

So this game is being played at the Copps Coliseum in Hamilton?

L Dude said...

Here's hoping a JT trumps an RJ! Course, neither come close to a BJ -
Thank you,
Captain Obvious.

WV - gotsubs. The Habs gotsubs to fill in for actual players.

Moey said...

There's too many tits, we're gonna be top heavy, especially with that scrawny, boney arsed D that we're icing.

L Dude said...

Moey said,

There's too many tits...

NEVER!

Boob Gainey said...

We're not short of pussies either.

kevincrumbs said...

James Wyman, huh? Had to look him up and here's what Hockey's Future is saying:

"A league coach had this to say about Wyman: 'Wyman has the ability to single handedly change the game in one shift. He is very explosive and is a pure goal scorer. He has a tremendous first three strides, has nice hands, and a quick release. He will have to develop his play in the last 100 feet to make himself a more complete player.'"

Well, hopefully he doesn't fuck up too much in his first NHL game.

Habsfan10 said...

I'm beginning to suspect Chips is taking dudes out Gilooly-style in the parking lot, and they've finally run out of guys in Hamilton to bring up in front of him. I always said that Chips was a smart bastard.

Hey, who else is hoping to see Gomez hit injured reserve for, oh, 4 or 5 years?

Ronan said...

@ Moey
I know what you mean... but I'm not sure scrawny and boney-arsed is the best way to describe our D:

Hamrlik (6'2, 223lb) - Gorges (6'1, 195lb)
Bergeron (let's not go there) - Mara (6'4, 219lb
Leach (6'4, 215lb) - O'Byrne (6'6, 228lb)

That's an awful lot of meat out there. I just hope one of them can make a friggin' pass.

bea.habs.fan said...

I don't know what to think about this team anymore. I can barely recognize it.
it seems that we're goign through the bottom of the barrel and hence the future looks depressingly depressing if any of the call-ups are indicative of our prospects.


WV - flach. a flach of inspiration or a flach of genius would be just the thing for management

lawyergirl77 said...

@bea - actually, I've been really happy with Pyatt and White and I'm looking forward to seeing what Wyman does.

Don't get me wrong, it's depressing that we're basically watching the Montreal Bulldogs.

But, I'm glad that the kids are getting some NHL exposure, early in the season. And I'm pleasantly surprised that they don't look *that* out of place!

Boob Gainey said...

I wonder if Martin isn't giving the veterans too many minutes, and if that has led to injuries.

it's all very good to bench an unproductive line half the game. But it means someone else has to take up the slack.

matt - ftc said...

good on gainey for moving tenderness. even if some of BG's moves have been questionable to say the least, i am glad to see that he doesn't let the BRs of the world and some fans influence his descision making. lats was a lousy player, that is all that is important...he wouldn't even be a star in my beer league.

lawyergirl77 said...

@boob - my personal theory re: injuries (okay, Mr. LG77's theory that I am claiming as my own) is based on Martin's emphasis on conditioning.

Trying to improve conditioning is a waste and is, frankly, dangerous during the season. Muscle fibers don't have enough time to heal and get stronger (i.e. build strength) and it only makes players more prone to injury because they're either tired, their muscles don't have enough time to recover and ligaments/tendons can't catch up to the increased muscular strength.

Mr. LG77 said at the beginning of the season that we would see tons of injuries this year... granted, some of them aren't conditioning-related, but the groin pulls and other sprains and nicks certainly could be.

Moey said...

@Ronan, I don't know exactly how to phrase it either, too much tit and not enough ass. Something like that.

Moey said...

*snicker* I just noticed the FHF glossary of the day. Pee-Air McSplooged all over himself yesterday on Melnick. Maybe one day he'll drown himself.

Gino Tomac said...

Have any of you listened to the interview with Little Tits about being back with the habs?

http://www.gazblogs.com/habsinsideout-files/2009%20Nov%2024%20Pregame/sergei.mp3

There's anger in that voice. This kid is definitely going to take the first contract from the first NHL/Euro/Russian league that offers him anything.

HabsFan29 said...

@moey - yay! thx, im happy someone noticed

bea.habs.fan said...

@LG that does not necessarily hold up as lots of teams around the league are having major issues with injuries.
most of the Habs injuries are more severe than sprains and some can just as well be ascribed to age as to excess conditioning (ie Spacek).
I'm trying to think who is injured because of a sprain outside f Gomez and possibly Spacek

Matt D said...

I was planning on writing today that you guys needed an actual glossary, much like the Battle of Alberta's 'Terms of Battle,' to help the newbies figure out all the nicknames and references (the little fuckity fuck' reference brought back fond memories, yesterday).

I see you've decided to dole it out day by day instead. I like it.

offspace said...

The GLOSSARY is a killer!!

Ronan said...

@ Gino

I'm thinking they told him to work harder.

moeman said...

Mother.

gillis said...

It's a bro... no, it's a manzier

Best seinfeld episode ever.

moeman said...

Hiya Guiunderson

(All CHildren)
There's a sad sort of clanging
From the fucks in the media
And the dumbells on the teevee, too
And up in La Presse
An absurd little turd
Is popping out to say coo-coo
(Coo-coo, coo-coo)

(José, Mike, Carbo) (Francis, Patrice, Steve, Gu:()
coo-coo Regretfully they tell us
coo-coo But firmly they compel us
to say Bonsoir
coo-coo
(à vous)
Tous

(CHildren)
So long, farewell
Off Canadiens, goodnight
(José)
I hate to go and leave the pretty sights

(CHildren)
So long, farewell
Off Canadiens, adieu
(Mike)
Adieu, adieu
Fuckity-fuck you and you and you

(CHildren)
So long, farewell
Au revoir, Off Canadiens
(Carbo)
I'd like to say with Bob
I tasted my first CHampagne
(talking to the captain) yes?
with (Saku) non!

(CHildren)
So long, farewell
Off Canadiens, goodbye
(Francis)
For you, for CHeap
I fucking punCHed Darcie
Now sigh and say goodbye
Goodbye

(Patrice)
I'm glad to go
out of Panger's trunk you know
(Steve)
I flit, I float
As a B, I fleetly flee, fly

(Gu:()
Your son's gone Wild
One less Québecois CHild
And from Fargo, Benoit Pouliot
Not pure we know, but Franc-Ontario!

(CHildren)
So long, farewell
Off Canadiens, goodbye

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

(Chez Nous guests)
Aurevoir

HabsFan29 said...

boy it's quiet out there. c'mon people, it's Columbus!!!! feel the excitement!!!!

/ man i need to get out of class to get a drink

HabsFan29 said...

that's better, thx moeman

Not pure we know, but Franc-Ontario!

had to bite my tongue so my prof couldnt see me smile and ask wtf

Moey said...

moeman,

I love that! I've seen that movie at least 10 times. I know all the songs by heart.

Ironically Christopher Plummer hated it, he calls it the Sound of Mucus.

HabsFan29 said...

oh and behalf of Mom of HF29 who is out of town, I'm sure she would love this one moeman. she always likes when she can sing along

and may a take this sidebar opportunity to say your range of musical knowledge and styles on these parodies is just mind-boggling

Chenny13 said...

Something to perk us up before puck drop, via TSN:

The only goalie with a worse GAA than Mason is: Toskala. Here's hoping that we get to see many flashes of Tits.

moeman said...

As always, I love partaking in the FHFun!

Baroque said...

I don't think Tchiakovsky liked the 1812 Overture very much, either - and it is one of the most popular things he has ever done.

moeman said...

Oh and if I could permit myself a slight edit, Id've/should've typed;

I hate to go and leave the titty sights

Chenny13 said...

So, who will get McSplooged on tonight? Anyone?

I'm going to wager on Wyman, since it's his first NHL game and we all know how much Pee-air likes 'em young and naive.

moeman said...

heh @CH13.

Also, ever notice Gord's throat always sounds phlegmish?

moeman said...

Le Squid!

Chenny13 said...

Hah! Not sure how Squid coaxed that one through the pads, but we'll take it. I was yelling "Pass, Pass!!"

Chenny13 said...

And if I hear "En Fuego" one more time, I might lose it.

And Fuck.

moeman said...

ack. 2-2

Baroque said...

Damn, I step out for a couple minutes and miss two shutouts going poof. :(

Chenny13 said...

Ack, Josh. What're you doing, buddy?

Ronan said...

This is the most physical we've played all year - I like it.

Iffy call... bleh.

moeman said...

A good read.

moeman said...

Fack.

Chenny13 said...

Well, that's really unfortunate. Tipped it right to them...

Baroque said...

If he had just stayed upright there would have been nothing wrong with that.

Well, that was fast.

Chenny13 said...

Ugh. A big juicy one for big tits, and he just can't bury it.

Heh.

Moey said...

The Tits are a bust.

Ronan said...

Oh Sergei...

moeman said...

The Tits are flat.

kevincrumbs said...

The D is atrocious tonight and perhaps every night this season outside of the Washington game.

The Urologist sucks. My God, why can't he be one of the injured ones?

HabsFan29 said...

just got in from class.

i dont like those shots on goal totals

HabsFan29 said...

great, little tits got a penalty? that's his contribution?

Ronan said...

Is it just me, or does Joel Bouchard's translation never correspond to what the player actually said?

lehab said...

@bea... i was at the bulldogs-moose game on friday and agree with you on the future. best player for Hamilton was Conboy?? whoever that is..Actually the best player on the ice was Mike Keane. Now there is a captain we could use. Little Tits showed nothing...not even a little cleavage. PK looked okay, Belle was alright Maxwell not bad. Nobody really stood out

HabsFan29 said...

bleh

ive seen like 4 minutes of this game and i am not impressed

kevincrumbs said...

Putrid hockey and Mara just took a penalty in a period where we've spent maybe thirty seconds in Columbus' zone.

Garon looked a little shaky in the first but since we're not actually getting any shots on goal, it doesn't matter.

habsss said...

Jesus CHrist, if anyone wants to get drunk tonight just drink everytime one of the TSN guys says Rick Nash

Baroque said...

I wonder if the Canadiens are familiar with the concept of a "shooting gallery?"

Price sure is.

HabsFan29 said...

tipped by someone

but i'll take it

lehab said...

well look at that ... a shot on goal!

Baroque said...

Jesus CHrist, if anyone wants to get drunk tonight just drink everytime one of the TSN guys says Rick Nash

McSplooge target or just involved in the play? :)

kevincrumbs said...

Urologist got lucky but at least he's starting to make up for some of his blunders.

HabsFan29 said...

fuck im annoyed

kevincrumbs said...

Nice move by Max.

HabsFan29 said...

Max is freed up without Gui holding him down

HabsFan29 said...

at least we had chances?

habsss said...

McSplooge target or just involved in the play? :)
-------
It doesn't matter. Both will get you equally drunk.

kevincrumbs said...

Didn't score but one of the best looking PPs of the year.

Chenny13 said...

Well, a little sustained pressure is nice, but it'd be even nicer if they could hit the net. How many shots wide in that 4 minute-ish sequence?

Baroque said...

It felt like about 37 shots wide, but I'm sure it was fewer.

kevincrumbs said...

Anyone else think that Squid needs to pass a little more?

habsss said...

Pleks better be fine.

moeman said...

Nope, Tits still haven't perked up. Are they being rubbed the wrong way?

moeman said...

Hamr!

moeman said...

Gap-toothed Métro!?

Chenny13 said...

How the hell are we tied? Oh, right. The Price is Right!

kevincrumbs said...

Metro! Hamr! Whomever!

Habs have looked a lot better since the PP with about five minutes left in the second

Chenny13 said...

Hahahahaha!

moeman said...

Piss on that!

kevincrumbs said...

Note to self: Insult the Urologist and he plays well.

Hitchcock should call a timeout. Oh wait, he doesn't have one.

Chenny13 said...

Once I stop laughing, I might actually cheer. Sweet Jesus, The Urologist strikes again.

This would surely be one of the least deserved wins that I've seen us grind out in ages.

Baroque said...

Holy crap.

How the hell did that happen?

Chenny13 said...

Maybe Urologist should audition as a closer for the Blue Jays. His off-speed pitch sure fooled everyone there.

lehab said...

spaghetti legs pacioretty is playing well tonight

kevincrumbs said...

Great, Mara's injured, so is AK?

HabsFan29 said...

bruised tits

this is becoming pathetic

Chenny13 said...

Well, Mara takes a puck in the face and Big Tits takes a slash on the wrist and heads off to the room. Great. We'll need another one of those injury posts, except all of them will actually be real soon enough.

Ronan said...

@ kc
Noticed that too. The Hockey Gods won't be content until we lose an entire 1st line + 3 of our top 4 D.

moeman said...

Hey, at least Pleks is OK!

kevincrumbs said...

Soon we'll have a roster consisting of Louis Leblanc, Youppi, Breezer, PK and Benoit Brunet.

kevincrumbs said...

Hurrah, AK's back on the ice!

Chenny13 said...

Well, AK is back on the ice. Not the first time I've been happy to see big tits.

moeman said...

@kc, methinks Bob will give Desharnais a call before BB.

Chenny13 said...

I dunno Moeman, with BB's inflated head he might prove to be a great goaltender.

Chenny13 said...

This 3rd period has been fun to watch. I'll give both teams that.

HabsFan29 said...

Gord just mcsplooged on Nash

HabsFan29 said...

MAX!

Chenny13 said...

Mad Max for the insurance! Huzzah!

kevincrumbs said...

Gui-less Max!

Also, fuck Ken Hitchcock for wanting a call. That's what you get for Nash's non-call.

Anonymous said...

THE TITS HAVE ARRIVED!!!

HabsFan29 said...

wings for everyone!

Chenny13 said...

Bergeron can barely stand up in our own zone! hahaha

kevincrumbs said...

Because someone needs to say it:

DON'T BLOW IT!

moeman said...

For no reason except for why we love them so fuckiing muCH, an upcoming (pun intended) Glossary word should be tits

moeman said...

Will McSplooge give The Urologist a golden shower'd Monster?

HabsFan29 said...

i'll take it

moeman said...

TFS™ FTW!

kevincrumbs said...

The fans have learned not to sing the goodbye song.

Good win. Crap for the first half of the game then started to turn it around. Thank God for Carey.

Chenny13 said...

It has to be said:

What a ridiculous game that was.

And Moeman: Nice call.

kevincrumbs said...

Had to chuckle at this comment over at HIO:

"Montreal trades Guillame Latendresse to Minnesota for Benoit Pouliot and Maxime Lapierre."

Anonymous said...

Gui:( is gone and a fire is lit under Lapierre`s ass!

BTW, I can`t believe we just won this game, especially with the AHL lineup!

The kids impressed me tonight and I can`t help but think that Guy Boucher is one of the reason we didn`t lose 6-2...

Anonymous said...

@KC - LOL!

HabsFan29 said...

i really enjoy listening to jennifer hedger describe the highlights to a habs win

moeman said...

Before we get all Je Me Souviens,

Métro got the winner.

Price was fucking malade! (sick I tells ya)

Big Tits and SuperPlexe bagged 2 assists, eaCH.

small tits wasn't that phlat.

~~~

Bonus, SerKei and Why Man? called up = a bert+jej loonish mindfucking migraine for the pure woolers. Sleep well fuckers.

moeman said...

jej égale rej

Anonymous said...

There`s a reason I was suprised when I saw Chipchura on the ice, congratulating Price: I didn`t even know he was playing tonight! He only played 3:53!

moeman said...

I, for one, cannot figure out my boy CHips (has he ever been McSplooged?). Maybe I was sold a bill of goods but I just keep wishing he was/is to be the next Bob Gainey. Not looking likely.

Also, some of the anti-chambers are yipping that the CH is now thinking of trading Jaro. Of course this is pure made up bouleCHit (it was michel langevin, a truly fucked up media jackal).

... and Denis Gauthier? Really? On a couch and not on the ice? Oh man this will make BR (cuz bert said Bob Gainey INSULTED Denis for not signing him) throw his FLQ manifest at the teevee screen.

Shutdown said...

I think Laps has found a replacement for Latendresse. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: SerGui:)

moeman said...

Ooh good one Shutdown.

boob gainey said...

Just got back from the game.

Thanks Mathieu Garon. You gifted us the game.

Flying Toaster said...

Wow! Good to see we one another one in regulation, by more than one goal no less! I've been reading every newspaper article i could get my hands on at work (Which means a LOT, i work at a corner store) about Pouliot and Gui...

Why the hell are the journalists saying Gui was/is a better player than Pouliot? Pouliot got to play 65 games total, in FOUR YEARS! How are you supposed to even scout out a player when he plays so little?

"Hah! Gui is better because he got more points than Pouliot's best season!" <-- in which he played only 35 games you dick-wad!

WF: Astemis... As in, i like to see some tits and Astemis!

Flying Toaster said...

Also: Anyone taking bets on how long before Pouliot becomes known as Polio here on FHF?

WV: Naliona... Sounds like a hot italian chick.

Number31 said...

FUCKING UMBERGER didn't score! Life is good.

Ronan said...

If Pyatt, White, Pouliot, and Leach stick around, they're gonna need some nicknames...

(I humbly suggest Mrs. Rhino for Leach, but that's just me)