Monday, August 31, 2009
"Will new coach + new players = better results?"
Fucking brilliant! See the way he takes the most obvious and banal point and makes it sportswriting genius by using mathematical symbols instead of words? That takes work, people. No doubt he rejected such other probing questions as:
Will the Habs win any games?
Will two top forwards who have never played together (except for those two years in Jersey) gel on the ice?
Will the Habs, in fact, play on ice this year?
Will the Montreal media turn on the team after their 10th straight loss?
On a related note, the FHF season preview has been canceled, as all the important questions have been asked.
via P. Daddy
- NHLPA executive director Paul Kelly has been fired by the Board, made up of the 30 player reps. PA seems pretty fucked up to these days;
- Reports have Tanguay going to the Lightning, who now may actually be good?
- Over the weekend, La Presse had a report about the Molson brothers, that they are borrowing $75 mill from the Quebec government and that they may dump Pierre Boivin. So the sale itself is not complete only two weeks from training camp. No rush or anything.
So yours truly is going through some life changes starting today. From a full-time job to a part-time job and a Master's degree. To paraphrase a great movie line, that's why I like these these law school girls; I get older, they stay the same age. So this means our posting schedule may be a bit more erratic, depending on
Friday, August 28, 2009
Yes, I know Sexy Friday has gone to the ice girls' well one too many times. But if you have a problem with hot chicks skating around in tight sports tops, well, you're a communist.
Not to mention that these tryouts are from L.A. If you're going to go out looking for bimbos to put on skates, L.A. is your town. So these auditions are for the Kings METAL Ice Crew (don't ask me why they're METAL, maybe they're really into Maiden). The Epic Carnival blog has compiled all 5 of the NHL videos of the auditions. God bless the NHL.
From last year's crew, here's Carrlynn. With a name like that, not to mention the pout, you just know she used to be a porn star.
Lap dance to friend of FHF Goozo for the tip. Goozo has promised Sexy Friday that one day soon he'll share his story of partying with Sergei Fedorov and models in Vegas.
- The Olympic camp comes to an end with a sold-out scrimmage. The game ended 2-2, then they faked trying in a shootout. It was a
total exhibition yawnbarnburner;
- Kovy still wants to play here. Give it up, dude;
- Good piece from The Globe's Brunt on the Phoenix craporama (lap dance to moeman);
- BGL goes apeshit on the Montreal media (lap dance to Boob);
- Habs I/O is going to clean up its comments. They have appointed "comment monitors", reminiscent of the famed Deadspin Ninja Comment Squad, but with a much lamer name. All the degenerates are welcome here.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Apparently he's already asked for a trade to the U.S. Senate because he hasn't been asked to read any proposed bills by head coach Stephen Harper, and feels he can be more of an "all-around" Senator elsewhere.
We look forward to the inevitable illiteracy jokes in the comments. We of course are above such things ... especially considering he did deliver the Habs last Cup with Paul DiPietro on the third line.
Patrick Kane has come to a plea agreement in the whole "beat the crap out of a cabbie for 20 cents" situation. He has plead guilty to one count of disorderly conduct, which is not even a misdemeanor but a simple "violation". If he stays clean the record will be expunged after a year. Additionally, he has the horrible, horrible penalties of:
- Aplogizing to the cabbie;
- Paying $125 in court costs (that's 625 20 cents, Kaner);
- Going to bed early without any dessert.
Via Wysh's twitter
- Turns out the NHL's offer to buy the Coyotes was $140 million. As that is about 72 mill less than Jimmy Balls' bid, we're sure it will be accepted. MYFO's take on these shenanigans is well worth the read;
- In case you missed LG77's ranting in the comments yesterday (which we agree with generally), The Flower is putting the pressure on his old team and Bob three weeks before training camp;
- Today's Olympic camp report comes from SI's Michael Farber who wonders if Thornton and Vinny will even make the team;
- According to some blogger, the Habs have the best fans in the league. Whatevs. (via Puck Daddy)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Big activity in the thrilling world of bankruptcy court yesterday. Gary Bettman's great white hope Jerry Reinsdorf's group has pulled out of the Phoenix Coyotes sweepstakes. This leaves potential suitors as uh, hmm, that guy, and uh, yeah, that group. Yeah, that's the ticket. You know, that guy?
Seriously, from the NHL's perspective, this leaves no one. Which is why the NHL yesterday submitted its own bid to buy the team. Gah! Any fan of the Montreal Expos will tell you how well a league-owned team can succeed. Although Bill Daly swears the NHL would flip it to a third party like some used car, how the fuck can they find a buyer when no buyer has come forward so far, when the price is bankruptcy-cheap?
There is another group who bid yesterday, a group of investors called Ice Edge Holdings. Ooh, edgy. This is the same group that earlier wanted to have the Yotes play some games in Saskatoon and other small Canadian markets. Chibougamau, the NHL is on the way!
Why yes, that is Jimmy Balls over there in the corner, alternatively weeping and smiling.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
- What's that we see? NHL'ers on the ice? Yes, it's Day 1 of Team Canada Orientation Camp in Calgary. We don't care if there were no Habs there, that's hockey, dammit! Er, sorta, kinda, maybe;
- The Semitic Saviour looks to be off to Vancouver;
- Here, this should make you angry: "Four or five teams after Mats Sundin" (lap dance to GoldenGirl11 for the tip);
- Jimmy Balls files an amended proposal to get the Coyotes. Sure Jimmy, keep dreaming.
Monday, August 24, 2009
The story cites a lack of preparation time as the reason. Given that the Als will (knock wood) be playing the Eastern Conference final 4 days before, this doesn't leave the 7 days required by the NHL to get everything ready. Sounds like a lame excuse to me. I built a backyard rink overnight once.
Many lap dances to GoldenGirl11 for the freaky Photoshop
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Can I say two words about the wedding? The hors d'oeuvres were fantastic. There was a rack of lamb station for hors d'oeuvres. If that wasn't enough, there was a Peking duck station. For hors-fucking-d'oeuvres!!! What a time to be alive.
Oh yeah, best of luck to the new couple, yada yada. This leaves yours truly as the only bachelour HF. One last chance, ladies.
Friday, August 21, 2009
- It's the Hockey Questionaire O' Doom! Friend of FHF and former threeway (predictions contest) participant Capschick over at A View From the Cheapseats armtwisted HF 29 and HF10 into answering hockey's version of the LSAT. Check it out and feel free to say hi. She's already been warned and has her degenerate-deflecting shields up;
- Melnyk! Jimmy Balls! UFC 105 at Copps Coliseum to feature throwdown between Sens boss and Phoenix-chaser;
- Dany Heatley might talk about his all-encompassing quest to break Mats Sundin's record for most drawn-out, pain-in-the-ass story everyone is sick of in Kelowna today;
Please take a moment to send some thoughts and prayers to former Hab Jose Theodore, who lost his two-month old son. Think what you want about his place in Habs history, but no one should have to go through that.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Bullet points to celebrate your first win in the top flight in 33 years ...
- TSN and TSN2 (aka "The Ripoff") announce 124 game NHL sched. 16 appearances for the Habs, 17 for the Leafs, 12 each for Sid the Kid, Ovie, and Toews and Patrick "20 Cent" Kane;
- Scott Gomez says all the right things about being ready for the cauldron that is Montreal ... Scott, it's a big jump from guys like Dubi at Blueshirt Bulletin to the idiots at 110%;
- 20 Cent and his cousin escape the big felony robbery charge and get indicted on some misdemeanors for their dust-up with the cabbie;
- Stephane "Rebel" Yelle signs with the Whalercanes. Friend of FHF Wufpirate at Carolina on Ice immediately goes to work on Billy Idol photoshop;
Sexy Friday is only a day away, folks. Hang in there. The sexy doesn't go on vacation with HF29.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I went to university in Ottawa. (Go Gee-Gees!) Like a lot of university students, I needed a part-time job to scrape together enough money for wings and beer and possibly textbooks if there was enough left over. In my third year, a buddy of mine got me a job with the Ottawa 67's. And that's where I met one Guy Lapointe.
A six-time Cup winner with the Habs, Pointu was the least celebrated of the "Big Three" of Larry Robinson, Serge Savard and Lapointe on the juggernaut 70's Habs. Robinson won multiple Norris trophies and dominated with his size, shot, and fists; Savard was the regal Senator with the spinerama, the first defender to win the Conn Smythe; but Lapointe was a four-time all-star, holds the Habs single season record for goals by a defenceman with 28 and was probably the most complete defender of the three. After his playing days, Lapointe got into scouting and was doing just that at a 67's game back in 1995 when I decided it was time to meet a Habs legend.
See, at those 67's games, we sold programs. Easy job, easy money, and we were told to knock off and count the money midway through the game, so we got to see a lot of hockey. Since the 67's never drew enough to fill the over 9,000 seat Civic Centre, we could pretty well sit where ever we wanted. My buddy Derek used to like to sit high up in the corners, "where the scouts sit" so we could "see everything develop." Well, one evening we wandered into the corner and saw Lapointe, notebook in hand watching the 67's battle the Bulls or Frontenacs or Generals or whomever.
Now, I'm not an autograph seeker by any stretch of the imagination, but growing up in a Habs household I was well versed in the awesomeness of the 1970's Canadiens. This was an autograph that, at the very least, would make a cool present for my Dad. I was apprehensive about approaching Lapointe, since the man was working, but after seeing a steady stream of people getting signatures, I headed down to the souvenir stand for something that Lapointe could scratch his name on. I was thinking a puck.
Some history before we proceed: Before local boy made good Jeff Hunt purchased the 67's and ramped the marketing, in-game experience and professionalism of the organization up to acceptable levels, the Barber Poles were a pretty sad-sack front office. The previous owner was a nice man but cheap, and he hung on to a lot of employees well past their time. The marketing department was a shambles, and the team was taking it on the chin after the recent arrival of the Sens. The in-game DJ doubled as the mascot, so he made a mixed CD and had his wife hit play and pause during the game while he worked the crowd. You could tell time by what song was playing. It was sad. The souvenir selection was on a par with the rest of the place, meaning there were no souvenir pucks for the precious Lapointe signature. I sheepishly approached a Hall-of-Fame defenceman from one of hockey's greatest dynasties with what seemed a comically over sized Montreal Canadiens pennant.
- Patrick Marleau out as Sharks captain ... Eklund has aneurysm trying to figure out nine-team deal that nets the Habs Marleau and Briere, Sharks Heatley, Sens Penner/Smid/Schremp/Gagner, Canucks Pleks/Little Tits/Halak, Sabres Cheechoo and Ehrloff, Rangers the Sedins, Lightning Dubinsky and Staal, Oilers Malone and Drew Stafford, and Flyers cap relief;
- Red Wings fill need for hated cheap-shot artist on the downside of his career by inking Todd Bertuzzi;
- Toronto Sun calls new Team Canada jersey "too native", others just call it too dull or too expensive. TMS thinks they are all fucked in the head cause that jersey is awesome;
Got thoughts on the new Team Canada jersey? Got a deal that makes sense for getting Patrick "The Big Centre We Need" Marleau in a Habs jersey? Got tickets for the first time Colorado hosts Bertuzzi and the Wings? Let us know in the comments.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
- Patrick Kane is very, very sorry for the pain he caused his family, the Blackhawks, and the city of Buffalo. Apparently, he's not so sorry for the pain he inflicted on the cabbie;
- Canada reveals what everyone will be wearing come Vancouver 2010;
- Mike Modano is last man standing from the USA's golden generation ... and we mention it here because there is so little going on this qualifies as hockey news;
Longest. Off-season. Ever.
Monday, August 17, 2009
- Vinnie Prospal becomes a Ranger ... does he know his old buddy Jagr left two years ago?;
- Vinny can always check the front office from advice from angry bald Ranger icon Mark Messier;
- Patrick Kane gets the grand jury treatment for Cabbiegate ... which begs the question, what does a jury of a punk from Buffalo's peers look like, and are you allowed to drink Genny Light in court?;
Fastest commenter gets the moniker Usain, for no particular reason.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Oh, Dags signed for a year, terms not released, yadda yadda. Back to looking at Bar.
29 usually mentions something about Sexy Friday, copyrights, and KSK here. Consider it mentioned.
So yours truly is off to the land of the 56k modems for the a week of chillin'. HF10 and Panger have your back next week, as HF4 will be busy getting ready for his
Oh btw, this is Bar Rafaeli on the set of the 2010 SI Swimsuit Issue. The Superficial has the whole set. Here's another one for you to enjoy throughout the day and weekend. Seacrest out.
Sexy Friday as always copyright KSK
Thursday, August 13, 2009
- Scott Gomez said a bunch of good things yesterday, including his plans to take French lessons. That's it, make him captain;
- In the next Phoenix twist, Jimmy Balls will get to interview Bettman, Daly and some owners. But who he really wants to question is MLSE Prez Richard Peddie, because Peddie thinks the Golden Horseshoe isn't big enough for the both of them, or some other such nonsense that's most likely true;
- NHL released the pre-season sched yesterday (Vegas baby!), and the Habs have some games in September that may be interesting, like Ottawa coming to visit and a game in Quebec City. September 17th is the first one, with our new coach's old team coming to visit;
- La Presse's François Gagnon has his head so far up Cube's ass he can smell his breath. Or something.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
So we've done a little housekeeping around here. Did ya notice? No, of course not, you're all too brain-dead from staring at that stupid clock on the right. Anyway, if you scroll down that right side, somewhere near the three chicks in the Kings jerseys kissing, you'll see we finally did some work updating our blogroll. Man, some of those links were old and dead. We cleaned them up and got them in some kind of order. Check them out, you may find some new reading material to entertain you in the off-season. Especially the non-hockey links, that's basically what we read every day.
If you are a blogger and we missed you, sorry about that. Hit us up in the comments or by email and we'll see what we can do. Special shout-out to the "friends of FHF" section, those bloggers who have been with us from the early days (more than 2 years now! that's like drinking age in blog years) or been involved with us in some sort of sexually-euphemistic blogging contest. So if you are merely an FHF "acquaintance", you now know a three-way is the way to move up.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
- Lawyer for the cab driver in l'Affaire Kane says it's all "blown out of proportion". Damn, we were hoping this story had legs;
- Jimmy Balls filed a court proceeding yesterday, asking the Court to rule that a Balls-y bid can be accepted no matter what the NHL says, and to basically probe why the NHL doesn't like him.
Monday, August 10, 2009
We kid with the headline, but as a fourth line player, he's totally mediocre. He did show some signs last year when he played in a bunch of games near the end of the season. I seem to recall liking him. And I do like the thought of a Moen / Stewie tag team. I also get the feeling BGL's tofu-eating days in Montreal may be numbered.
So are we done with signings? So this is our team? Alrighty then.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Theft, robbery and criminal mischief charges to a top-line NHL'er are a great way to brighten up a boring off-season Sunday. We can only hope for the story's sake that at 5 AM they were coming home from a strip club.
Monday morning update - be sure to check out TSN's video report which includes an interview with the cab driver, "J.R.", who is straight out of central casting.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Alright, let's talk hockey. Ah, uh, hmm. Oh, here's a headline: "Theo Fleury attempting comeback to NHL." BWAHAHAHA. Have a drink everyone! Jacques Martin says he feels younger since he joined the Habs. He also said...zzzz. Man people were right about him being boring. And , and, and...hmmm, not much going on. Here's a topic starter: does JR belong in the HOF?
In other stuff, anyone see the Als game last night? Argos were shut out by the Als D. Shutout! In the CFL! Suck it Tronna. What ya got going on this weekend? Sox-Yanks? (kill me) Golf? (go Weirsy) There's even an NFL pre-season game tomorrow. True Blood is getting good, while Entourage is falling apart. I think I'll make some fresh potato salad today, anyone got a good recipe? You Americans want to talk health care reform? That'd be fun! Please, no violence. It's the open thread of love after all.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Did you ever expect to see a video of Islanders Ice Girls doing mechanical work on the zamboni while two Isles leer at them? Neither did I. Thank you, NHL.com.
Don't forget, Isles Ice Girls tryouts are next Saturday at 10 AM. You must wear form-fitting athletic clothing and bring a headshot. You too can sport the official 70's hairstyle of the Isles Ice Girls.
Sexy Friday as always copyright KSK
- Sid the Kid (The Athlete) will celebrate his birthday today (aww, he's 22, how cute!) with Lord Stanley's chalice in his hometown;
- JR cries like a Basket Case (video). And it's Mike Keenan making him cry;
- Didn't get to this yesterday, an interview with TFS (The Princess) where he says all the right things;
- Great piece from Dennis Kane on Sam Pollock (The Brain);
- Alex Tanguay gets bored with not signing contracts, fires his agent (The Criminal).
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, fuck yeah bring on the ads! This league needs money, pure and simple. The salary cap will go down soon, the TV revenue is a joke, and only at the Bell Centre can you charge $9.50 for a crappy Molson. Teams are going bankrupt. More teams will in the future. Lots of owners are in trouble. The NHL is a business, and it needs all the revenue it can get.
You may worry about the sanctity of the game or some other such bullshit. I remember when the boards were all white. I remember when the ice was all white. It doesn't mean anything now. Things move forward. Times change.
Sanctity and history of the uniforms? Please. The Barclay's Premier League has as much history as the NHL. Think they give a crap about a Fly Emirates or a (mmm) Carlsberg on their chest? Fuck and No. They just care that the additional revenue allows them to sign Christiano Ronaldo for ridiculous amounts of money.
It may be a cash grab, but it's a cash grab that benefits everyone. Bring it on.
Con - Panger
Commemorative shoulder patches go far enough. Maybe the door to jersey advertising has been opened with commemorative patches, but there are important differences - except of course that all patches are dreadful looking, like the all star game badge which uglied-up the Habs’ jersey this year. At least commemorative patches are limited to one per jersey and they have to be ‘earned’ in some way, like by making the Cup finals, or because you’re celebrating a franchise milestone. These types of patches have some direct link to hockey and the team “privileged” to wear them. Commercialized patches seems like a whole different visual and ideological ball game.
Lap dance to friend of FHF GoldenGirl11 for the awesome Photoshop
So it looks like Jim Ballsillie's bid to get a team to Hamilton ain't dead yet. Yesterday, the bankruptcy court judge ruled that all bids for the 'Yotes would be accepted for the September 10th auction. That includes the bid of RIMjob king Jimmy Balls and its qualification that the team go to Hamilton. NHL puppet Bill Daly was quoted as saying "We also remain confident that Mr. Balsillie's bid for the team will never be approved by the court for a variety of reasons, including that we just don't like him."
Watching the NHL and especially Gary Bettman squirm until September 10th is gonna be awesome.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Brushes With Habness is a feature on FHF, wherein we, the FHF, tell you riveting stories about our brushes with Habs and people in the Habs family. Basically, some filler while we wait for the damn season to start.
So as the "About Four Habs Fans" sidebar says, I'm the FHF who "somehow grew up a Habs fan in the middle of Ontario Cottage Country". My Brushes With Habness are a little more random than the rest of the FHF, who grew up in the city our beloved Canadiens lived and worked. Mine tend to be Brushes With Former Habness, or, if you like, I could start a whole new summer filler series called Brushes With NHLness, since Muskoka is a summer playground for both the Hall of Fame bound (Paul Coffey once asked my sister to dance ... while she was waiting tables! Steve Yzerman goes to the local butcher for burgers!) to the shoulda-coulda-woulda been Hall of Fame bound (Eric Lindros used to hang out on the patio at the old Edenvale Inn!) to the not-even-close to Hall of Fame bound (hey, is that Nelson Emerson and Nick Stadjuhar over by the bar? WTF?)
Anyway, the big news back in the day when Lindros was at the height of his powers was his purchase of a cottage in Muskoka. As a general rule, the people of Muskoka try and show some restraint when the likes of Martin Short, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell wander into town for some hot dog buns or a new canoe paddle, but in the mid 90's, a random Eric Lindros citing sent people apeshit. Well, one morning I noticed a big commotion in the parking lot at the Tim Hortons and was breathlessly informed that the man himself was grabbing a coffee. Now, since I was of drinking age and regularly saw The Big E and his equally massive brother (and friends) out on the resort drinking circuit, I wasn't about to hang around for a glimpse of the guy carrying his double double to his car. But when I rounded the corner towards the Mac's Convenience store beside Tim Hortons, this Habs fan was stopped cold. There, sitting in the driver's seat of what I remember as a Jeep Cherokee reading the paper and no doubt waiting for his cruller was former Habs winger and current and future Habs-killer John LeClair. Two-thirds of the Legion of Doom in the parking lot of the Tim Hortons Plaza in Bracebridge, but only one was a Cup-winning former Hab.
So yeah, this Brush with Habness was fleeting, and bittersweet. But still. It's a long offseason and there's nary a large Swedish centre to be found.
We'll see you in the broadcast booth, JR. It's where you belong.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
- Oh look, the Phoenix bankruptcy situation is fucked up again. You know, what we need is some lawyers to write an intelligent blog post to sort all this out. Anyone know any lawyers? Good ones, we mean;
- Cops get involved in Montreal when 'Nucks forward Alex Burrows swings his stick "violently" during a summer league game.
Monday, August 03, 2009
The beauty of a good redesign is that you simplify things, make it easier for the user to see what he wants. RDS has not accomplished this in any way or form. I loaded the page, and realised I have no fucking clue what to do next. That's not a good sign.
And the one thing they could have done to help a blogger out was to have embeddable videos. They do not. Hey. it's not like it's 2009 or anything. Ooh, but look, there's a shiny little star effect behind the RDS logo. That'll make my life better.
- Habs, Sens, and Sharks in a three-way involving Heater? Three-way trade, people. Get your minds out of the gutter. (lap dance to moeman);
- The NHL smells something fishy in Hossa'a and Pronger's long-term deals, thinking they are designed to circumvent the CBA. C'mon, everyone gives 30-year olds 12-year contracts.