Attack of the Panthers: Canadiens 6 - Felines 5 (thank you, Andrei, no thanks to you, Lorne Greene)

Renown for their superior hunting skills, the Panthers always bring down their prey. After several days enduring the harsh Canadian winters, the Panthers are hungry and weakened by the cold. For this famished feline, time is precious.

In these northern parts, nothing is certain. The Panther must draw on all available resources to survive the long arctic days spent pacing around in five-star hotels.

On the ice, an always tricky surface for the maligned cat, the Panther must use instincts far better suited to the southern terrain and the far more agreeable southeast division. Alas, here, the Panther is a victim to its maladaptive ways. When opportunity appears, the Panther must pounce on the enemy and convert it to eatable flesh. It must recognize opportunity.

Yesterday, as a young Canadiens squad tried to keep up with the new wilderness of the NHL, inexperience was a decisive disadvantage, The young Habs were barely walking and yet the hopes of an entire city were laid on their feeble shoulders. The Panthers smelled the possibility.

Early on in the game, a young Canadien was separated from the herd, and became an immediate target for these ferocious Panthers. From then on, panic ensued. The pack was determined to get the young one out of immediate dangers. Unable to outskate the Panthers, and down 2-0 the Candiens turned to face their attackers. It would be a match to the death. The young Pacioretty, lost in the furious confusion, fights to stay close to his mother, that and her ruse, the only defense while she does her best to hold off the pack. She wages a brave battle while keeping him at bay, unable to lose another child to the Panthers’ carnivorous desires.

The unrelenting onslaught continued. For a moment it appeared the struggle would be over quickly. Down two, the young Canadiens were reeling in bewilderment and fear. But in a moment’s notice, as is often the case in this volatile platform, the fate of the mighty Panthers turned.

Panthers are known to easily break down younger prey, and so such difficulty with these young Canadiens was unexpected. The Panthers tired, tired to a point of mental exhaustion. One Panther was heard telling another “Fuck! Lorne Greene told us this would be some easy shit! But these guys are all up and over our big fat asses!”. The Panther took no time in responding “Yo, Lorne don’t no shit.”

The Canadiens found resolve in their own weaknesses. Because sometimes, in life, one’s weaknesses can be the most beautiful thing about that person. And so they accepted the following. We, Canadiens, can’t play defense for our lives against Panthers that can’t walk on ice. We Canadiens play with consistency only seen in a baby’s diapers. But they accepted it. They loved it.

2-0 became 4-2, and then another surge would soon be upon them and the score would be 5-5. Until, finally, the exhausted cats called off the attack.

The laws of nature are at times unpredictable. And here on the plains of the Sereng..., eh,.. the Bell Centre, a young team rife with eagerness and determination, almost certainly doomed to die, returned home victorious with the crappiest shootout win one can imagine.

PS Ed's note - this is your WJHC open thread. Go Canada! PK rulezzzzzz!!!