Who does this floozie think she is?I reckon the Club Athletique Canadien is having a pretty average National Hockey Association season. While we have some dillies playing, the squad is hovering around the .500 mark. And we are coming off a depressing loss to the Renfrew Creamery Kings. Tonight's match starts promptly at 7:30 at the Montreal Arena. Get yourself all gussied up, catch the #11 streetcar at Craig Street and ride it all the way there.
Our club has some very keen players right now. Newsy Lalonde is tearing up the league at more than a goal per game pace. Didier Pitre is right there with him. Georges "I hope some day they name a trophy after me" Vézina is continuing his outstanding rookie campaign, leading the league in GAA. The rest of our boys - Poulin, Bernier, Laviolette, and Betrand nous font fiers, unlike those English pig dog Wanderers. I do find this English-French divide depressing however. I'm sure one day it will all be cleared up. I can only imagine that some day the newspapermen of the future will applaud the ethnic and cultural diversity this Canadiens team will have, if only the Czar would stop oppressing the Russian players and let them seek their fortune in North America.
But nuts! This team is really getting my goat. We are making a lot of boners in our defensive zone, leaving poor Vézina alone to get fed to the wolves. Maybe the rigours of the 16-game schedule are finally catching up to us. Gee willikers, playing like this, there is really no way we can catch the Ottawa Hockey Club in the standings.
For your post-game naughty entertainment joint, head over to Sammy's in the basement of 231 St. James Street (knock four times and ask for Jimmy). Rumour has it the ladies are exposing their ankles there now.
Are you jazzed for the game? Let's hear it in the comments.
Outstanding preview and I'm loving the pic, GG11!!!
ReplyDeleteSasparillas are on me!
But, seriously... there is something vaguely and disturbingly Christmassy about these unis. It's bad enough they chucked up the garlands and other Xmas tchotchkas over at PVM on November 1st fer chrissakes - why must my hockey team torture me too? Isn't their playing below their potential pain enough for their fans??
well done, hf29.
ReplyDeletevery well done.
It's when I read little bits like this one that I can sit back and enjoy this blog as a fan.
ReplyDeleteBest open thread, best short post ever, 29.
Also, my favorite pic of the bunch too.
ReplyDelete@LG
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY what I said. A little too Christmassy for me. But hey, it's not about hockey anymore it's about sales and this marketing department gets the prize for best whoring/cash grabbing out there. This post makes me almost as sad as the 1970 post. Anything is better than 2009.
@29
Nicely done.
Mmmm.... exposed ankles...
ReplyDeleteOh fiddlesticks, the GMS line is broken up tonight.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and great pic. is that a number 79 on that jersey? Also, a little circa side boob is nice.
ReplyDelete@Moe
ReplyDeleteYes. That's Markov. Seems like he hasn't played since 1910.
Great find Moe and hee for the reference GG11.
ReplyDeleteSeriously - I'm with 4 on this one. Best. Preview. Ever.
She's a hoochie!
ReplyDelete(Hoochie! Hoochie! Hoochie!)
I need a new onion for my belt, which is the style at this time.
"The rest of our boys - Poulin, Bernier, Laviolette, and Betrand nous font fiers, unlike those English pig dog Wanderers."
ReplyDeleteBertrand Raymond's grand-pere approves this message.
A jolly good read 29. I say...jolly good.
ReplyDeleteSOOOO, sitting Carle for The Bloodsucker instead of MAB. FUCK.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had something more constructive to say, but awesome everything.
ReplyDeletewv: biersome. what a biersome preview that was.
@LG
ReplyDeleteI know I already agreed but I have to agree again! If the team was great it's one thing but it's like dressing the big, tall, ugly kid with the big ears in plaid pants and a bow tie. What happened to the classy Canadiens? When did they get braces and zits and plaid pants? When I ask???
wv: lynes, as in I just vaccinated the family at the Mall and there weren't any lynes.
@L Dude: Spot on. Can we fit the Urologist into Panger's trunk?
ReplyDeleteGG11 - if we think this is bad... just wait until we are wearing blue and white. No red in sight. *shudder*
ReplyDelete@kev:
ReplyDeleteBreezby: 6'02" 210 lbs
MAB: 5'10" 197 lbs
Unless Breezer's still there, Panger definitely has room for the Urologist. Even if Breezer is still there, he should be a decaying corpse by now (like MAB seems to be) so fitting the two of them should be no problem. As long as Panger drives something larger than a Toyota Echo, we're good.
@ L Dude:
ReplyDeletePanger is Italian, so he drives a 70's era Crown Victoria. There's enough room for Breezer, the Urologist, Billy Batts, and a whole host of other people Joe Pesci didn't like in GoodFellas.
Anyone know of a Habs friendly pub in Windsor to watch the game at tonight?
ReplyDeleteJaro and LeaCH in. TFS™ and Carle not.
ReplyDeleteLeach is 30 and has played like 28 games in the NHL.
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck?
Halaklujah
ReplyDeleteNow we've all read there was a tweeted CHord
That Carey played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for GAA, do you?
Losses go like this
The fourth, the fifth
A Bruins lift, a Tampa fall
Then baffled agent composed Halaklujah
Halaklujah
Halaklujah
Halaklujah
Halaklujah
JMs faith was strong but he needed proof
October Molson points thru the roof
His blocker and glove hand overthrew you
TFS™, Jaro tied you
With #1 goalie flair
He broke your throne, whilst impressing PeeAir
And from agent's twit came the Halaklujah
FHFers we've been here before
We know this team, stuck at 24
I used to CHeer alone before I knew you
I see Youppi and Babs on the blog's logo
But so far we can't plan our victory march
Maybe we need a hot and happy Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
There was a time Demers let me know
What was really going on down below
But now he's a fucking Senator for Stephen Harper
Doesn't mean his vocab skillz will be any sharper
Yes our TFS™ love must be put on hold
And with every Jaro win we'll CHeer Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Some took the beloved St. Patrick's name in vain
I say these people don't even know the game
But even if they did, well really, what's it add up to?
A wink of the eye
A Stanley Cup, no, FUCK two!!
BTW, that's something José could never do
Tonight we benCH Jesus Price for some Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
I've done another parody, yes I know it isn't much
I couldn't find my victrola, so I used my iPod Touch
I've told the fucking truth, I didn't come to fool you
If I did that this time
I would've ripped off The Who
Leonard Cohen is The Lord of Song
Hope he doesn't mind my tongue singing Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Fucking Halaklujah
@Moe
ReplyDeleteWow. Love that song. Real and parody.
Just finished opening up all of the bar mitzvah gifts and I feel I need to publicly apologize to the Habs marketing department. Everyone should have the Mike Cammalleri do-it-yourself briss kit. 13 really wanted the 1910 version which comes with a shot of Bourbon but he got stuck with the 1954 anesthesia one. Unfortunately it's final sale. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that for my birthday I get the Matthieu Schneider shabbos candle sticks as they are half price now that he's gone. So marketing dept. keep up the the great work selling our souls to the devil.
slow clap @ moeman. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteone of my faves moeman. you certainly did it justice
ReplyDelete/ continues L Dude's slow clap
Where can i get a live video feed of the game? Tv in another room with no chairs to sit on...
ReplyDeleteWV: Noicnesp, as in.... I got nothing!
Awesome as usual moeman.
ReplyDelete@ Flying Toaster
ReplyDeleteYou can't sit on the floor, or bring another chair into the room, or sit on something else? That is the height of laziness... and I salute you for it!
www.atdhe.net
Failing that, try
www.justin.tv/nad_et_pic_4
@ moeman
I don't know how you keep doing that, but by all means continue!
WV: "panch" - AK46 playing on the Pancho Villa line tonight?
That should be
ReplyDeleteAtdhe and justin.tv, I messed up the linking.
Thnx for the kudos kidz ... and FWIW, today's inspiration came from hearing about this .
ReplyDeleteKudos Claude.
Also, Mme. Witt (and her delicious accent) still makes me wett.
ReplyDeletestill in class. how do the unis look?
ReplyDeleteCzeCH, this, out 2,025-meters!
ReplyDeleteJust something that deserves mentioning. Those kids with the flags that stand by the doors when the Habs comes on the ice. Most players just go by them without even looking at them. I always noticed that Saku Koivu would tap their gloves and what not before stepping on the ice. I always thought that was classy.
ReplyDeleteNow that Koivu is gone, I noticed that Paul Mara has taken over that duty. I'm sure that makes the kids feel all excited and like they're part of the team.
Also, the uniforms: Makes them look like the Minnesota Wild.
ReplyDeleteWhats Minny's record vs. el Flamos?
ReplyDeleteAlso, good catcH on the flag kids getting the Saku love. Like the tykes, I miss Koivu, a lot.
They look like toy soldiers from the nutcracker and their sticks are candy canes. Either that or the worst dressed expansion team of all time. I think I will call them the Alabama Canadiens.
ReplyDeleteWe bite.
ReplyDeleteUgh. They don't really look like they've got much jump in their step tonight, do they?
ReplyDeleteUn-tilt the fucking rink!
ReplyDeleteNo jump in their step because they ate one too many of Santa's cookies.
ReplyDeleteWell, the Minnesota Wild have a Koivu. There is that resemblance.
ReplyDeleteWhy on the planet would a team with iconic uniforms wear anything else? It's just cheap, desperate, and trashy.
Find a color scheme and logo that doesn't suck and just stick with it, ignoring everyone who says it is old and tired and needs to be freshened up for the younger kids.
Somewhere PeeAir just 'sploded.
ReplyDeleteWe bite, suck and blow.
ReplyDeleteWhy does Joel Bouchard keep rubbing his hands? Purell?
ReplyDeleteMax Pac still hasn't learned to play in the NHL.
ReplyDeleteBest we can do is dump it in their zone and change lines.
ReplyDeleteSomewhere Carbo is rubbing his hands.
ReplyDeleteThis Bergeron-Leach pairing makes me scared.
ReplyDeleteHopefully that scuffle will spark the team...?
Borderline penalty to Max Pac.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling green.
ReplyDeleteSaw that coming.
ReplyDeleteHoly Fuck we suck.
ReplyDeleteKirk Muller has no fucking idea what we can do to win.
ReplyDeleteI think Phaneuf is the only player in the league I would wish a concussion on... even Lucic I'd rather just get beat down.
ReplyDeleteAnd fuck. Stupid Flames and their 220-lb forwards...
Wow. What a lucky, weak call. Not like our Powerplay will be able to convert though, with the way they're playing.
ReplyDeleteWho is our power play coach?
ReplyDeleteI think it's Pearn isn't it?
NYR had the worst power play last year, when he was in charge.
What a listless first 20 minutes. They're making it hard to cheer for them. Especially since it feels like I'm watching the Wild play.
ReplyDelete1st period recap:
ReplyDeleteOutshot.
Outhit.
Outplayed.
Still 40 minutes to actually play 40 minutes.
Horrible stuff but sadly not the worst I've seen from our Habs this year. Idiot Flames announcers tried to say that the Patches penalty was a slew foot.
ReplyDeleteTo cheer us up, the Flames probably had the worst local radio station playoff song, EVER.
Actually, Kiprusoff made more good saves than Halak in that period.
ReplyDeleteHalak should have stopped the one goal.
Tweet that!
Tabernaqueetmauditcrissedecalissedemerdedechiend'ostiedesaintsicroche, rds, whilst scrapping the bottom of the pure wool barrel, praises HHOFer Brian Leetch for having michel bergeron as his 1st coach.
ReplyDeletejust got in from class. fun thread to read (for the comedy, not the results)
ReplyDeletei see it's been said already, but damn the Minnesota Wild suck
So this is the first game I actually get to attend in over a week. (missed games against thrashers and Tampa).
ReplyDeleteTHIS is what I see? A team that let's it's opponents DO LINE CHANGES WHILE IN OUR ZONE DURING A POWER PLAY????
Fuck.
We suck.
Leach isn't as sucky as I had feared tho.
ReplyDeleteBut anything is better than the hot mess that is the urologist...
@lg77, let us know if Joel's pommade holds up his doo for 60 minutes.
ReplyDeleteNewsy Lalonde would have buried that chance
ReplyDeleteApparently it's Crosby or Iginla as Canadian captain at the Olympics.
ReplyDeleteI'm cheering for Russia.
Phaneuf is a ****.
ReplyDelete@Boob: The worst thing about being an American is that you have to cheer for Tim Thomas in goal.
ReplyDeleteI've switched the channel to Tony Bourdain eating his way through New Jersey.
ReplyDeleteThe other Minnesota team is up 4-1 on the monstrous Gunderson.
ReplyDelete@Kevin
ReplyDeleteTim Thomas?
Brian Burke.
@Boob, 'No Reservations' is pure food porn. Love it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the Habs made a tactical change tonight, they usually come out killing dead things in the first and run out of gas by the third. Yeah, that's it.
ReplyDeleteJaro looks shaky. Carey's agent should fire up his Twitter account.
ReplyDelete@Boob: Oh, and Komisarek. Ugh.
@LG
ReplyDeleteI'm much more fascinated that you're at the game and MrLG doesn't mind that you're on your iPhone. Or perhaps you're in the little lawyers room.
DrGG at the game with 10 year old whose best friend has always been imaginary Jerome Iginla.
Just because I'm an American doesn't mean I have to cheer automatically for anyone else born in the same country.
ReplyDeleteI'm cheering for Russia because a couple of my favorite players are Pavel Datsyuk and Alexander Ovechkin, and I want them to win a gold medal.
wv: conkness (You can make your own jokes.) :)
Seriously, it is hard to see how Komo will end up going to the Olympics. He's having a nightmare season.
ReplyDeleteHey, McSplooge, Lapierre dropped the gloves....after he jumped Phaneuf!
ReplyDeleteGOSH DARNIT
ReplyDeleteUgh, Mexican't couldn't keep the puck on his stick.
ReplyDeleteIf I was a Flames fan, I'd be pissed my team was only up one goal against this crappy team... and only after Kiprusoff made some big saves.
ReplyDeleteWell, regardless of the score, at least the second period has actually been somewhat entertaining.
ReplyDeletePhanoof goes after Squid and PeeAIr spurts.
ReplyDeleteI think Squid challenged DP to a duel at dawn. And is it me or did they get him the wrong size green helmet? Looks like he's wearing a mens small when he needed the youth xl.
ReplyDeleteWe're outplaying them.
ReplyDeleteBourdain is eating canoli with Mario Batali.
@Boob, "canoli with Mario"
ReplyDeleteDamn, and all I had tonight were quesadillas with guacamole.
Burn the elf suits with the barber pole pjs. Please.
ReplyDeleteWhy does every goaltender (except ours)we face look like a superstar? I'm tired of this shit.
ReplyDelete@Moey, cuz our team just can't fucking score.
ReplyDelete@Moey: I agree.
ReplyDelete@Moey
ReplyDeleteJust asked my kid the same question. I'm tired too. Seems we haven't scored since...1910.
Scoring is fun.
ReplyDeleteWe have had more scoring chances in this game.
ReplyDeleteNeed to pop one in.
ReplyDeleteLeafs getting creamed by the worst team in the league (other than the Leafs).
ReplyDelete@Moe
ReplyDeleteAre you still talking about hockey?
Bourdain is now in Saudi Arabia. Next up, Alton Brown.
ReplyDelete@GG11, of course I am. @; )
ReplyDeleteAlso, I, miss my boy CHips.
Tomorrow it's going to be the same old crap, we were out-goaltended, we're snakebit...we outplayed them..yada yada yada. Bullshit. Just get the puck in the fucking net.
ReplyDeleteWV - simile what the fuck is there to simile about?
Last time I saw a bunch of dudes unable to score like this with so many chances was at a high school dance at Selwyn House.
ReplyDeleteBrutal.
@Boob: The Saudi Arabia episode is crap. You can tell he hates it when he's stuck in some fast food restaurant and has to pretend that it's enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteHUGE cheer in the Bell Center during second intermission.
ReplyDeleteWhy?
'Cause they just announced that Doucharek left the game with an injury. W00T!! At least we still have schadenfreude !!!
@Boob,
ReplyDeleteIt suppose it beats getting creamed by McSplooge. That Detroit win on Saturday was a fluke.
@lg77, those high school dances were scoreless because of the free-flowing Screwdrivers (but Stairway to Heaven' offered a chance for a nice long sweaty hug, until the 'wyno down the road' part ...)
ReplyDeleteWyno down the road!!!!!
ReplyDeleteCome on, just start running Kiprusoff. It might be the only thing that'll work tonight.
ReplyDeleteGreat moves by Squid, no finish...Starting to have a familiar ring to it.
ReplyDeleteKipper's stealing the game.
ReplyDeleteWhy are Peek Freans Assorted Cremes so fucking delicious!?
ReplyDeleteheh@GG11
ReplyDeleteAlso, GG, did you check out ffffound?
@LG
ReplyDeleteNot that I don't enjoy a good schadenfreude as much as the next mädchen but I think I'd rather Douche stay healthy and suck. Injury is too easy.
@moeman,
ReplyDeleteFor the same reason warm blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream is. This fucking team is going to make me fat.
@Moe
ReplyDeleteAre you still talking hockey?
Ffffound didn't open completely. Very glitchy. I think it had personal issues with me.
GG11 knows, best that Dou$harek increase his +/-, stay healthy and showcase his mad skilz on the Olympian world stage. Bonus, Burke's bulbous noggin will burst.
ReplyDelete@Moey, that better be fresh, homemade tarte au bluets with freshly CHurned creme-à-glace.
ReplyDelete~~~
@GG11, always talking hockey.
~~~
Come on Habs, penetrate and find that fucking five-hole!
Despite the suckfest of last season the only true unfinisher was Higgins. Now the whole bloody team can't finish, not even Squid. We're cursed.
ReplyDelete15 year old yelling at the tv "come on 8 million, you can score can't you?!?!?"
ReplyDeleteIn the words of Steely Dan, we "Can't Buy A Thrill".
ReplyDeleteNo point in arguing with the ref, Jokinen. The Habs won't score.
ReplyDeleteWith this lack of goalscoring, I wonder if Bob and Sergei will kiss and make up. I know I would love to watch a pair of tits.
ReplyDeleteThis game is a total Jokinen
ReplyDeleteHabs are CHoking their sticks a bit too tight. Need to release.
ReplyDeleteGu:( on the PP? What the fuck, JM!?
ReplyDeleteTonight I hate them. I may or may not feel differently tomorrow.
ReplyDeletenice try, goal judge
ReplyDelete@Moe
ReplyDeleteI know, I know. You're still talking hockey.
@GG11: The goal judge is also a Jokinen.
ReplyDeleteHaha, well at least the goal judge is optimistic.
ReplyDeleteI hope Jaro's agent doesn't tweettack me for my parody.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone have the stats of the games played while wearing pajamas or Minnesota/elf look alike unis?
ReplyDeleteTime to mothball all circa-jerseys until the 25th Cup is bagged and engraved. Then parade the fuck out of em'.
ReplyDeleteGod, Bergeron really, really sucks.
ReplyDeletePretty sure I can count the number of clean breakouts in this third period on one hand.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's the game. Ugh. Another frustrating game.
ReplyDeleteDANG NAB IT this game is over
ReplyDeleteGreat, we get to be on the PK for the rest of the game.
ReplyDeleteTurn that frown upside down FHFers cuz in two games our Habs could be back to .500
ReplyDeleteGG11:
ReplyDeleteThis retro crap has to stop. Another blogging buddy of mine pointed out that the centennial logo at center ice is another culprit, take it away and put the big CH back.
Dang nab it?????
ReplyDeleteFuck you, Kiprusoff. Hope you choke in a first round game seven loss.
ReplyDeleteShoulda watch the Ziegfield Follies instead.
ReplyDelete@Moey: The only way to look at the Centennial is that we're living through this nightmare so that our children won't have to. Something like that. Did the fucking New York Yankees go so over the top during their centennial?
ReplyDeleteYou gotta love what RDS shows between commercials, the two times the Habs scored this season.
ReplyDelete@kc,
ReplyDeleteNo idea, the only thing I know about the Yankees is that we'll we won't catch up to their 27 championships in my lifetime. Fuck.
@Moey re: "This team is going to make me fat"
ReplyDeleteDitto - I spent the second cramming fries into my yap as quickly as possible.
Fucking Habs.
Fuck.
@lg77, catsup, mayo, sauce brune?
ReplyDeleteBleh. Was that the longest (and/or most boring) game ever or what?
ReplyDeleteI think the worst part is that the Flames played a very average game. Borderline bad.
My kid just got home with a green t! Talked DrGG into buying it. Marketing magic.
ReplyDeleteMissed the game but saw TSN highlights. It's a 1-0 game and they didn't even show the one goal! Unbelievable. Not to mention their constant slander against the Habs. Yeah, another cheap shot by another Canadien. Gee, you're sounding more and more like CBC everyday.
ReplyDelete@ orangeman
ReplyDeleteCheap shot? Are they referring to the Pacioretty "hit"? The guy was already frigging falling when Patches tapped his back... and he didn't run him in, either. If they want to talk cheap shots, how about McGrattan blind-siding Pleks at centre ice when he was nowhere near the puck?
Gah. It sucks to be a Habs fan sometimes.