FUCK YEAH HOCKEY GOLD MEDAL GAME BITCHES!!!! Does it get any more exciting than this? I think not. Before we dive in to some hockey, let us review yesterday around the Olympics, shall we:Curling - GOLD BITCHES!!!
Snowboard parallel GS - GOLD MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
Long track team pursuit - GOLD SUCKAS!!!
Four-man bobsleigh - A delightful bronze.
Congrats to all. Special shout out to Jasey-Jay Anderson who has represented Canada for a very long time around the world, winning World Cups and World Championships along the way but never medaling at 3 previous Olympics. You've always held your head high, and now you've got what you've deserved all along.
OK enough of looking back, we've got a great fucking game to look forward to. 3 PM on CTV. Canada looking for redemption for losing to the USA in the round robin, USA looking for redemption for losing to Canada in the 2002 gold medal game. One McSplooge employer vs. another McSplooge employer. OK that made me sick. Let's try some actual hockey analysis, with a little breakdown of Canada vs. USA like TSN's Panel I'm Totally Sick Of did this morning:
Goalies - LOOOOUUU!!!! has played solid since taking over from Brodeur. Showed some real balls against Slovakia by letting in a crappy goal then coming back to make some huge saves to secure the win. On the other hand, Ryan Miller is the best goalie on the planet right now by far, and went a long way to stealing that game in the round robin.
Significant Edge: USA.
Defence - Canada's young guns of Keith, Doughty and Weber have been a revelation, and Niedermayer is picking it up as the games go on. Subtract one point for Chris Pronger who blows. For the USA, Brian Rafalski may be the best D in the tournament, and actually leads the Americans in points. And the American D has been getting better as a unit as the tournament has gone on.
Edge: Canada, for the depth.
Forwards - Patrick Kane came alive with 2 goals against the Finns. Zach Parise has been one of the best players in the tournament. For Canada, Ryan Getzlaf has had a great tournament, and my whipping boy at the beginning Brendan Morrow has turned out to be a key player. Jonathan Toews has really shown some mettle. On the other hand, the fact that we're talking about Getzlaf and Morrow instead of superstars like Crosby and Nash makes me nervous.
Slight Edge: Canada, again for depth.
Intangibles - Canada playing on home ice in our national game for all the marbles. However, there is a ton of pressure for Canada playing on home ice in our national game for all the marbles. Are the Americans just too young? Can Ron Wilson lead a team to a championship? Canada hasn't played an afternoon game all tournament, while the USA has played most of their games at that time. The Americans have the last line change, which might be huge.
Slight Edge: Canada, for the home crowd.
Female actress on Lost - Evangeline Lily up there vs. Maggie Grace. Call it a push.
Winner: You think I'm jinxing anything by picking a winner? Let's just hope the winner isn't somehow Gary Bettman.
OK grab a brew, or in kevincrumbs' case that swill you Americans call brew, and let's do this thing.
Damn that Stevie Y is good looking. He could totally pull off the knit moose sweater that Messier was wearing earlier. Messier not so much.
ReplyDeleteNot to nitpick, but it was 4-man bobsled for the bronze.
ReplyDeleteI just saw a graphic with Jon Montgomery swiging a beer on the streets of Whistler after his win with the caption "Very good. Proceed to Oprah." Next to it was the pic of our women's team drinking that was used here yesterday with the caption "Very bad. Contemplate the elimination of your sport from the Olympics".
This is my last day in our native land and I couldn't think of a better send off than this game. Plus the afternoon drinking will help me sleep on the plane tonight.
And congrats to Saku, pat on the back for Jaro.
Go Canada Go!
@orangman - that's not nitpicking, that's fucking embarrassing on my part. thx, fixed.
ReplyDeleteUSA! USA! USA!
ReplyDeleteBut most of all, a good game with a puck deflected into the face of Chris Pronger to make all hockey fans share the joy. :)
Our Father, who art in Vancouver, Hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, the Gold will be won, on ice as well as in the stands.
ReplyDeleteGive us this day our hockey sticks, and forgive us our penalties, as we forgive those that cross-check against us.
Lead us not into elimination, but deliver us our victory
@LN11 - I'm sure you'll remember, but be sure to down your Crown Royals (with Manischewitz chasers) until you can't tell the difference between "cursed be Miller" and "blessed be Stevie Y".
ReplyDelete@Orange (or are you changing your name to Yuna like the rest of the country?)
ReplyDeleteI'll keep your resume on hand if anybody is looking for a nanny: Loves kids, Loves sports, Loves alcohol... but not necessarily in that order. Look forward to your speed skating updates from Korea.
Future Canadian hotties.
ReplyDelete"Charles Hamelin will carry the Canadian flag into tonight's Closing Ceremony."
ReplyDeletemoeman: Do you by chance own a windowless van and have an endless supply of candy? Perhaps a lost puppy you need help finding?
ReplyDeleteIronic WV: grown. As in: "moeman, wait till they're grown".
@KoYuna, heh, just posting a sweet family pic.
ReplyDelete@Le12
ReplyDeleteI wish I was drunk. Kids need to be thrown across the room in drunken oblivion right about now... Hey Yuna, are you free before heading out to the airport?
No matter what happens today, I am very proud to be Canadian after all the gold our athletes have reeled in.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, LET'S KICK SOME YANKEE ASS!!!!
The Leafs suck.
The Bruins blow.
can i get some guidance as to when i should start drinking? id like to be pleasantly buzzed by game time, yet being able to survive through til 5:30 or whenever. pacing is going to b key i think.
ReplyDelete@29
ReplyDeleteYou were supposed to start drinking right after the megilah reading this morning. Don't tell me you left without having a shot or 12?
One more afternoon of being polite and not running my mouth about the US and then things can return to normal around here. So, do you prefer Carey Price or Jaro?
ReplyDeleteHF29, you know better than to insult American beer or did you have one too manu Dogfish Heads again?
Off to Hurley's to watch the game.
ReplyDeleteGo you fucking Canadian pants!!!
Sleeman Red opened.
ReplyDeleteChampagne on ice.
Go you fucking Canadians Go!
@kc - just playing to stereotypes today. now go grab your gun and vote against health care reform.
ReplyDelete29, kevincrumbs has a point. The man could be drowning in Dogfish, Sierra Nevada, Rogue or Anchor right now. Won't help him and his emo-kid Merkan goalie today, though.
ReplyDeleteFor the last time in a while:
GO YOU FUCKING CANADIANS GO!!!
oh god I love Anchor Steam. I'd have one now if it wasn't unpatriotic to do so.
ReplyDeleteCarry our flag proudly Joannie.
ReplyDeleteDespite the best efforts of my law school curriculum to interfere with hockey watching, I have managed to structure my weekend around this. St. Louis is replete with meth and saggy Midwestern titties, so I will do my best to send you gents a consolation package containing both after the inevitable U.S. triumph ;)
ReplyDeleteRaquel! Nice of you to pop in on this day of American humiliation.
ReplyDelete/knocks wood furiously
//apologizes like a good Canadian
HF29:
ReplyDeleteNever let nationalism get in the way of a good drinking binge.
*Pops the first of many anchor steams to be consumed tonight.
Go Canada Go
Oh so a Ruins fan is wishing us luck huh? Please fuck off, and realize that all Boston teams well have been exposed for being notorious cheaters.
ReplyDelete@anon - Raquel is cool, believe me. the furthest thing from masshole you can imagine. note the winky smiley face t the end there
ReplyDeletenot that i dont disagree with you that Boston teams cheat, mind you...
@subdoxastic Canadian beers only for me today. Sleemans and U Miel, to give both Quebec and ROC a chance
GO YOU FUCKING CANADIAN BEER PANTS GO
random note as we wait. im chcking out all the FHF tags for fun. why do we have a Garth Murray tag?
ReplyDeleteMr. Hockey will not accept a loss. What a look on his face.
ReplyDeleteFrom Habs hand wringing to Olympic hand wringing....does it ever end?
ReplyDeletethank god Cuthbert not Miller.
ReplyDeleteone last pre-game GO YOU FUCKING CANADA GO
I've got a hockey boner!
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting that at the very start of all Team Canada hockey games my sister suddenly remembers something she needs to run out and do for 3 hours while I look after the little one. Oh well, at least she'll be educated.
GO CANADA GO YOU SONSOFBITCHES!!!!!
I'm also really enjoying all the random tags. They've not been good for my Photonics studying, though.
ReplyDeleteGO CANADA!
"Pronger lost it"
ReplyDeletesigh
Is it just me, or is Luongo playing the puck WAY too much?
ReplyDeletewv: dextre - not sure LUUUUUUUUUU has enough dextre-ity to be Marty Brodeur.
@ezzeloharr - it's not just you
ReplyDeleteThat McGill tie is very sharp. Maybe we ought to send JM one.
ReplyDeletejebus that was closer than it looked at first
ReplyDeleteI hate to say this, but Canada is having a hard time keeping up with the US speed. I don't like this.
ReplyDeleteRickards Dark is surprisingly good (a hint of sirop d'Ă©rable).
ReplyDeleteGo you fucking Canadians!
@ezzel - im happy you said it, because i was afraid to. but it's totally true. US flying around us imho
ReplyDeleteFUCK YEAH
ReplyDeleteToews!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOH YEAH! TOEWS!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete*Finally takes a deep breath*
Got in just in time to see Toews score!!!
ReplyDeleteGo Canada Go!!!
seriously they're twice as fast as us
ReplyDeleteWhere is Sid?
ReplyDeletewho?
ReplyDeleteYikes...
ReplyDeleteImpressed by: our D, Toews, Richards, the American speed and tenacity, Kane.
ReplyDeleteNot impressed by Crosby, Thornton, Heatley, Marleau.
Crosby and Nash on the ice, Young in the stands.
ReplyDeletemeh
ReplyDeletegood kill. turn it into some momentum boys
ReplyDelete2-0!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteFinally!
ReplyDeleteTHERE'S SOME MOEMENTUM
ReplyDeletePerry!
PERRY! OH MAN! GO CANADA!
ReplyDeletewv: tieviums - now we just have to hope that the US doesn't tieviums this game up.
"good kill. turn it into some momentum boys"
ReplyDelete@29 - ask and you shall receive...
good kill. turn it into some momentum boys
ReplyDeletegreat aggressive PK!!
ReplyDeleteBergeron shouldn't play another shift.
ReplyDeleteWeak much?
ReplyDeletethat was unpleasant
ReplyDeleteBig game Roberto.
ReplyDeleteNever realized Langenbrunner was such a dirty little fucker.
ReplyDeleteWhere's Sid?
ReplyDelete@moe - i think i saw him when he was losing a bunch of faceoffs
ReplyDelete@moeman: Who?
ReplyDeleteOh Crosby, where art thou?
ReplyDeletewe should use intermission to get some faceoff lessons
ReplyDeleteNBC guys saying the USA goal was offside.
ReplyDeleteThere's something bizarre about Luongo's style. Am I the only one who feels this way?
ReplyDelete@habsss - just rewound the pvr and it sure looked like it. fuck.
ReplyDeleteEklund is such a tool:
ReplyDeleteEklund: "well, you should have. lol RT @WestBrantKid: @Eklund I didn't expect the Americans to play so dirty."
UGH.
ReplyDeletewv: faire
ReplyDeleteDid Crosbee just faire win un faceoff? Pour vrai?
the goal was onside. his foot was still on the line as the puck hit the line
ReplyDeleteHOW MANY POSTS???
ReplyDeletePretty lazy clearing attempt by Miller there...
ReplyDeleteHeatley and Thornton = Chickenshit.
ReplyDeleteThe US is playing great D - five blue sweaters in front of the net all the time.
ReplyDeleteare we in some sort of defensive shell already?
ReplyDeleteShoulda picked up a defibrilator along with the wings at Loblaws.
ReplyDeleteWe look fucking tired. What's up with that??? IT'S THE GOLD MEDAL GAME, BITCHES. 11:03 left. FIND SOME ENERGY, DAMMIT!!
I can barely watch.
what the hell was that Getzlaf?
ReplyDeleteSKATE FUCKERS
Nash needs to play every 2nd shift
ReplyDeleteI'm missing most of the hockey action, my eyes are glued to the clock.
ReplyDeleteoh Sid
ReplyDeletemy heart is in serious distress
ReplyDeleteyou have got to be kidding me. CRAP
ReplyDeleteNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ReplyDeleteFUCKKKKK
ReplyDeleteLongest 20 minutes ever... for that.
ReplyDeletePlease no shootout... my heart can take no more.
Unfuckinbelievable.
ReplyDeleteThat's all.
Go you fucking Canadians Go!
ReplyDeleteI knew all those missed scoring chances were going to bite them in the ass. Not to mention the missed too many men. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a good feeling about this at all. Crosby's line is pretty much useless, the Shark line is non-existant, Neidermyer and Pronger are like lost senior citizens out there. Here's hoping I'm wrong.
Watching with an insane psychiatrist. I need meds.
ReplyDeleteI thought Pronger and Niedermeyer played well.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what happens Canada played one really good game in this tournament.
I seriously can't watch this. I need to take a nap and make a conscious effort to not find out who won when I wake up.
ReplyDelete"Don`t stop believing..." playing in the arena.
ReplyDeleteI may pass out during the OT.
im feeling ill. not a good sign
ReplyDeleteABout damn time!!
ReplyDeleteSID!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI TAKE IT ALL BACK SID!!!!
ReplyDeleteGOLD!!!
ReplyDeleteUn-fucking-believable!
ReplyDeleteMy boy Sid. *blows kisses*
ReplyDeleteSuck it Ovie.
Suck it, Kesler.
ReplyDeleteGOLD BITCHES! GOLD BITCHES! GOLD BITCHES! GOLD BITCHES! GOLD BITCHES!
ReplyDeleteI can't breath! I can't...breath!
I won't be able to sleep on the plane tonight. Or for the next few days for that matter.
GOLD BITCHES!
Next, sledge hockey. WE WANT THE SET!
GOLD BITCHES!
GO CANADIAN HEALTHCARE GO!! YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
ReplyDeleteI love our game!
ReplyDeleteI love this country!!
I love Pants!!!
Am I the only one who's really annoyed at that Aldo ad?
ReplyDeleteAlso, YEAH CANADA!
ReplyDeleteAll in all a FANtastic Olympic Games, congrats to the medal winners, congrats to all participants and congrats to Vancouver for doing Canada proud. These are glorious moments to remember.
ReplyDeleteWow. What an Olympics. I want it to last more than 17 days!
ReplyDeleteOne thing we learned (again) is you need mobile strong defencemen. Doughty, Weber, Keith, Niedermeier were just awesome. Pronger even was very good today.
ReplyDeleteBut fuck the Olympics. Habs - Bruins in 2 days.
(Hard to get excited about that I know)
I take back what I said about Niedermeier earlier. I was basing that on a few plays in the 2nd and 3rd. He did play well, especially in OT.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, I realize family is important but what a pain in the ass these people are.
CANADA, FUCK YEAH!
ReplyDeleteAnd the broken torch doth rise.
only Cheryl can make that stupid sweater look good
ReplyDeleteD-Squared should be banned from dressing anyone.
ReplyDeleteGotta give the organizers credit. Made fun of themselves by lifting the forth penis and they listened to their critics. Lots of French and a pretty standard bilingual anthem. Pretty cool....except for those farkakteh sweaters. Maybe that's what the lady who was knitting at the curling match was finishing yesterday (204 down, 1 to go). Now if I could just get 'I believe' out of my head.
ReplyDeleteEvil Merickan and Flyer fan here. Congrats Canada for a great Olymps and two well deserved hockey golds. You couldn't have done it without our Pronger! Yeah, I'm just wishing that were true :)
ReplyDeleteSo like is the Russian mafian going to have a spot in this Sochi ceremony? Oh snap.
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be hard to get excited for Columbus or Nashville on a tuesday night after this.
ReplyDeleteWhich is probably just as well because I don't think my heart can take much more of this. I live in the States and our neighbours came over to watch the game, so I was the only Canadian in a room full of Yanks. I felt duty bound to be polite and explain icing and offsides while quietly having an aneurysm in the third period.
Oh. My. God. Shatner.
ReplyDelete@William Shatner
ReplyDeletePlease stop
@David Wilkie
I had to watch with the insane psychiatrist. Locked himself in his room after the second. I win.
I. Love. Catherine O'Hara!!!!
Is that Michael Bubblé as a mountie? I'm cringing. Bring back Shatner... Ok, make them all go away. It's like a bad CBC special.
ReplyDeleteThis is like an AA meeting.
ReplyDelete"Hi I'm (name), and I'm a Canadian"
Bubbles needs to bring this act to Vegas.
Is Shatner there as an homage to that great West Coast symbol, the whale?
ReplyDeleteGiant penises to open the olympics and giant beavers to close them. And the entire world is watching their athletes dressed as moose. Oh Canada. Ya shoulda quit at 14 gold. Now I need to purge.
ReplyDeleteWE JUST CONFUSED THE WORLD! GO CANADA! WOOOOO!
ReplyDeleteHelp. Dying. I hate Avril Lavigne. At least we know now it's not lip-synch. Good god...even Nickelback was better than that.
ReplyDelete@Number31 - NOTHING is worse than Nickelback.
ReplyDelete@Everyone - Congrats on our Gold! Well done! We all had a hand in this. Not quite sure how, but we did.
@Sonia - I think Hedley is worse actually.
ReplyDeleteWell, yea, one thing I can say, we're not holding a stuck up classical ceremony...
This ceremony can die now please.
ReplyDeletewv. Retch. How appropriate!
Mrs. Wilkie's Ghost wants me to ask if anyone knows where she can get one of those giant inflatable beavers (I don't want to ask what she intends to do with it).
ReplyDeleteAlso when Avril Lavigne came on she said she wanted Shatner back.
Nickelback???
ReplyDeleteNickelback were playing?
Jesus!
Um. Ok. It's over. I'm at a loss for words right now.
ReplyDeleteSo when does April Wine start their set?
ReplyDeleteSo we finally get noticed by the best looking guy in school and then pick our teeth with a fork in class. We were that close, Canada. Coolest country on earth. Great city, great looking people, great athletes.... but then ya had to go and put Michael Bubble in a Mountie suit and send blow up beavers flying across the auditorium. I think I just saw the school hunk ask out Italy.
ReplyDeleteWatched the game in an absolutely packed sports bar with some friends and some friends-of-friends I'd never met. Bar was so overwhlemed that they ran out of pint glasses (WTF?) and Bloody Mary mix.
ReplyDeleteObviously, the result didn't go the way I wanted it to but it was really great to see so many non-hockey fans show up in force to watch this game. A lot of talk of "hey, hockey's actually pretty cool", etc, that'll hopefully translate into a bit more interest and knowledge for the sport. I didn't even mind the random shrieking that seemingly occurred whenever an American would simply shoot the puck.
Congrats, Canada. I can't wait for Tuesday.