Thursday, March 11, 2010

FHF Classic presents a Habs-Oilers preview and open thread

FHF headquarters is crazy busy today, what with all the lawyering and meth taking. So with our apologies, we've had to dig into the vaults to rerun an old Habs-Oilers preview from the 1982-83 season. Given the state of the Oilers today, this is probably way more entertaining anyway.

Waiting in line to see Chariots of Fire details - 8 PM at the Forum. This is not one of the rare Habs games on TV during the week, but at least we've got Dick Irvin on CFCF radio. Oilers are hot like heck, winners of 16 of their last 18. Habs are struggling, winning or tying only 70% of their games this year. The glory days may be behind us.

The newspaper will never be replaced - Oilers D Kevin Lowe somehow already has a newspaper named after him, Lowetide.

Hot like the "computer software program" Lotus 1-2-3 - Mats "Smurf" Naslund is on fire, 10 points over his last 5 games. Can Europeans succeed in the NHL? For the Oil, Wayne Gretzky is looking like he may break every NHL record someday. Currently on pace for a 200 point season. Messier, Anderson, and Kurri are on pace for 100 points each. Think we'll ever see that again? Grant Fuhr continues to solidly backstop a non-existent defence.

Cold like the prison Lech Walesa is stuck in - Habs have goaltending issues. Neither Sevigny nor "I ain't no Gump" Wamsley has been able to really step it up. Could you imagine having two decent goalies instead of two mediocre ones? That would be awesome. Oilers are playing way too well to have any cold players. This is a dynasty in the making, people. You know, if they could only beat the Isles in a playoff series.

It's like the final episode of M*A*S*H - The Flower is on the shelf with some knee trouble. Tripped on a pack of smokes he dropped. He'll never be the same.

Post game adult entertainment - More Heather Locklear, working undercover as a stripper (teehee!) from the hit show TJ Hooker. Enjoy.

200 comments:

  1. Egads. I think Heather Locklear has a stroke during the second performance.

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  2. Great. Now I can't get The Human League's Don't You Want Me Baby out of my head.

    And no wonder we suck. Jacques Lemaire coaching? Ya right.

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  3. Ahhhh, Glory Days fittingly (for this blog entry) recorded in 1982 by The Boss. I guess he was right, "they will pass you by."

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  4. I keep having nipple slip optical illusions in the top pic. Looks like Im stuch on FHF trying to figure it out pretty much till gametime or the gf comes home.

    Job hunt = delayed. Fail.

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  5. I guess Chicken reads this blog, cuz he just used the nickname Darche Vader on RDS.

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  6. T J Hooker ... it was sad to see The Captain stoop so low. I wonder if it was because of Locklear ?

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  7. @jaybird - you're not alone. i stared at that right breast for an hour. it may not be Elaine Benes-level slippage, but i say there is something there

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  8. @jaybird and 29:

    You want a Christmas card? Here's your Christmas card!!!!!

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  9. Definitely nippledge.

    This just in: Messier has a stubby.

    If we're talking 1982-83, I'd have preferred The Fall Guy with Heather Thomas AND Markie Post. I fondly remember the Heather Thomas poster with the pink bikini my brother had. We had some good times together....

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  10. For it is not Heather, but you who have been exposed, for I have seen the nipple on your soul!

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  11. @Anon: That's awesome.

    However, maybe fucktards from 25stanley or something stole it from us.

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  12. Thats the cleanest stripper club I've even seen!! damn. Go Pants!! Go Flat American Women!!

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  13. that is the brightest strip club ive ever seen

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  14. So this game day thread makes BR 60 years old?

    Also, the pre-tearjerking Messier has a stubby because, well let's go to the unGG'd pic.

    Note the young-with-hair McSplooge sniffing around.

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  15. @Moe
    what I love about that pic is the beer in his hand.
    back when hockey player were real men and not wusses eating veggan and organic diets

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  16. @Moe
    Before that picture was taken Gary Coleman was on track to be 6'2". Something happened that day and I'm pretty sure it all started with Messier being happy to see him.

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  17. lol!

    Lovin' it.

    Anyone else see the Sens play the Oilers the other night? I'm not exaggerating when I say the Oilers minus Deslauriers were absolutely pathetic and not at all due to a lack of effort. It should have been 8-1 nipple.

    I have never said this as I am a little superstitious but with Halak in nets there is no way we should lose this game. Pat Quinnipple looks to have been just a terrible move for their young players to develop. They were lost in nipple err I mean space..

    wv: hution

    We will now probably lose due to my inhutions. nipple

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  18. Lech Walesa is warm and comfortable, and is being treated well, despite being an enemy of the people. Please cease and desist from your slanderous, Western-biased viewpoint or we will bury you.

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  19. OMG!!! The Falkland Islands have been invaded!!!!!

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  20. you know I think the boys at FHF need to be educated. this nipple obsession ....

    the French have come up with a brilliant solution

    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5a52180b80/forehead-tittaes-w-marion-cotillard?rel=prog_related&rel_pos=1

    (still haven't figured out the posting instructions)

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  21. @bea

    it might be just a post-pap smear discussion response

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  22. @GG, I think Coleman is the DJ in Heather's pole-less, stocking-wearing, UStripper clip.

    ~~~

    Nice find bea.

    Also, Forehead Tittaes sounds like a line name.

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  23. @Moe
    YUP definitely line name potential.

    good news for tonite. I've taken over HF29's out-for-dinner winning streak with my own previous-commitment-can't-get-out-of winning streak. it strated with the Canda-USA gold medal game.
    (I may have to ask for an RDS feed refund)

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  24. @bea, are oven mitts involved? (please say yes)

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  25. @thepolitburo

    A different Don Cherry:

    "The Poles are right to be worried. The New General Secretary in Moscow was a beauty junior player for his team in Hungary. And I think we all remember that spring tournament in Prague!

    I mean, c'mon! Afghanistan which he was agitatin' and dropped the gloves for is still goin'.

    Now, now, before all you lefties get your pinko knickers in a bunch, all I'm sayin' is,I don't trust nobody named 'Andropov'!"


    Well, maybe not that different a Don.

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  26. @Moe
    a qiock thought of turkey basters came to mind, but then I caught myself and thought "surely not on this blog"

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  27. @bea, regardless of the tools, have fun!

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  28. Keef me Happy Habs

    ~ based on Keith in Montréal or The Rolling Stones

    Well I never kept a dollar from a stripper,
    It always burned a hole in my Pants!
    Always made my school marm happy,
    She always blew my second CHance.

    I need a danse to keep me happy,
    I need Heather to keep me happy.
    Baby, Habs keep me happy.
    Baby, Habs keep me happy.

    Habs always use to take candy from Oilers,
    Gretzky cried he didn't wanna get him no trade.
    Never want to be like Mark Messier,
    Shilling for the Lays ev'ry night and day.

    I need a goal to keep me happy,
    I need a stubby to keep me happy.
    Baby, Habs keep me happy.
    Baby, Habs keep me happy.

    Always got a flash out of Phoebe ,
    When she showed some flesh I got boned.
    Always got a lift out of Nicole ,
    CHaCHi can go the fuck home.

    I need some nipple to keep me happy,
    I need some Tits to keep me happy.
    Baby, Habs keep me happy.
    Baby, Habs keep me happy.

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  29. Second last line should sing;

    Baby, FHF keep me happy.

    Note to newbies, Preview is your friend and Publish can be prematurely ...

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  30. rockin tune moe! +2 Sticky Fingers

    go you fucking nipple go!

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  31. Devan Dubnyk? he's a goalie? who??

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  32. moe thx for the Merlin Olsen RIP. good player, announcer, actor. one of the best football colour men ever imho

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  33. Pleky!!! We're off to a good start.

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  34. well there goes the good start

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  35. I told you fuckers we should be worried about playing the Oilers. Down 2-1.

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  36. Ca-rey! Ca-rey!

    jebus what a wake up call

    WAKE THE FUCK UP

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  37. Halak not good there.

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  38. What's the +/- on both Pouliots for points now? 4.5

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  39. Jaro has looked unprepared for both goals. Is he dreaming of tuna or something?

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  40. The thought of pulling Halak and putting in TFS doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy. Just sayin'

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  41. Good hustle by Darche Vader... all for nought, though.

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  42. Also, who was ripping on Gio here a couple of games ago?

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  43. Jaro is dreaming of wearing a sticker book motorcycle jacket and tight jeans like any good Slovakian.

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  44. Nice to see some cleavage for a change!

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  45. Dybnyk just makes me think of dybbuk, some evil Jewish spirit of the dead or something. GG knows what I'm talking about, right? I only know from the latest Coen Brothers film, A Serious Man.

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  46. I have ripped Mexico but not Italy can't take claim for that one.

    I just saw Chris Chelios name on the boxscore for the Atlanta game. Even he must think it was a prank. What a joke.

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  47. i think Chelly may have been playing when today's preview was written

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  48. Jaro 2.0 bails out Jaro.

    @Jaybird: We've all ripped on Gomer at some point this season.

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  49. In Jewish folklore, a dybbuk is a malicious possessing spirit, believed to be the dislocated soul of a dead person. Kind of like JM's suit.

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  50. They have a chicken too???

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  51. Guys,,,can someone xplain to me what Pat fuckin Quinn does to keep getting jobs in the nhl? He sucked at every major role he's ever had and Team Canada won in spite of him. WTF gives?

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  52. @Kmaxx: Enough Leaf fans in powerful positions across the league. I was wondering what the fuck Pat Quinn is doing in Edmonton. Saddled with a shitty team and has to live in Edmonton.

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  53. nice puck movement. that's something

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  54. Actually Quinn being in Edmonton explains why they are doing so shit.

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  55. The CotU media made Quimm into some kinda genius.

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  56. @ gg - ZING lol

    What a power play how can we be tied here? I love our response though we knuckled up at the end of that period.

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  57. moeman,

    Mr. Moey is away this week, so I don't have to cook. Any suggestions for quick tasty meals for one?

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  58. Dubnyk! We get Dubnyk! Poor kid hasn't won a game all year (really, not his fault, he shouldn't even BE here). But what's up with the score? I just got home to see Gio tie it... Bwah?

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  59. @moey order a pizza! unless you're in the mood for Mexican cicken!

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  60. Howard,

    I'm saving that for Saturday against the Bruins.

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  61. @N31 - i saw Dubnyk's record on screen and i thought it was a misprint. 0-7. he's due. crap.

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  62. @Moey: KD is the official meal of FHF.

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  63. @Moey - Toast some good bread (or bagel), spread either some cream cheese or mayo, apply some smoked salmon, eat.

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  64. our 3rd and 4th lines are working hard. i like that. mad max' absence is paying dividends

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  65. I like the suggestion Esther. Dab of honey mustard goes great.

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  66. Moey, quesadillas.

    Easy, tasty and filled with whatever you like. : )

    http://hubpages.com/hub/Grilled_chicken_quesadilla_recipe_The_classic_Tex_Mex_quesadilla

    Frittatas (yes I know the word contains tatas).

    http://allrecipes.com/Recipes/Breakfast-and-Brunch/Egg-Dishes/Frittata/Main.aspx

    http://www.epicurious.com/tools/searchresults?search2=frittata

    Easy, tasty and filled with whatever you like. : )

    Another fave is rice and beans.

    http://southernfood.about.com/od/redbeansrice/r/bl00123d.htm

    Also, GG and Esther know. Add capers.

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  67. 31

    Need to throw some Spanish onion on that as well.

    I'm thinking more along the lines of a meat fondue for one. That could last well into the third period and a shootout if necessary.

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  68. moeman

    Thanks for that and for reminding me I make a mean Frittata. Mr. Moey knows.

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  69. @GG11 - that was my breakfast (cream cheese version) and my lazy fast supper (mayo version). But now I'm out of fish :(

    Are the Habs really doing that "let's play down to the crappy competition by letting them think they got us" thing or are they just not interested in what would be 2 rather easy points?

    ...
    WTF
    ...
    Blackface Subbanator shirt wearing guys?!

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  70. We should get a game misconduct for that tie!

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  71. Just. Noticed. Blackface. Guys.

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  72. You're welcome Moey. http://southernfood.about.com/ is a great place to visit if you like it fun and spicy.

    Go you fucking Habs!

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  73. Callin this right here the floodgates are gonna open!

    Go Habs Go!!!

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  74. What? Blackface? Didn't see them but way to honour your team's future star player...

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  75. We need either MAB back or Subban called up. We have one player who cn play the point on the PP.

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  76. Okay nm I called it! lol

    What a dig fest. Greasy.

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  77. AK should've shot but I'll still take the goal.

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  78. What the fuck kind of goal was that? Oh well, whatever, we'll take it.

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  79. I saw those guys in blackface.

    I was going to mention it.

    ouch!

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  80. He's been drawing a lot of penalties but Martin STILL won't put him on the powerplay. Does he hate the kid that much?!

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  81. Whitney gets what he deserves!!!

    Missed the blackfaces but I'd rip them off their faces if I witnessed that there is no need for that nonsense. What hole did they crawl out of?

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  82. I kind of can't get over the black face. And 1970's Room 222 blackface?

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  83. Shoot the fucking puck.

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  84. Bruins up 4-1 with four minutes left in the second. I don't care who wins, as long as it's a regulation win.

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  85. I'm actually shocked they were let in through the doors, never mind the fact no one around them is saying anything! Even Pierre et Benoit were like "uh...what are we looking at here?..."

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  86. I thought the blackface went out with Al Jolson?

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  87. How do the face noire get into the Bell Centre? Sick.

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  88. Maybe they painted their faces after they got into the Bell Centre? Who knows? Why am I already anticipating some Deadspin shit on this?

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  89. Never mind the Bell Centre, how could they walk the streets like that? I hope PK knows what he's getting into!

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  90. Deadspin is one thing but methinks the Habs-hating Puck Daddy will drudge it.

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  91. I like the t-shirts though so when they are flogged, tarred and feathered just leave us the shirts ok?

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  92. Blackface assholes are probably the same "element" that was on the flight from Dallas to Montreal. Taking pictures of each other on the plane is a dead giveaway. That and not waiting for the seats in front of them to de-plane, cutting people off, the same way they drive. Fucktards, every last one of them.

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  93. On a positive note, Squid with Chantal about Habs work in charity organizations is heartwarming. The only nit I'd pick is Squid's jacket is a bit JM-ish.

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  94. For the cheap-ass FHF iPhoners;

    http://www.byki.com/irishluck/

    ~~~

    If 29 gets a date with an Irish lass with this app, he owes me a Kilkenny or 3.

    ~~~

    ack

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  95. Not one of Halak's memorable games!

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  96. For the love of God, convert on this PP.

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  97. WWTF??? Why can't they just have a blowout over a shitty team? Is that too much to ask???

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  98. Oilers guys just called Metropolit "Kostopoulos".

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  99. Here we go, you fucking Habs!

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  100. I walk to the LC and miss one minute of hockey and its tied for cock's sakes.

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  101. Laughing at Quinn getting huffy about every penalty the Oilers take.

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  102. AK cannot fucking buy a goal...

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  103. Ten seconds until the booing starts.

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  104. have we scored a 5 on 3 goal at all this year?

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  105. Should be WTF, I stutter when I get angry

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  106. Why did they play better after a long flight from the West? One day off and all goes to shit eh?

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  107. Can't score 5 on 3 against the worst team in the league while at home? These are the Habs I know.

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  108. The lesson is to never give this team a day off as a reward for good play.

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  109. SK, very well deserved.

    Now stop fucking around and hold the lead.

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  110. Finally, after weeks of teasing, some Tits.

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  111. The little ones are blooming tonight!

    He's a peach....

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  112. After 46DD missed an open net it's nice to see the 74B putting one in!

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  113. Jaro is having a TFS moment!

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  114. If this game shows people anything, it's to never, ever assume that the Habs have an easy game.

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  115. Jaro got really lucky on that breakaway.

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  116. I think Spacek tipped it actually...

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  117. LOL Penner, two posts on both tries there.

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  118. Hahaha ... They picked a great night for charity night I'm sure all Habs fans watching this one feel like opening their wallets to applaud this performance!

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  119. Jaro should have let in 7 by now if the Oilers had any finish

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  120. Kirk does more on the bench than anyone there, why don't they just give him the official "head coach" title already?

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  121. we're being totally outplayed by the worst team in the league

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  122. Sometimes I think they just leave their brains in the locker room, SPACEK, yea looking at you and your pass to the bench during a line change....

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  123. well a least we got a point lol

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  124. and Prenoit Punette is so fuckin painful. What a dumb fuck.

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  125. fans were practically booing at the end there. they know.

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  126. Ill take a dirty win. Our wins have been pretty and weve taken some dirty losses. Give me this greasy win!

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  127. @lehab: Sadly, that's how I also feel.

    They better fucking convert this shit.

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  128. You know, even if they win they've lost.

    They certainly play up/down to their competition, which indicates a lack of identity, direction and heart.

    Oh well. Four goals in the first 10 minutes of the game certainly was like an 80s Habs-Oil game.

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  129. Score a fucking goal........

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  130. Just keep playing Sergei's line!

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  131. 0-6 on the PP, pretty sure it'll be 0-7.

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  132. CONVERT FOR FUCKS SAKE ITS THE FUCKING OILERS

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  133. I like how Pat Quinn stands around and does nothing during the timeout.

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  134. what's worst that the hab sucking, is the hab sucking on RDS, those idiots are amking it x-tra painful

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  135. Well, at least Jaro made the save. Good job, get the boy some chocolate milk.

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  136. Weee fail~
    If this goes to a shootout, we pray the Oilers just hit the posts.

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  137. JM is going to be bald by the end of the season, and so am I.

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  138. Go you fucking shootout Habs!

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  139. Whew! We survived regulation and overtime against the mighty Oilers!

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  140. seriously, fans were even closer to booing there. they know

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  141. Brunet is completely inane.

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  142. nice looking behind you Jaro

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  143. I thought there was a rule about a player penalized in OT can't participate in the shootout...?

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  144. Ok, so can they stop doing 5-hole?

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  145. Dubnyk is weak on high shots. So of course all 4 shooters try to go between his legs.

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  146. HEY YUTZES!! DON'T GO FOR THE 5 HOLE !!!

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  147. Let's hear it for the TITS!!!

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  148. Lucky the Oilers really do stink because Jaro made the first move every time.......

    Gauthier looks upset.

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  149. W00t w00t!

    Is that the first win we didn't deserve all year? That means we deserve it.

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  150. Ok, I know what I said before but I'm very glad they got the win. It's a Western team so I guess giving them the point doesn't matter. But that's 4 in a row. First time this season?

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  151. Well, we've played better games.

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  152. I'm glad he got off the schneid after missing an open net!

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  153. Ugh. That was not a fun experience but hey, at least we won.

    Bag skate the fuckers in the morning, JM.

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  154. @boob - Well, we've lost better games.

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  155. 10 posts to the free yet never delivered ice cream!!!

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  156. isn't there a rule that when the game goes to a SO it takes 300 comments for free ice cream?

    nice nips btw moe

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  157. omg I just turned around and the antichambre was on!

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  158. Aaaaaaaaand after all that CJAD is talking about how great Price is.

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  159. Jaro just killed me in my hockey pool tonight .840 save pct!

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  160. I'm confused... Price didn't play... Why did the first two callers come in to rip the kid...? Did he sit crooked or something? Am I missing something? Did he shrink and switch jerseys/equipment with Jaro who grew and switched with him? What? Someone obviously doesn't have internet to troll with I guess...?

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  161. Perfect quote to sum up the evening courtesy of Ian Holloway, a soccer manager in England's lower level leagues. He said this after a particularly ugly win for his team:

    "To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee"

    2009/10 Montreal Canadiens: At least we got her in the taxi. Sure beats Nous Sommes Canadiens.

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  162. @31: You're right, they were just defending Price against the callers. But whatshisname had to go on about how Price will start against the Bs. I'm just sick of hearing about Price. Nothing against the guy but can we please just spend one post game taling about the GAME. There's more than enough to complain about from tonight.

    And yes I'm aware of the fact that I'm bring up Price while at the same time saying we shouldn't be talking about him. Oh, the irony.

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  163. c'mon ice cream !!

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  164. the anti-CHers force the horrid pjstuck to apologize to Gui('s parents. They will never let this fucking meme go.

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  165. Ice cream!

    @orangeman - I know, but what's up with the callers eh? Most knowledgeable fanbase...

    Sergei got a nice, shiny 1st star woooo! Could have given the stars to his entire line, really.

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  166. The clip <> in the Zone Video at the RDS website is worth looking at. Apparently there was a 2008 memo from the league to the players that stated that all hits to the head were illegal point final. I am not admitted to practice in Massachusetts or Pennsylvania, but it seems to me that Gary Bettman, Esq. has ( as Ricky Ricardo used to say) some splainin to do. A cross examination from hell awaits him. Much as I hate the Bruins, their fans are a class who could take action when they miss the playoffs.

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