Last night, on a very special episode of WELCOME BACK KAMMI
Welcome back, Kammi. We missed you - and so did your buddy, "Big Tits" Epstein. Look how happy he was to see Kammi, twice beating Vice-Principle Mr. Millerwood, including on an exam 40 seconds into the school day. Marc-Andre Horshack was pretty excited to get back into the class room too, helping out his buddy 'Big Tits' Epstein on the second exam. Vinnie Markarino may be well into his comeback, but we're still excited he' back. Boom-Boom Subban wasn't in class last night, but we miss him and hope he's back in the big classroom soon.
And just when everything was all fun and games, Vice-Principle Millerman shuts the classroom door and all hell breaks loose in the 3 minutes before the bell. In the last scene, Kammi and the Sweathogs are bested by Mr. Millerman in detention.
Must be a two-part episode, sit-coms always have a happy ending for the good guys. Let's see what's on tonight.
And now, on a very special Golden Girls preview with Tomasina, Stephanie, Nathannette and Davina (wait, shouldn't they be the Cougars instead of the Panthers?)""What time is dinner? Of course I mean the early bird special."
- 7:30pm Bell Centre, RDS HD
- Big Tits potted 2 after scoring one in the shootout against T.O.
- Squid and the Urologist both got points in their first game back in months
- Halak has saved 94% of shots over the last three games
- Scott Clemmenson is better - 96% in the last 2 games
- Davina Booth and Stephanie Weiss both have 4 points in their last 4
"It's cool out Dorothy, put on a sweater why don't you?"
- Moore, Little Tits and Metro haven't scored in three games. So much for scoring depth
- Where did CHicken go?
- Micheal Frolik is looking forward to a career in Europe with one point in 7 outings
- Tomas Vokoun is playing like a Tomasina, giving up almost 3 1/2 goals per the last couple of games
"At my age, everything hurts and I'm lucky if I wake up in the morning."
- Travis Moen, his 50 stitches and half an eye are back in the lineup tonight
- Paul Mara is done. Wonder where he'll be playing next year
- Colin's kid Gregory is a maybe for the Cats
- TFS' ass has been re-nailed to the bench
- Yes, really, that is all the injury/lineup news. Until Gomez and Hamr go down tonight, of course.
"That reminds me of a story from back in St. Olaf..."
- Cats are 7 points back from Boston with 10 games to play. Good luck with that.
- They have won 2 in a row, though
- Habs magic number is now 13
- 2-1 MTL in the season series
Do you think JM cares about beating the Cats or are you unsure he has any emotions at all? Tired of hockey talk? Let's hear your favorite classic TV sitcom moments. Mine all involve Alyssa Milano and Who's the Boss.
Big Tits will be unable to score any more goals this week as he has filled up his quota and is not feeling well.
ReplyDeleteSigned,
Epstein's mother
OMG beautiful GG
ReplyDeleteI'm in stiches
O.M.G.
ReplyDeleteGG, your best work yet! Am floored, I tell you... Floored!!!
Best photoshopping ever.
ReplyDeleteDEAD. Those pics are just too much!
ReplyDeleteAnd the preview will have me randomly bursting into laughter throughout the day. Thanks!
(Finally read the post after stopping the laughter over the pics)
ReplyDelete(Took me forever, because I kept laughing about the post)
STANDING OVATION all around peeps. Stellar work!! Fictitious ice cream courtesy of HF29 all around!
"That's okay, Mr. Bettman. I gotta note."
ReplyDeleteBetty White could have done a better job clearing Price's crease on the second goal last night.
I think a coach that shows a little emotion (i.e. Ruff) is exactly what this team needs. Martin, Gainey, Carbo, Gainey - not exactly Mr.'s Excitement. Are those ice cubes laced with Valium? Fuck. Show some emotion. Show your players you care. Show them you're upset with their lacidasical (sp?) play. Show them you're not a Terminator sent from the year 2029 (fuck, that's not far off) to destroy the Habs' morale and crush all efforts to do anything more than squeak into the playoffs. You don't have to be batshit Bobby Knight crazy, just let the fucking anger out once in a while.
ReplyDeleteIncredible pic and hilarious game day thread!
ReplyDelete~~~
Anyone else here have the hots for Mrs. Kotter?
~~~
Poor TFS™, he must be so confused.
Italian Stuffed Artichokes.
ReplyDeleteHaving these with a Boussac Coteaux du Languedoc 2008.
DarCHeVader and Metro to sit tonight, MadMax and Moenstein into the lineup. Great photoshop GG!
ReplyDeleteJackie Childs in Seinfeld: "Whotoldyoutoputthebalmon? DidItellyoutoputthebalmon?"
ReplyDeleteBest TV sitcom moment was on WKRP when Les finds out that turkeys can't fly.
ReplyDeleteFree Wizards for everyone.
ReplyDeleteholy shit. I had to cover the hair to figure out who the peopple were. Great work GG
ReplyDeleteLOLZ, especially at Markov.
ReplyDeleteMy fearless prediction for the evening: We're going to curbstomp the Panthers. By that, I mean that FHFers are going to go to some jungle and step on some panthers. Yeah.
wv: ponticat. Is that like a pontiff mixed with a cat?
best pic ever!!! i think things are on the up and up for the site and the team
ReplyDeleteSuperb work GG!
ReplyDeletemoe, you're killing me with that food and wine, I'm having leftover BBQ chicken from Metro.
Moen was one lucky SOB, there's a pic of him on HIO.
Moey, that leftover chicken makes for good broth/soup (with some Thai noodles).
ReplyDeletemoe,
ReplyDeleteI still have a fair amount of homemade turkey soup in the freezer. True confession time; along with my KD cravings, my still all time favorite chicken soup is Liptons.
True confession, my cookie jar is always filled, with Peak Freans. Do, NOT, touCH my Bourbon Crèmes!
ReplyDeleteIn this weeks episode of Habby Days Fonzie takes over as the new coach and outwits the Panthers by putting both Carey AND Jaro in nets at the same time, both wearing white pads with a hypnotic circular pattern which causes the other team to fall into a trance and makes them forfeit the game! Joanie and Chacci sing the national anthem and land themselves a recording contracting because unbenownst to them Al is old friends with Niel Diamond who happens to call Al just as Joanie is hitting the high C which makes him call his agent on their behalf!!!! And if that isn't enough, Fonzie attempts to jump the standings over 73 motorcycles into 5th.
ReplyDeleteHas JM jumped the shark?
ReplyDeletemoeman,
ReplyDeleteThat cracked me up, I used to pick out all the bourbon cremes from the packet and leave the rest. I think we're foodie soulmates.
@Moey, impossible to open an assorted PF pack and not attack the Bourbon Crèmes. The Digestives are good but only with peanut butter or Nutella or both.
ReplyDeleteWTF? Metro and Vader sit, Max??? and Moen in.
ReplyDeleteWKRP in Cincinnati...the home of more music and Les Nesman! I think the Habs need a huge dose of Dr. Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap getting all Subbannatorial on the Panthers asses! For good effect, bring in the quietly hot Bailey to distract the opposition then hit them over the head with Loni Anderson's (sorry forgot her screen name)big Guns!
ReplyDeleteCome on you fuckin' Habs.
wv - ungxjwar...?! ...I got nothin' - wtf kind of wv is that?
btw...I would like to lay claim to the soon to be commonplace phrase "Subbannatorial on their asses"...maybe not this season...but soon!
ReplyDeleteBailey Quarters was a Bourbon Crème cookie (and she looked a bit like Mrs. Kotter).
ReplyDeleteI miss the Facts of Life Girls. Natalie and Tooty would be a killer shutdown pair. Tooty is already faster than Hal Gill on her rollerskates.
ReplyDelete10 knows. Is it me or does (did?) Jo kinda look like Max Lap?
ReplyDeleteAlso, Adrienne Barbeau is the original Tits.
Sadly, I think I'm too young for this - Peak Freans, Bourbon Crème and Happy days? Still, that's some amazing photoshopping, and I've seen quite a few 'shops in my day.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the NHL has released the video of legal/illegal hits. Phlyers have three illegal hits. Truculent laffs have one. All is right in the world of hockey.
wv: baredani - I suspect there will be some bare dani tomorrow?
Brilliant work once again, GG11. It took me several seconds before I realized that it was even PhotoCHopped, and then it was lots of fun figuring the guys out under that hair. Bonus points for the Golden Goils.
ReplyDelete@Moey, I agree, WTF MadMax is IN???? I was starting to put him that special category with BGL and Mara, but unfortunately it looks like that was premature.
I'm so "consfush" (wv).
R.I.P. Robert Culp.
ReplyDeleteSeeing as we are going back in time, "Hot Tub Time Machine" goes back to, wait for it, 1986.
ReplyDeleteOkay Moeman now I know for sure you're a boingboinger. I watched that trailer today too. I am so in line to see that next week.
ReplyDeleteObligatory off colour post content - The Leafs suck golf balls through garden hoses.
@dwgs, yup I Boing Boing. (I was gonna provide a 'how I got to this song parody linkage of links for lg77 and it started with boing) ...
ReplyDelete... and a slight alteration of dwgs' hose bit, up your leaf noses with rubber hoses.
ReplyDeleteAnd people wonder why we love this place?
I believe that there are two kinds of men in the world, well straight men anyways . Either WKRP Bailey Quarters men or WKRP Lonnie Anderson men. Bailey still makes me swoon. TAXI still had the best theme of those shows. href=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kzhwx8aOO0A
ReplyDeleteHope that link works.
For VT, link fix.
ReplyDelete... and Bailey does/did more than make a young man swoon. She's a woodknocker.
@VT: Bailey > Lonnie, but neither really do that much for me...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@10
ReplyDeleteI can totally see JM and Mrs. Garrett together.
What about Cliff Huxtable behind the bench...
[The team let the Sabres tie it up in the last two minutes of the game and are explaining why they should not be punished]
Squid to JM: You're a coach and Kirk's a Stanley cup winning assistant coach, and you're both successful in everything and that's great! But maybe we were born to be regular people and have regular lives. If you never won a cup, we wouldn't think less of you.... oh, well you know what I mean... because you're our coach. So rather than feeling disappointed because we're not like you, maybe you should accept who we are and love us anyway, because we are your team.
Cliff: Cammi... that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you're only 7 games over .500! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your coach. I brought you onto this team, and I'll take you out!
Favorite classic sitcom moment,
ReplyDeleteTaxi - Reverand Jim's driving test
Put this one in the Hall of Fame kids. Absolutely fantastic on all accounts. Now to catch Golden Girls episode on youtube to get me pumped for the game. Wait, what?
ReplyDeleteMoey - Whaaaatt dooooeeeesss aaaa yeeelllloooowwww llliiiggghhhtttt mmmmmeeeeaaaaaannn?
ReplyDeletedwgs,
ReplyDeleteWhen he's filling out the application form in the eyes column he puts two instead of the color. Hilarious.
jim's driving test
ReplyDeleteGame in a Southern Town
ReplyDeleteAn RDSalvation Armée band played
As the pure laine CHildren drank limonade
And the morning blogs lasted all day,
All, fucking, day
And through an open CHance Jaro came
Like Patrick in a younger day,
Pushing the TFS™ away
Ah -
(CHant)
Ah hey Ja Ja Ro
You get the game in a southern town.
Habs needed to gain ground
As they took Brian Hayward out
And everyone else came down
To see, to be, St. Patrick.
He said "In spring 1986"
It felt like the world would freeze
With Bobby Smith
And Le P'tit Viking.
(CHant)
Ah hey Go Habs Go!
Hockey is Life in our northern town.
Ah hey Go fucking Habs Go.
Tonight win in a southern town.
Last evening had turned to pain
Watch the 2-0 lead roll down the drain,
As we followed Carey down
To frustation
And though he never would beat the tie,
You could see it written in his eyes
As the loss rolled out of sight
JM said Bye-bye.
(Pants!)
Ah hey 33 and GG
Life in 1980s TV town.
Ah hey Mr. Bettman
Up your nose with a rubber hose.
Based on.
Such quality. Moeman, you're stuck in a Catch22 - if you keep doing this, we're going to keep expecting it. Then you'll have to keep performing...
ReplyDeleteI ate something terrible for dinner and have been up all night dealing with the...unpleasantness. The up side is that I get to stay home today and watch the hockey game. If I don't choke on my own vomit or expire from dehydration, that is.
ReplyDeleteYay?
Hopefully their play doesn't make me more nauseous. I'd like to leave this world with a smile on my face.
Thnx ezzel, I'll keep parodying until the FHF owners seek royaltie$.
ReplyDeleteUntil then,
Go you fucking playoff-bound Habs Go!
I'm on the lanai, wearing my favorite slacks ready for the game.
ReplyDeleteGG is in Hawaii?
ReplyDeletemoe - i`ve made stuffed artichokes before and they`re to die for! Bon Appetit.
ReplyDelete@moey - i was hoping they would give Lapierre a few games but I guess the "backlash" on AC got to them... Sigh.
Go Habs Go!!!
@Moe
ReplyDeletethe golden girls were always sitting on the lanai in Boca Raton.
Subbanator on RDS!
ReplyDeleteFour people Subban would to have dinner with:
ReplyDeleteMartin Luther King
Bobby Orr
Beyonce
Tiger Woods, then he smiles and changes his mind, picks Barack Obama
I love this kid!
Thnx GG.
ReplyDeleteBTW, did Adrienne Barbeau ever appear on Golden Girls?
RiRi knows.
ReplyDeleteI get a weird feeling that PK! will soon be the new Olé!
I'm still pissed off from yesterday (though part of that has to do with migraines) so they better light up Vokoun for 5-6 goals and some delicious free wings to make it all better. RDS started with the spotlight on PK. Hearts~!
ReplyDeleteI'd also like them to kick ass for once and beat a team by a huge margin. Please?
ReplyDeleteRDS is now letting 'bergu:(' rip on how Gu:9 is due for his 30th goal. Methinks Pauline Marois should be looking over her shoulder cuz Gu:! could be the next PQ leader.
ReplyDeleteFrench aside.... 30 goals? Isn't that like a huge accomplishment in a season let alone half a season? Ok never mind.
ReplyDeletewake up you fuckers
ReplyDeleteCHicken has avian flu, methinks
ReplyDeleteCHicken has been quarantined!
ReplyDeleteCHickenesse!
ReplyDeleteThat was hilarious.
ReplyDeleteSounds like the game is being played in a northern town.
ReplyDeleteHa! I'm munching on a CHicken wing.
ReplyDeleteKeep eating them wings, Moey!
ReplyDeleteThe weird thing is Moey is munCHing on a Métro CHicken wing!
ReplyDeleteGionta!!!
ReplyDeleteGio!
ReplyDeleteThink I'll have squid on Saturday night.
ReplyDeleteWeaaaaaaaaaak Vokoun. Three more please.
ReplyDeleteI`m thinking quesadillas to jumpstart Gomez!
ReplyDeleteMoey, you may prefer your squid battered and fried but, this, is, wonderful.
ReplyDeleteAlso, permit me to rename my parody to 'Game vs. a southern team' (for some reason methought the Habs flew to flamingo land).
Hilarious.
ReplyDeletejust walked in
ReplyDeletewe're winning? i dont like that 2-0 score. it's bad luck
Yikes! The hit looked fine but sad for that to happen to Booth after what he`s been through earlier in the season...
ReplyDeletemoeman,
ReplyDeleteI can't mix seafood with any type of tomatoe sauce. Bad memories of spending the whole night in the oval office, but I'm sure it's yummy.
29, put the mitts down, have a beer, or 2 and maybe post this tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteMoey, maybe keep the 'toe' out of your tomato, that kinda jam ain't for all tastes.
Feel so bad for Booth. Kid's career is in jeopardy. When a very average hit knocks you out before you hit the ice you have brain trauma.
ReplyDeleteI had a subdural hematoma (spelling is way off) and the slightest shot I take now when I play gives me a headache and thats non-contact...
Prayin for him.
moe just had 6 beers, and that pic is aaaawright
ReplyDeletemoe or should I say mo,
ReplyDeletethat could do the trick.
Moey, moe is a goe as I like the toe.
ReplyDelete29, 6! +2,4
just read the whole thread. so upset i missed out on Bailey Quarters discussion. i have a vivid memory of the ep where people thought she was sleeping with Johnny, and she came to work in his black death t-shirt and tight jeans. SO hot. but i did also enjoy Loni in her prime. what does that make me VTHF?
ReplyDeleteLil' Tits looks real good tonight
ReplyDeleteMcsplooge would call him a MOENster tonight!
ReplyDeleteHeh. HMCS Hall Gill joins the 3-on-1 breakaway. I think I heard a boat horn.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your intermissionary positions.
ReplyDeleteColumbus leads Chicago 8-1... and people think we have a goaltending dilemma
ReplyDeleteWhy does rds call MOEmaN, Treyvez?
ReplyDeleteso a nice, relaxing 2-0 lead into the 3rd period. nothing can go wrong, right?
ReplyDeletea great hip hop version using the taxi theme song. great post and photoshopping as always. brought me back to my youth. can't figure out how to make a clickable link, but it's a pretty good song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfRWA_FukXg
ReplyDeleteUgh... starting to feel dejavu. Up 2-0 and taking endless penalties, along with not being able to put in a fucking third goal.
ReplyDeletegreat... this is becoming an exact replica of last night.
ReplyDelete@huzz
ReplyDeletevery cool.
Well, a 4-on-4 is similar to a PP for the Habs.
ReplyDeleteWhere is Lapierre? Can`t wait to see how the puppets on l`AC defend him...
ReplyDeleteRiRi those are pure wool puppets. They might be itCHy and sweaty but they keep the AC members warm.
ReplyDeleteno prob, i figured it'd be up some of your guys' alleys. @kevin don't worry, they'll get the third goal tonight, and it's going to be someone unlikely like moen. he's played well tonight, like he needed a good saskatchewan farm boy face.
ReplyDelete@huzz: Hope you're right. Being a Habs fan since 94 has drained all optimism out of my soul.
ReplyDelete@kevin, since '94? that's gotta suck. i'm since '78 when i was 3 and the old man would stick me in front of the tv with a little habs sweater for good luck.
ReplyDelete@kc,
ReplyDeleteAnd what pray tell attracted you in '94? Good God, I'm a frustrated seventies glory years the best team on ice fan era.
@kev
ReplyDeleteNow it all makes sense. It's all your fault.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete3, 2, 1 ...
ReplyDeleteFUCK. now im having flashbacks
ReplyDeleteit's the acid, right?
Holy shit!
ReplyDeleteIt really is happening again!
Maybe I'm a masochist?
ReplyDeleteAmazingly, the crowd is not booing. Must not have watched last night's game.
And here we go, fasten your seatbelts.
ReplyDeletehere we go again. fuck.
ReplyDeleteWhether we win or not, is anyone else also increasingly worried about the PP? Reminds me of how it was at the beginning of the year.
ReplyDeleteMeh.
ReplyDeleteOuf!!! 100 career goals for Pleky!
ReplyDeletei feel other teams are mocking us with this early goalie pulling
ReplyDeleteand the empty netter!!! thank god
Wipes sweat bead from brow.
ReplyDeleteHooray. Pleks probably saved at least twenty Habs fans from committing suicide tonight.
ReplyDeleteCollective sighs of relief. Why do they do this to us? Price must be raging.
ReplyDeletewell, maybe not somebody so unlikely to get the third.
ReplyDelete100th for TurtlePleks
ReplyDeleteThat Fonzie is the best coach ever. Pinky Tuscadero you're one lucky girl.
ReplyDeleteWhy was Plek sucking on his stinky glove during the goal announce?
Gio!
ReplyDeletehe deserves that
DeBoer tried to pull a Ruff with that early goalie-pulling...
ReplyDeleteFUCK YEAH BITCHES!!! GIO AGAIN!
Gio wasn't taking any chances. Ha!
ReplyDeleteOwned.
ReplyDeleteor the fourth, fuck yeah giant.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of lucky girls.
ReplyDeleteWhy isn't gastoned therrien coaching in the NHL? or the AHL? or the QMJHL?
ReplyDeleteBerGu): (thx moe) doesn't know what O'Byrne is doing playing with Markov... I actually like the pairing.
ReplyDeleteMichel, just say it, you want that spot for MAB.
Nevermind, Therrien just made that suggestion...
ReplyDeleteRiRi, these guys are on stuff that's better than what HF29 gets.
ReplyDeleteGaston Therrien is absolutely crazy. Crazy.
I hate 2-0 leads...
ReplyDelete@ezzeloharr - I can`t pull my eyes away! Here they go again with the Spacek out, MAB back D psycho talk...
ReplyDelete