Yeah, that's the best place for that chantLook, if the Fucking Habs aren't going to put in any effort, they don't deserve me putting any effort into these previews. No clever gimmick, the minimum amount of research, lazy ass jokes (if any), and a pic that's been sitting on my hard drive. That's what your getting. Blame the Fucking Habs.
So the basics - 7:30 PM start in the Bell Centre. Fucking Habs riding a 5 game losing streak. Love the headline over at Bird Watchers Anonymous. Mad Max is the only Fucking Hab worth watching. Your lines are allegedly as follows:
Kovy - Koivu - Tangy
Pleks with a pair of Tits
Mad Max the Tender Greek
Higgins - Metro - El Dandy
There will also be defense pairings that won't work, and a goalie who can't stop the puck. For your post-game adult entertainment, have sex with your spouse or significant other.
Make sure not to put any effort into your comments
Great lines.
ReplyDeleteThis is it.
It turns around tonight.
did anyone watch the world baseball classic final last night? what a game that was! hope the jays don't suck giant balls this year..again!
ReplyDeletehockey? they're still playing? the habs aren't eliminated yet?
On paper, these lines look terrific. Love it. Just love it. Until the fucking game when they fuck it all to fucking hell.
ReplyDeleteWord verif: mench. Fuck this team, mench.
Wish they'd try Big Tits with Tanguay again...
ReplyDeleteThe turnaround starts tonight.
ReplyDeleteI can't be bothered to post.
ReplyDeleteAh, fuck it.
ReplyDeleteI am parodyless.
ReplyDeleteYou "fans" are the real quitters.
ReplyDeleteGO HABS GO!
I still believe.
PRICE in net tonight.
ReplyDeleteHope he can just manage to give less goals than the O can score.
Cuz he hasn't been bad lately, he just gave away more goals than the O was abble to produce.
Wtv, we don't give a shit anymore, right.
Oops, scratch that last comment.
ReplyDeletePrice is starting tonight.
WHY?
Bob?
What are you thinking?
Bob and his giant hard-on on Price will fuck up whatever was left of this team. Fuck that.
ReplyDelete@James: Thanks. Now I have disturbing mental images of Gainey chasing Price around the dressing room with a giant hard-on.
ReplyDeleteWord verif: Putsmen. As in: The Habs are now just a random group of 23 putsmen.
J.T.- my pleasure!
ReplyDeleteProud purveyor of disturbing mental image pictures since 1983
So apparently Gainey's assignment for Higgins is to shadow Ilya Kovalchuk.
ReplyDelete...
...
...
I don't think I can type enough ellipses to fully express my sentiments on this matter.
SSHF- to be fair, not a single forward on this team is remotely good enough to shadow Ilya Kovalchuk... Except maybe El Dandy. Or Chuck Norris, if he played for us.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I've just passed a FHF ritual or something...
ReplyDeleteAfter more than a year of visiting this site, and scrolling by countless MUCH riskier photos, it's the Go Habs Go underwear shot that has finally gotten me in trouble.
I forgot the fail-safe rule of not FHFing while wearing earphones. Didn't even hear the guy walk up behind me right as that butt showed up on my screen.
... awkward.
Melly - welcome! I clicked over to the site when one of the, uh, more NSFW pics was up... as my boss (who is the embodiment of Grace Kelly grace and poise) walked into my office.
ReplyDeleteVery awkward...
Topic? Higgins shadowing Kovalchuk is a good idea - he's working pretty hard and Ilya tends to be less effective when he's being covered by someone who is outworking him.
As for Price... *Shudder* There's a really funny forward going around Mtl from a "frustrated fan" (sadly it's in French). The last joke in the list: Price a voulu se suicider hier mais le train lui est passé entre les jambes (Price wanted to commit suicide yesterday, but the train went 5-hole)
meh
ReplyDelete@ LG - Haha! There's really no graceful way of explaining yourself either. I stammered and blushed until I matched that girl's underwear.
ReplyDeleteAbout Higgins, I see he's under a bit of fire from the Le 4 Ã 7 crew for his comments about the fans here (the ones who boo are the first to celebrate when we win, this is a city full of GMs and some'll tell you to your face you suck, etc.) Are people uncomfortable because it's true, or because as a player he's not supposed to acknowledge it? Fuck, he's not saying anything that hasn't been said before by media and fans alike.
Habs fans are cranky when their team plays like shit.
Which hopefully they stop doing tonight. I love the TittyPlex line and for some reason I'm feeling optimistic.
why Bob? why the fuck?
ReplyDeleteMelly - I didn't hear about Higgy's comments. What did he say?
ReplyDeleteAnd, dude, he says his dad's a Habs fan. It's not as though this should be surprising to him...
@melly, @LG77 - Just do what I do; adopt the most indignant look that you can muster, and in your most aggrieved, frustrated voice, look them 'em in the eye and say:
ReplyDelete"it's a Habs website. You got a problem?"
The great part is that it's true! You don't even have to feel guilty for lying.
Of course, I work in an office where people throw around links to lemonparty.org (NSFW!!) so that might work better for me than others. Your mileage may vary.
@Melly: I haven't read the comments either but judging by what you've said, shit like that absolutely pisses me off. I love how these players cannot understand that they are absolutely adored and feted when they play well or at least try hard. If Higgy doesn't want someone coming up to his face telling him he sucks MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T SUCK.
ReplyDeleteI (and I think everyone else here) am extremely harsh on my team because I care about them a lot. I make a time investment, a monetary investment and an emotional investment to watch this team game in and game out and I think it's not too much to ask to be able to express how I feel about them, whether that's positive or negative. Habs fans boo because we expect a lot and because we care and love the team.
Go play in fucking Florida, fucking asshole.
I find that really interesting. He must hate the spotlight. I bet he feels really aggrieved when the restaurant offers him a free meal, or his drinks at the club get comped. Poor man, and he's only making 7 figures for the thankless task of playing a sport. And it's not even a spectator* sport.
ReplyDelete* Assuming the sample of spectators across North America
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOn a happier note, who doesn't love Roch Carrier's "The Sweater"?
ReplyDeleteVerification: onsum. As in, Kovy better get onsum offense n' shit.
Is le Dandy playing tonight?
ReplyDeleteDandy's dressed, unless that's stock footage the Thrashers broadcast is using.
ReplyDelete1) Okay, I guess Dandy's not dressed.
ReplyDelete2) Can we also get a delay of game call for that last sequence there as a make up call for that bullshit delay of game against the Sens?
Once again, struggling to get out of our own end and getting barely any shots on go...
ReplyDeleteTANGUAY! A BEAUTY!
I think I need to write more negatively about the Habs...
Dammit, Hamrlik! What the fuck was that shit?
ReplyDeleteWe suck.
ReplyDeleteim out but in front of a computer. cant see the game but see the Fucking Habs have 4 shots. better than 3 i guess
ReplyDeletefuck this game.
ReplyDeleteYawn... same old shit.
ReplyDeleteseason. over.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a decent back-and-forth game. The shots don't tell the full story.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, we're on pace for 12 shots. Ugh.
And Dandy is dressed. Playing his ass off. He would be an amazing player if hockey wasn't played with those pesky puck thingies...
ReplyDeletemeh
ReplyDeleteTanguay with that stupid little grin.
ReplyDeletealright i'm settled in front of a TV.
ReplyDeletethat's good luck!.... in Haiti
great work Higgy!!!
ReplyDelete/has heart attack
STOP WITH THE STUPID FUCKING PENALTIES
ReplyDeletejeebus
@HF29: Yeah, what you said
ReplyDeleteSome soft hands there by Metropolit.
ReplyDeleteAnd in an effort to bleed off some momentum from that beautiful goal, Saku Koivu selflessly takes a penalty.
Bravo, Saku! Rejean Houle (GM version) would be proud.
Of course. It was bound to happen. We don't hold leads, we spot them.
ReplyDeleteFUCK CUBED
ReplyDeleteThey're tearing Carey a new one on the Thrashers broadcast
ReplyDeletemeh
ReplyDelete@kevincrumbs - they can say what they want, because nobody watches them in Atlanta.
ReplyDeletegreat job gillis on the no effort comments!
ReplyDeleteWHY is that man not in Panger's trunk?
ReplyDelete@HF29: meh
ReplyDeletemissing in RDS' "which forward disappoints you most" poll:
ReplyDeletee) all of the above
Wow... a PP goal? I should go buy a lottery ticket.
ReplyDeletewho? kovalev? who's that?
ReplyDeletehey an over the glass PP in our favour for a change!
ReplyDeleteNow that was a Kodak moment, Kovy & Koivu hugging. I liked it alot, it's almost a turn on.
ReplyDeleteI guess since their putting in a bit of effort i could put a bit more ffort into my comments.
ReplyDelete@moey: If that turns you on, that lemonparty.org thing that fezworth talked about would probably work for you as well.
Go Fucking Habs Go
Lets Go Juniors
Double minor. We absolutely need to score on this.
ReplyDeletealright. 4 goals in a game?
ReplyDeleteAnd we do. Now let's just not give up any more goals this period.
ReplyDeleteAtlanta should replace Kari. He sucks tonight.
I smell chicken wings!!!
ReplyDelete@Kevincrumbs: Atlanta shouldn't replace Kari, he sucks tonight
ReplyDeleteGosh I like goals. Especially five of them
ReplyDeleteim having difficulty breathing
ReplyDeleteholy shit what the hell is going on? CJAD says it's like 5-2, that can't be right...
ReplyDeletechicken wings at last
ReplyDeleteHoly shit again Komisarek just did something right?
ReplyDelete@Ian - i saw it. i was too moved to type. a defensive play AND a hit. old komi!
ReplyDelete@Ian: I had that same exact thought.
ReplyDeleteI am so confused. And so irrationally happy.
ReplyDeletewhat is this?
ReplyDelete@gillis,
ReplyDeleteI'm a chick, for a second I wanted to be the cream between their oreo.
word verif - svaten
As in I'm svaten buckets.
Wow, did a Canadien just defend a teammate? What is in the water up in Montreal tonight?
ReplyDelete@Moey: Haha, oops. Sorry about that.
ReplyDeleteis this real?
ReplyDeleteNow that we made it out of the second without surrendering our lead, I'll say it:
ReplyDeleteI want a blowout. I want to see a 9-2 win. Come on Habs, I know you can do it. Don't you just want to take your frustration out on this team?
I want a hat trick for Tanguay AND Kovalev. Come on. And a goal for Komisarek, just to make him feel good.
ReplyDeleteI told you guys that they weren't playing that badly!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteCan we keep these lines forever, Bob? Even the tittyplek is having a good night... Yet they're our weakest line! The weakest link overall is Gui tonight, with Schneider as a close second.
Just don't let them make this a game, boys. Use it as a confidence builder!
Here's the problem - I wasn't supposed to go to game tonight so I didn't bring jeans and my jersey. Am in a shortish skirt and killer heels (yes, I look like a girl tonight). Does this mean I have to dress like this for every game???!!!
a) Carey Price robs Ilya Kovalchuk high on the glove side
ReplyDeleteb) THREE PP goals
c) Kovy 3 pts, Tanguay 4 pts, Koivu 2pts, Markov 3pts
d) Komi makes a good defensive play, then flattens someone, then defends Carey
Someone should tell the broadcasters that they accidentally put on a 2007-2008 replay. Wait... we didn't have Tanguay last year, did we?
I need to see at least another full game of this kind of play for them to convince me. But it's certainly a nice change. Kovy + Tanguay = godly, why was this never tried? I thought Carbo went through every possible combo.
Oh, and Sergei looks great tonight. Andrei still sucky, though less so.
@LG77: Don't fuck with a streak
ReplyDeletemy verif word is: hugmetru
hell i'll throw on a short skirt and killer heels if it means we keep playing like this!
ReplyDeleteverification word - henrdi - as in we seem to be channeling hendri richard tonight
@LG,
ReplyDeleteYes you do, there's nothing wrong with a killer pair of stilletoes, I own several pairs. The guys love them. Do it for our boys.
Na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, GOODBYE
ReplyDeleteHoly fuck.
ReplyDeleteWe have a number one line.
Say it with me people: WE HAVE A NUMBER ONE LINE!!
At least for this game...
I fucking love this game.
ReplyDeleteI smell the Cup, fellas...
ReplyDeleteWord recognition: skinfei
If they lose tonight's game I'm gonna hunt them down, one by one, and skinfei them with my knifei.
i can't keep up
ReplyDeletedoes, like, a Fucking Hab have 5 points in a game or am I hallucinating?
ReplyDelete2 goals, 3 assist for poonTang
ReplyDeleteWeak call on Koivu, but whatever. AK46 got away with a blatant open-ice hit from behind earlier.
ReplyDelete6 goals on 16 shots, not bad.
ReplyDeletei may be getting nervous
ReplyDeleteKoivu has Kovalev's kids locked in his trunk.
ReplyDelete"you will PLAY FOR ME you sonovabitcher"
PP time
ReplyDeleteWas that the beginnings of a KO-VY chant just now?
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Higgy's going to whine and cry about how hard it is to be a Hab after everyone kisses his ass for the next couple of days due to this win?
ReplyDeleteHe still sucks, by the way
Was that actually Breezer just being responsible and breaking up a short-handed rush? Holy fuck who are these guys?
ReplyDeleteAh, the sweet sounds of "Les Canadiens sont la"...
ReplyDeletei still think im hallucinating, but i'll just go with it for now
ReplyDeleteApathy = Wins
ReplyDeleteDon't stop not caring!
Man, I missed the post-win celebratory mugging. Nice to have you back, boys.
ReplyDeleteThe TittyPlex line was a disappointment, I thought they'd be better but what a night for Kovy-Koivu-Tangy!!
Too bad the Rangers won too, I was hoping we could narrow the gap a little.
Onwards and upwards, you Fucking Habs!
The fucking habs won a game. I haven't seen them win since, uh, february 3rd. No joke.
ReplyDeleteThe first post in this thread says it all hombres!
ReplyDeleteThe Habs, like the stock market, have found their bottom and everything is on the muthafukkin rise! Buy now!
Sorry for the swears im excited. How good is our new first line! Oh, theyre good.
Did anyone else love the machine Kovy as he stands up from being kneed and rings it off the crossbar. What a beast!
fuck this fucking team for fucking with my emotions!
ReplyDeleteDammit. Now I have to wear stilettoes and skirts to all games... Seriously - not sure how long I can keep that up. :(
ReplyDeleteKari Lehtonen's save on Alex Kovalev
ReplyDeleteOn the lighter note: How bad was Breezeby tonight? A friend of mine said you could shoot him in the middle of a game and no one would care. Please retire and thank you for your years!
ReplyDelete@ South Shore...I knew it reminded me of something!
ReplyDeleteMake some room on the bandwagon people! 6 goals on what, 19 shots? Imagine what would happen if the Habs actually broke that 20 shot barrier. I didn't see the game, but hoepfully they can build on this. We need to put 5-6 in a row and we have the crappy competition to do that.
ReplyDelete*checks flights back to Montreal for parade in June*
not sure if this has been said but
ReplyDeleteSOUP NAZI TO GAINEY;
"NO Playoffs for you!! COME BACK ONE YEAR!"
-AA
Woo bitches! Free wings!
ReplyDelete