You'll imagine my shock when I started writing this preview and discovered that the Thrash is 4-1 to start the season. You can imagine my non-shock to see the Habs are 2-5. On with the recriminations...Waiting in line details - 7:30 post meridium at the House of Suck I, and it's on TSN. Habs on a five-game losing streak. If they lose tonight, it will be their worst start in 68 years. Woohoo! There's something to get excited about!
Pay your cover charge to - Check out The Blueland Chronicle. Currently features photos of Bob and Doug Mackenzie, light-sabre fighting squirrels, and a moose fucking a miniature statue of a buffalo. My kind of humour.
Hot sexy Habs to watch - credit where credit is due; this year, the former ZombiePleks is your leading point getter and seems to come to play every night. Squid finally got off the schneid Saturday night with his first tally.
Skanky Habs to watch - Anyone on the 3rd or 4th line, most of the defense corps, and the goalies. Anyone else?
Hot sexy Thrashers to watch - Kovy has 7 goals, 2nd in the league after Ovie. Rich Peverly has 7 points, and Atlanta goalies are playing well (especially Ondrej Pavelec), even with main man Kari Lehtonen out with a hip injury. Evander Kane is the Thrashers' star 18 year-old. Thrashers PP best in the league at an astonishing 37.5%.
Skanky Thrashers to watch - no one really. Like I said, they're 4-1.
On the main stage - welcome the next D stopgap measure, Marc-André Bergeron, paired with Mara and working the point on the PP. Metro practiced this week but still isn't ready to go. No other lineup notes as of this writing.
In the VIP Room - and it's finally time to let the expletives fly! Fucking fuck this goddamn fucking piece of shit cocksucking team is sucking a big bag of dicks.
OK that felt good. But truly, my heart isn't in it. The reason that's so is 'cause we really haven't played that badly over the last couple of games. We've outshot our opponents, and haven't looked that terrible except for the final scores. TFS hasn't come up big since games 1 and 2, so I suppose I could complain about that. And Hal Gillis can be a disgrace. But even though Jack Todd says that this whole "blowing up the team" thing is a miserable failure, I'm nowhere near the "fire Bob" camp. Yet.
Post-game adult entertainment establishment - Kamasutra inspires our graphic today. It was the site of HF4's bachelor party and the subsequent immortal lesson, "if you take two girls to the VIP Room with you for a lesbian show, get a firm price in advance."
Let the expletives fly in the comments
man i love those kamasutra girls
ReplyDeleteJack Todd is the biggest bandwagon douche in the gazette. i was happy when he retired, now, he seems to want to give his bandwagon opinion every bloody day, and loves to bash the habs when they are sucking. Im pretty sure hes like 1/18th french, because he sounds exactly like all the frenchies saying the habs need more francophone players. but hey, when they win 3 straight, hes the first to jump back on. someone punch him in the throat for me
ReplyDeleteIs this another night where a Kovy lights it up against us?
ReplyDeleteWV: lygiss: i.e lygiss get this season over with.
If the game is on TSN does that mean we get the hockey "expert" McGuire?
ReplyDeleteCheck out his head coaching stint stats on Wiki:
leading the Hartford Whalers to a 23-37-7 record in 1993–94 before being replaced by Paul Holmgren in the mid-season.
Awesome!
But this is my personal favorite on Wiki:
Despite all of his experience in the world of hockey, Pierre never actually learned how to tie his own skates.
"Kamasutra inspires our graphic today. It was the site of HF4's bachelor party and the subsequent immortal lesson, "if you take two girls to the VIP Room with you for a lesbian show, get a firm price in advance."
ReplyDelete600$ later, I realize that would have been a wise move.
Also, never let a drunken bachelor dictate the terms of the contract, for he will cost his friends 600$.
Wow. 6 bills eh? I was wondering about that cost. Scratches 'lesbians in VIP room at Kamasutra' off of Xmas list.
ReplyDeleteI can just hear Pierre McSplooge tonight: "This team is clearly missing the services of Mike Komisarek."
But you have to imagine him saying that with Komisarek's dick in his mouth.
Cari the fat whale and his new mask what looks like dreemed up by peemple faced, underpant jizzing teenage boy, get to seet on bench on watch my mastery over the other Kovy tonight.
ReplyDeleteJack Todd is still writing? What a fucking hack. I couldn't have been happier when I saw that the Tabloid moron had taken a buyout from the Gaz.
ReplyDeleteAnd I was always quite partial to Gentleman's Choice during my tenure in Montreal.
@4
ReplyDeleteSo does that mean if there were two of me I could charge you $600?
Correction....
ReplyDelete....does that mean I could charge you?
"I can just hear Pierre McSplooge tonight: "This team is clearly missing the services of Mike Komisarek."
ReplyDeleteBut you have to imagine him saying that with Komisarek's dick in his mouth."
ROFLMAO
Hey, you're talking about the next GM don't ya know, at least according to Tony and Mitch on the T990. Speaking of Tony and Mitch, how much do think it would cost to see them do a lesbian duo at Kamasutra? Ugh
Thank you for the kind words, sir. I've always enjoyed this here blog. Keep up your fine work.
ReplyDeleteTrue story: the Canadiens are my favorite Eastern Canadian team.
thx for poping in Mortimer. good luck tonight! well, not really.
ReplyDeletejaro make golie thees game
Speaking of Tony and Mitch, how much do think it would cost to see them do a lesbian duo at Kamasutra?
northern_sooner you are hereby banned for one afternoon for making me sick
This blog needs more squirrels with fucking lightsabers. Also, the Canadiens better fucking start winning or Imma gonna rant all over this fucking place.
ReplyDeleteSo there it is. I guess squid strippers and midgets had to run their course eventually. I guess I'll trash tomorrow's full frontal nudity and get working on those "fucking lightsabers".
ReplyDeleteI'd like to combine the lightsabers and the strippers please
ReplyDeleteMy bad. It should be fucking lightsabres, not lightsabers. But still. FUCKING SQUIRRELS WITH FUCKING LIGHTSABRES? THAT'S FUCKING BRILLIANT!
ReplyDeleteAlthough, strippers also work.
Fucking 10 and his way with words. You had me at squirrels.
ReplyDeleteDone. From here on in, it'll be stripping squirrels. I'm always up for the challenge and I was starting to feel bad for the girls. Just keep BGL away from me.
ReplyDeletePleks, take off your turtleneck…real slow
ReplyDeletePleks, take off your skates…here, I'll take your skates
Pleks, you've taken off your dress
Yes, yes, yes
You can leave your helmet on
You can leave your helmet on
You can leave your helmet on
Goal on over there and turn on the red light…no, many red lights
Now come back here and skate to this 1st star spot…that's right
Raise your stick up in to the air...shake 'it
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live
Media minds are talking
Trying to tear the CH apart
They say that our Habs love is wrong
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
We know what love is
@GG11,
ReplyDeleteStripping bunnies are good too.
awww fuck...runs downstairs to change the PVR to record the game on RDS instead...
ReplyDeleteMoeman - ah, the quintessential stripper song. Well done!
ReplyDeletePleky, pleky, you so sexy...
(Actually, he's not, but it just worked with the song)
Random factoid - it's Halak's pic on today's tix in the season tickets package. Nice that he gets to start... even if his smile on these things is seriously creeping me out.
@lg77, merci, hopefully our Habs don't need 9 1/2 weeks to get things going.
ReplyDeleteWow, on the whole 'disscrimiNation' hype, Joel Bouchard just made the most sense, so far. His best line was for those that rip Team Canada Jrs. for not having enough Québecois. His comment was simply, they, are, winning, Gold(s). He also suggested that the navel gazing should stop and serious mirror gazing should be done. +1
ReplyDeleteJoel Bouchard just made the most sense
ReplyDeletemy head just 'sploded
@HF29, "my head just 'sploded"
ReplyDeleteI agree, that Kamasutra site is quite, erm, inspiring.
@lawyergirl77:
ReplyDeletePleky, pleky, you so sexy...
(Actually, he's not, but it just worked with the song)
I totally just read that to the tune of Notirious Big's Hypnotize, as in:
Pleky, Pleky, Pleky, can't you see, sometimes your moves just hypnotize me...
By the way, I find that Plekanec's sexiness is underrated. He is damn fine.
In the spirit of discrimination...who has won the most amount of stanley cups as coach of the Canadiens? A man from Northern Ontario names Toe Blake.
ReplyDeleteDid anyone else notice that they updated the graphics for the méchants mardis intro? On the first one of the season, they were still using little Koivu and Komisarek look-a-likes, and-- i just bored myself talking about this. can we start winning soon?
ReplyDeletealso: where's coach? please tell me he didn't just get replaced by marc denis
ReplyDeletefinally some giant mexican squid action!
ReplyDeleteThrasher coach looks like Kramer when he roasted himself like a BBQ chicken.
ReplyDelete@GG11, good observation on that. That Seinfeld Kenny Rogers chicken episode is classic. Pass the butter.
ReplyDeleteKenny?... Kenny?... Kenny?...
ReplyDeleteKills me every time.
MAB is wobbly but he don't fall down.
ReplyDeleteColby Armstrong looks 12 years old.
ReplyDeleteToo bad one can't punCH peeair in the face via the toob. mcFucktard.
ReplyDeleteBergeron, the PP specialist (aka the urologist) seems to be giving them a little confidence.
ReplyDeleteNot sure who the ATL player is but sportsmanship shown to Bergeron by asking how he is was nice to see. Put that into the Québecois non-discrimination column (for the pure woolers, they know who they are).
ReplyDeletetwo good periods with players busting their ass.
ReplyDeleteI wont say anything else, too afraid
A little bit of nostalgia, Armstrong's hit on Koivu, Shelly pounding the living shit out of Armstrong. Those were the days. *snif*.
ReplyDeleteOops, s/b *sniff*. I'm beside myself, can't spell.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone remember Peeair's take on when the Pens traded for Hossa to take a run at the 2008 cup? "That terrible move will haunt them for years to come."
ReplyDeleteYup, haunted them all the way to the Stanley Cup. He's just so darn insightful.
eesh
ReplyDeleteUgh...it had to b army too...pass the rye
ReplyDeleteHere's a reason to freak the fuck out: this team isn't playing that badly, but they're still a shitty Hall Gill turnover away from a 6 game losing streak (a turnover I expect will happen in about 7 minutes, with the 4th line on the ice for no good reason). Imagine what things will be like when they start playing like shit.
ReplyDelete1 fucking point, 1 to go.
ReplyDeletePleks isn't wearing the turtleneck anymore!
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! A point!
ReplyDeleteWhy won't the puck go into their net?
@Matt D, I sang that upthread.
ReplyDeleteHard work but these guys can't score more than 1 goal a game and haven't won a game in regulation. Not good.
ReplyDeletenoticed Gord Miller's comment about the GMS line.." for lack of a better name we will call them "the little three"".. WTF they already have a great name, he just has lack of brains for not following FHF. We need to let him know.
ReplyDelete@lehab, the chinless wonder does his usual Habs bash. Its tsn.
ReplyDeleteNot gonna fault em if the SO is fucked.
ReplyDeletebesides little plays for thrashers. his line can be the little three
ReplyDeleteThe Giant part of the Mexican Squid bags the 2nd point.
ReplyDeleteMazel tov
ReplyDeletetoo bad for squid but at least the giant mexican duo put it away!
ReplyDeleteJust got back from the game, and wow, I didn't realize laraque actually skated that badly. I'm remembering the drooling idiot that skated on his ankles that every team had throughout minor hockey.
ReplyDeleteGood job from the boys though. It should have been at least 4-1. I know I saw 2 solid posts hit and about 10 other really solid chances they didn't bury.
One time I almost got my ass kicked at Kamasutra for asking various patrons for cocaine.
ReplyDeleteMy mom wasn't allowed to take me to work anymore after that.
OK so um, we're only going to get OT victories this year I think...
ReplyDeleteWe're back baby!
ReplyDeletePlan the fucking parade!
Good sporting week for Slovakia. They qualify for the World Cup while the Czechs miss out and Jaro beats Ondrej the Czech.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure they're dancing on the streets of Bratislava.