Oh Canada, how we love you. You give us people like Clara Hughes, the greatest flag bearer ever. You give us the CBC, which gave us Hockey Day in Canada. Which we FUCKING HATE. Total cash crab. 12 straight hours of Ron MacLean. And this year it's from Stratford, Ont. Because when you think of Stratford, the first thing that comes to mind is hockey. And it's not even Hockey Day in Canada anymore. Officially, it's now Tim Hortons Hockey Day in Canada. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy scarfing down a ten pack of Timbits as much as the next guy, but if that ain't proof this day is about money, I don't know what is. Don Cherry says it's all about the kids. Yeah, whatever. Why don't you let the kids play in peace on the pond instead of shoving their faces on national TV?But that won't stop us celebrating all that's great about Canada, eh? So grab an Elsinore Beer, stick a very small mouse in the empty and let's do this thing.
Waiting in line with all the other office workers for your double double and Timatin Details - 2 PM start in lovely downtown Kanata. On CBC, obvs. Habs riding a two-game losing streak of Florida crap. Sens riding an eight game winning streak, and looking like the early 2007 season Sens. Jinx! Yeah right. Sens are 3-1 in the season series so far.
Our favourite R.O.C. hoser - SLC said of today's game: "Trap game against a fast fading Habs team coming up tomorrow at the Bank. Ye be warned." Well, he got the fast fading part right.
Hot like the most desirable woman in the world, Montrealer Emmanuelle Chriqui - For the Habs, we have, uh, hmm, mmm, yeah. Jaro maybe? For the Sens, they obviously have benefitted from the return of Alfie and Spezz from injuries. But the Streak started before they were back. And really, they've been getting balanced scoring (even Kovy? Even Kovy. 8 points during the Streak). And really really, they've been doing it with goaltending. Goaltending! The Ottawa Senators! Can you fucking believe that? Brian Elliot is 2-0-0, 0.50, .982 in his last 2.
Cold like, well, like the weather today. Fucking windchill. - Well, until the suck-o-meter gets back below 9 BR's, why don't we just put the whole Habs squad here. For the Sens, I doubt anyone can be cold considering the Streak, though SLC insists Filip Kuba continues to suck a bag of dicks.
Benefiting from universal health care - Jaro 2.0 mysteriously injured his upper body while being out with the flu. That's an impressive feat. Mara is still out as well. Habs have called up Swiss Mister II to bolster the blue line. Big Tits may be dead. Sens pretty healthy. Pascal Leclaire is out, but they don't seem to be missing him.
Post-game adult entertainment - Canadian Hotties of course (NSFW00t!)
And here's a little post-adult entertainment entertainment. Oh Canada, you rock. Er, rap.
Like the timbits. Hate the coffee, dishwater tastes better.
ReplyDeleteAnd why do we always get the matinee on HDIC? I suppose the Leafs get primetime? Fucktards.
I`m scared to watch...
ReplyDeleteMaybe they`ll give us an encore performance of last Saturday and pound them 6-0 (Jaro getting the shutout of course) or maybe the Habs will get shutout 6-0... You never know with this fucking Jekyll/Hyde team. Most likely option B.
@Moey - Totally agree on the coffee. I don`t understand how so many people go crazy over it!
P.S. Jaro starts!
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of Canada, both Pronger and Heatly essentially refused to play for Canadian teams, so why are they representing us in the Olympics?
ReplyDeleteClara is hotter than Emmanuelle Chriqui! I had this dream about her in bed wrapped only in the red and white! At least I'll have Sat night free while the Leafs are sucking coast to coast! I don't know who sucks more: the Leafs or Tim Horton's coffee? Awww Leafs win hands down...sucking for 43 years and counting!
ReplyDeleteAnd Clara's rocking the Farrah Fawcett look. Say no more.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, I think I enjoyed that video.
ReplyDeleteCheck 2:01 for the Habs jersey cameo.
+ a coo-roo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo for the great post 29 and oh so Canadian hoser pic GG!
ReplyDeleteTim's coffee, if one can call it that, is horrible but yes the leaf is even more horrible. Otherwise, I'll have an apple fritter (remember when those use to be like 3 times the size?)
Clara looked/looks positively beaming in front of our flag. Good luck to her and all our Olympians. Um, Gary Lunn, get the fuck out of the picture you fucking leech.
Big Tits isn't dead
ReplyDeleteHe's in rehab with tiger.
I love the coffee :( Only place around Place Ville-Marie I can walk in and my coffee is all ready for me to buy without even asking for it or before I say "hi".
ReplyDeleteAnd BEST PHOTOSHOP EVER.
And the question of the day is not who will start in goal, but rather who will show up. Go you fucking Habs GO!
Looks like Clara is almost under the table. Hang in there Clara!
ReplyDeleteHDIC Game 1 - Work the Sens to Overtime
ReplyDeletebased on this XTC song
Hey, hey,
Habs clouds are grey.
Ottawa's primed for these donkeys,
Like last game we can all sleep safely,
All sleep safely.
My, my,
I love pie.
Gainey's fodder for RDS' cannons,
And the guilty ones won't sleep so safely,
Won't sleep so safely.
Yes our Habs world is out of shape
It's time for me to kick hnic in the face
Tim's I can see, hear, smell, touch, taste
Timbits I'll have one, two, three, four, five
Work the Sens to overtime
Trying to take this hoser HDIC in.
I've got one, two, three, four, five beers
Work the Sens to overtime
Trying to taste the difference
'Tween a twist of lemon or lime
Robbie's pain is our pleasure
The FHF CHurCH belles softly CHime.
Hey hey,
Neil fights gay.
There's Kovy for the stinkers,
And the Sens fans all drive slowly,
All cheer lowly.
My, my,
The paint is dry
More beer for the thirsty,
And the Maudite one's hit you slowly,
OK not so slowly.
And maclean's head is pumpkin-shaped,
Donuts for me to feed my face,
Tim's I can see, hear, smell, touch, taste,
I've got one, two, three, four, five, crullers
Work the Sens to overtime
Trying to take this game in.
I've got one, two, three, four, five, danishes
Work the Sens to overtime
Trying to see the difference,
'Tween a lemon and slime,
Bob Cole's pain is my pleasure,
The FHF CHurCH belles softly CHime.
And these birds might fall from the skies,
And Rhino might give Ruutu black eyes,
And MAB might skid on Scotiabank ice,
But to me it's very, very beautiful
(Canadiens glory!)
Beautiful
(Striking beauties!)
And the Habs world is pants-shaped,
I need a belt to keep mine in place,
Beer I can see, hear, smell, touch, taste,
I've got one, two, three, four, five, Sleemans
Work the Sens to overtime
Trying to take this game in
I've got one, two, three, four, five, Molsons
Work the Sens to overtime
Trying to tell the difference
'Tween the Habs goods and grime
Turds and treasure
And there's one, two, three, four, five, goals
Work the Sens to overtime
Trying to take this OT in
Habs got one, two, three, four, five, PPs
Work the Sens to overtime
Wanna see the difference
'Tween a loss and a win
Sens pain will be our pleasure,
The FHF CHurCH belles softly CHime.
HDIC Game 2 - They're only making plans for Kessel
ReplyDeletebased on this XTC song
They're only making plans for Kessel
They only want what's best for him
They're only making plans for Kessel
Kessel just needs some helping wings
And if young Kessel says he's happy
eyebeleaf can't be happy
Cuz he's just crappy in his work
They're only making plans for Kessel
He wishes he was a Bruin still
They're only making plans for Kessel
Kessel's whole future is worth 25 mil
And if young Kessel says he's happy
PPP can't be happy
Cuz he's just crappy in his work
Kessel is not outspoken
He doesn't like to speak
And loves to not be spoken to
Kessel is crappy in his work
They're only making plans for Kessel
HDIC Game 3 - Oilers and Flamers
ReplyDeletebased on this XTC song
Oilers and Flamers ah ah
now ever so far
from battlefields so glorious
out in a world of their own
No White or Red miles
till once again victorious
Oilers and Flamers will always
be so unhappy 'less they get a win
Oilers and Flamers ah ah
like never before are tired of being winless.
Calling Oilers and Flamers
Oilers and Flamers everywhere
Calling Oilers and Flamers
HDIC Game III is drawing near
Oilers and Flamers ah ah
They're never too far
away from men who did parade
out in a world of their own
They'll never come round
and cry like Gretzky and Messier
Oilers and Flamers ah ah
like never before, overrated and overpaid
Bonus Track - Fun begins at the blog
ReplyDeletebased on this XTC song
Have you learned there's a magical spot at the blog
Come with me to our CHurCH on the FHF blog
There's nuts and tits and meth and beer on tap
A good time had by the boys and girls at the blog
Tell me what do you say
Tell me what do you say
Fun begins at the blog, boys and girls
Prepare yourself for the kidz in their pants at the blog
The hot babe pics, never too young for the barbs at the blog
We'll jive around, make fools of ourselves so why stop
Back next game with more ridiculous fun at the blog
Tell me what do you say
Tell me what do you say
Fun begins at the blog, boys and girls
15 minutes later, i finally finish reading and listening and clicking everything in the last 4 comments.
ReplyDeletei am literally speechless moe. without speech.
ok HDIC let's go!
ReplyDeletego get it over with already
are we getting a 2 man booth of Garry Galley and carbo? im frightened
ReplyDeleteCarbo should give his lucky tie to Count Jacqula.
ReplyDeleteThat Hyundai 'Girl leaves lipstick kissprint for Girl' is so fucking good.
ReplyDeleteok there's bob cole. much, uh, better?
ReplyDeletemoe i just rewound the pvr to Hyundai babes. never saw that before. hot damn.
ReplyDeletei wouldnt call our scoring chance "glorious" bob
ReplyDeleteSomeone should show cole the Hyundai babes ad.
ReplyDeletenicer suit jacques. tie still needs work
ReplyDeleteHF29, not sure if you're an XTC fan but methinks you'll dig this;
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFdyd8oIVYU
Noticeable difference betwixt Kovy's and MAB's offensive skill.
ReplyDeleteWV = hoses
moe cant honestly say i ever thought of myself as an XTC "fan", but either way that is outstanding
ReplyDeletejaro keeping us in it now
This isn't so bad. All we have to do is score one goal in 60 minutes and make sure that they don't. It's the perfect plan.
ReplyDeleteit had to be kovy
ReplyDeletecrap
ack
ReplyDelete@moeman: What a treat for Corporate Sponsored Hockey Day in Canada! I love XTC, although I sometimes forget they exist and go long stretches without listening to them. Andy Partridge is a genius, albeit a weird one, and they're one of the few bands where I like pretty much all of their body of work from the early early stuff to the current stuff. Elvis Costello is usually that way for me too but some of his recent collaborations are, uh, weird.
ReplyDeleteWell there goes that plan. Quick! Google "troubleshooting" in the system book and look up "what to do when you can't score and fucking suck".
ReplyDeleteheh @GG11's dating tips, "what to do when you can't score and fucking suck".
ReplyDelete@KC, sad thing is XTC didn't/couldn't/don't travel and tour.
if it wasn't for the goal against and all those SOG against, i could have lived with the habs in that period
ReplyDelete@moeman: But it just adds to their legend. I think there are some live shows floating around on the internet.
ReplyDeleteJust got back from the garage, had one of those engine empties entire contents of oil all over driveway mornings. I hate when that happens. So before tuning into the game, I started reading here, sucking again eh? Groundhog day. Fuckers.
ReplyDeleteI vote for all HNIC games to be broadcast only in Inuktitut so that we don't have to hear Bob Cole again.
ReplyDeleteif it wasn't for the goal against and all those SOG against, i could have lived with the habs in that period
ReplyDeleteYa, and all that not being good at hockey.
Habs best chance yet bobs voice didnt alter at all
ReplyDeletei feel like with a one-goal deficit and 12 minutes to go on the second period, we're running out of time
ReplyDelete@29 - Ha! So true! I`m nervous already...
ReplyDeleteThey`re getting shutout again, aren`t they?
I predict a big fat shutout. those Habs will never ever score. so annoying, Christ.
ReplyDeleteUgh. Typical 09/10 Habs hockey. Simple play needed to get the puck out of the zone, instead they turn it over, looks like the Sens are on a PP and then we take a penalty to give them a real PP.
ReplyDeleteDo they not practice goal scoring? How does every opposing goalie look like the greatest to ever play the game.
ReplyDeletegame over
ReplyDeleteFuck me.
ReplyDeleteeesh
ReplyDeleteI bet during every HNIC game that Carbo does, he thanks God he's not JM.
ReplyDeleteDid you know? That Filip Kuba is one offensive motherfucker. There's no stopping him. Can't blame it on our team for not stopping him.
ReplyDeleteWell, here's our chance to at least get back into the game.
ReplyDeleteYay! Jeu de puissance au Canadien!!
ReplyDeleteTime to cut the Sens` lead in half, right boys? Right? Right??
If the Sens score SH, I`m turning it off.
is this what hope feels like?
ReplyDeleteChicken!!!
ReplyDeletePleks! Chicken! Whomever!
ReplyDeleteFinally, the crowd comes alive.
ReplyDeleteWV = mosong
Dear God, please don't give up another goal this period.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking that if he keeps scoring like this, we'll need a Pou-Pouliot song to celebrate. (SuSudio? Phil Collins?)
ReplyDeleteTurtleneckSquidChicken!
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck am I watching. Eddie Munster and Gui doing skating drills on RDS. First, who is taking pointers from Gui. Second, does no one see the irresponsibility of McDonald's being an athletic sponsor? Why not slap on a Camel Cigarette ad too? I'm cranky.
ReplyDeleteGG you issed a real nice story of Howie Morenz hosted by Dick Irvin. opposite of cranky
ReplyDelete*missed
ReplyDeleteok cmon you fucking fuckers
ReplyDelete47 remotes and none work. Couldn't be bothered to get up to change the channel. Part of the lethargy I like to call Habs on Saturday afternoon.
ReplyDeleteFucking Sens stop fucking blocking our shots.
ReplyDeletehow long did carbo say it's been without a regular strength goal? forever?
ReplyDeleteChicken is a strong motherfucker.
ReplyDeleteOK this should be more entertaining than the actual hockey.
ReplyDeleteReports that someone wants to buy the Lightning and cut the salary mass.
You know what that means ...
cole, aka the asshole, 'does his job' by asking Carbo about the non story of TFS vs. Vodkov non-story. Asshole.
ReplyDeleteIf Squid is hurt...
ReplyDeleteoh god no. not squid
ReplyDeleteFuck me. I don't know if I can take Squid being hurt.
ReplyDeleteThere`s always next year...
ReplyDeleteHoly Shot that looks like an awful injury.
ReplyDeletePlease God, he`s all we have.
ReplyDeleteIt's his knee/ankle buckling beneath him. That looks nasty...
ReplyDeleteI think I've fallen into a coma.
ReplyDeleteOh look. A knee for a knee. Blech!
Hamr... Jesus!
ReplyDeleteBob Cole all but accusing Max of diving. Fuck off.
ReplyDeleteThe hockey gods owe us a 4-minute PP.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, what fucking penalty did the Habs supposedly get away with, you fucking useless fuck!?
ReplyDeleteeases the pain a bit
ReplyDeleteCome on, Habs! Take that, Bob Cole!
ReplyDeleteThe crowd is alive again.
ReplyDeleteGio!
Hm. Well, I would gladly have taken a loss this game if it means that Squid wouldn't be injured. But I'm happy for a goal nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteSing it with me kidz, Work the Sens to overtime ...
ReplyDeleteI think that I've forgotten what it feels like to score 5 on 5
ReplyDeleteJust when I was thinking to myself that I hadn't seen Darche Vader in awhile...
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jaro.
ReplyDeleteWhat are Gill and MAB doing in OT??? MAB, I get but Gill?? And on at the same time?
ReplyDeleteNevermind, that penalty just answered my question.
ReplyDeleteHaha, Spezza.
ReplyDeleteheh, nice move Spezz-dispenser.
ReplyDeleteWhy is MAB back on the ice? His mistake caused the pen to Gill.
ReplyDeleteaw crap
ReplyDeleteThis will be an interesting end to a game.
ReplyDeleteOh, wait, no. We still suck.
Ugh. Oh well, can anyone really say that we really deserved two points?
ReplyDeleteFUCK.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that I really, REALLY hope that Squid is more or less fine. If it's anything serious, I might crawl into a hole.
ReplyDeleteBetcha TFS starts the next game.
ReplyDeleteTake the point.
Go Canucks!
@kc, yeah I think we deserved at least a point.
ReplyDeleteAnother mediocre point. So average. So plain. So terribly plain. Like Cheese Whiz. You always think it's going to be good but it's terrible.
ReplyDeleteI said win this for Cammy... Now I'm crying for Cammy! T_T
ReplyDeleteNo kneejerk reaction trades please. This season isn't worth losing prospects to save regardless of the chance... They better call up Brock Trotter. (He's the same type of player as Cammy).
But what is it with out team and players without much injury history facing devastating injury once they're here?
@GG, mix that CHeese whiz with some spicy salsa and mic it for a tasty dip.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz...? Cheese Was
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't just Gill and MAB on together in OT, Weber was out there as well. No offense to the kid but if you're going to throw him out in the OT how about giving him some support?.
ReplyDeleteCammy's knee looked real bad, I am not full of hope.
So, if we finished out of the playoffs and end up with something like the 10th pick, anyone know who we might possibly be projected to get? More importantly, have we thought of nicknames for this unnamed player and know about his KD preferences?
ReplyDeleteWe are now a lottery team...
ReplyDeletethe Maritimer
I really hope this doesn`t mean D`Ags is coming back up. I mean he`s allowed another 3-4 games on his conditioning stint... He desperately needs them. Maybe they`ll give Brock Trotter a chance. It only made sense that the only Top 6 forward to not miss any games this season got injured.
ReplyDeleteFun Fact: Cammy is third in 5-on-5 goals, right after Crosby and Ovie. Ugh. The good news just keeps multiplying.
Well, if it makes anyone feel better, Foligno is out 6-8 weeks with a broken leg after blocking a shot...It didn't help me out at all, but who knows.
ReplyDeleteChenny13 - I'm actually surprised with all the shots Slippy has sent into people's shinpads that this is the first broken leg.
ReplyDeleteYea it's cliche, but I can name a bunch of players on this team that now need to step the fuck up. And I'm not talking about the fucking goalies either.
kevincrumbs - Nino Niederreiter?
I think we can all agree on a trade the Bob needs to work on before the deadline...
ReplyDeleteTwitter is exploding about the Laffs trade... Heck "Giguere" and "Leafs" are trending worldwide. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteWaiting for RDS/Franco media to start bitching about how BG needs to do something like this/should have done something like this weeks ago/should have traded one of our goalies to the Laffs for Beauchemin (snort)/BG sucks blah blah blah... in 3...2....1...
holy crap you go out for a few hours and Toronto explodes
ReplyDeletePhaneuf, Komi$arek, and "The Monster", all on one team? TSN better be stocking up on towels...
ReplyDelete(hey, does this mean we get to make sloppy seconds jokes about the Laffs? AWESOME!)
+1 Ronan. Heh. They should just rename Toronto to McSploogeville.
ReplyDeleteI guess they Leafs will now only loose their games 1-0.
ReplyDeleteJason Blake, Matt Stajan, Niklas Hagman and Jamal Mayers out... Leaves them with Kessel and Gravolski to score goals.
@LG77: Yeah, that's my worry too. I hope that BG doesn't feel any need to make a trade for the sake of it, unless it's to ship out $$$$ contracts for picks.
ReplyDeleteThe Leafs had the 29th best team in the league, no draft picks in the foreseeable future, and not too many prospects.
ReplyDeleteThe only bright spot was their cap space for next year, which would have allowed them to sign some free agents.
Now they don't even have that.
HA HA HA HA.
Jason Blake still won't get a suntan in Anaheim.
ReplyDelete