Ah, the All-Star break. A time when 1% of the league gathers for a useless 14-11 game and some photo ops, and the other 99% of the league does something else (hookers and blow). With all the Habs but TFS having a week off after tonight, we thought we'd provide a couple of handy suggestions as to how they should spend their time.
PatCHes - chest protector shopping
The Mexican - mentally prepare for traditional second half points explosion; alternative - meeting with financial planners
MOEmaN - dig up more dirt on CHokula to regain top 6 forward status
Tits - studying for kindergarten equivalency degree
Tommy Pyatt - actually get in some ice time
Hal Gill - potluck dinner preparation
PFK - attend Homer Simpson Showboating Academy for additional ideas to really piss Don Cherry off
Entire defensive corps - knee-strengthening exercises, and lots of 'em
Alex Auld - get kick-ass head tattoo
CHokula - sign up for "Get in Touch With Your Emotions" seminar at the Holiday Inn by the airport
CoaCH Kirk - resumé writing workshop
PleXXXe - beach time. You've earned it. Like you earned an ASG invite you didn't get, because the ASG is biased against two-way players.
OK let's set up the Phucktards with a little help from some other All-Star Games from around the world of sports.
Waiting for defense in an NBA ASG - 7:30 PM start in Philly, on Versus for all you 'Mericans. The Flyers are probably the best team in the league right now, and these are arguably the two hottest teams in the league in 2011. Flyers have gone 9-2-0 in January, while the Habs went 6-1-3 over the same span. This is the fourth and final meeting between the teams, the Flyers holding a 2-1 edge. A win would tie the Habs' point total with the Bs, though the Bs would have one game in hand.
Like the WNBA ASG; you really don't want to watch, but you can't turn away from the giant freaks - I expect some Broad Street Hockey drop-ins tonight. Play nice everyone!
Hot like Pete Rose barreling into
As useless as the Pro Bowl - given the teams' respective January records, it's no surprise that neither team has any really bad players right now. I just wanted to write that the Pro Bowl is useless.
If you get injured in an ASG you're either Ted Williams,
Post-game adult entertainment - All-Star Porn Girls! (really very completely totally NSFW)
Are you an all-star commentor? Prove it.
I haven't even read it yet but...
ReplyDeleteShirtless hockey players!!!
I enjoyed the segment on what the team should do with their time off, though you guys are pretty harsh when it comes to big tits.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why PK hasn't been on the Simpsons yet? He needs to do something that will really piss off Cherry.
How can you say the ASG selection is biased when Kessel gets picked. FUCK?
Phucking Phylers :o(
GYFHG
WV - "filla" as in "Filladelphia sucks."
Hey soperman, I think a nice little anti-military rant by PK would be enough to make Cherry's head explode. Or at least wear his 'hood' to the next Coach's Corner.
ReplyDeleteAlso, what are the chances of RoboPM sending any of that $1,000,000,000 to the Halifax area for a stadium for the Women's World Cup (and then a CFL team)?
The odds of winning the $50,000,000 LotoMax is 1:85,900,584 and I figure the odds are slightly less than this for stadium funding from Harper.
Anyway, GYMFHG!!!!!!!!! (that's 9 !'s)
Great Suggestions but you missed,
ReplyDeleteChicken -shoot the puck blindfolded at the garage door until you can hit the panel you visualized. Fucking let your fucking shot at the fucking net.
Lego -get pictures of Chocula, and complete the special Stanley Cup Lego in chrome package.
Double D, Aka Mini Mex aka CHcup. Buy Denis Savard a months supply of Native rollies and gets some tips on how to play big while small.
SChrabble - write a travel guide comparing Hamilton and Montreal.
Squid - total immersion in the Star Wars universe, the force Squid use the force.
Vodkov - just stay at a liter a day till playoffs, consult Doctors about just cutting the knee out and going with a plastic one.
Swiss Miss II - run around the house with eggs in your pocket, if you break one you have experienced contact.
Giant - carry double d on your shoulders every day.
Orange Pylon - get assistant coach stenciled on your side, cause your Mullers replacement.
Rink doubters, if they dont build the rink where will the Quebec Olympic hockey team practice?
This is a very serious match, if Montreal looses, go for the first round draft pick, cause Habs World can not take another Flyers fucking in the playoffs.
ReplyDeleteWe want PK to make Cherry's head explode how about in an interview:
ReplyDelete"My athetist friend and I were at a vegan potluck at a Islamic community centre in support of free needle exchange and condom distribution at elementary schools around Ground Zero. When our conversation about the unethical use of waterboarding and wiretapping ended with us agreeing that Canada's military presence in Afghanistan is illegal, we turned to our mutual admiration of Saku Koivu and how Europeans have definitely improved the game of hockey by challenging the instigator penalty and abolishing the ridiculous code only thugs follow. After we celebrated the widespread use of visors by high fiving in front of people who disagreed with us we visited a library in the gay village to attend a reading of the Koran in Spanish by Sinead O'Connor. Also, fuck the Briuns and Fuck the leaf. PRIMETIME."
@Steve,
ReplyDeleteAgree, I am tired of watching the phucktards run roughshod over the smurfy Habs with Drabcula writing his memoirs behind the bench.
The Habs best hope to advance is to finish 6th or 7th and let Atlanta (big Buf) soften up the phuckers as much as possible and possibly eliminate them from the picture altogether. Then it's wide open to the Finals for anybody.
wv = testing...anybody home?
Wasn't it amazing that Bob Fosse was able to win an Oscar for directing Cabaret two years after being knocked out of the All-Star Game?
ReplyDeletebob cold will now be known as bob fossil.
ReplyDeleteI always though Ray Fosse was a great dancer
ReplyDelete@GG: Thanks. :D
ReplyDelete@o-man
ReplyDeleteBravo!!!
GYFHG!!
.. and nobody get hurt!
Steve and o'man are the all-stars in this thread so far
ReplyDelete29, what do/will they win?
ReplyDeletemeth ice cream of course
ReplyDeleteOkay, now, I read it. Shirtless hockey player (kinda)!!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I'd love nothing more than to send the Flyers on their way for AS break with a loss. Hopefully, they've checked out already like when they lost 5-0 against Florida right before Xmas break.
Also, here are my plans for AS break. 1. Stalk and find Kirk Muller. 2. AttaCH self to his ankle. 3. Never let go. 4. Ever, I mean it.
GYFHG!!!
P.S. Are we doing that whole Flyers mind-fuck thingy again?
some commenters injured or saving themselves for playoffs I guess
ReplyDeleteFootage of the Price & PK bromance!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've mentioned it before, but a friend of mine recently adopted the dog she later found out was used with Cherry in a commercial of his. Apparently he really liked the dog and even re-named him. I should mention this friend is a lesbian social worker who spends her days with drug addicted sex workers. She is planning on sending this information along with pic of her and her lover with the dog to Cherry.
ReplyDeletePRIMETIME.
@iRi - that vid is awesome!
ReplyDeletePFK: "I'm just prettier"
TFS: "Hey Denzel, keep it down over there"
and they dance! and hit the buffet table together! we need a full 30 minute sitcom starring these two
YAY! Nice pic GG, I needed that. I had a dream last night about Antonio Banderas.
ReplyDeleteHilarious that some dumb leaf gets punched in the face and all of toronto sports media is in a tizzy. Fucking self-aggrandizing morons.
ReplyDeleteI'm with iRIRI.
ReplyDeletecan't get past a mostly naked PleXXXes!
OMG I'M GETTING MY KEYBOARD ALL WET!!!!!!
@29 - I know, righhht?! I'd pay to watCH that. Seriously, who do I write the CHeque to? We could call it... Help me out here.
ReplyDeleteI got a hundred titles Ri, but they all sound racist somehow. We'll have to go with something straightforward like "PK and The Saviour". It sort of sounds like "BJ and The Bear", but I'm not sure if that's a good sign
ReplyDeletei think femmes they're talkin beefcake not bromance
ReplyDelete@orangeman + many for all the touchstones you trampled on. For example when Irish Catholic Sinad Occner was on SNL and she ripped the photo of the Pope to shreds, did she know he had written a memo saying, molester priests are not to be reported to the secular authorities.
ReplyDeleteNow that all the Tunisian royalty are living in Montreal, can we at least expect cheaper gas prices?
@29 - I like it but it needs a "24/7" thrown in. I mean, surely HBO will want to get behind this.
ReplyDeleteAlso, pretty sure Don CH(?)erry would have an aneurysm if this ever happened.
I NEED A PUCK DROP ALREADY
ReplyDeleteall games should start at 7. i need to be in bed by 10. plus the Hplyers just make me crotchety
1. Kulemin is a dumbass who deserved to get punched in the chops. If he got a broken nose for his trouble, all the better. Uppity Russians have to learn their place.
ReplyDelete2. The show should be called "Brothers in (Each Other's) Arms.
3. Muller can't go. That would be wrong because he's the only connection left with '93.
4. With GG's 'shop skillz, why would she stop at "nearly" nekkid Pleks? That's just teasing.
wv: I hope the Habs remember to cover the tralar on all those Flyers rushes.
GYFH!
ReplyDeleteBrothers in (Each Other's) Arms
ReplyDeletewe have a writing team!
*Phlyers btw, in case that wasn't obvious. less scotch 'n meth, 29
FINALLY a puck drop. GYFHG KILL THOSE PHUCKTARDS
we've beaten them once this year we can do it again.
ReplyDeleteGYMFHFG
Renaud Lavoie just tweeted this: "Durant mes entrevues "warm up" M. Darche s'amuse à me donner des coups de bâton là où ça fait mal. Il dit que ça porte chance à son club."
ReplyDeleteI'm slightly disturbed but... hey, whatever it takes!
I'll gladly whack Renaud Lavoie with a stick if it helps
ReplyDeleteoh great fights already
pile up - must be Philly
ReplyDeletehehehe PFK has booing status in other arenas. awesome
ReplyDeleteGomez shoot for fuck's sake
ReplyDeletewe have some jump. this is a good hockey game
ReplyDeleteoh Tits. not bright
ReplyDeleteoh c'mon it's just an arm
ReplyDeletewhy are the habs still determined to give opponents 5 on 3?????
ReplyDeletefuckin why?
great another one
why not let the phucktards just take potshots atPrice
yes, MORE penalties! pfk has to sit on the floor in the box
ReplyDelete5-on-2 IS POSSIBLE?!?
ReplyDeletewell that wasn't surprising
ReplyDeleteFUCK
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to watch for a while or I might break something
CRAP
ReplyDeleteis it still a 5 on 3?
FUCK.
ReplyDeleteIt's time for JM to start breaking things on the bench.
ReplyDeleteooh pfk that was close
ReplyDeleteexcept for the last 4 minutes, great period!
New suggestions for how they should spend their time off:
ReplyDeleteWiz - To purge his inner-Komisarek.
Rest of the team - TO STOP TAKING STUPID PENALTIES.
Hal Gill - To be meaner in front of the net 'stie...
What did I miss?
ReplyDeleteFuck Francois Gagnon and fuck RDS. I can't stand looking at the sorry lot of them far less listen to their shite. I've muted it. No Habs TSN until Feb 15th. FUCK.
ReplyDeleteI hate François Gagnon... Last time he "scooped" something, the season went to hell. That fucker has no idea when is an appropriate time to release "news" (and frankly not naming your sources in such an article smells of speculation the size of Eklund).
ReplyDeleteRangers are losing - that's a good thing and makes up for this game
ReplyDeletewell that was quick. FUCK
ReplyDeletemaybe I'll watch the State of the Union speech. less painful
WTF? I barely got back in time to watch the 2nd and it's 3-0? 3 TO FUCKING 0?!
ReplyDeleteLooks like they've already given up. Pylons are supposed to be orange, guys.
ReplyDeletewait how did it become 3-0 already?
ReplyDeletedamn it blink and the game is practically out of reach..
but not for our new come-from-behind Habs, so
GYMFH - have Philliards for dinner
Oh great, CJAD is about 5 seconds ahead of the play, Progner scored long before he had the puck. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteProgner? Never mind.
ReplyDeleteShirtless PleXXXe heXXXe?
ReplyDeleteJust want to say, I FUCKING HATE THE FUCKING FLYERS.
ReplyDeletethr system @ work...
ReplyDelete@31,
ReplyDeleteYou're so right. Gionta, Markov, the tit brothers and so on. He gets paid to piss off Habs fans.
Just clear the rink and let the Flyers go 1-on-1 with Price. Oh wait, they already are...
ReplyDeletemcsplooge going apeshit yet?
ReplyDeleteFlyers are one of only 2 teams this season to not have won a game by shutout. Oh, the other team, you ask? The leafs, of course!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletemini double D!!!
ReplyDeleteDD! And then another post.
ReplyDeleteI went away to eat and masturbate and we scored. I'll do it all night if I have to!
ReplyDeleteWow, it's really weird to hear the goal and then watch the play catch up on the ice.
ReplyDeletelovely they score after I stop paying attention.
ReplyDeleteglad to see they haven't given up.
(I should read my own posts)
VW - cklene
ReplyDeleteI hope 29's oven mitts are cklene.
TOO MANY MEN IS YOUR PROBLEM JACQUES!
ReplyDeleteand the Rangers tie it up too
ReplyDeleteTOO MANY MEN AND HAMR ON YOUR PK IS ALSO A PROBLEM JACQUES!
ReplyDeleteAll Habs over the All-Star break - practicing counting to five
ReplyDeletePrice leaves the ice with the weight of the world on his shoulder, wishing the game was already over
ReplyDeleteand hopefully coming p with ways to smack all Flyer players @ the ASG
Equipment manager was confused as to why there was an order for Sesame Street DVDs. Now he understands why...
ReplyDeleteGood one Esther.
ReplyDeleteWhite looking for something. Ref says no. Now bugging Richards heeheehee...
ReplyDeletephucktards can't sing
ReplyDeletec'mon patch hit phucktard HIT HIM FOR FUCK SAKE!
ReplyDeleteDarche uses the power of the Dark Side.
ReplyDeleteLoved how Patches, bad ribs and all, was the first one to stand up for DD.
Let's look on the bright side, if they own us during the reuglar season we'll surely beat them in a playoff round, riht? *laughs hysterically, pours another drink*
ReplyDeleteI'm sick of Bobrovsky
ReplyDeleteHabs have no idea how to handle life with an empty net behind them.
ReplyDeletePat Hickey had it right, in not so many words, there was no sense of urgency in the room to beat the Flyers and Price's head was up his all star ass this morning.
ReplyDeleteStupid Habs, this was a measuring stick.
This game was a psyche...Yes. I know it. The System will kick in when we see the phucktards in the playoffs.
ReplyDeletephucking phans can't phucking sing. At least if you want to poke, make it right!
31, the Habs have no idea how to handle life with an empty net in front of them, either. I'm always amazed at how they fail to score on it the rare times it makes an appearance.
ReplyDeleteFuck the Phlyers and their dirty asses.
ReplyDeleteSee you in a week.
phuck the phlyers and their dhirthy hass
ReplyDeletehasses
ReplyDeletearses
ReplyDeletefuck em. no congrats
ReplyDeleteFuck You Flyers.
ReplyDeleteFuck You Martin.
everyone else.... have a great all star break!
well tried not watching or posting in the hopes that I could break the PHucktard curse but to no avail.
ReplyDeleteNow looking at the stats I see that insult has been added to injury as PHuckPHace Carcillo scored and we got a too many men on the ice penalty and our PK sucked hind tit.
I think this team has hope but first we have to find a way to kill the PHucktards.
I'm going to go sit in the corner an cry now......