LG77 should be along soon with a big Rangers review / preview of tonight's Pens game. But since we're up early, we figured we'd take the opportunity to post long-form video highlights after a win. It moved the Habs up to 7th in the East. Two more notes: God the Sens are terrible, and the Leaf is hot. Ugh.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
PK on Broadway: Rangers Game Preview and Open Thread
Curtain, Lights: 7:00 pm at the "World's Most Famous Arena" (cough, cough - not because of you, Rangers - cough cough) on RDS, actual full nation TSN, and the MSG network. Habs have actually won three of four, while the Rangers have taken three straight.
Names above the marquee: Do you get the feeling PK would be on a Times Square billboard already if he wore a Ranger's jersey? At the very least Don Cherry would love his moxie rather than call him uppity. Eyes are on him and the Whizzer (6 points in 6 games as a Hab) as nearly the last men standing on the Habs blueline. Scott Gomez (he of the 13 points in his last 12 - it's true!) returns to where he signed his massive contract in the first place. He should be up for this. All Star Carey Price is always center stage because this team can't score, but it looks like understudy Alex Auld goes tonight. Understudy Lars Eller also gets a game in place of lead tenor Squid. For the Rangers, Brandon Dubinsky is the new Ron Duguay, leading the team in scoring and swooning ladies in the crowd. Marian Gaborik is ever dangerous but currently ice cold. All Star King Henrik Lundqvist remains one of the NHL's best and All Star Marc Staal is quickly becoming a game-changer on defence.
Bit players: Rangers made a move for some offence to cover for the season ending injury of Alex Frolov by acquiring Wojtek Wolski for "much-maligned" defender Michael Rosival. With all New York's injuries, guys like rookie Derek Stepan and Artem Anisimov have been getting some valuable minutes. Captain Chris Drury will never live up to his contract (signed the same day as Gomez) but Rangers fans seem to have accepted him. Habs need much more from supposed headliners Pleks and Big Tits; both are in prolonged slumps and there isn't a lot of help coming from the bottom two lines so it's far more noticeable.
Your understudies will be: Weber is in because Markov and Gorges are out for the year. Eller is back in as Squid fights off "flu-like" symptoms. Rangers could cast an entire production with their injury list, as Vinny Prospal, Derek Boogard, Ryan Callahan, Erik Christensen and Alex Frolov are all definitely out, and former Habs first-rounder Ryan McDonagh is questionable. Wolkski may have to play defence and wing to make up the shortfall.
Playing the fool as always: Sean Avery. Still around, still an asshole. Sigh.
Scathing reviews courtesy of: Interesting look at the business of hockey through the Rangers over at BlueSeatsBlog. Wait, there's a blog that isn't run by snarky, photoshopping weirdos with a penchant for swearing? Yep. Good for them.
Aprés show entertainment: Um, it's New York. If you can't find something to do aprés show in New Freaking York, I can't help you.
The Game Day Skate for Tuesday, January 11th
Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of winning the national CHampionship...
- Screw you you stupid Pens. Pens lead the Bs 2-0 going into the third; final score, Bs 4, Pens 2. Pens still winless since Sid went out;
- To make your morning worse, the Laffs win their 3rd in a row, 3-2 over the Kings;
- Long-lost Hab Matt D'Agostini has 1G 1A in a 4-3 loss to the Yotes, putting the Yotes into the top 8 in the West;
- Jimmy Howard was pulled in the Wings' 5-4 loss to the Avs;
- It's a spelling nightmare trade: Rangers send D Michal Roszival to the Yotes for Wojtek Wolski;
- Alex Kovalev is out with a bum knee;
- Squid is puking his guts out or something and won't make it to the Big Apple for the Rangers game tonight.
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Morning Skate for Monday, January 10th
Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of 45 tonnes of beer...
- Devils 6, Bolts 3. We really don't understand this league any more;
- The Canes are nipping at the heels of whoever is in 8th in the East after a 4-3 (OT) win over the Thrash;
- Stars are hot, beat the Wild 4-0. At least the Little Fuckity-Fuck didn't score;
- Our old friend Greek Lightning got 6-games from the NHL Wheel of Justice for his hit on Brad Stuart;
- Puck Daddy sums up HBO's Pens-Caps 24/7 series with their top 24 greatest things about the show. If TMS may stick his nose in for the moment, this was 4 of the most entertaining hours of TV we've ever seen and you should all go fucking see it, for fuck's sake;
- Stubbs rehashes "the shove" and its aftermath from The Mexican's (comedic) point of view;
- JT has the Lord speaking to CHokula.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Um... Holy shit?! Game Recap: Habs 3 - Bruins 2
(I'll admit it, this was the look on my face when the game when into OT... Pass the humble pie)
With about 5 minutes left in the game, I turned to Mr. LG77 and started brainstorming ideas for what to write for today's game review. I even got a good chunk of my section to make frowny faces at the TV time out so that I could post it as the game picture. We started to sketch out the broad lines of an open letter to the Habs' coaching staff or a ransom note for our offence...
And then, well, the Habs scored a goal. No big deal, there's no way we'll score in the last minute of the...
And then, well, the Habs tied the fucking game and sent it to OT for the 4th straight game.
And then, well, the Habs won the fucking game.
I'm still in shock, as are the legions of Bruins fans who attended last night's game. At first, they were like Leafs fans: crawling all over the place like gnats, prone to nonsensical chanting, douchey posturing and, worst of all, shitfaced off $10.10 (fucking TVQ increase) beers by the time the puck finally dropped.
Boston, I expected more from you.
During the game, at least, you were well behaved. You were even very loud during both Bruins goals... so much so that I think the spotlight guy got confused for a few seconds as he briefly turned on the spotlight to follow Patrice Bergeron around after his second goal.
But then, well the unthinkable happened: Bruins fans were stunned to see that their team was collapsing right before their eyes... Habs fans were stunned to see that their team was manning in the fuck up right before their eyes.
And then, when Max-Pac scored in OT, well... I'll let you see it for yourself:
You can hear me saying "quesséça" and "câlice" and Mr. LG77 and I discussing the Habs' lack of speed through the neutral zone... followed by my bloodcurdling scream, right before I clicked on the wrong button on my iPhone and shut it off (before quickly turning it back on again).
You'll also see a bit of the post-goal scrum that ensued. The game recap over at nhl.com seems to want to say that Max-Pac shoved Chara and that's what started the scrum. Doubt it, but I can see why they would put that in as part of their "Dirty, Cheapshot Habs" narrative.
For what it's worth, all of the Boston fans to whom I spoke said that they were impressed at how well Habs fans were treating them... especially the ones who got a bunch of Canadian Club (natch) shots from my friends and I after the game, while they were sitting at their table, quietly and solemnly nursing their yard 'o beer.
As we said to them: Gentlemen, we feel your pain. We understand the collapse. But for now: SUCK IT BITCHES, THE DIRTY Bs LOST! HA!!!! WOOOO!!!! OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!! PLAN THE FUCKING PARADE, ad nauseam, ad infinitum.
I hope this is a sign of good things to come for the Habs and that they'll use this win to build some momentum. Based on the first 55 minutes of play (in which Price was hung out to dry, again) I'm not sure. Yes, they outshot the Bs, but none of those shots really tested Timmeh Thomas as much as they could have/should have. And 4 OTs in a row now? The fact that the games are so close isn't necessarily a good sign for the Sainte Flannelle, mes amis...
But, hey, for now, we'll savour our 2 points over the Bs and move on to the next game, bracing ourselves for another collapse, hoping that, instead, the Habs may find a way to get momentum back on their side.
Saturday, January 08, 2011
What me worry? ~ MAD Bruins Game Preview and free fold-up thread
One Exceedingly Fine Time to be the Canadiens' CoaCH ~ Alfred E. Martin can't get any luck. No scoring, no Vodkov, no Gorges, no love, no powerplay, no problem? meh, JM has a system, time for the team to play it.
Not so Top Secret ~ TFSpy™ vs. ThomaSpy
Free Carey Price Poseter ~ I agree with Sweet Daddy Kane
Cracked! ~ Josh, Marky, Habs' PowerPlay
Amazing Inventions:The Strip Club ~ Boston doesn't have any, this place is fun
Scenes we'd like to see ~ A too many men on the ice penalty that decides the game for Montréal
Believe it or Nuts! ~ Bruins Blog
The MAD Academy Award ~ for impersonating a goal scorer ~ The Do It Yourself CHicken!
Badly-Needed Warning Label ~ Playing defense for the CH can be ruinous to your knees
Fold it HF29 style ~ if you made it to end of the post, nice going, now print this page and fold to reveal what 29 actually does with his ovenmitts (nice Holiday beard!)
Song based on a popular tune ~ 'One Step Beyond!' by MADness (yes, I thought of doing 'MAD World' by Tears for Fears but this one was shorter and I'll save my primal streams for gametime).
Hey you, don't watCH that
WatCH this!
This is the heavy heavy Pants! sound
The nuttiest sound around
So if you've come in off Ste. CHaterine Street
And you're Habs are beginning to feel the heat
Well listen you fucking busters
You better start to move your feet
To the rockinest, rock-steady beat
Of MADness
One step beyond!
G Y F H G!!!
Friday, January 07, 2011
This random incoherent Sexy Friday post includes video, Josh Gorges, clinical depression, tits, Habs 2 Pens 1 (SO), more tits, etc., etc.
So here's a little inside into the functioning of FHF. Backstage, if you will. Yours truly was scheduled to write the review of the Pens-Habs tilt last night. No problem, done it a million times. But then yesterday a 5 à 7 turned into a 5 à 8 turned into "let's go grab a bite" turned into post-dinner scotCH turned into, well, quite a while after puck drop. Point is, your faithful reviewer arrived home around 10 PM, just in time to see Tits totally flub his shootout attempt. But then he saw CHicken use his sweet and tangy big wing to score one of those shootout goals that brings a tear to your eye. And TFS doing a gangsta pose. 2 points! But what about the rest of the game, what did I miss? Let's go to the long-form video highlights after a win:
God is that Dave Randorf doing Habs play by play? I think I'm happy not to get TSN Habs (all kidding aside, Dave actually seems serviceable, which is a step up for TSN). So in these highlights I see TFS, CHicken, and a failed 2-man advantage. That about sum up this game? Hey, two points is two points. And the Bs lost. We may see 3rd place yet!
Now, want to be depressed? Did you hear about Josh Gorges being out for the season? Who manufactures Habs' defensemen's knees anyway? We demand a refund. So that makes our #1 D, uh, Hamr? Plan the parade, bitCHes! Our D may now be beyond depressing. Pass the Zoloft. You know what really CHeers me up? Dallas Stars Ice Girls in bikinis. Here they are in their annual "going to the lake" video, 2010-2011 edition:
Yes it's Sexy Friday kids! Let's finish off (so to speak) in tribute to the NFL playoffs this weekend with the Eagles Cheerleaders in bikinis, some Saints Cheerleader cleavage, and Jets coach Rex Ryan's wife's foot fetish videos. I love football.
God is that Dave Randorf doing Habs play by play? I think I'm happy not to get TSN Habs (all kidding aside, Dave actually seems serviceable, which is a step up for TSN). So in these highlights I see TFS, CHicken, and a failed 2-man advantage. That about sum up this game? Hey, two points is two points. And the Bs lost. We may see 3rd place yet!
Now, want to be depressed? Did you hear about Josh Gorges being out for the season? Who manufactures Habs' defensemen's knees anyway? We demand a refund. So that makes our #1 D, uh, Hamr? Plan the parade, bitCHes! Our D may now be beyond depressing. Pass the Zoloft. You know what really CHeers me up? Dallas Stars Ice Girls in bikinis. Here they are in their annual "going to the lake" video, 2010-2011 edition:
Yes it's Sexy Friday kids! Let's finish off (so to speak) in tribute to the NFL playoffs this weekend with the Eagles Cheerleaders in bikinis, some Saints Cheerleader cleavage, and Jets coach Rex Ryan's wife's foot fetish videos. I love football.
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Habsbuzz Exclusive Malkin to Montreal? - Pittsburgh Game Preview and Open Thread
It's no secret that the Habs are struggling and they need a big centre, and as Habsbuzz knows, Malkin needs to be "the man" on his own team. Habsbuzz knows this because that one time Malkin scored a lot of points when Sidney Crosby was hurt and so therefore Habsbuzz's brilliant hockey mind deduced that Malkin wants out of Pittsburgh to be the man on his own team. But with Crosby entrenched at number 1 in Pittsburgh (and fresh off a 50 points in 25 games streak) and Jordan Staal back from injury, the Pens can move a centre for Crosby's wingers, even though Chris Kunitz had 3 goals last night and Crosby is tearing the league apart with Kunitz and Dupuis as his wingers. Listen, Habsbuzz doesn't claim its rumours make sense, or that we are even thinking before we write shit. We just make up ... er, report what our many, many, very highly respected and mysterious sources tell us. Lots of respected sources who speak to us unqualified, anonymous bloggers ALL THE TIME.
It won't be a trade of Carey Price for Marc-Andre Fleury, because new All-Star Fleury and the currently struggling Price (4.14 GAA and .833 SP in his last two) aren't being mentioned in the rumours my respected, well-connected sources are discussing. It also won't be injured Canadiens defenders Andrei Markov (out indefinitely) or Josh Gorges (sore knee) or crocked Pens Mike Comrie (hip surgery, out indefinitely), Eric Godard (day-to-day with broken nose) or Alex Grant (broken wrist, out indefinitely) because they are injured, as I know from my trusted, super-secret sources at TSN. Wait, I mean, my super-secret informants in various high-level positions all across hockey. Yeah, that's it.
The trade also won't include struggling rookie PK Subban or excellent power-play QB Kris Letang (36 points in 41 games) or ice cold Habs centres Tomas Plekanec (suddenly only on pace for 65 points after running over a point per game to start the year) or Scott Gomez. Habsbuzz's uber-super-secret but highly influential and never too busy to talk to us even though we are an anonymous hack making shit up on the interweb and they are highly-regarded, Stanley Cup winning GM's, presidents, scouts and other fans making shit up and (mostly) Darren Dreger and Bob McKenzie's tweets - wait, forget I said that - would only tell me the most outlandish - I mean, perfectly reasonable - trade rumours. Even though they aren't rumours but actual, honest-to-goodness made up facts. Um, unless they aren't true, then it's because something got messed up and the teams backed off. Totally. Habsbuzz has to report what Habsbuzz hears...That's Habsbuzz's job. Yours is to debate why such a thing would happen. Habsbuzz tries to not censor with Habsbuzz's own opinions.
Of course, Habsbuzz's opinion is (according to my highly imaginative, made-up super KGB level secret sources) that the Pens are ready to make a move that will bring Malkin to Montreal, if he isn't there already. Malkin to Montreal, along with Pascal Dupuis, with Mike Cammalleri, Andrei Kostitsyn and Yanick Weber going the other way. This is imminent and will be confirmed as soon as today, or later than that, or possibly there will be another big deal otherwise. Look for Langenbrunner to Toronto and Pavelski to Toronto and the Rangers to make a deal and Calgary to send Iginla off right away or sooner or later too because Habsbuzz's super-secret M15 Kremlin insiders Gary Bettman's secretary Brian Burke-cause he never shuts up- Reggie Houle's lovechild in the know sources said something might happen. E5 E5 E5.
Got an outlandish but in the realm of possibility by 0.0000000000001% rumour or trade happening? Leave it in the comments.
The Game Day Skate for Thursday, January 6th
Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of getting into the Hall of Fame...
- Well, we should be used to epic collapses and utter failures around here, but my oh my that was an epic collapse an an utter failure. Russia 5, Canada 3, after Canada led 3-0 after two periods. We feel sort of sorry for the kids, they had a great tourney only to piss it all away in 20 minutes;
- The Little Fuckity-Fuck had 2 goals in the Stars 4-2 win over the Hawks;
- The Canucks win their 7th in a row and are now the best team in the NHL;
- Mad Max made his Ducks debut in their 4-1 loss to the Preds. He had 4 SOG but was a -3;
- Steve Stamkos made like the three stooges or something in the Bolts' 8-1 loss to the Pens. Pens score 8 while Sid gets only 1 assist. No doubt he'll really take it out on the team he plays next.
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