The Game Day Skate for Thursday, April 9th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of being kidnapped by pirates...

• Sabres win, aren't dead yet;
• For the first time ever you will hear the words Columbus in the playoffs;
• In case you missed it in the comments yesterday, Yanick Weber has been called up to rescue the PP. Ha!
  
• Nos amis over at Cycle like the Sedins are doing a clever little series called Hockey Orphan, asking the best hockey bloggers (and us) why their team should be chosen if a hockey fan suddenly needed a new team to root for. Here's our take. Bear in mind it was written when we were winning and still had some hubris.

Happy Passover everyone! Be sure to sneak into the other room during your seder tonight to watch the Habs get creamed by the Bruins.

Bunnies! Rangers 3, Habs 1

Habs lost last night. Tired, overmatched and undermanned.

But look, bunnies!

Next up: Bruins. That'll be better.

The Morning Skate is really annoyed for Wednesday, April 8th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of being gay and getting married in Vermont...

• FUCK. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. No seriously, fuck. FUCK! More later today;
• Panthers did lose however. But still, FUCK.

Fuck.

Marisa is gone, our playoff hopes aren't; New streak starts tonight - Rangers Game Preview and Open Thread

Well, our wonderful streak with a certain hot SI swimsuit model is done, but there is still business to take care of starting in New York ce soir. Business. New York. Wall Street. Wall Street, the movie. 80's greed. 80's hot SI swimsuit models. Elle. Turn back the clock to when Elle ruled the earth, the playoffs were safely clinched with a month to go, and the Rangers trotted out garbage like Mark Pavelich on the first line.

Despite all the sky is falling talk, a win by the Habs tonight clinches a playoff spot at the Rangers expense. A loss in OT and a Panthers loss clinches a playoff spot too. 3 games to get in ... who would have thunk we'd be this close to the edge? As an aside, after all the fun we've had with the Rangers and fuckheads like the Blueshirt Bulletin, dropping those loudmouth, God's-gift-to-mediocrity, ONE CUP IN 70 FUCKING YEARS, smug asshole fans and their overrated team out of the playoffs might be even better than last year's miracle on de la Montagne. Is there any neutral party out there who likes the Rangers? I think one-time commenter and Bruins fan B's fan for life said it best:

"I would hope you said they suck at life, because they do. But I try not to think too much about them, as I have no time to think about a waste of space such as the Rangers."

Jesus, even Bruins fans think they're better than you.

Drop the Rangers out of the playoffs and the whole hockey world will applaud, Habs. No Sean Avery sightings in the playoffs!

On to the points of bullet-like appearance:

• 7:00 pm from Madison Square Garden, the world's most famous non-hockey related events arena;
• Habs lost to the Sens to halt momentum, now 5-3-2 in last ten. Rangers 5-4-1 but lost last two;
• There's Rangers news out there, I'm sure, but the only one we know of is the aforementioned Blueshirt Bulletin ... and it's now basically a placeholder for a pay site called Blueshirt Bulletin +. Times are tough writing about the 6th most popular pro sports franchise in NYC, methinks;
• Hot Habs list reads much the same as the last week, Kovy/Koivu/Tanguay. Lukewarm Rangers include $300 million man Scott Gomez (9 pt in 12 games.)
• Uh, Zombiepleks? AK46? Anytime you're ready. After a hot start, Nickolai Zherdev has hit a wall. Deadline acquisition Nik Antropov started well in a Rangers uniform before the inevitable knee injury (PPP and Eyebeleaf just nodded their heads knowingly).
• Habs debating activating potential new owner Serge Savard to help out on the powerplay. Schneider is either out for the season or raring to go tonight, depending on who you want to believe. Markov is a definite out, unless he's not. No, wait, he is. Maybe. Rangers appear healthy in body, if not in mind. Sean Avery still an ass, though.
• Word is Price gets the start, if he's over the "flu". King Henrik the Slumping should get the start for the Rangers, unless NY wants to put their playoff lives in the hands of Steve Valiquette.
  
  Your post-game entertainment is either the delicious tears of the Rangers faithful or more pointless blaming of Brad May and Mikhail Grabovski for ruining our season with clean hits.
  

Mom explains the loss - Sens 3, Habs 2

First off, Mom29 was really excited about all those comments last night. She can't wait for ice cream! She is delighted to read all those comments this morning while she slacks off at work. Mom - she's just like us!

Anyway, Mom, in an email, had this to say about the game last night:

I have to say, when the olé started with half a period still to play, I did think it premature - how can we stop those idiots???

Fucking right mom. Though the olé chant and the booing has already been discussed to death around here, I think it has more to do with the whole "the 100th season is jinxed" meme.

Anyway, not much to say about the game last night that hasn't already been said by you guys. I did think the Fucking Habs put in some decent effort in the face of tough odds. DOOM did his best to be all 6 defencemen at once. I really didn't think Janik was that bad. One gaffe, but overall looked not out of place. Jaro made some great saves early, and really was beaten by an actual goal scorer, so I don't blame him.

The one person I can blame? Bob. WHAT THE FUCK WAS GEORGES LARAQUE DOING ON A 5 ON 3 PP???? I called it a "Carbo-esque experiment" in the thread, and that was not a compliment. Look, the PP has problems without a point man, but BGL IS NOT THE FUCKING ANSWER. Put a fucking forward on the point, put Gorges out there, call up Yanick Weber, but fuck DO NOT PUT OUR DESIGNATED CAN'T ENFORCE ENFORCER OUT THERE.

OK, enough. Let's move forward. Beat the Rangers. Please.

The Game Day Skate for Tuesday, April 7th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of winning a national championship. Hey, at least it wasn't Duke...

• Sigh. We are depressed here at Casa del TMS. Habs lose 3-2 to Dany Heatley despite some sort of effort, we guess, in the face of the loss of our defence corps. Depressed and frustrated. That means meth, and lots of it! More later today;
• Detroit puts another nail in Buffalo's coffin.

OK, no time for recriminations, Habs head to the Big Apple tonight. HUGE game, in case you didn't know.

It's a nasty week ahead, let's enjoy Marisa while we can - Sens Game Preview and Open Thread

Rise and shine kiddies! I know it's Monday morning but that's no excuse for you just laying there like that. Yesterday's important East action had the Panthers refusing to die and beating the Pens. That means the Fucking Habs are back to only a 3 point cushion. It also means a win tonight would put them in 6th. Let's lose; I want no part of New Jersey.

Have you looked at the schedule for this week? My fucking god. Sens, Rangers, Bruins, Pens. Not like the Isles, Bolts or Leafs we've been beating. No way we're winning them all. So Marisa, we'll ride you as long as we can, but we really don't expect you'll be around by the end of the week. So if this is our last time together, I wanted to say our relationship has been fun. Maybe we can have some CSBF down the road sometime. Let's hit the bullets to set up tonight's action:

• 7:30 PM from the Phone Booth. It's on Sportsnet East, meaning it's probably blacked out everywhere but Ottawa;
• Habs rocking a 5-0-1 streak, while the Sens are 6-4 over their last 10 and coming off a Saturday night win over the Flyers;
• Habs have taken 4 of 5 from the Sens this year;
• One last tip of the hat this year to Five for Smiting in his new digs. We'll miss you in the playoffs old friend (knock wood);
• Kovy has a million points (or thereabouts) over the last 6 games, Tangy has 10 and Saks has 9;
• This is the night ZombiePleks and the Tits come alive, right? Bueller?
• Spezza and Alfie worth watching of course;
• On the other hand, Heater and Fish not so hot lately, though Fish had the shootout winner against the Flyers;
• Still no official word on Markov or Schneider, and I have no idea if TFS is ready to go yet;
• Your post-game adult entertainment Marisa Miller video is her boxing. Hurt me Marisa, hurt me.

If we break 200 comments again I'll take you all out for ice cream, so get to it.

The Sunday Brunch Skate for April 5th

Bullet points for what you missed while wondering what the fuck HF29 is up to. What the hell, it's the last in-season Sunday for the Habs...

• 6-2 over the Leafs. Thank fucking god. Seriously, had we lost that game it was Hari Kari for me. Kovy had 1G 3A and could have had more. Jaro held the fort when needed. PP was good again. Mad Max and Gui! have chemistry. Commentor Boob Gainey reports Markov and Schneider, who both left with upper body injuries, will be ready for tomorrow. No other media outlet that I can find has reported that, so good job Boob!
• Whalers punch their ticket for the playoffs with a win over the Pens in OT. Canes are 12-1-2 over their last 15 games. Fear the Whale, people, fear the Whale;
• Sens beat the Flyers in a shootout;
• B's beat the Rangers, clinch the Eastern Conference. Also, Sean Avery is up to his old tricks:

• Devils do their part to bury the Sabres;
  
• As a result of all that, the standings have the Habs in 7th, 5 points clear of the 9th place Panthers, within striking distance of everything up to the 4th spot. Dare to dream;
• We're sure there were games out West, but we care even less about them on a Sunday than we do during the week. In the background our teevee has TSN babbling something about the Oilers winning a must-win game, but we're ignoring it;
• Tar Heels and the surprising Spartans advance to the NCAA hoops final;
• Baseball season starts tonight;
• Liverpool moves to the top of the table with a 1-0 win over Fulham;
• Raptors win their 6th in a row, but it's probably too late for them to make the playoffs;
• Jenson Button wins the tropical storm-shortened (seriously) Malaysian Grand Prix;
• New tennis babe Victoria Azarenka beats Serena in the finals of the Sony Ericsson Open;
  
• Pioneerof the Nile wins the Santa Anita Derby;
• South Africa beats Australia 123 for 3 in match 2 of their 5-match cricket test series.

Whew. You should be up to date now.

I've dragged my ass out of bed early to try to keep this streak alive - Leafs Game Preview and Open Thread

Over a quarter million results for Marisa in Google Image search. The streak can go on for a while, knock wood.

Wake the fuck up motherfuckers! I can barely see for the hangover in my head but I've dragged my sorry ass to my laptop to try to replicate the conditions of the Game Day Skate. All in hopes of helping the Fucking Habs. Lots of East action last night, with the Panthers losing but the Flyers and the won't-go-away Sabres winning. Habs still in 7th.

I am not looking forward to this game tonight. Toronto has given us fits all year, and we need this one. Have you checked the schedule for the rest of the season? Four games in six nights with the Bruins and Pens in the mix. Blech. We need these two points tonight. Yeah yeah, I guess we need two points every night. STFU. Now let's set this baby up with the bullets:

• 7 PM start at the ACC, of course it's on CBC;
• Habs on a 4-0-1 run, while the Leafs have lost 3 of 4;
  
• Leafs have taken 3 of 5 from the Habs this year, including the last one which was the bottom of the barrel for the Fucking Habs, spawning the post-game headline from me "Fuck this fucking team";
• Let's check in with Pension Plan Puppets one last time;
• Kovy, Koivu, Tangy, Markov, 'nuff said;
• ZombiePleks, 'nuff said;
• Good 'ol Grabs has 10 points over his last 6 games;
• Any Leafs goalie is on the cold list, especially after getting embarrassed 8-5 last night;
• It looks like Halak will go again. Rumour has Big Tits either not playing because of a cut sustained in the Isles game, or a healthy scratch because of sucking;
• For your post-game adult entertainment, if you didn't follow the link yesterday from the greatest anonymous commentor ever who gave us the Marisa Miller nude video, you'll want to do it. You won't regret it.
  

Please hold off on your Leafs Suck comments until after the game. We don't want to jinx anything. Unless you're a Leafs fan, in which case go ahead.

Sexy Friday spices up your game review - Habs 5, Isles 1

Our new lucky charms would like to welcome you all to Sexy Friday. I've heard they're magically delicious.

Look, we beat the frakking Islanders. The worst team in the league by far. I recognized three Islanders last night, tops. John Tavares won't even be able to help that load of crap. These ain't Brian Trottier's Islanders. It was a game we should have won, and we did. Big fucking whoop. So let's spice things up with a Sexy Friday view of some notes from last night.

Our top line that shall remain nameless dominated once again. If Koivu could really finish, Kovy may have had 6 assists in that game. But they worked it on the PP and worked it 5 on 5. Tangy's goal as he held on to the puck, used Kovy as a decoy and a defender as a screen was outstanding. The Kovy-Koivu-Markov tic tac toe goal on the PP was a beaut. In honour of the hottest line in the league right now, here's the hottest chick in the world according to FHM, Megan Fox:

How about Jaro last night? That was some quality work. Steps in at the last minute for a flu-ridden (GET SOME FUCKING SHOTS NEXT YEAR) TFS and makes the quality saves when he had to. So for our favourite Slovak goalie, here is our favourite Slovak supermodel, Adriana Sklenarikova:

And a shout out to BGL for his good work in his first game after sitting out 4. He played hard, didn't take stupid penalties, and had fun fighting. You know, it must get boring sitting in the press box. You know what else is boring? Cricket. But not in this case: (nsfw)


So that about wraps up the couple of things Sexy Friday has to say about the game we should have won and did. Up next for the Fucking Habs:

Sexy Friday as always copyright KSK
Sexy Friday Game Reviews copyright FHF
Sexy cricket video thanks to With Leather