Tuesday, August 28, 2007

10 Things I Hate About ... the Rangers


"Hate brings in traffic. Let them hate." - HF 33

When HF 33 is right, he's right. And so, in our never-ending tradition of "Some Filler While We Wait for the Damn Season to Start", the FHF introduces ... "Ten Things I Hate About the ______ ."

Up First: The red-headed stepchild of the Original Six, the New York Rangers.

10 Things I Hate About the New York Rangers

10. That pyjama top jersey in the banner pick that they wore in the 70's. Have some dignity!

9. Continued veneration of this lousy history: 4 Cups since 1926, including 54-year drought. All time team includes Mike Richter and Vic Hadfield. Top ten scorers in Rangers history include Steve Vickers, Ron Greschner, and Adam Graves.

8. Original home for aging, overpaid former stars. See Esposito, Phil. Dionne, Marcel. Lafleur, Guy. Kurri, Jari. Messier, Mark (Version 2.1).

7. Sean Fucking Avery.

6. Lousy, loud, jerk-off, fair weather fans who claim they are the best in the world. In the words of our New York dwelling friend DS, "The Yankees, Mets, Giants, Jets, Knicks, Nets, Devils, and Brooklyn Cyclones Triple A baseball team all have a more loyal fanbase than the Rangers. Rangers tickets are easy to get. It's only hard when the Isles, Devils or Flyers are in town." (DS ended up surrounded by other Habs fans at the last NY/Montreal tilt.)

Note to Rangers fans: Just being loud, obnoxious, and potentially psychotic doesn't make you the best. It may make you the worst, however. (Wipe that smug look off your faces, Flyers fans. This brush is wide enough to paint you too.)

5. Ronnie Duguay's stupid afromullet and "sex symbol" status. Matinee idols should score more than a point a game, methinks.

4. Ron Greschner married Carol Alt. Read that sentence again.

3. "The World's Most Famous Arena." The Montreal Forum just called; it would like a word.

2. They are the traditional weak-sister of the Original Six, the one without a natural rival, best known for 54 years of futility they turned into a "curse", and a penchant for overpriced, over-the hill stars. They exist in the world's largest media market and receive attention far out of proportion to their impact on hockey in general and the New York sports market in particular, which doesn't stop Gary Bettman and whatever local cable access channel is carrying the NHL in the States from pushing them on fans at the expense of far more exciting teams that play in less desirable markets. They continue to employ that smirking, overrated genius Glen Sather, despite the fact that his genius is based on catching lightning in a bottle with two brilliant drafts and having the greatest player ever dropped in his lap, and all he has done is strip mine their farm system and sign more overpriced stars. They and their big-spending brethren nearly destroyed the league. Twice.

1. Really, that's kind of a stupid name. And it came about because the original owner's name was Tex Rickard. They were jokingly called "Tex's Rangers", and it stuck. Rejected names apparently included the New York Tex's Longhorns, New York Yellow Roses of Tex's, and New York Tex's Mex. Oh, and Madison Square Garden president Rickard originally promised the New York Americans that they would be the only team to play in MSG ... but when he saw how profitable the Amerks were, he asked for a team himself and essentially ran them out of business.

So to recap, the team is named after their backstabbing, weaselly, liar-liar-pants-on-fire first owner ... and it's a dumb name to boot.

Got your own reasons to hate the Broadway Blueshirts? Let us know!

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

What enormous douchebags you guys are. Since you haven't been able to suck up all the local canadian talent, how many cups have you won?

Who has more cups since 1993 the Rangers or the Habs?

Where was Ali/Frazier I or the Concert for Bangladesh? Was it at the Montreal Forum?

Of course it is the worlds most famous arena. It is sad that beer swilling douchebags like you guys refuse to admit this.

Can't wait to see the Rangers flourish this year while the habs suck ass

HabsFan33 said...

Since 1993 - You are SO right! 1-0 Rangers. You guys are really running away with that Most Cups Since 1993 title.

I wonder why you picked 93, it seems a bit arbitrary...

I would kindly request that you insert your head gently up your anal orifice and stay there for a few days. It may remind you of Ranger team history i.e everything prior to '94 and after, minus the last 164 regular season games(and while NYR has done some damage during the season, they have had the impact of a flea fart in a hurricane in the 2006 and 2007 playoffs).

Scotty from NY said...

I seem to remember a few riots in Montreal...

over sports.

Habsfan10 said...

Scotty, thanks for posting. Not sure what the riots have to do with the topic at hand, but yeah, Montrealers can get rowdy about their team. All that Gallic passion, I suppose.

Scotty Hockey said...

Not to be confused with Scotty above, but I am also a Rangers fan in NY.

And I do find your list quite amusing. Three items make fun of the Rangers in the 70s ... and you can make fun of most of the NHL at that time. So the team tried new jerseys and they didn't work, we went back to the originals. And to mock Gresch and Duguay ... they bed and wed some of the hottest women around in their day. Jealous a bit??

Now the Montreal Forum can't be compared to Madison Square Garden as the 'World's Most Famous Arena' because A - Montreal isn't half the tourist spot that New York is and B - THE FORUM IS CLOSED. Enjoy the corporate Molson or Bell, or whomever wasted money to name your new boring arena.

"They are the traditional weak-sister of the Original Six, the one without a natural rival" Um, maybe you haven't looked at a map lately, but the Islanders are our natural rival. Insofar as Original Six, Boston was. Brush up on your geography and your history, clown.

Yes, the name Rangers is a bit of an oddity considering our surroundings, but shockingly, you idiots can't even spell Canadians right.

And pretty much all of your arguments are moot because you took the mascot of a failed baseball team for chrissakes. Youppi!

You lose. Let's Go Rangers!

Habsfan10 said...

Oh, Scotty number two ... where do I start?

Those Ranger jerseys were horrible, among the worst things anyone ever foisted on the NHL, and if I recall correctly, teams like the Habs, Bruins, Wings, Flyers, Sabres, Hawks, Stars, and others had pretty classic, normal jerseys. "Most of the NHL" didn't look stupid.

As for Dugay and Greschner, maybe you missed the subject: it was things I "hate" about the Rangers. I "hated" the fact that those two had hot babes on their arms. But you got me ... as a 12 year old, I was pretty jealous those two scored great girls.

I'm going to leave your arena/tourism argument alone; frankly, that's the silliest thing all you Ranger fans are worked up over. I will categorically state that the most famous HOCKEY venue the world has ever seen is the Montreal Forum. If you want to argue MSG has seen more fame as a venue for sports, concerts, circuses, etc etc etc fine. As for Montreal vs New York as a tourist mecca, it's a case of what you are looking for. Both have fantastic restaurants, museums, architecture, attractions ... it really doesn't have a bearing on the fame of one building. Nobody argues that the Georgia Dome is a more famous football stadium than Lambeau Field because Atlanta's a better vacation spot than Green Bay. That's just dumb.

I don't need a map to tell me that the Rangers didn't have a natural ORIGINAL SIX rival, which is the gist of the whole piece. And don't throw Boston in my face either ... unless you had a heated 50 year rivalry over 5th and 6th place. Ask any Bruin fan who their greatest rival is and they'll tell you it's Montreal. The Rangers/Bruins tilts probably had some extra zip due to their shared futility and close proximity, but don't ever think it compares to Montreal/Boston, Montreal/Toronto, Toronto/Detroit or Detroit/Chicago in the annals of history.

Finally, Canadiens is the original, 500 year old term used by French settlers. It IS the correct spelling, and Canadians is the English translation. Whose the idiot? Oh, the guy trying to rewrite the history of a country, a people, and a culture he knows jack-shit about.

Scotty Hockey said...

Oh, how snarky. I was supposed to comment on your intended meanings. I'm sorry, I should have read your thoughts. "World's Most Famous Arena" means just that, not most famous hockey arena or most famous arena that used to exist. If we were talking most storied hockey arena, the Forum has it. If we are talking most famous arena all time, the Colosseum wins hands down. The "World's Most Famous Arena" right now? That's right, MSG.

As for silly jerseys, the Penguins changed to the ugly gold and black, the Canucks went to the flying V and if you are willing to expand it to total uniforms - the Flyers and the Whale tried Cooperalls, the Caps wore white shorts, etc. It was the 70s, people did a lot of drugs. The Rangers uniform change didn't work, the L.A. Kings of the late 80s did - hit or miss.

As for Rangers rivals, if you talk to anyone in that same era - Rangers/Bruins were bigger than Bruins Habs. I know, my dad is a Bruins fan. And oh yeah, initially you didn't say Original Six anyway. Dammit, my ESP is failing!

And finally, it was 400, not 500 years ago that settlers spelled it Canadiens. Montreal wasn't founded until the 1600s. And so what, it wasn't spelled that way 98 years ago when the Habs franchise was founded. So it was misspelled for the time.

Habsfan10 said...

Oh Lord. Here we go again. I don't care what everyone else's jersey looked like; the Rangers had ugly ones.

I wasn't asking you to read my thoughts, but jeez, a simple grasp of subject and some rudimentary reading comprehension skills should have lead you to the Original Six rivalry conclusion.

And finally, since you don't have a fucking clue but still won't shut up, New France/Hochelaga/Quebec/Canada was first inhabited by Europeans in 1535. FIFTEEN HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE, and every Canadian school kid knows it. The name Canadiens has existed for at least that long, and while the etymology of the word may have changed slightly over 500 years, it damn well was still in use when the Canadiens were founded, at it was, is, and will always be the correct spelling.

We can debate famous rinks and stupid jerseys and who had the most heated rivalry and never agree, and I'm fine with that because this is a silly hockey blog, but quit coming on here spouting asinine, historically inaccurate bullshit, for fuck's sake.

Scotty Hockey said...

Ok, point conceded on the jerseys. I disagree on the Original Six deal, but whatever. I can't comprehend what I read. But I was able to comprehend this, from the Encyclopedia Britannica:

The site of Montreal was called Hochelaga by the Huron Indians when Jacques Cartier, a French navigator and explorer, visited it in 1535–36 on his second voyage to the New World ... It was not until May 1642 that Paul de Chomedey, sieur (lord) de Maisonneuve, founded today's Montreal.

http://www.britannica.com/eb/article-12472/Montreal

Kiss my historically-accurate ass.

Anonymous said...

What exactly does the founding of a city have to do with the word canadian/canadien.

Canadian = English
Canadien = French

What language is spoken primarily in Quebec? French.

You (scotty hockey) just seem to reinforce the idea that Americans are narrowminded and think the world revolves around them.

Habsfan10 said...

Scotty, for the last time, just stop. You read the Encyclopedia Brittanica article for Montreal ... but you missed the one on New France, which was claimed and founded in 1535. Now, if you would like more proof, I'll refer you to a book by Gervais Carpin entitled "Histoire d'un mot: L'ethnonyme Canadien de 1535 à 1691". (Translation: The History of a word: the etymology of Canadien from 1535 to 1691.")

http://www.celat.ulaval.ca/temps/publications/hors_ethnonyme.htm

Carpin notes that the word was first used just when I said, in 1535. Now please, realize that French Canadians doesn't mean "Montrealers". but all people of francophone origin in Canada, and "Canadien" has referred to those original European visitors since they first hit the shore and stayed ... in 1535.

Andy Facini said...

Right on! Hahaha.

Maurice said...

Do you remember that the worlds most infamous arena used to kick out the Rangers every time they made the playoff so the circus could take over.

Louis said...

A different approach...

Yes, I'm a Ranger fan writing from New York (I hope you aren't too tired of us yet). I thought I'd take a look at your article from a different standpoint. Since I'm not the most knowledgeable about hockey history, I'll admit that my reply is largely subjective. That said, I will grade your post by making each "thing you hate" worth ten points, and rating them based on how much I agree. Here goes:

10) The jerseys are abominable. Point conceded, but you only get half credit since it was so long ago. +5

9)You're right, we haven't won too many cups. However, I take exception to your insult of Mike Richter, who is a great goalie by any account. Also, I think we have a pretty damn good list of top scorers. Not as good as the Habs, but nothing to sneeze at, IMO. I'm docking you a lot for that, since he's my favorite player of all time. +5

8) +10. You're right. Luckily, things seem to be changing in the Rangers' organization, with more emphasis being placed on young, up and coming talent as well as free agents whose arteries are still flexible.

7) I happen to love Avery. Of course, bias is involved, but given the right environment and the right role, he can really produce, as shown by his superb performance near the end of the season and into the first playoff round. You get +4 for his habit of diving and because he let Elisha Cuthbert go.

6) Well, it's not our fault we live in a country where boring crap like baseball is the national pastime. And by the way, since when is "loud" a bad attribute for fans to be? That said, New York fans can be annoying because of their tendency to scapegoat certain players unfairly. And the "potvin sucks" chant needs to go, because all it does is remind people of the Islanders kicking our asses. Other than that, I don't think our fans are too much worse than other teams, at least in my experience. +3

5) An afromullet takes balls, dude. Nothing wrong with having a sexy bitch on the team, I always say. Actually, I never say it, but I'll say it now. +0

4) Carol Alt, fuck yeah! +0 (Wow, I just reminded myself of the Team America theme song.)

3) After reading the replies, I now know you meant "famous" in terms of hockey, and that's fine. In light of that, you get +3, but the Garden is truly a much bigger deal, biased writer or not.

2) I don't know if we are traditionally the "weak" original 6 team, but I think I can safely move the "weakest link" title to Chicago, for now. Yes, New York will get lots of attention no matter how bad their team plays, but I think the rangers are now one of the most exciting teams in the NHL. Also, Glen Sather has had a tremendous summer for us, and I respect him enough that I think he will set us right again. Lastly, if your last sentence refers to the Joe Sakic offer sheet, I seem to recall that we were not the team to start the insanely gigantic offer sheet trend (I thought there was one before us, but please correct me if I'm wrong.) +7, mainly due to the 54 year drought.

1) I think our name is a damn good one. It sounds good on the TV, it looks good on paper, and it's simple. That's all I need, really. And, while Tex may or may not have been a big asshole.... I don't feel guilty. Screw the Americans! +0

That's 37/100, although it's just my own bias talking. Well, it's been a pleasure typing to you. Goodnight!

Habsfan10 said...

Louis, I like you. +10 for representing Rangers fans with a sense of humour.

PS - We love the sexy bitch player too ... why do you think we were so distraught to lose Big Sheldon?

Godot said...

Okay, so I'll weigh in. First of all, as much respect as I have for the Canadiens, I have little for you all publishing a private email without permission from Dubi. Class-less. And if that's what Habs fans do, well then, say what you want about Rangers fans being loud and obnoxious, Dubi's site which asks for civil discourse, no cursing, etc. is classy. Can't say the same thing from what I've seen so far here.

That the Rangers have such an incredible fan base despite their history in NHL (which you and Dubi both have told), in a country that doesn't appreciate hockey says something about the passion of hockey fans whether in Canada or the US. To attack hockey fans in the US for being loud and obnoxious seems silly--I've been to games at the old Forum, the old Boston Garden, and in many other hockey towns--wearing a Rangers jersey gets a lot of obnoxious and loud comments from the hometeam fans.

I'd rather have the Rangers' bad 70's uniform, than the Canuck uniforms or the Flyers' long pants. But let's look at the general fashions of the 70s--there were fashion mistakes being made off the ice as well. (most notably sassoon jeans, the commercial with four Rangers in it wearing the jeans and jerseys is my #1 for Rangers low point).

You want to pick on Richter???? I was driving through Michigan and there was a billboard up (one of series that tried to personify positive qualities), with Mike Richter on it and it said "class." This was in Red Wings territory! Righter was a top notch competitor, athlete, goalie, and classy. he may not have been Roi or Brodeur, but to point to him as a negative is silly.

HabsFan33 said...

You know what is silly Godot, taking life too seriously. Do you realize you are taking time out of your day to defend the design of a uniform? You take offense to that? I hope you find the time this weekend to kick back, relax, listen to some tunes, get a massage and enjoy your favorite beverage.

Brian said...

Don't stop, this is funny shit. I'm a Ranger fan who would like to add #11, Phil Esposito. This is the man who single-handedly held the Rangers back for about 15 years during their 54 year drought.Featuring both his fat-ass-parked-in-front-of-the-net-go-get-ME-the-puck-no defense playing to his love for over-the-hill players as GM. Come to think of it, maybe he is something you liked about the Rangers.

Jim said...

Gotta give props where props are due, funny stuff here, even though you are picking on my team. I will offer just a few things though:

1. Ranger tickets are actually pretty hard to get, even when the team is pretty bad

2. I kind of like those 70's jerseys, and I will tell you why:

When I first became a Ranger fan as a young lad, those were the jerseys they were wearing, so I have always had an affinity for them. Ugly? Yes, without a doubt, but they still have some nostalgia in them for me.

3. I will give it to the Habs on rivalries. Not only did you have many battles with Toronto and Boston back in the day, but you guys also had a bitter rivalry geographically and politically with Quebec when the Nordique were there. Kinda hard for us Ranger fans to hate the towns of East Rutherford and Uniondale where the Devils and Isles play. Its just not the same.

Anyway, keep up the great work, and maybe we'll see you in the playoffs if you make it (sorry, had to leave a jab on my way out)

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure the last time you tried to buy rangers tickets at home but it is not easy. Out of 18,200 seats, only about 500 are available to individual game purchase. Sold out almost every single night, except when they play a terrible team.

VA Pensfan said...

Excellent list guys! Maybe we'll see ya in the next round... take care of those Flyers for us!

Anonymous said...

I had epic lulz reading this article.

I wonder if the author had a bad experience in NY. I bet he did.

I bet you wear a shield over your helmet when you play hockey and then act like a tough guy on the ice. Typical French-Canadian behavior.

Even the French hate the French Canadians. Last time I checked the French Canadians are the hicks of France.

I dub this article fail.

Anonymous said...

I think Habs Fan is a biased asshole. No offense. Aside from the cup quantities the rest of his argument is bullshit.

Montreal Canadiens. Isn't that like saying New York Americans. 'nuff said.

Eat a sweaty dick you fuck. Come back down to NYC and read your fucking post out loud and see what happens.

Canada isn't even a real country.

See South Park movie for proof.

JP said...

As an Isles fan I have no love for the Rangers, but they do have some diehard fans.

MSG is not the worlds most famous arena, we all know that and they should wake up and realize that everytime they announce it, they embarrass themselves. MSG=Madison Square Garden.......this is just wrong. The Garden is NOT located on Madison ave like the original was and it's the shape of a circle, not a square like the original.

In defense of the Rangers though, the Habs do have a ton of cups, but the Habs also had territory rights starting in 1925 up to 1963 or '66. Most players at that time were from the Quebec league, making it unfair for teams like the Rangers, Bruins and Blackhawks to compete. The Redwings had territory rights in Western Canada and the Leafs Ontario. At this time ALL players were Canadian, there was made 1 or 2 that were American so once again, New York, Boston and Chicago got the scraps.

Anonymous said...

islander fan here, figured i'd let you guys know why we agree:
1. they insist they're the more "historic" new york team meanwhile we have the same amount of cups in a fraction of the time.
2. their fans don't know shit about hockey or the league, just the rangers and very often not even that.
3. that dumb piece of shit that just said "canada isn't a real country." way to show appreciation to the people who brought us hockey. i'm american too and you're an embarrassment.
4. also sean fucking avery
5. they bash wang and snow despite having THE WORST gm and head coach in the league. garth snow has been finding great, cheap talent where nobody else would even think to look. glen sather signed wade redden, chris drury, and marian gaborik to absurd contracts. executive of the year anybody?
6. potvin sucks? top five best defenseman of all time and a four time cup winner dumbasses.
7. stop bragging about coming in 8th or 9th place and thinking that makes you better than us. its called building from within assholes and it takes time. enjoy finishing just shy of the playoffs or getting swept in the first round for the rest of your miserable fucking existence.
8. how does a team from New York City have such an intolerant, bigoted fan base? i really can't wait till one of those law suits finally goes through.
9. italians
10. "we want fish sticks" and "kansas city" aren't legitimate ways to attack us. those jerseys are long gone and how often do we bring up the ugly as shit lady liberty or 70's jerseys? and kansas city was never actually happening. it was an empty threat made by wang to get kate murray to buckle. again, if you knew anything about hockey other than the score of the rags game last night you would know that.

to close: i know the rangers suck, therefore i clap my hands