Caps/Habs Game 1 Preview and Open Thread: 1993 Inspiriation Edition

It has been 17 years since the Habs won a Cup. That means if they don't win this spring, next year there will be fully grown, adult Canadiens fans who can drink liquor and fornicate but have never witnessed a Stanley Cup parade proceed along the usual route. And you need to be able to do all three to call yourself a true Montrealer.

I'll let that reality sink in for a monment - sspecially for you old people like HF29 who grew up hanging off of light poles on Ste Catherine Street every spring.

So what's it going to take to return Lord Stanley's mug to its rightful and favorite home? It's going to take a number of key guys playing waaaay over their (usual) heads - just like in 1993. As a favour to the current Habs lineup, who may not have obsessed about that '93 team quite as much as I may have, here is FHF's guide to what each of our key players need to recreate if there is a Parade to be Planned:

Captain Kirk = Squid meaning he has to score in the clutch and bring both heart and leadership

Vinnie D.= Gomez meaning he has to play like a true #1 centre and lead the playoffs in scoring

Keaner = Little Giant meaning he has to skate like the wind (okay, that would be more than what Mikey did), hit anything that moves, play aggressive and constantly hound the puck carrier. Keane actually had 13 assists, but we'll take 10 goals from Gio instead

Bellows = CHicken meaning he has to use his size and natural scoring ability to prove the Habs didn't trade Russ Courtnall Gui! for nothing

LeClair = Big Tits meaning he's got to show some break-out scoring ability - although I must admit I as surprised to learn that Johnny only scored 4 goals in the playoffs. I remember it more as 50.

DiPietro = Moore meaning someone has to score unexpectedly and The Goat's first trade acquisition seems a likely candidate

Desjardins = Markov meaning he's got to lead the blueliners, play Norris-like defence and score a hat trick in the finals

Odelin = Gilliweed meaning the heretofore nicknamed "HMS" has to be the unsung defensive rock and bring a physical presence to the blueline

Haller = Urologist meaning he'll be forgotten in 8 months, but needs to be the unsung offensive hero on the blueline in the next 8 weeks

Roy = Jaro meaning "your 2010 Conn Smythe winner". Realistically, it's the only way any of this is gonna happen

Racicot = Big Fat Whale meaning he'll play 18 minutes when Jaro has to take a dump.

There it is. That's all these Habs need to pull off a monumental upset in the first round (just like 17 years ago), Then, if last night is any indication, all the lower seeds will do the Habs a favour and knock off the other contenders. After the Caps, it will be smooth sailing into the finals.

I wonder who will tell Jacques which stick to measure.

Yes, yes I am delusional. I do think the Canadiens have a shot, especially if Phoenix can beat Detroit. But ask me again after the first when Alex already has a hat trick.

The Game Day Skate presents The Pantscast, Episode 1

Top o' the Morning, bitCHes! This is it. Loss one tonight! Game one tonight!! Go Pants!

So here's something fun. What do you get when you mix Habs-Caps, a MacBook Pro, and beers and Irish whiskey at Hurleys? You get the first-ever FHF Pantscast! FHF goes multimedia. Yours truly, HF4, and special guest Chris Aung-Thwin of HIO's The Other Wing had quite a little chat yesterday. We of course are previewing Habs-Caps, but along the way you get gratuitous swearing, Brian Burke, my own maniacal laugh, Kobe Bryant, and HF4's pubic hairs. There's still some kinks to work out (like slipping HF4's real name you fucking idiot 29), but we hope you'll enjoy. Just click play or hit the download link. No iTunes subscription yet, we're waiting to hear from you that this was crap before we do it again.



Download the mp3

Mucho thanks to Chris who was just awesome as our first guest. As mentioned during the Pantscast, check out the great work he's doing at Homeless Nation.

OK we're almost getting excited! Though with all the upsets last night, we're not sure there's one left for us. If you went to bed a reasonable hour, make sure to scroll down to the next post for HF4's Little People Preview of the D. We'll see you in the special preview and open thread later today.

Little People Can do Big Things Playoff Preview: The Defence Thing

BIRTH PLACE
74	JOHN CARLSON	6' 3"	208	JAN 10, 1990	20	NATICK, MA, USA
77	JOE CORVO	6' 0"	204	JUN 20, 1977	32	OAK PARK, IL, USA
4	JOHN ERSKINE	6' 4"	220	JUN 26, 1980	29	KINGSTON, ON, CAN
52	MIKE GREEN	6' 1"	204	OCT 12, 1985	24	CALGARY, AB, CAN
26	SHAONE MORRISONN	6' 4"	217	DEC 23, 1982	27	VANCOUVER, BC, CAN
3	TOM POTI "A"	6' 3"	197	MAR 22, 1977	33	WORCESTER, MA, USA
55	JEFF SCHULTZ	6' 6"	230	FEB 25, 1986	24	CALGARY, AB, CAN
89	TYLER SLOAN	6' 4"	204	MAR 15, 1981	29	CALGARY, AB, CAN

Ok we're fucked. Caps in 4.

Relax, tell us what your really feeling: We're fucked, Caps in 4

Size. There are more 6's in the guys' dimensions than in a house of evil. Whatever that means.

They can move the puck forward. But do not be fooled, Overall, this is not necessarily an offense minded defence corps. It begins with Mike Green but as far as the Canadian Olympic team goes, the puck doesn't stop with him. Is it really necessary to single out Green's soft play on the back end when he knows that the most potent offense in the league has more than enough to bail out any lacklustre manifestations of shitty D. You won't find me crapping on Green and his 76 points. His 76 points are awesome, all 76 of them so spare me the he doesn't skate back lingo. He can skate wherever he wants with those 76 points.

That makes the Caps lethal on the PP.

But D is where they are vulnerable.

But how vulnerable?:, It's hard to say. Your Caps of today are the Oilers of yesterday. So insanely talented and deep up front that they don't need anything more than Grant Fuhr or Marty Mcsorley. The 6 D are big and intimidating. But they are flawed. In a playoff series, in a tight checking environment, they're going to have to find better chemistry than the one hatched out of the Boudreau lab which saw the team concede 233 goals in the regular season. That's 10 more than your Habs.

Yes i know the Caps scored about 300 more goals than the Habs this season:But the Caps struggle on the PK, 25th overall, so all in all we're about to find out if the Caps' misery lies behind their blue line or their goal line.

Now what about our little dwarves in their mini red white an blue jerseys:Marc-André Bergeron. I don't know where he gets the chutzpah to unleash the canon he possesses with the tiny frame he carries around. But the Urologist makes me miss Sheldon Souray's defensive qualities.

The Habs finally learned something they hadn't managed to do yet. Learn how to play and survive without Andrei Markov. It made Josh Gorges a man. My unsung hero of the year. The boy takes a violent and head shattering rocket to the ear and punches in the next day. Very reliable. Totally authentic with the media, the best sound bite on this team. An emerging leader and my choice for captain had Brian Gionta not emerged as the second coming of good orgasms.

Markov, a total package - the real key to the power play, and maybe to the entire team's fortunes as the Habs seem to live and die with the PP.

Things slow down from there and this is where the Caps should hurt the Habs tremendously. Will we have nightmares of Ovie rushing in on Spacek and Hamrlik? Can Hal Gill regain the playoff poise that saw him protect the lead in the dying seconds of last year's game 7 of the Stanley Cup final?

Boss! They playin, they playin!: Who's got the edge at the back end? Corvo, Poti, both household names with their former teams, but both unproven in a Caps jersey. Montreal's squad is more stable but it still has to face the best player in the game, another 100-point getter, 6 more 20-goal scorers, the league's top scoring defenceman and a pounding from a fast, grinding relentless system that produced one of the best point tallies in NHL history.

Beating the Caps because of their weaker D? It's not impossible. It's unthinkable.

Little People Can Do Big Things Playoff Preview: The Goalies

Unlike some others who would be better served keeping their big traps shut (with all due respect to the Habs best forward), we think Jose Theodore and his goaltending abliities are just fine. And we love midget goalies like him, Jaro and our namesake, Darren Pang - the King of The Midget Goalies.

Tomas Plekanec should shut the fuck up and leave the goaltending analysis to the pros.

Here we are.

The Starters:
Jose vs. Jaro
A.k.a. Theo / Jaro
Age 33 / 24
Height 5'1 / 5'11
Weight 181 / 174
Starts 43 / 43
Record 30-7-7 / 26-7-3
GAA/SV %/SO 2.81/.911/2 vs. 2.40/.924 /5
Career claim(s) to fame: 2002 Hart vs. Leading Slovakia to the Bronze medal game
Other claims to fame: Nailed Paris Hilton (allegedly) vs. Stole Carey Price's place (for shizzle)

Analysis, or what the hell are those numbers supposed to mean to me?: Listen up Tomas, I know you were just looking to support your goaltending teammates and are saying what allot of people are thinking, but the numbers don't back you up.

Obviously, Theo had way more offense to support his starts, but it's no accident he won his last 23 games or so. There is no more streaky goalie in the NHL today than Theo, and right now he's streaking like a drunken college freshmen.

And there are allot of similarities in Theo and Jaro's respective seasons. Almost everyone assumed, at least early in the season, that the curent backups would be the playoff starters for both teams. Theo and Jaso are both small goalies by today's ridicuolously collosal standards but play a pretty effective positional butterfly style. Both have the ability for otherworldly displays when hot. Halak has probably shown a little more consistencey from start to finish this season, but Theo has the edge in experience.

Advantage: no one. That's right Tomas, as good as Halak has been, Theo is no push over. Plus he's got plenty of motivation: prove his many critics wrong, get a new contract and beat his former team. Last offseason's family tragedy just adds fuel to his fire.

What's the difference, then? Halak will have to steal the series; Theo just need to make sure he doesn't gift wrap it.

The Backups:
Semyon vs. Carey
A.k.a. Simon? Big V? /TFS or Big Fat Whale
Age 21 / 22
Height 6'2 / 6'3
Weight 209 / 219
Starts 23 / 39
Record 15-4-6 / 13-20-5
GAA/SV %/SO 2.55/.909/2 vs. 2.77/.912 /0
Career claim(s) to fame: Saving the Caps from losing to the Rangers vs. WJC and AHL Champ

So what? Backups don't play in the playoffs anyway. Leaving aside that erroneous assumption for a moment, neither Theo or Halak have the leash that say, Roberto Luongo will be given. A couple of bad goals and a couple of losses and - guaranteed - there will be talk of going with the backup.

If that happens, it's a wash - except what is says about the series itself. Price has a little more experience and has had some good outing against Washington specifically. But Varlamov would not be much of a step down from Theo, if at all.

Which bring me back to why it's becoming a myth that you have to go with one goalie for the entire playoffs if you hope to win. It's changing. Detroit and Carolina have both proven you can go to your backup and still win.

And? Let's face it, by the time Halak gets pulled in favour of Price, it will probably already be too late for Price to be the Saviour. Chasing Theo, though, will probably result in Varlamov pulling a Ward again.

And just because we love him so much: here are the REAL Panger's career stats:

Height 5'5
Weight 155
NHL TOTALS 81GP 27W 35L 7T 0SO 4.05GAA, 8.891 Sv % (csareer high)

Greatest. Midget (sized). Goalie. Ever.

We know Thomas was wrong for what he did, and we'll now blame him if they lose. Comments?

The Morning Skate for Wednesday, April 14th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of possibly another corrupt provincial government...

• The Oilers win the draft lottery. The Fucking Bruins get to pick second. Fuck you Phil Kessel;
• Looks like Jerry Reinsdorf's group could soon own the Coyotes. And cheap!
  
• For some reason Pleks picks now to open his mouth and taunts Jose Theodore. What the hell, we'll join in. Jo-séee, Jo-séee, Jo-séee;
• From the Washington side of things today: Japers Rink has tons of coverage, Dan Steinberg tells about the Caps firing back at Pleks, and Musings of a hockey mom tries to wrap up everyone's feelings about the series;
• OK, one from our side. Number31's Top 10 is well worth your time. But only if you like laughing.
  

OK we're getting close people! Two very busy days coming up. The Little People previews will hit in full force today with both D and goalies. And tomorrow morning we have a special surprise for you (ice cream!) before finally setting the table for, you know, hockey.

Little People Can Do Big Things Playoff Preview: The Forwards

Little People Can Do Big Things Playoff Preview: The Forwards

Playoffs!!! Ovie!!! Backstrom!!!! Our very own Lollipop Guild!!!! Brooks Fuckin Laich!!!! Travis Moen!!!! The possible return of Metro's powerplay goals!!!!

That's a lot of stuff to get through in the forwards preview, so we better get to it.

Look, we dropped a house on that bitch with the shoes, we sure as hell can score on Jose Theodore: The Habs are going as far as the Lollipop Guild and the rest of the runts take them, right? I mean, Jaro can be Jaro, the defence is expecting to get swamped, but they need to get to Theo/Varlamov and score goals to win this thing. Gainey's big makeover resulted in roughly two million "Hobbits/Munchkins/Ewoks/Roloff family" jokes from opposing fans this year but to paraphrase Norman Dale, "these are your forwards". Oh, and these are your Big Red Machine opponents forwards too:

Lollipop Guild vs Ivan Drago and friends: Gomez and Gionta, Cammy and Pleks, random assorted wingers (usually Chicken and Big Tits respectively, but sometimes Little Tits gets on the Pleks line, sometimes Travis Moen wanders up from the depth chart, even Metro when healthy is found mucking along a wing. I think Dominic Moore too.) These are the little, speedy wagons the Canadiens hitched their playoff lives to. Pleks started the year on fire and finished as leading scorer, almost pricing himself out of town, but since the Olympics has slowed considerably and might be tired. Cammy was full-value for his contract until he got hurt and had 26 goals despite missing 17 games, but has struggled since his return (2 assists in 11 games.) Big Tits is the new enigma: talented enough to be drafted ahead of (roll call) Zach Parise, Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf, Dustin Brown and Brent Seabrook, but daft enough to zone out for weeks. An engaged Big Tits and on-target Cammalleri would go a long way to re-energizing Pleks. Gomez and Gionta found a perfect fit with Benoit Pouliot and the Giant Mexican Chicken produced some excellent hockey. Gionta is rapidly becoming every non-110% fans favourite for his guts, goals and leadership. 29 says slap the C on him now. 29 is right. Gionta missed 20 games with a broken foot and scored 28 goals ... tell me a full year of him and Cammalleri doesn't add a few more wins to the ledger. If the Habs top two lines can find the chemistry they both had at various points this season, and can add Metro back to fire away on the power play, they can score on the Caps. Which is a good thing because they are facing:

Ovie (50 goals, 109 points). And Backstrom (33 goals, 68 assists). And Semin (40 goals, 84 points). And Brooks Fucking Laich scored 25, Mike Knuble opened up more space for Ovie and Backstrom and potted 29, and Thomas Fleischman added 23. This is not your father's Dennis Maruk lead Capitals. The top two lines are fast and skilled and strong. On the plus side, Ovie was relatively quiet in the regular season versus Montreal. On the minus side, well, look at the freaking numbers up there.

Advantage: Unless the Habs all find their scoring touch at the same time, the top two lines are in tough trying to match Ovie and the rest. The Laich line is definitely not a pushover for whomever lines up against it.

The Rest: The bottom two lines of the Caps shouldn't really scare anyone ... unless the Habs bottom two lines play the rudderless mess they sometimes can. Maybe familiarity breeds confidence, but I don't see how the likes of a washed-up Brendan Morrison, Eric Belanger, Eric Fehr (his 21 goals notwithstanding), Jason Chimera, Matt Bradley and David Steckel are that much better than Dominic Moore, Metro, Travis Moen, workaholic Mathieu Darche, Mad Max (the good Mad Max, mind you) and the wild card, Little Tits. Sergei might be the key; there isn't anyone in either team's bottom six with anywhere near the talent he has, and if he can make plays, set Metro up in the slot, and offer some menace in the offensive zone, the bottom six of the Canadiens could cause some trouble to the Caps shaky d. I think.

Advantage: Having seen very little of the Caps this year, I'll say Montreal. But it won't matter if Ovie and Backstrom are playing Cheka to the Habs "enemies of the people" upstairs.

Other stuff: The Caps powerplay is lethal; the Habs powerplay (despite a protracted slump) finished second in the league to Washington. But Moore, Metropolit, Pleks, Gomez and Moen are far better at killing penalties than the Caps. Dominic Moore's speed in particular might go a long way to neutralizing some of the Caps big guns a man down. Something to think about.

Mike Green: Yeah, TECHNICALLY he's a defenseman. But I'm technically a Catholic and look where that gets you. Green sometimes looks like a fourth Caps forward since he skates like the wind, scores a lot, and sometimes neglects his own zone, so I'm talking about him. If the Caps are playing with Green as a de facto forward, the advantage goes way up.

The Morning Skate for Tuesday, April 13th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of getting a late night talk show on TBS...

• Let the post-season firings begin! Bolts dump GM and coach;
• Count Chokula says "we'll be ready" Thursday. Sure Coach, just like you were ready last Thursday;
• No one gives the Habs a chance. Burnside: Caps in 5. Sportsnet: Caps in 6. NBC: Caps in 5. TMS: Caps in 8;
• Check out EOTP's actual hockey analysis. Dennis Kane gives us a chance, looking back at the 1971 Habs. And JT has a killer poll while we wait;
• Oh, and The Flower is HUGE in Liberia apparently.

OK our own playoff preview (such as it is) gets underway in earnest today. We're not sure what it is really, but we're sure it will be offensive. Finally, here's a fun little video created and sent in by reader Albert. He should have searched for "strippers", but otherwise it's pretty good. You'll see the URL at the end to make your own, so if you can get even more creative, go for it and we'll be happy to post it. We're too lazy to make our own.

Here's an idea

This team is stumbling into the playoffs rudderless and all over the place. Right now if I had to say who was the Habs' leader, it would be Kirk Muller. That's ridiculous.

I don't know if naming a captain on the eve of the playoffs would be unprecedented, but it certainly would be bold. Can you do bold, Count Chokula? I thought not. But if you change your mind, here's our choice. Anyone who has watched all 82 games this year would make the same one.

It might give us a chance. I said might.

TMS is looking forward to Habs-Caps and drunken Russian hookers

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of winning your third Masters...

• Well thanks to the Flyers beating the Rangers, Habs end up 8th and will play the Presidents Trophy-winning Caps starting this Thursday. It is what it is, As TSN notes, Habs were 2-1-1 against the Caps this year. Bring on the delusions!
• Here's a full schedule (with broadcasters) of all the playoffs;
• As many of you in the comments noted, Habs-Caps is on TSN while CBC broadcasts Bs-Sabres. If someone could explain why a Canadian team in the playoffs is not on CBC, we'd like to hear it;
• Please note your trophies for the season, Henrik Sedin is your Art Ross trophy winner and Stamkos and Crosby share the Rocket Richard trophy.

OK no time for chit chat, we have to rush off to CBC for a way-too-early morning appearance on CBC Daybreak. There's a listen live link on the right side of that page for anyone who's awake or in Korea.

Huzzah, we're in the playoffs! Meh, we're in playoffs. Leafs 4, Habs 3 (OT)

I guess I should be excited. The Habs are in the playoffs. Uh, yay? I've been told that in this modern parity-filled NHL, it's supposed to be an accomplishment to make the playoffs. Well, the Habs have accomplished that. Now what? This team eked out two points in their last 3 games against non-playoff teams and looked terrible in two of them. They looked somewhat better last night, but IT WAS THE FUCKING LEAFS. The Leafs suck. Barely eking out a point against the Leafs does not give one a lot of hope into a playoff series with some East powerhouse. Anyway, let's hit the old school review format to look back, with an eye to looking forward.

Plan the parade - there was certainly some stuff to like in this game. Start with Vodkov, who seemed determined on his own not to let the point slip away. He attacked offensively like a maniac, and it paid off with a 1G 2A night. And this from a player who has been practically invisible over the last week or two. A Vodkov playing like that in the playoffs will be fun. Gio continued his outstanding play of late, worked hard on every shift like he always does, went to the front of the net on every play like he always does, and scored like he always does. Make him captain right fucking now, before the playoffs. That's one move that would make me feel like we have any chance (to win a game or two, not any series or anything). Gio's linemates, Squid and CHicken, worked hard too and got plenty of shots on net. If they can play like that and start burying some chances, we'll score some goals in the playoffs.

Caveat emptor for all this positive talk - This was the fucking Leafs. The 29th best team in the league. The worst PK in the league. If you can't get 37 shots on them (like the Habs did), you don't even deserve to go to the AHL playoffs.

The sky is falling - JESUS FUCKING CHRIST JARO WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? If that's the way you are going to play in a pressure-filled game, sit your ass on the bench right fucking now. Your team gave you three leads and you blew them all. That second goal when you went wandering was, uh, not pretty. File the third goal in the "ones you really really want back" file. And it wasn't just the goals you let in. You looked pretty shaky all night. Sure, you made a couple of nice saves, but dammit you just looked uncomfortable. Like you were scared of the pressure. Say what you want about the Big Fat Wale, but he thrives off pressure. After a brilliant two-shutout weekend a week ago, you let up 5 goals and 4 goals in the last two very very important games. That's, uh, not good. Goalie controversy going into the playoffs! That'll make for a fun next couple of days.

Let's talk Tits. I'm not sure if I heard Andrei's name all night. I'm not sure if I've heard Andrei's name in the last two weeks to be honest. And I definitely know I didn't hear Sergei's name, because JM hates him and scratched him. Of the two Tits, Sergei has clearly played better and worked harder over the last month than his brother. Yet Andrei is the one that gets to be on the second line and on the PP. I'm really at a loss to explain Count Chokula's actions (or rather inactions) any more.

In the VIP room - The Giant Mexican CHicken is nuzzling his beak between Candi's 36DD's in the back, and Vodkov is having a threesome.

Our next evil, evil foe - depending on the outcome of a couple of games this afternoon, the Habs could see any of the Devils, Sabres, or Caps in the first round. Brodeur, Miller, or Jose Theodore. I know which one I would prefer to face.

Playoff tickets on sale at noon today. Who's excited to get some? Exactly.

Media whoring update - you're probably sick and tired of my appearing on CBC Daybreak as much as me, but it's happening again tomorrow morning at 6:4o AM. Ugh. Need coffee already.