Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Sooner or later we have to score, right? WhalerCanes Game Preview and Open Thread

Lafleur and Shutt celebrate the Habs' most recent PP goal

I am now in one of my "Habs don't deserve hot chicks until they play better" modes for the previews. Let's hope we get out of it quickly, or soon we'll hit the male strippers. We're just gonna ramble for a bit on about the sucky PP and the fact that Breezer is our hottest offensive player [/slits wrists]. Habs have sucked all the creativity out of me. It's been replaced by pure bitterness.

Game time is 7 PM in Raleigh. Habs have lost 3 of their last 4. Carolina has lost 4 of their last 5. Oooh, clash of the titans! Canes have dominated this series lately, 11-2-3 in their last 16 games against Montreal, including a 2-1 win in Raleigh in the last game where the hero was Sergei Frakking Samsonov. Want to know more about Sergei? Be sure to check out The Life and Times of a Caniac.

Hot Habs? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO ONE. We suck. Oh, wait, I seem to have forgotten someone. Not sure why, there may be a mental block. Some player with a 71 on his back has scored goals in each of the last two games. I'm not sure who it is though. Ah well.

Cold Habs? THE LOT OF 'EM. How does thee suck? Let me count the ways. Fuck it, let's just dive into those power play numbers here. 29th in the league. So close to last I can taste it! Habs are 4 for 46 in their last 10 games. It's not just that we're not scoring, we can barely even set up in the zone. Specifically cold are Pleks and lots of Tits, and the Artist Formerly known as The Artist Formerly known as The Enigma.

Injured Habs? The list will very soon be rid of DOOM, but for now it still includes him, TFS(tm), Saku, Higgy, Broken Arm Shift, and BGL. Jaro will go again tonight, his 4th straight start. I think he's been OK throughout, he has deserved better.

Canes have at least been scoring, as they have a hot player or two. Eric Staal has 4 points in his last 2 games, and Tuomo Ruutu the same thing. Canes PP is really not much better than the Habs though, 27th in the league.

No strippers for your post-game entertainment. Until we play better, it's Bible study all around.

Fuck the Habs in the comments. Talk about something more interesting. Maybe how The Subbanator is gonna dominate the World Juniors?


futuremrsrickankiel said...

oh Samsonov...

now I'm remembering the Worst Stanley Cup Playoffs Ever(TM). Gross.

fezworth said...

I'm looking forward to PK's choice quotes from the WJC. I think that'll be the most entertaining part!

HFF33 aka Panger said...

HF29, let's show some love to The Great Jaro. He's kept us in the last couple of games, and got burnt by a terrible bounce agains the Caps.

I'm going to the WJC, and I think I'm going to get put the Subbanator on my jersey!! He may even play more than 5 mins a game this time!

HF29 is not here but if he was he would say... said...

it's funny you say that Panger, I changed that "OK" description in the sentence at least five times. i had good, great, solid, and several others. I did wimp out a bit. probably. maybe.

Anonymous said...

Saw Subban play in Ottawa a few weeks ago. His team lost 2-1 in a shootout, but he was far and away the best player on the ice. He physically manhandled any Ottawa player and was fast enough to jump into the rush and get back whenever he wanted to. Don't be shocked if he's wearing the CH next year.

L Dude said...

Saw Subban play in Ottawa a few weeks ago.... Don't be shocked if he's wearing the CH next year.

Sounds like PK could already be Subban for O'Purse.

(waits for groans)

Anonymous said...

Seen in the La Presse comments section:

Trade Plekanec, O'Byrne and Halak for an all-star defenceman.

fezworth said...

@LD: The sort of poetic verse is what we all expect from you. Bravo sir!

I mean, if the Price is right, then do as the Romans do, and play like you've got a pair. Of Tits.

Apparently I need some coffee.

Go hockey.

lawyergirl77 said...

Fuckin' figures that my birthday would involve a boring hockey game in which my boys are either going to get their asses handed to them by frakkin' Samsonov OR that it's going to be (as Boone predicted) a scoreless tie.

The bitterness is only dulled by a bottle of sweet sweet Balvenie and oblivion... mmm...

Dave said...

unlike my favorite team and yours, my PP has been rather successful recently. :)

L Dude said...

Silly trade talk time eh!:

Turtleplek, O'Shizzle, Halak and a first for J-Bo and Horton.

I hate O'Deked, but the big Irish lug has let me down. I said good day!

HF29 is not here but if he was he would say... said...

@LG - Happy Birthday!!! may you get a win!

and you drink Balvenie? The Double Wood or another one? either way, you rock! the Double Wood is one of my faves. Wood. heh. sorry, im 12

lawyergirl77 said...

Dude, the double wood (*hee*) is light years beyond the port wood or the cask strength stuff. It's my favourite, although the triple wood (*snicker*) Auchentoshan is also pretty frickin' fantastic.

Put it this way: I used to have the Ralph Wiggum approach to whiskies ("It tastes like burning") until I tried this stuff. Now I say please and thank you and try to keep from fillng my glass up to the tippy top!

(Perhaps we should break open a bottle and watch a game together one of these days, hmm?)

HF29 is not here but if he was he would say... said...

Perhaps we should break open a bottle and watch a game together one of these days, hmm?

goddamn right. and given the imminent arrival of our mutual Calgarian, perhaps it should be soon!

Anonymous said...

Enough with this double-wood talk. I have an unopened bottle in the Cabinet and a good five hours of painful desk work before it (or any of its Scottish cohorts) can be opened.

As for the game, this has 3-2 SO loss written all over it.

Anonymous said...

6-0 Loss and a season-ending toe injury to Markov.
Then the entire team will be detained in the U.S. under terrorist suspicion after it is found that Kovalev went to a "suspect" flying school and roomed with Bin Laden.

Season will be cancelled and this blog will start focusing solely on strippers. Readership will increase exponentially and you'll all retire.

moeom said...

HAHA! Van Hab, hope this does happen. This blog would be daily stop...

moeman said...

Bonne Fête lg77.

Go Habs!

Go Pants!

Anonymous said...

"Habs are 4 for 46 in their last 10 games."
This is the stat that makes us an average team vs a great one (and a long way from 1st in the conference)
Please Carbo,,focus on this and only this,...
and stop fuckin' with the lines..and maybe trade little Tits,,and send O'Burned Again to the Hammer, and maybe build a system of some sort,,and and and ,,fuck it, I'm falling into insanity.
Shoot Kovy Shoot.

fezworth said...

Yes, Happy b-day LG. Whatever else happens, at least you can have some nice scotch.

moeman said...

(re)watched Colbert's hilarious Xmas special last night then popped some Elvis Costello onto the iPod for the ride to and from work. Then, this came to mind;

Nice FHF girl, not one with a defect
Cellophane blogger-wrapped, so correct
Red thongs under illegal legs
She looks so good that we get down and bleg

(CHORUS) She is watching the defectives
"Ooh, she's so cute"
She is watching the defectives
When they don't shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot
They get beat up until our teardrops start
And they can be wounded 'cause they got no heart

Slapshots by the Breezer hit the twine
Invisible shivers running down my spine
Cut to danseuese taking off her clothes
Close-up of her tattoo says "Go Habs Go!"
She snatches at you to give her your Theodorian tuque
She bites the pompoms off and thats no fluke
I don't know how much more of this I can take
She's filing her nails while they're killing Toe Blake


You think you're alone until you realize you're in it
Now fear is here to stay, hang in here at FHF for a visit
They call it instant justice when it's past the Lucic limit
DOOM's chewing at the bit, to give him back his shit?
The defectives come to check if we have come to our senses
We are ready to hear the worst about our team's disappearances
Though it nearly took a miracle to get us to stay
It only took hf29's little fingers to blow us away

Just like watching the defectives
Don't get cute
Don't like watching the defectives
I get so angry when the teardrops start
But they can't be all wounded 'cause some got a heart

Watching the defectives
It's just like watching the defectives
Watching the defectives
Watching the defectives

HF29 is not here but if he was he would say... said...

@moeman you are now the official song parody writer for FHF. brilliant

ok kids unfortunately won't be with you tonight. holiday parties and all that. thats a total lie, btw, im off to the Bell Centre for Aussie Pink Floyd. ive heard good things. i may be high already

be excellent to each other

mr. gillis said...

"Habs don't deserve hot chicks until they play better"
But I think we deserve hot chicks since we have to watch them play like crap.

Anyway, Kovalev asked to be on the point for the PP, hopefully that will make a difference (might as well, it can't get any worse).

and for good luck:

I hate Breezer
I hate Lang
I hate Tanguay
I hate turtleplek

Anonymous said...

Happy B-Day, LG77. May this game be un-boring, just for you!

Anonymous said...

So, I know this may sound hollow, given how much our PP sucks. But fuck their are a lot of penalties in the NHL. So many games are Ruined by this..ppl always laugh at international reffing during world juniors or the olympics...the NHL has come close to, if not even with that level of officiating.

Anonymous said...

that was fucking horrible. i wanted to gouge my eyes out.

mr. gillis said...

1st Period

05:25 Matt D'Agostini : Interference - 2 min 07:14
(bad penalty, he was simply turning around and some guy happened to be streaking up the wing)

Alexei Kovalev :
Hooking - 2 min
(stupid play by Kovy, KEEP YOUR STICK ON THE ICE!!!)

09:00 Maxim Lapierre :
Slashing - 2 min
(sure he made the motion but he was going for the puck and I don't think he even hit the guys stick)

15:01 Alex Tanguay :
Tripping - 2 min
(so the refs miss an interference call, then they give Tangy a penalty cause the Canes player tripped over him)

17:23 Roman Hamrlik :
Tripping - 2 min
(I have nothing to say... too many avoidable penalties)

This is just my opnion on the penalties called in the first period.

Anonymous said...

Just checking in after the 1st. So, Halak has given up 2 goals on 5 shots? And on the other end, they've managed just 3 shots?

This is getting out of control. Something needs to be done. They need to score period. I don't know how to accomplish that, they should have enough talent to do it already. When you have a guy like Tanguay missing a wide open net in the last 2 minutes (like last game, and others), it's obviously more in their heads than anything.

Oh well. At least they're not ruining my holidays by waiting until Christmas and New Years to fall apart like every other year. Or getting my hopes up with a late season surge. At this rate, they'll be out of contention by February.


Anonymous said...

The Hamrlik penalty was a stick check. The guy tripped over his own stick after Hamr tied it up.

Tangy's made me angry.

Anonymous said...

orangeman. they spent 10 minutes in the box.

Anonymous said...


Yeah, I just noticed that. But did they deserve it (honest question, not watching)? Actually, only allowing 5 shots on 5 penalties is pretty impressive. I'll take the positive where I can find it.

Anonymous said...

Man, we must all be masochists watching this team game after game.

fezworth said...

Wow. There's a lot of negativity on this blog. We should all find pictures of kittens on skates. That'd make us feel better.

Anonymous said...

We're 1/3 of the way to my 6-0 prediction!

Sundin's impending arrival might make it easier to switch my allegiances to the home team.

Who am I kidding? I'm on the Habs no matter what. Like Tina on Ike

Anonymous said...

All Sundin had to do was watch a few games from the last week to realize this wasn't where he was going to sign.

copyranter said...


(totally shouldn't have been a penalty shot)

moeman said...


copyranter said...


you non-believers make me SICK.

Anonymous said...


fezworth said...

holy FUCK. I look away for two minutes, and...

Anonymous said...

He fuckin turned! This is FUCKING PATHETIC!

Anonymous said...

I wish we had someone to go out and beat the shit out of someone.

Anonymous said...

this is UNREAL! What is the greatest amount of minor penalties taken in a game? I am sure we can break it this game

Anonymous said...

So, Maurice, how many more PPs you need to rap this one up? 10? that'll be another $500

moeman said...

At least theref(s) gave the Habs a penalty shot. 2 goals on 6 total shots. Aye, yee, yee!

Anonymous said...

no goal??? I'm listening on CJAD...
who's watching? sounds like we were robbed?

moeman said...

Too close to call.

Ref seemed pleased to flap his wings with the no goal call.

Lostinleafland said...

another penalty...18 mins out of 35 have us short-handed.
Is this midget hockey? There is no consistency in this league when it comes to the Refs?

Anonymous said...

KOvy scored? Christmas has come early!

Sounds like an 'interesting' game. Too bad I'm stuck here at work only able to check up every 45 minutes. I can't blindly blame the refs, but 9 straight minors in the first half of the game? Is that even technically possible? And a disallowed goal? Hmmmm....

Only down by one. Come on you stipped scrooges, throw poor Timmy a bone!

Anonymous said...

That was supposed to read 'striped Scrooges'. I was still shaking from learning Kovy scored.

lawyergirl77 said...

OK, so I now have the glass of scotch in hand (or I will shortly), and I am fully caught up to the live game on my PVR.

One question:


Lostinleafland said...

penalty #10 and #11,,and its only the 2nd period.
Give the fans their money back..disgraceful..
Truthfully, has this ever happened without a fight being thrown in there somewhere? 11 minors???

copyranter said...

Here in NYC, I have to watch the Hurricane broadcast on NHL Center Ice...and these two morons keep saying "every one of these calls has ABSOLUTELY been a penalty." Fucking idiots.

moeman said...

@Lill "Give the fans their money back..disgraceful."

Um, the game is in Carolina. Listen to the fans at the game, they want more, of the same.

Anonymous said...

I have watched hockey for along time and I can't remember a game like this.
11-0 in penalties? All minors?

What the fuck is going on? Seriously, all great coaches have had nights when they go ape shit and start tossing things on the ice. THIS SHOUDL BE THAT NIGHT CARBO.

Oh, and that should have been a goal...it hit Markov's stick way down on his shaft! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TONIGHT?

Lostinleafland said...

On the bright side, we've played >50% of the game short-handed and only given up 13 shots.
That's impressive. Nice PK.
We win 4-3......flood gates are open for Kovy. Come on boys...turn it around.

Lostinleafland said...

I know its in Carolina..I once suffered a similar fate at a brutal Leaf game. It was 4-4 for 2/3 of the game. Brutal to watch.

Anonymous said...

Fucking Gainey didn't sign that rookie card I have of him...This'll show him.

Anonymous said...

11 straight minors? The only other hockey game I ever even heard of that was the women's gold medal game at Salt Lake City 2002 where the obviously biased ref handed the Canuckettes so many penalties that the US fans and players started protesting.

Again, I'm not watching the game but this sort of thing isn't supposed to happen in the NHL. But as long as those Southern teams win, Bettman is happy.

Anonymous said...

That was honestly disgusting to watch.

Anonymous said...

*whew* almost thought we were gonna tie it up there for a moment. What made the game even more interesting was the fact the torturously choppy online stream I gave RDS $90 for. If I want to watch the team suck, I at least want to do it in an uninterrupted fashion.

To top it off I think I'll dress like a woman and walk down to the Downtown Eastside, get fucked in the ass and catch AIDS.

Then I'll kill a hooker and go to jail for ten years or so.

Maybe when I get out, the team will have folded, or at least moved to Buenos Aires.

Anonymous said...

Just Fold the team...and for that matter, the league.
That was a joke.

Anonymous said...

Has Lacrosse already started?
Looking for a new sport to be interested in.

HF29 is not here but if he was he would say... said...

well this was a fun thread to read when i got home

Anonymous said...

Just saw the highlights. A few thoughts. Did Staal use his stick or his skate on that second goal? Markov's goal should have counted. That penalty shot was questionable at best. I saw at least 2 possible Canes penalties for roughing/crosschecking after the whistle just in the 3rd period in the highlights. Not saying they were definite penalties, but from the boxscore it doesn't look like the refs were too picky.

I find it hard to believe that one team can commit 11 penalties while the other one is near perfect. Unless you're the 70s Flyers I guess.

We don't know how the game would have turned out otherwise, the Habs are very good at finding ways to lose. But maybe we should do our best to puclicize when these refs work in Montreal next. Not saying people should hunt them down (what is this, soccer?) Just let them know how you feel at the Phone Booth.

Anonymous said...

The highlights didn't really show the questionable calls. Except that first one Hamrlik took. Honestly, he tied up the guy's stick and he fell.

My favorite was when Tanguay drop passed it to one of his teammates. 2 seconds pass by, he gets nailed. One would think that would be interference, right? Wrong. He falls down, and takes down the guy who hit him. Tanguay gets 2 for tripping.

Anonymous said...

*By takes down the guy who hit him, I mean, the guy tripped over Tanguay's legs.

Unknown said...

Bullshit reffing or not, it's time to shuffle the deck.

My dear FourHabsFans, uh fans...after 30 games we can agree that this team fucking sucks, right?

The Tits Bros. are playing like A-cups, Gui! is obviously never going to blossom, Higgins' aim will always hit a goalie's chest, O'Byrne is the first defenseman that has ever made me utter the words, "I'd rather have Breezer on the ice," Tanguay brings little to the table aside from a funny last name, and Carbo, well, Carbo seems to be doing absolutely nothing about all of this.

What the fuck is going on between periods? Is he even trying to motivate this team? Why aren't we hearing stories about him kicking trash cans or throwing handfuls of his own feces at players who play like shit? I want a coach that after a game addresses the media honestly...

For example, "Well, that's a good question Red, I think it turned for the worse when we decided that we're a bunch of pussies who are more interested in having a tickle party in the showers instead of fighting for the puck and creating some scoring chances."

Fuck you Habs! Fuck you Carbo, you spineless cunt. Thank you again for allowing me to sit down and watch another 3 periods of rotting goat cock.

Stanley Cup aspirations? Hahahahahahaahahahahahahhaha

Something has to change....
I'm going to go try and wash the taste of this team out of my mouth with vomit.