PK on Broadway: Rangers Game Preview and Open Thread

Tonight, PK Subban gets to take his mega-watt smile and polarizing demeanor to the city that never sleeps as the Habs take on the Broadway Blueshirts. Will Montreal be another smash hit like Billy Elliot, or will they end up with a trail of broken bodies and bad reviews like Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark?

Curtain, Lights: 7:00 pm at the "World's Most Famous Arena" (cough, cough - not because of you, Rangers - cough cough) on RDS, actual full nation TSN, and the MSG network. Habs have actually won three of four, while the Rangers have taken three straight.

Names above the marquee: Do you get the feeling PK would be on a Times Square billboard already if he wore a Ranger's jersey?  At the very least Don Cherry would love his moxie rather than call him uppity. Eyes are on him and the Whizzer (6 points in 6 games as a Hab) as nearly the last men standing on the Habs blueline. Scott Gomez (he of the 13 points in his last 12 - it's true!) returns to where he signed his massive contract in the first place. He should be up for this. All Star Carey Price is always center stage because this team can't score, but it looks like understudy Alex Auld goes tonight. Understudy Lars Eller also gets a game in place of lead tenor Squid. For the Rangers, Brandon Dubinsky is the new Ron Duguay, leading the team in scoring and swooning ladies in the crowd. Marian Gaborik is ever dangerous but currently ice cold. All Star King Henrik Lundqvist remains one of the NHL's best and All Star Marc Staal is quickly becoming a game-changer on defence.

Bit players: Rangers made a move for some offence to cover for the season ending injury of Alex Frolov by acquiring Wojtek Wolski for "much-maligned" defender Michael Rosival. With all New York's injuries, guys like rookie Derek Stepan and Artem Anisimov have been getting some valuable minutes. Captain Chris Drury will never live up to his contract (signed the same day as Gomez) but Rangers fans seem to have accepted him. Habs need much more from supposed headliners Pleks and Big Tits; both are in prolonged slumps and there isn't a lot of help coming from the bottom two lines so it's far more noticeable.

Your understudies will be: Weber is in because Markov and Gorges are out for the year. Eller is back in as Squid fights off "flu-like" symptoms. Rangers could cast an entire production with their injury list, as Vinny Prospal, Derek Boogard, Ryan Callahan, Erik Christensen and Alex Frolov are all definitely out, and former Habs first-rounder Ryan McDonagh is questionable. Wolkski may have to play defence and wing to make up the shortfall.

Playing the fool as always: Sean Avery. Still around, still an asshole. Sigh.

Scathing reviews courtesy of: Interesting look at the business of hockey through the Rangers over at BlueSeatsBlog. Wait, there's a blog that isn't run by snarky, photoshopping weirdos with a penchant for swearing? Yep. Good for them.

Aprés show entertainment: Um, it's New York. If you can't find something to do aprés show in New Freaking York, I can't help you.

Morning Skate for Thursday July 30, 2009 - The Thursday 5 à 7 Bachelor Party Edition

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of my arraignment in Court following my bachelor party....

• There's this whole Coyotes getting a RIM job story out there, and personally I find it gross and very degrading to animals, so I won't comment any further.
• I don't like it when fate fucks with destiny, so after a long illustrious career being a first rate asshole, Schumi you should thank your lucky stars for your continuing heart rate and stay retired.
• Kyle Wellwood's agent has promised that his client will play in Vancouver next season; in other news of similar importance, the barometric pressure in Bergen, Norway is 100.09 kPa.

Ok now the important stuff. As some of you may know, I am tying the knot next month. As a divorce lawyer, I have compiled enough to-do and not to-do lists to avoid any complications during married life. My bachelor party goes on a Thursday. Some of the boys are taking the day off, some will be joining that night. Why a Thursday? Good friends coming in from out of town deserve to be there and they are all worth the wait.

But will the party be? This is the site of hockey and boob. What better place to poll the world about what we should do on this day? Today, in the comments, I'm giving you the chance to help construct a party that will make the Staals look like Judy Garland. Wait a sec, wasn't she high on heroin or something? You get the gist.

Rules:

- I will not have sexual intercourse with a prostitute

- I will not have sexual intercourse with one of the boys

- I will not be humiliated on stage

- My penis will not be revealed at any point during the festivities

- I will not jump out of an airplane or fall from any place higher than a bar stool (what I call the Herve Villechaize suicide)

- Scenes from the movie the Hangover can be simulated, but I rather not end up with child 2 days before my wedding, that would kind of start the marriage off on the wrong foot.

Let us know what you think and help make it a night to remember...or forget.

Staal Bachelor Party Incident Will Come to a Quick End

Sadly for stripper-lovin' bloggers like the FHF, it looks like the Staal brothers bachelor party incident will end quickly and painlessly. They have been offered a plea agreement and they would be idiots to refuse it, given the "punishment" is a $587 fine. Shit, that was my budget for strippers just last night. For an NHL player, even in the salary cap era, it's a couple of lap dances.

The Staal Bachelor Party Gone Wrong. Sort Of.

Sadly, I am really not sure how many strippers were involved in the Staal incident, or even if there were any. But you know, any excuse to post stripper photos...

So for those of you just joining us, Eric and Jordan Staal were arrested yesterday following Eric's bachelor party. Disorderly conduct, obstructing the legal process and underage drinking sounds like it could be pretty juicy, but sadly, the Staals ain't Pacman Jones.

When you get right down to it, the whole incident was yawnsville. Literally - the Staals were actually asleep when they were arrested. There was some noise, and the party was told to keep it down, and so the Staals went to bed. And the Lutsen Resort, where the party was, is described by Minnesota Monthly Magazine as the "most romantic resort." What kind of freak bachelor party was this???

Seriously, I got into more trouble last night than these guys did. C'mon hockey players, if you want to push mobbed-up hoops refs and puppy-killing NFL stars off the front page, you gotta do better than this.

The Morning Skate for Thursday, July 26th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of a mobbed-up ref working a Game 7...

• Big Bird signs a deal to be assisant coach of the Devils. Now call me crazy, but isn't a step down to be assistant coach of a team you once head coached? And led to a Stamley Cup???
• The Staal brothers do their best to put the NHL on the American media sports map by getting arrested at Eric's bachelor party. Nice try, but it didn't get even get them on ESPN.com's front page.

If you don't think the FHF will have much more on the Staals later, with many photos of strippers, well, you just don't know the FHF.