KOVY I MISS YOU

How can we let this man go after all he's done for these people?!

Look at what he's done!!!! He's done a ton of things for people. All these things, they're all great.

And it doesn't matter that I don't understand a single thing he's done in this video.

But I'm pretty sure at some point he told the journalist that Carbo was a dickface.

League CHamps! Impact 3, Whitecaps 1 (6-3 agg.)

A stirring win by the home side yesterday! The Impact have taken the USL First Division title for the third time in the club's history, thanks to a 3-1 win over the defending champs Vancouver at Saputo stadium giving them a 6-3 aggregate two-game series win. The victory was especially sweet in a season filled with controversy and bad play where the Impact could have fallen apart at any minute. But the team held together through the adversity and played best when it counted.

The Impact exploded for their 3 goals late in the first half, on strikes by Tony "Tits" Donatelli (penalty in the 30th minute), Joey "Joojoo Shabadoo" Gjertsen (40th) and Roberto "Club Downtown" Brown (42nd). The Impact cruised from there, defending the big lead with skill and determination, a task made easier by the red card on Whitecap defender Shaun Pejic.

Impact veteran and captain Mauro "Bella" Biello, perhaps playing his last game in an Impact uni as he contemplates retirement, was thrilled with the victory, saying that "at this point in my career to be able to lift that championship cup again was unbelievable." He added that "we are going to fucking party all night. W00t! You would not believe the quality hookers 'n blow that Joey Saputo can lay his hands on. Man that dude's connected."

Oh yeah, Habs lose, Kovy has glorious return to Montreal, yada yada. You didn't think I was going to waste my time reviewing that crap did you?

TMS thinks this was all kind of pathetic

So the newest Ottawa Senator was introduced to the media and all of Ottawa yesterday in a ceremony that we thought was a little much for a 36 year-old enigma. All sorts of stuff about him wanting to play with Heater. That would be interesting.

But what we really got from all his interviews and the stories was that he wanted to stay in Montreal. I mean, just look at the pic above, does he look happy to you? He literally looks melancholy to us. Bob offered him enough money to stay, and he wanted to stay. So why isn't he here? Was it his agent's stupidity? No one can make a fucking phone call?

Anyway, this is it. One last goodbye to Kovy. Pathetic.

Kovy jogs down the 417

Peace right back at ya, Kovy. Alex Kovalev, Ottawa Senator.

May your enigmatic ways frustrate SLC for years to come.

Millio...Uh 200 Man March Won't Bring Kovy Back

200?

I've seen more people protest bans on rottweilers in Westmount.

Kovy, ciao bella.

Minister Farrakhan claims 4 million people marched for Kovy at the Bell Centre yesterday.

Ko-vy! Ko-vy! Ko-vy!

Not sure if we'll have a real game review at some point on this lazy Sunday. I just wanted to give two quick impressions from the Bell Centre yesterday, and they're both Kovy-related. The building was fucking dead at the start of the game. One exception - when Kovy was introduced on the scoreboard during the player intros. You'd have thought The Rocket (who Kovy gets paired with on the scoreboard) himself had come back.

And talk all you want about Kovy's killer pass to Pleks (0:14 mark) or his steal-and-bury-it goal (0:40), but I will always remember the play that didn't make this 5 minute highlight reel. Kovy on the PK, diving to clear the puck from the zone. I have a tear in my eye just thinking about it.

Combine Kovy's performance with the Semitic Saviour of the Power Play, and Bob is looking like a frakking genius.

Gotta Make'Em Go to Rehab but Habs Say No, No, No - Sens Gazillions, Habs 1

From Parliament Hill in the nation's capital, The Habs commemorated the 20th anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision to strike down Canada's Abortion Law by aborting their own game against the Sens after the first four minutes of play.

Nice.

So since I much prefer to discuss the 5oth anniversary of the Grammys rather than abortion or hockey related matters, allow me to fuse last night's celebration of music with Saturday night's ode to terrible hockey. The Hockey Grammys are upon us.

Record Of The Year

Irreplaceable: Daniel Alfredsson, producers: Daniel Heatley, Jason Spezza and Mr. Alfredsson impregnating a Mrs. Alfredsson with some special hockey semen.

The Pretender: Christopher Higgins producer; Christopher Higgins circa 2006-2007, Saku Koivu, Michael Ryder. Higgy - Good name for a rapper. Try that rather than hitting more posts than..um....a guy who hits a lot of posts. BOOYA!

Umbrella: Senators First Line, for peeing all over the Habs' parade. They are the best in the league. No offence to the big Tampa Line and coach Tortorella, ella, ella....

What Goes Around…Comes Around: The Ottawa Senators, thanks for beating us by a pussy goal on Tuesday, Montreal, now we're going to defecate in you ears. Mike Komisarek for making sweet sweet love to Elisha Cuthbert. Sean Avery for ditching Elisha faster than the writers on 24.

Rehab: Michael Ryder, producer; Midget AAA coach, Bantam coach, First grade teacher, a good priest, a rabbi who will work with a priest, an imam who does not fear assasination, a midget who's good with miracles.

Album Of The Year

Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace: A day in the life of Andrei Markov. Make that a noisy day.

These Days: Alexei Kovalev - For doing it all by himself of late. Kovalev is hockey's tribute to masturbation.

River: Cry me one, Patrice, because even if you played 10 minutes against the Sens, those are 10 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Graduation: Ray Emery, grow up you infant. It's time. You watch your team in a full line up trounce a pretty good Canadiens squad, you need to wake up, smell the Hummer fumes and realize that you have a shot a history here. The NHL doesn't need a Mike Tyson. Neither did boxing.

Back To Black: John Paddock, after much juggling, for finally realizing what goaltender would give him the best shot at going all the way.

Song Of The Year

Before He Cheats: Cristobal Huet, How much more to the right did you intend on leaning, on the Senators second goal. I could hear Carbonneau from the bench watching in dismay and thinking, "to the left, to the left"...

Hey There Delilah: Wade Redden, What's it like in New York City? I won't go to San Jose, but maybe I'll accept a trade to the Big Apple.

Like A Star: Jason Spezza, 6 points. Making Montreal his love slave. I think all the Zs in his name may have put the Habs to sleep.

Best New Artist

Little Tits: For connecting with his big bro on Montreal's only tally of the game. But we all saw you sipping on some turtle soup taking a few puches to the face, Sergito. No good. Don Cherry was watching.

Big Tits: For combining with his little brother for the only Ray of Light on Saturday.