...and then there was one

Bob (GM Of The Year) Gainey now has Josh G(e)orges, last year's Most Improved Player, under contract for three years at $1.1M per. This leaves Rhino as the Habs' last remining RFA.

It also leaves the Habs with about $7.5 M in cap space, so if they're planning to sign Mats at $7M per, Rhino will have to come cheap. The good news is that they then wouldn't have cap room for Breezer. Thank God for small miracles.

BTW, for those who object to the "GM of the year" title, keep in mind Trader Bob got Georges AND Max Pacioretty for Craig Rivet. The FHF wouldn't make a straight-up trade of Rivet (almost 34, $3.5M cap hit) for Georges (23, $1,1M cap hit) today, never mind including budding power forward Max Pack. And we still like Rivet - although I'm sure that will change come October when he's in a Buffalo uniform.

Is it training camp yet???

Habs UFA Preview

UFA day "falls" on a Tuesday next week. Lame connection I know, but lame excuses to post hot chicks is what we're all about.

With less than a week to go before moving day in Quebec, and the first day of unrestricted free agency, HFH takes a look at the Habs needs and which UFA's are available to fill them. Then our favorite part: we judge them based on whether their addition would be money (in the Jon Favreau/Vince Vaughn sense of the term) or a disease - say, like an STD acquired in a wild road trip to one of Montreal's many gentleman's clubs (STD!)

Number 1 Centre

Mats Sundin - Without re-hashing the old "is Koivu a true number one centre" debate, the fact is that the Habs have exclusive negotiations rights with Sundin, and if he signed with the Habs he's be their No.1 centre.

$$$! Mats puts the Habs over the top in their Centennial Year.

Simply put, Montreal's entire UFA strategy hinges on Mats. If he signs, that won't leave the Habs with much room to sign any other UFA's except to fill specific holes.

Third Line Centre

Assuming Mats does not sign and the Habs don't re-up with Slowinski, they'll be in the market for a 3rd line centre (unless they give the job to Chips). If not:

Bobby Holik - A big, shut down centre - but would have to take a HEE-Yuge paycut. Not likely in this weak market.
STD! probably after visiting Cleopatra's with Vancouver sometime in November. Bobby's going to ask for more cash that Bob is willing to give him. Probably a good thing, because otherwise it could see a Radek Bonk-like outcome here.

Mike Peca - a little on the small side, but if used in the right way (i.e. less that 15 minutes of ice time) he can still be effective. In other words, his days as a Leaf didn't completely ruin him.

$$$! Big upgrade from Slowinski.

Veteran backup/depth goalie
J-S Aubin - so-so career, will likely sign a two-way contract, won't demand big bucks. Plus he's a Quebecer.

$$$! He's probably let his career NHL ambitions die, so what more could the Habs ask for than a depth goaltender who's a little dead inside?

Patrick Lalime - Not likely, primarily because I question whether he has the stones to play in hockey-mad Montreal.
STD! Bob likes stones. Won't even be in the NHL next year.

Jocelyn Thibault - Don't laugh, he could be this year's Breezer. Not so sure he's ready to accept the possibility of being sent to the AHL, though.
STD! I've compared him to Breezer. 'Nuff said.

Fourth/Fifth Defenceman
Assuming they can't afford Marc Streit at $3M a year, the Habs will only sign a d-man from outside the organization for a much lower number. So there are no Wade Redden's on this list:

Jaroslav Modry - puck mover, effective if not overused and only made $1.2M last year.
STD! picked up from someone dirty eastern European hooker on the streets of Pardubice. Would probably prefer Europe over another NHL stop to finish off his career. Plus he reminds me of Janne Niniimaa.

Patrice Brisebois - just accept it.
$$$! which is ok, as long as he's carrying Rhino's jock all season.

Wildcards
Owen Nolan - Saw him play on Calgary this year, and he played physical, was a leader and even scored some timely goals. He'd be a great addition, especially to a team without a true pugilist. I doubt there'd be any reason to come here, though.
$$$! Love this nasty Irishman!

Sean Avery - Yeah, right. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.
STD! cause you know he's already full of 'em.


MONDAY: we look at who Bob may chase if Mats doesn't sign.

Round up the usual suspects: Habs play it again (and by "it", I mean "like crap late in the season")

"Our playoff hopes have been shot ... round up the usual suspects."

We now return all the pundits, non-Habs fans, and hockey experts to our regularly scheduled late-season, see-they-were-playing-way-over-their-heads Habs swoon. Fuck.

There is no parade to plan. Higgins scored a nice goal in the first minute, Streit made a fantastic rush and pass to Pleks for the second, and HueT made some great stops to keep the score closer than the Habs deserved. The rest was a dreary and disheartening as waking up to 20 cm of snow in my driveway (again!) this morning.

The Sky is Falling: Erroneous! Erroneous! The sky has fallen. Three straight losses, two to teams who are obstensibly "bottom feeders" sandwiching a blowout by the team the Habs had visions of catching for first in the conference a week ago. Shoddy defending, soft goals against, no scoring from anyone not on the Danse a Dix Line, and mindboggling decision-making. Ankles being broken country-wide as people scramble off the bandwagon. The FHF drinking even more heavily. What happened? Let's round up the usual suspects and ask them:

Breezer: Crimes against humanity. Abuse of own goalie through needless giveaways in defensive zone. Mental abuse inflicted upon fans for lack of toughness, ability to check, lapses in judgement and general, all-around Breezeritis.

Ryder: Crime of impersonating 30 goal scorer. Also guilty of attempted identity theft, pretending to have Kovalev's dipsy-doodle skills instead of dumping puck in and heading for slot.

Gui!: Grand larceny of Guy! Lafleur's chant. A felony to even be considered in same sentence. Wanted for unlawful abuse of boards and glass behind the empty nets he keeps missing. Also suspected of smuggling refridgerator on his back.

HueT: Wanted for unlawful gift-giving, including twice last night and at least twice on Saturday. Stays on the good side of the law more often than not by tendency to save the good guys asses during their frequent losses of concentration, but remains a danger to playoff aspirations if current trends continue.

Koivu: A sad case. Currently under heavy investigation for a number of unthinkable crimes, including not caring, lack of usual dogged determination, and for stealing souls of various linemates with lacklustre performance. Possibly under some sort of mind-altering influence. A model citizen gone bad.

Carbo Soze: Wanted for dangerous handling of line combinations, inexplicable treatment of goaltending situation, and improper use of Greek Lightning and Begin. Allows criminal element to run riot stealing purses and non-violently resisting police rather than making them act like good citizens who go to bed early the night before a game. Seems to have mercilessly abandoned faceoffs on the doorstep of the hockey fundamentals orphanage. Responsible for the continued playoff-murdering rampage of Breezer and Slowinski. Prime suspect in the disappearance of Panger's Boy Chips.

The Back-Door Wide Open Boys: For deciding that leaving a wide open Prospal in front of the net in a 2-2 tie was a wise decision with Vinny Lecavalier holding the puck behind the net, the Back-Door Wide Open boys need to go to jail for monumental stupidity.

The Soft-As-Kittens Gang: Wanted for lack of cajones needed to play NHL hockey against a bottom-feeder team with one legitimate scoring line. Identifiable by their tendency to get beat along the boards for all loose pucks, unwillingness to pay the price to clear the zone, unwillingness to go hard to the net consistently, unwillingness to PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FUCKING MOUTH when they spend minutes at a time digging for the puck at the side of the net; would prefer to try and freeze puck like a pussy. Can be rehabilitated if Carbo Soze allows Greek Lightning and Begin to infiltrate their ranks.

Chez Paree Bound: The only place this team is going is on a plane bound for 9th. And Ingrid Bergman caught a different flight.

Next Evil, Evil Foe: The Miami-Dade County Sheriffs Office? A University of Miami co-ed missing her wallet? A rampant Ollie Jokinen? Pencil them in for losses to all three.

Jekyll 4, Hyde 3

After building big leads in the first half of the last two games, only to a) blow one on Sunday and b) almost blow another last night, HF29 has pointed out the Habs are playing like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. So here a breakdown of last night's game, Jekyll & Hyde style. (Remember, Jeykll is the good one. I always forget.)

Jekyll: the first line combined for 9 points, with Turtleplek potting two (meaning he's just one behind Mr. Spezza). Big Tits again shows why he'll be on the main stage all night.
Hyde: the old number one line is either in the press box (Milk Carton), headed to the forth line (HF10's former Boy Higgins), or benched for half of the third after yet another stupid, lazy, offensive zone obstruction call (Captain K). Trade 'em all.

Jekyll: Offensive zone pressure, cycling the puck, and making tape-to-tape passes. This was Dance a dix line's strength, but Maxim Mag's line was strong on the forecheck, too. At least in the first half of the game.
Hyde: At the 10 minute mark of the seconds (exactly the moment when TurtlePlek scored his second and the Habs' forth), the team made the collective decision that Ottawa was beaten and they could take the rest of the night off. Yeah, because conference leaders take alot of nights off.

Jekyll: No penalties taken in the first half of the game. Way to stay disciplined!
Hyde: two (2!) over-the-glass delay of game penalties. Way to stay disciplined.

Jekyll: CristoWall stoning Randy (I wish I were Luc) Robitaille in the second.
Hyde: HeuT not dealing with traffic in his crease and waving his pad at the puck on the third goal.

Jekyll: Swiss Mister beating the Swiss Sister (Gerber) from 40 feat.
Hyde: Streit leaving as a UFA this summer cause of Carbo's messing with him. Pick a position , Guy!

Jekyll: Breezer only playing 12 minutes.
Hyde: Breezer being in the lineup and NOT IN THE TRUNK WHERE HE BELONGS, DAMMIT.

Ok quickly back to the usual:

Plan the Parade: Habs break a 6 game losing streak again the Sens and pull to within a point of the Division and Conference lead.

Sky is Falling: Almost blowing another big lead. This team seems to need a gritty vet to calm things down when the going gets tough - a vet who can win some defensive zone faceoffs in the last minute (unlike Captain K). At least Garth Murray didn't have to take the draw.

Chez Paree bound: the only thing getting blown around the Habs these days are leads.

Next Evil, EVIL foe: The Leafs visit on Thursday, coming off an 8-0 spanking by Florida last night. MaCabe might be back, which is both good and bad news I suppose. We hope Mats will be a Canuck by then. And we hope Raycroft gets the start (Raaaaay crooofftt...).

Predictions are for Fools: Habs 4, Caps 0

So we're halfway through our Three Way (predictions contest) with CapsChick and Capital Addiction and the big prize (so to speak) is still up for grabs. But the Habs won, and so we're claiming victory (even though all three of us picked the Habs to win). Now if only our predictions skills helps us out with some lottery numbers once in a while.... (Meanwhile, the Caps can pay this dude a buck in the hopes of seeing what draft lottery number they'll get).

Plan the Parade - SHUTOUT! Sweet. Of course it will come as no surprise to hear from me that the goalie is the key player on any team, but last night HueT really was key. Although the Habs played a great first period and built up a huge lead (including a shorty by Little Tits on a great play by Turtleplek), HueT still had to make some timely saves throughout the game, and sometimes even manages to look like he intended to make the save. Plus Rollie tightened the leash and CristoWall didn't have a chance to gift wrap a goal by wandering out of the net to play the puck. Kovy (cheap mullet and all) was clearly the best player on the ice - a fact which was most notable when he left with a finger injury in the second, and the Habs were stuck in neutral. AK27 led Alex the Gr8 with 6 shots to 4 and 1 goal to none, plus Kovy played 5 fewer minutes. As a team, the Habs generated 40 shots to the Caps' 35, and may have regained top spot in PP efficiency with a couple of man-advantage goals.

The Sky is Falling - for the purposes of the Three-Way (predictions contest), we refuse to acknowledge any weakness on the part of the Habs since they have a return engagement in mere hours. And since Breezer is still locked in a truck, we have no need to vent on any of the players on the ice last night (enjoy it while it lasts, Milk Carton).

So let's take a look at the opponent's problems for once: Ovie spent more time trying to prove his toughness (5 hits to lead the Caps) against guys like DOOM that he forgot about scoring goals (right now his only flaw seems to be that you can get him to lose his head with a little roughing up). Oh how to put this next question kindly: does John Erskine have some sort of learning disability? TWO penalties for putting pucks over the glass in the same game? Seriously? That's Breezer-like (not a compliment, FYI). Brent Johnson was in position to have some pucks hit him; I don't think Olie is worried about losing his job. Kolzilla usually kills us, but he's pushing 40 and I guess asking a guy making $5.5 mill to work twice in three days is inconceivable. That or Boudreau figured the Caps had no chance. Yeah, let's go with that. Finally, Backstrom looks like he should be scooping out ice cream at the concessions, not taking defensive zone faceoffs (Little Tits can work the register, for that matter).

Who knew we'd long for the days of Bengt Gustafsson (Washington edition) - you know, back when the Caps actually made the playoffs on a regular basis. Good news Caps fans, it supposed to be a good draft year, so that top-10 pick will come in handy down the road. Plus Ovie, Backstrom and Green don't suck.

Chez Paree bound - Shutout = free pass for the entire team. Plus HueT gets a three-way of his own.

Next Evil Foe - Duh, Washington again. Although it's hard to call a team evil when you're actually waiting for a certain player on the other team to hop onto the ice. For the purposes of our Three-Way, looks like we need the Habs to win and score 4 goals, we will already admit our Washington goals-for is way off, Ovie needs to score (but not Kovy - he can just set up Turtleplek this time) and Greek Lightening needs to kick Brashear's ass. Although we have to say Capital Addiction looks like she got it right on the fighting front - but we'll retort by pointing out that there is no need to fight when you're up by so many goals!

Breezer wants you to know he's not a pussy

Patrice Brisebois continues to suffer from pain in his foot, yet he wants you to know he's man enough to play through the pain. As has become tradition around these bilingual lawyer parts, we translate the Breezer's comments en français for you.

Il y a encore de l'enflure et c'est douloureux, surtout quand je marche.

Trans: My foot is as inflated as Pamela Anderson's tits, and I scream like a Norwegian death metal singer everytime I walk on it, but I have no fucking problem skating on it. Of course, I can't skate on a good foot, so what's the fucking diff?

Je veux jouer. Un athlète professionnel doit apprendre à jouer malgré la douleur.

Trans: I want to play. A pro athlete has to learn to play notwithstanding the pain. If only I was real pro athlete.

Aujourd'hui, j'étais dans le gymnase et j'ai invité Guillaume (Latendresse) à venir me rejoindre. Ca ne lui tentait pas vraiment. Mais une fois l'entraînement terminé, il était très content.

Trans: Today I went to the gym because I am bored out of my fucking mind. Guimauve came with me and we pumped each other good. He didn't want to go, but once it was over, he had a smile on his fucking face like Tom Brady after a night with Gisele.

L'équipe est jeune et les vétérans doivent montrer l'exemple.

Trans: I am totally losing my fucking job to Ryan O'Bryne and Josh Gorges. I've got to show those little pricks how to play D, the Breezer way. Then maybe I can get on the ice again.

Bolts Boxing Day Bonanza: Habs 5, T.Bay 2

Tampa's less than dynamic goaltending duo of Johan Holmqvist and Karri Ramo gift-wrap a "W" and hand it to the Habs on a silver platter. Jay Feaster looks for a real number 1 goalie, and we hear he's trying to lure Kari Takko out of retirement.

Plan the Parade: Habs play well enough not to lose and earn points 4 &5 out of a possible 8 on their infamous Christmas road trip. Guimauve pots #10 on the year, and continues to display not only chemistry with Captain K, but also the realization that he will only score goals while standing within 2 feet of the crease. And there is nothing wrong with that - Owen Nolan has scored 371 career goals and they've travelled a combined 371 1/2 feet. AK27 scored again and still looks interested, to our continued astonishment. Maxim Magazine scores his first of the year, which really should have been credited to Bolts D-man Filip Kuba, with an assist to Holmqvist. Markov scores and is plus 9 in his last 9 games. Big Tits adds another. The Habs best forward since his promotion, Little Tits, adds an assist and continues to show he could play on a line with a chimp at center and a baboon on the other wing and still impress us. Young blueliners Rhino and Georges don't suck, and their presence means Patrice Brisebois is still locked in the truck.

The Sky is falling: Despite the W and the road points, let's not get too excited - remember those two late goals were brutal giveaways, albeit after the game was decided. More to the point, do you remember any great shifts or even plays? All I remember were Bolts tripping over their sticks and deflecting pucks past thier own goalies (and thanks again, Mr. Kuba). This win was more the result of the Bolts stinking up the joint than the Habs beating a legit opponent. Maybe T.Bay forgot it was a home game (where they have the best home record in the conference) due to all the ex-Queebs in attendance - including several top-heavy blonds in the row right behind the Habs' bench. The only time all season I've appreciated RDS' continuing coverage of the Various Angry Faces of Carbo. HF10's Boy Higgins gets a hee-yuge demotion to the third line, next to Maxim Mag and Milk Carton Mike - although it's better than My Boy Chips, who watched from the press box (although I'm convinced he took the time to pay a visit to the Lightning Girls "backstage"). Milk Carton Mike proves he could play with Gretzky at center and Mario Lemieux on the other wing and still manage to go minus-1, take a bad penalty and not score a point. Well, provided the aforementioned linemates were also wearing Habs jerseys. We all know that he'll pull a LeClair and score a goal and two assists in his first game against the Habs after he leaves, just like that little bastard, Mickey Ribs. Yes, we're still bitter.

Chez Paree Bound: No one really earned any lap dances last night - except for My [New] Boy Little Tits. Yeah that's right, I'm officially on the bandwagon. Plus, we're not letting the Habs out late due to the history of play again the next night.

Next Evil Foe: The freaking Panthers, who have the Habs number for some bizarre reason. Jacques Martin's bore-the-opponent-to-death system is the latest excuse, Eddie Belfour was the excuse last year, Roberto Luongo before that - none of which satisfactorily explain the Habs suckitude against this inept franchise. We'll take comfort in the fact that Youppi! could kick Stanley C. Panther's ass straight up and down the panhandle.

Habs win 5-2 Over Caps - but please, there's not enought booze in the world for us to tolerate more pics like the one from the last game preview

Most of the FHF watched last night's game through the bottom of a glass, mostly to drown out the mental image of HF29's game preview pic.

Plan the Parade: Habs win! Who cares that it was against the worst team in the East. Gimauve pots a pair, making Carbo look like a genius for sitting him an extra game in favour of Milk Carton Mike. Ditto Cristo-Wall, who looked every bit the No. 1 goalie last night in stopping 35 of 37 shots. We'll see if it gets him another start on Saturday. Little Tits gets his first career NHL goal, which hopefully earns him a trip to the dermatologist on the Habs tab. The Dance a Dix line again proves to be the de facto number 1 line, although at least Saks didn't do any Chris Simon impersonations last night. Georges and Rhino were still in the lineup, meaning Breezer was still locked in a truck parked somewhere in St. Leonard, God Bless the mafia (yeah yeah, I know I made that joke in the comments earlier this week, but it's still funny to me.)

The Sky is Falling: even with a win against the worst team in the East, the Habs are 4-18 on Christmas road trips over the past few seasons, so let's not get too excited - besides Alex the Gr8, Nylander and Semin, name another Caps forward. Exactly. Rhino made some miscues again, suggesting he's not quite ready to be anointed the No. 4 defenceman quite yet - but a couple of years down the road, we're excited to see the Twin Towers, Rhino and Komo, knocking forwards on their rumps in front of TFS(TM).

Chez Paree bound: sure, what the hell, it's almost Christmas. But be warned: we're not convinced the Fat Chick Stripper isn't coming back soon. Although we all pray HF29 just won't be able to bring himself to post another startling pic like that . I may need a rusty spoon to gouge my eyes out if that happens again.

Next Evil Foe: The Habs hope to avoid a Thrashing in Atlanta (haha...not). ATL ended a four game skid with a win over T.Bay and added second win by beating the Sens last night (sorry SLC). Although they're still under .500 and will be hard pressed to make the playoffs, at least they're not the Falcons.

Is This The Face Of Our Saviour??

Little Tits is (are?) coming to town! Following on the heels of the announcement of long-term injuries to Smokes and Begin, the Habs recalled Big Tits' little brother, Sergei, from the farm today. By all accounts a more well-rounded player than his older brother, but with less pure skill - because, you know, why would the Habs need more skill? Let the hype and ensuing disappointment begin.

In even better news, Breezer is on the limp. It'll be interesting to see if Little Tits gets a shot up front with Streit moving back to the blueline or whether Josh Georges will take Breezer's spot. Not sure a blueline with two virtual rookies (Georges and Rhino) is a great idea against the Flyers and 6-point man Joffrey Lupul. Then again, nothing is worse that The Breeze on a cold night in Philly.

This Number 9 Ain't So Great for the Canadiens - Canes 5, Habs 1

Just like after losing to the Leafs, FHF refuses to put up strippers after performances like that. Anyone who notices any phallic imagery, well, I guess that's a reflection on you.

The Carolina Hurricanes (yes, we will cease referring to them as the Whalers after last night drubbing) walked into Montreal last night and won their ninth straight on Hab ice. Maurice Richard is rolling over in his grave, God Bless him. Let's hope the sky is still blue in Montreal, cause allot of prices of it fell last night. But before we get to a detailed analysis, because that is gonna take a while, here's the game in a nutshell:

Habs player 1: you feel like working tonight? Those Canes can skate.

Habs player 2: Not really, lets mail this one in and head over to Super Sex.

Habs Player 3: Sounds good. Besides, Cam Ward is God on Bell Centre ice. I just pissed my pants thinking about him.

Carolina Players: We'll take the two points from you, gents. And your strippers.

Patrice Brisebois: I like cake!!

The Sky is Falling: Oh, where to begin. After the game, LG77 and hubby blamed Carbo, and that's as good a place to start as any. While coaches often get to much blame (and credit) for their teams' play IMHO, Carbo has to accept some blame for the Habs coming up so flat in a Saturday night game against a foe who must have had at least one eye on the next afternoon's game against the Best Team In The NHL (sorry SLC), the Detroit Hot Wings. No passion. No emotion. No FUCKING hitting. When Greek Lightening straightened out Cory Stillman at the Canes blue line with 5 minutes left in the 2nd, it was the first time I saw a Hab intentionally lay the body on a white jersey.

LG77 argues that Carbo's defensive system is so complicated and the players so wound-up worrying about making a mistake that the inevitable result in crappy-ass play like last night. I responded by saying that I could only agree if I figured out what system she was referring to - skating in circles and making crisp passes onto opponents' sticks doesn't sounds like a system I've ever heard of.

But Carbo wasn't the one who has his pocket picked in the neutral zone because he was taking his sweet-ass time making a play (hi there, Chips), or provide his man - who happens to be known to everyone in the province as a Hab-killer - with a ten-foot cushion in the defensive zone on the ensuing turnover (Mr. Hamr, please stand up), or fail to come up with a tough but not impossible save (more on The Franchise Saviour (tm) later). Nor was it Carbo who lost a faceoff in the defensive zone leading to a goal 3(!?!) seconds into a PP (sorry Pleks, otherwise you played ok). It also wasn't Carbo's fault that Swiss Miss Streit gift wrapped a pass to the Canes, leading to yet another turnover and yet another goal. I'm no cultural expert, but I have never heard of Christmas arriving early in Switzerland. It my have been his fault for Breezer letting Cole get in behind him for a breakaway minutes after Hamr's miscue, if only for allowing Breezer on the ice in a Habs uniform. In case I was being too subtle, Patrice Brisebois sucks. Most likely something shaped like the above picture, I should add.

The only serious complaint I have about Carbo is for pulling Price in the third. The boy is 20 years old, don't fuck with his ego. And don't feed the fans a line about resting him for Tuesday - he's 20, if he can't go all night on two days rest he is a lesser man that I was at that age. Or say it was about "sending a message" to your players - perhaps you should have sent a message BEFORE the debacle began. All Carbo is doing is messing with the future of the franchise's confidence - during the anniversary week of the Habs giving away their last franchise player, no less. As much as it usually doesn't seem that way, I'm sure the Iceman does have feelings underneath that cowboy mask. Plus, it's not like Halak stood on his head in the third. One good glove save isn't going to inspire his teammates, especially when he gave up a weak one on the Canes last marker.

That being said, The Franchise Saviour (TM) was clearly outplayed by Damn Cam Ward. It seems that Price is great on saves which require him to move and/or anticipate, but when he is planted he gets beaten on shots from the slot, which leads to questions about how deep in his net he is playing (and may eventually lead to questions about his reflexes). Example: Cole beat Price in the first goal on an opportunity that resembled a chance Higgins had on Damn Cam late in the third. Damn Cam came up with a relatively easy save as he was aggressive in challenging Higgs. Obviously it's too early to get down on The Franchise Saviour (TM), and we haven't forgotten last week's game against the Leafs, but the fact remains we were out-goaltended last night.

LG77's remaining venom was spewed in the direction of the officiating. Lopsided powerplays (with even-up calls going for the Habs only after the game was decided - and somehow one got the feeling the officials pitied the Habs at that point in that embarrassment of a game). So while I see her point, I can't offer up the Habs a convenient excuse like reffing. While I still don't understand how the Swiss Miss's goal can be overturned when the refs called a goal and numerous replays did NOT show any conclusive evidence of a kicking motion (it looked like a deflection at most, which is allowed), and RDS even reported that the Canes broadcasters were surprised it was disallowed, it wasn't responsible for the loss. Plus, the Cane's disallowed goal in the third (albeit at a time when both teams were just trying to find a way to deplete the remaining seconds on the clock) was a blown call as well. Kovalev clearly knocked the feet out from under Halak, not the Canes forward.

An argument could also be made that the 2/5/10 given to Komo after Scott Walker nailed him from behind into the boards was bullshit. How can Komo get the instigator when he's driven face first into the boards AND Walker drops the gloves first? Incredible.

But again, the officials didn't lose this game for the Habs. They had 6 other defensemen plus Breezer on the bench, even with Komo in the box. The bottom line is that nothing in the rest of the game gave the slightest indication that the Habs were interested in fighting for lose pucks, battling along the boards, or even skating with the Canes - refereeing and coaching be damned.

Offensively, the first line had two good shifts, and both resulted in Canadiens' power plays. Beyond that, zilch. HF10's boy Higgins (he's not My Boy after games like last night's) has been watching Kovy in practice too much, and thought he could dipsy-doodle like AK 27. In reality, the Canes knocked the puck off his stick an estimated 973 times last night. Milk Carton Micheal still couldn't score if he strapped dynamite to his chest, cried "Long Live the Ayatollah", blew himself up in a crowded market, and was granted his harem of virgins in the after life.

As for Saks, P.J. Stock had an interesting observation on HNILeafLand After Hours last night: he thinks Saks feels betrayed by the City and has lost the fire that drove him in years past. I want to believe that is untrue, if only because Saks should be revered as a god in our city for all he has done. But his play on the ice suggests otherwise. Just like his team, no passion, no emotion, no hitting.

RDS suggested that being outhustled was only part of the problem, that the Habs don't have the talent of Carolina. But I think (on paper) the goaltending is even, the Habs defense a little better, and the Canes forwards a little better, so I'm not ready to agree with Pierre et Yvon's assessment yet. But that doesn't mean GM Bob shouldn't be going after a No. 1 center and a top-six winger. Sooner rather that later, Bob. We're panicking here. At least the Leafs winning streak is over, or we'd really be freaking out.

Plan the Parade: Kovalev played pretty well, looked interested, created a little on offense (which is a whole lot more than most of his teammates), and was even seen covering a white jersey in the defensive zone. Ditto Big Tits, who potted the Habs lone goal off a terrific pass from Kovy. The Chips-El Dandy-Gimauve line was probably our most energetic, but of course that's not saying much.

LG77 thought Rhino and Max were our best players because "Carbo hasn't had a chance to fuck up their confidence with his system yet." I watched Rhino closely and he played pretty well, but in limited action, even with Komo in the box. Nor did I think Max had a big impact, although he didn't stink either. But if they are our best players, the Habs will be golfing sooner rather than later.

Chez Paree Bound: no waiting in line, no cover, and free lap dances for the whole team. Obviously we're talking about the Canes. No wonder Eric Staal told Chantal Macabee that he loves playing in Montreal. Well, that and that pancake-faced MILF offered him a hummer in the parking lot after the game. Truth be told, we'd hit that too, Eric.

Meanwhile, Breezer is providing the lap dances in the Habs dressing room.

Next Evil foe: I think we can all assume we'll be losing to the Lightening on Tuesday, what with Lecavalier and St-Louis returning to their home province. At least we can look forward to a few days of trade rumours about those two from lame-brained hockey "experts" like 110%. Although who am I to question the report that Tampa will take Max, Breezer and a draft pick for Marty.

Excuse me while I look up the number of a good lobotomist.