Habs 3, Canes 2: Whaddya mean it's Christmas Eve??!!

LG77 would post this, but her house is still a mess, gifts aren't wrapped, cookies ain't baked, and HOLY HELL HOW IS IT ALREADY CHRISTMAS EVE.

She hears that the Habs performed a minor miracle last night, thanks to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Price... And the fact that they somehow stayed off the refs' naughty list.

But she was too busy actively contemplating acts of homicide at the mall/grocery store so she missed the blessed event.

So, in lieu of an actual game review, here are her tourtières that are about to go into the oven... And that should have been in there two hours ago if the lineup at the SAQ hadn't been 45 minutes long.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!

Edited by LG77 to fix iPhone typos... Doh!

С Рождеством Vodkov! Panthers game preview and open thread

Don't think we don't recognize the fact it's Christmas for some of us! Notably the Russians (and other Eastern Orthodox people I guess, what do I know) and probably the Belorussians. I'm too lazy to look this shit up. But I do know today is Russian Christmas. So Merry Christmas Andrei (and probably the Titses). May Дед Мороз bring you lots of presents. Maybe the "C"?

Hey didn't I write yesterday that I would no longer watch hockey? Why am I writing a preview then? Hmmm. Well, it would be a crime to deprive our fine readers of my witty banter, such as it is. Why don't we just ramble on a bit without any clever gimmick? Habs sucking so much does not give me any inspiration for any clever gimmicks.

Game goes at 7:30 tonight at the Centre of Bell Globemedia. Habs coming off two straight losses to start 2010, and the Panthers coming off a loss to Tronna after shocking the Pens over the weekend. Habs won the only meeting so far this season, the 5-4 New Year's Eve day game last week. Thanks to an anonymous commentor for that game, we discovered the other Panthers blog on the intertubes, the quite excellent The Rat Trick.

Hot Habs? Yeah, right. CHicken maybe? Vodkov maybe? Bryan McCabe and Nathan Horton playing well for the Cats. Over the last two games, plenty of coldness for the Habs. Let's just say all the forwards and all the defense.

Once again, we are deprived of the services of Titses. Not to worry, I'm sure that BGL can fill their shoes. Rhino still in B.C. for family issues. PatCHes and Dagger have switched lines. And your goalie will be Jaro. I'm sure he can turn aside the 40-50 shots that will be thrown his way.

For your post-game adult entertainment, in the spirit of Russian Christmas, get all your free Russian porn at the Russian Porn Blog. The term NSFW is woefully inadequate for what you will get if you click on that link.

Merry Christmas to all our Russian readers (NOT our good Finnish friend sleza. i think Sonia speaks Russian). Stoli shots for everyone!

It's the waiting in line for fantastic savings early Leafs vs Habs preview

I knew I should have kept that receipt ...

Hello, shoppers! HF10 here, live from the parking lot of Future Shop, waiting in line for the HEE-YOOOGE savings to start. Nothin' says birth of the saviour like 37" plasmas for $499. If your like me, you just got finished seeing everyone else off to bed as the turkey and egg nog worked their triptyphanerific magic, so it's time to evaluate your recent Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa bounty. Get anything good? Got a trip to Old Navy in your future to return some flannel pyjama pants? Somehow end up with Red Wing socks? Tis the season for ...

Waiting in line at the returns desk: Saturday night, the CBC and RDS, 7:00 pm from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto. Bleu, blanc, rouge and blue and white all over. Goodwill towards men fucking ends TODAY, you truculent little bastards.

Hot like an Iphone with 5000 apps: The Super Amazing Story of Wonderpleks, Squid and the Big Tits continues. Mr. Andrei Markov is back and scroing at will. Metro bagged a pair last game after a big drought. The Urologist keeps scoring. Jaro is starting another goalie controversy. Even Scott Gomez escapes my wrath for now with some solid play and a three assist night. For the Leafs, Tomas Kaberle leads them in scoring and has three points in his last three, and don't look now but Mike "Traitorous Douchebag" Komisarek is rounding into hardhitting, make life miserable form.

Cold like the gravy sitting in that pot at the bottom of the dirty dishes: BGL hasn't made a useful contribution since he was a Penguin. Mad Max is more like Max & Ruby at this point. Matt D'Agostini is fucking terrible. For the Leafs, 3 is the magic number: It's the total points scored by Phil Kessel, Matt Stajan, Alexei Ponikarovsky, Nick Hagman and our old friend Grabs in the last six games.

Broken like the $100 toy you gave your shit-disturbing nephew less than 20 effing minutes ago: Habs still missing Gionta, also Mara, possibly Hamr. Leafs Victor Stralberg is questionable, The Monster always seems one cheeseburger from more heart trouble, and here's hoping the massive hole in Toskala's catching hand is still there.

Annoying like your crazy Uncle Milt, but it's the holidays so you've got to talk to them: We get periodic visits from PPP, Chemmy, eyebeleaf and jaredoflondon around here. If you like, you can visit all of them (bring rumballs or fruitcake!) over at Pension Plan Puppets. Be nice, for gawdsakes. It`s the fucking holidays.

Post-game entertainment: Put on the fire-log dvd, grab your third turkey sandwich of the day and your fifth rum-based beverage and relax. You and your family have earned it.

If you got anything good, brag about it in the comments.

It's time to get into the Christmas spirit for this Carolina preview and open thread

Ho ho ho! And ho! Let's stop with the bad sexual entendres and let's get festive everyone! Of course, it's easy to get festive when you've won two in a row! Woohoo! Plus, it's sort of a voluntary day here at my office, so we're drinking Irish coffees this morning. Double Woohooo!!!!

OK, how about a stat that everyone is talking about to get you and me down from this Bushmills-induced 11 AM high? Habs have not won on December 23rd since 1945. 1945! To give you some perspective on how long ago that was, back then I used to buy only a half-gram of meth at a time. My how times have changed! On Dasher with the preview!

Waiting for Santa - 7 PM start in Carolina. In the only other game between the teams this year, Habs needed a shootout in Montreal to win back in November. Canes suck big time, mired in last place in the Eastern conference, and in the whole league for good measure.

Put up a stocking for - Life and Times of a Caniac is just good, honest reporting on the Canes.

Hot like the fireplace you put the stocking up over - I would like to dedicate the Habs portion of this section today to the greatness that is Pleks right now. He's in the top 10 in league scoring. He has as many points as the following NHL stars - Backstrom, Richards, St. Louis. He has more points than the following NHL stars - Marleau, Kovalchuk, Stastny, Iginla, Kane, Zetterberg, Alfredsson, Stamkos, Nash, Malkin, Lecavalier. OPEN THE FUCKING CHECKBOOK BEFORE JUNE BOB. ENOUGH OF THAT STUPID BULLSHIT "DON'T NEGOTIATE DURING THE SEASON" POLICY.

For the Canes, ah, um, uh, looking, um, Sergei Samsonov has 2 goals in his last 2 games.

Cold and dark like the coal Santa left in your stocking because let's face it, you're the naughtiest motherfucker this side of Kim Jong-Il - Little Tits pointless streak up to 10 games. Metro not doing too hot lately either. Is Dagger still on this team or is he in Hamilton? Seriously, I really don't know. For the Canes, Brind'Amour pointless in 10, Jokinnen pointless in 3.

Donner, Blitzen, and Vixen (heh, Vixen) are all out with lower body injuries, putting Santa's perfect record at risk - so Mara and Gio have come back to Montreal. Gio has taken a step back and can't skate for four days. Hamr is out. On the good news front, the Benoit Pouliot era is upon us! He'll play with Gomez and Little Tits. Jaro gets his 3rd straight start. Let's face it, he deserves it.

Post-game holiday adult entertainment - a whole gallery of sexy Santas should keep you warm and entertained while waiting for the real Santa.

Let's hear what you want from Santa in the comments