The Morning Skate takes a closer look at the schedule for Thursday, July 16th

Well as you all know by now, the NHL schedule was released yesterday. Here's the entire season for the Habs. Motherfucker, there's a lot going on there.

First off, we're still not sure about the Olympic Stadium cash grab celebration of hockey. The Caps are scheduled to play here November 28th, but there's no indication (yet) that the game is at the Big Owe. We'll keep an eye on that.

Leafs! Habs! Opening night on HNIC in Tronna. Should be fun. Habs open with five straight on the road, including a West Coast swing? That's fucking bizarre. Look for Panger and the rest of the FHF Calgary crew October 6th. Home opener is October 15th against the Avs. We've got the December 4th game against the B's that's the official 100th anniversary.

We'll see Kovy for the first time in Montreal October 17th and Higgy October 24th. Dou$harek gets mercilessly boooed for the first time October 31st. Saku won't be coming to visit, but we'll go see him March 7th.

The schedule is actually pretty brutal 'cause of the Olympic break, but it will be the same for everyone. 12 times we'll play 3 in 4 nights. Twelve! That's fucking ridiculous. Fifteen back to back nights. But at least the home-away balance is better than last year. The longest road trip is 7 games over Christmas, including the Florida swing. Hang on to your purses, ladies!

Check your watch games include a 5 PM start New Year's Eve in Florida, a January 3rd matinee against the Sabres, and the usual Super Bowl weekend double matinee.

All in all, not too bad for the Habs. Around the league, there's some other interesting stuff like Fenway, Stockholm, and Helsinki, but we don't give a crap about the rest of the league, right?

NHL Season to Open in the Midst of Czech Supermodels

This is Veronica Varekova, Czech supermodel. She even has a hockey connection, having been married to Peter Nedved for a time. She may or not be in the arena when the NHL season opens in Prague October 5.

Yes, the NHL schedule is finally out. Highlights include the Lightning and Rangers opening the seaon for 2 games in Prague, while the Sens and Pens clash for two in Stockholm. You're saying I could have used a Swedish chick for the photo, too. I hear ya, but man, look at Veronica.

As for the Habs, they open October 10 at Buffalo. Home opener is October 15 against the Broons. Other highlights include the usual Super Bowl weekend double matinee and the Florida Christmas holiday trip, though that trip has games at Pens and at Devils on either side of it. That's a joke of a travel schedule. Look for Panger at the Saddledome on February 9th. Habs final game is April 11 against the Pens in Montreal, for the Wales Conference championship.

Leafs Forced to Pack Overnight Bags: Toronto Management Files Protest Over "Grossly Unfair" Scheduling

Sundin and Tucker console each other after hearing the horrific news

In a shocking development that General Manager John Ferguson Junior has labelled "grossly unfair" and "contrary to all principles of decency", the National Hockey League, in a brazen swipe at the shining beacon at the centre of the hockey universe, has decreed that the hard-luck Maple Leafs will be forced to travel to Pittsburgh to play the Penguins this evening. Leafs season ticketholders, fans, broadcasters, and players were shocked at what team president Larry Tannenbaum called "an outrageous, unnecessarily cruel punishment" from the league.

"I don't even have a bag large enough to hold a change of clothes", sniffed young winger Thomas Steen as he tearfully boarded a plane for the grueling hour and a half flight. Captain Mats Sundin helped the distraught youngster find a seat, refusing to answer questions about "this bullshit decision; rumour is the Penguins received permission to play Crosby and Malkin too."

NHL Head Office representatives would not confirm or deny Sundin's accusations that Penguins stars Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Jordan Staal, and Sergei Gonchar would be allowed to play tonight. If so, it would be yet another injustice forced upon the Blue and White. As beloved, entirely neutral announcer Bob Cole noted, "it's bad enough they let all those guys play in Toronto, especially since they had only played one game the night before. But to let them all play at home after the Leafs have to take that horrible flight, and then have to take a bus to the rink ... well, that's deplorable." Cole then mumbled incoherently, mispronounced the names of several Penguin players (past and present), and hugged his Darcy Tucker beanie baby.

Coach Paul Maurice was incensed at the injustice being served on his team. He noted that the Leafs had already been forced to play in Ottawa and Buffalo in their first ten games, "and some of the boys didn't get back to their condos until almost 1 am" after both contests. Maurice also noted that if not for the timely injury suffered by Atlanta goalie Kari Lehtonen, the Leafs would have faced their third starting goalie of the year. "Three starters in the first ten games! And Gerber WAS the starter in Ottawa last year for a time!" said an increasingly agitated Maurice, his voice as loud as a normal human whisper. "If I only have back-up goalies, it only seems fair that the other team use theirs."

Commissioner Gary Bettman was indeed sympathetic to the Leafs, and said that the NHL would make sure that injustices such as this were not perpetrated against "our flagship franchise, and the owners of our rented offices in the ACC." Bettman then promptly suspended Penguins goalies Marc-Andre Fleury and Dany Sabourin for tonight's game, and replaced them with former Pens back-up Frank Pietrangelo and Jean-Claude Van Damme's character from Sudden Death "because he plays a Penguin goalie, and that's close enough." Bettman also immediately passed the "John Tavares rule", which guarantees the Leafs the right to choose 16 year-old Oshawa Generals goal-scoring phenom John Tavares "whenever they are ready".

When told of the Commissioner's moves, Ferguson Junior said "it's a start, but it still won't save my fucking job. Do you think the Pens would take the Tavares pick for Pietrangelo?"

October 3rd - Mark It Down

We have a schedule! The regular season begins at Carolina October 3rd. Then road games at the Laffs and Pens. Put us down for an 0-3 start. Well maybe we can beat the Leafs, that's about it.

And let's hope a playoff birth is secure before the last 8 games of the season (ha!) 'cause those last games are all division foes.

Other highlights from the sched:

• The Super Bowl weekend double afternoon games are back. There's 2 losses;
• The Xmas holiday Florida road trip is back, too. There's two more losses;
• The Ducks and Kings open the season with 2 games in LONDON (England, not Ontario) on September 29 and 30. Jolly good fun!
• HF33 and I are already negotiating who gets the season tix for the Saturday night Pens tilt January 19th;
• The Habs don't play Calgary, Edmonton, or Vancouver at all. That just sucks. This stupid unbalanced schedule is just, stupid.

We'll take a closer look at the sched in the coming days, see what sticks out. Right now all I see is 0-7.