Lightning Crashes Habs INSTA-REVIEW - Tampa 3 - Montreal 1

We just need the creepy bald angel from the "Lightning Crashes" video for the entire Lightning cliche catalogue

Well, the CBC hasn't even taken us over to Don Cherry's Maple Leaf lovefest yet and here's the Lightning Fast Insta-Review. Bear with us, cause this is going to be even more stream of consciousness than usual:


Plan the Parade: Uh, no. There will be no parade this year, unless Andrei Markov is WAY better than we all think. However, some pluses for tonight included:

• Pleks, still decidedly un-Zombielike. Another solid performance, even doing Mad Max the Pussy's (tm Pee-air McSplooge) job by getting so far under Vinny Lecavalier's skin he was itching like he just slept with one of the girls he met back in junior in Rimouski. Days until the gnashing of teeth because Pleks prices himself out of the Habs range: 134.
• Big Tits, less Zombielike with each passing moment. A few nice moves, seemed engaged, even threw himself a big hit. Baby steps for the epileptic dullard, eh?
• The kids, Max-Pac, Carle, Whitey, Pyatt. None of them are burners, none of them have can't miss written all over them right now, but none of them looked out of place. Once again, Panger's boy Chips is getting passed by on the depth chart. Poor bugger.
  
• The Urologist, not looking like he learned defence from a correspondence course (tm Moeman). This evening, abysmal he was not. Well, that's something, I guess.
  
• Price, not giving up a backbreaking, stupid goal. Of course, he's not off the hook entirely(see below).
• Coach Martin, who appears to have a plan in place. The Habs came out flying at the start of each period, adjustments seem to be made during intermissions, and when the lines start shuffling it doesn't seem to be desparate grab-bag bullshit. I think he's a very good coach and may actually win this team some games by outsmarting someone on the other side.
  
• Giant Mexican Squid, not infalible but hella fun to watch. AnnTaylorNinnyChicomaki made a half dozen stops when GMS was buzzing that would have made this game look a whole lot different.
• Glen Metropolit, still awesome. That is all.
  

The Sky is Falling: Remember when a loss to the Lightning would have been a disaster? I can't remember when the Habs just trampled one of these fucking Southern division teams and it pisses me off. I grew up watching this franchise steal the lunch money of teams like LA, Pittsburgh, the old Atlanta Flames and Minnesota North Stars week-in, week-out. This new NHL shit blows. Also blowing:

• The defence on the first goal. Hey, Hamrlik, how about fucking hitting the guy in front of the net before he gets his FOURTH free whack at the puck?
• The defence on the second goal. Hey, Hamrlik, how about fucking tying up your man on the backcheck instead of letting him get a free shot on the rebound? Which brings us to ...
• The big, fat whale Cari rebound on the second goal. Ugh. And come to think of it, Price should probably have had that third goal too. It beat him and hit the post, then the refs got it wrong on the replay, but an inch lower and it was in clean. Bad luck, but he needed to do better.
  
• Seriously, I know Hamr is doing some heavy lifting right now, but there was a point late in the second where the man had a wide-open shot from the point and his shot was so weak he wouldn't have broken Alex Tanguay with it. Someone get him some time in the hyperbaric chamber or a night off.
• Oh, of course Mr. Glass Tanguay comes back and scores a goal. Stupid pussy fucker. Naturally, he also left the game with an injury at one point. Probably his ovaries.
• Hey, notice I didn't mention Gui or Mad Max yet? It's because they did sweet fuck all. Again. Sit both their asses for fuck's sake.
  
• ABC is showing Cinncinati/UConn as their primetime game. Is it an Elite Eight match-up in the NCAA tourney? Why no, it's a fucking football game. Because you know, a match-up full of hot babes in the stands like USC/Arizona State or a legendary traditional rivalry like Oklahoma/Nebraska isn't on right now somewhere in the continental US. Yeah, I know that has nothing to do with the game, but fuck me, Cinncinati/UConn?!!?!

Chez Paree bound? Well, I wouldn't kick any of the guys mentioned in the Plan the Parade section out, but I sure as hell ain't letting them skip the line. The Habs didn't play all that bad tonight, but AnnTaylorNinnyChicoMaki played great and they lost. Unfortunately, this looks like the lot for this team unless GMS starts potting two a game or Pleks gets some damn help. This team looks more and more like a 7th or 8th seed that's going out in the first round, unless Price continues to morph into the actual TMS and Markov comes back as some sort of Orr/Lidstrom hybrid (the Orrdstrom?).

Happy Bounces - Habs 4, Sabres 2

Their goals were not things of beauties. A bunch of lucky bounces helped the Habs end their three game losing streak last night. I thought about an MC Hammer photo for The Habs' own Hamr, but this blog has had its fill of parachute pants for the year.

Plan the parade - Bob's 1996-era free agent signings of Hamrlik and Smolinski finally pay off with some decent play. Kyle Chipchura gets his first NHL goal. Your first star is the boards of the Bell Centre for delivering the puck to Smolinski with a great pass to set up an easy goal on the PP, and they saved their best work for Hamrlik's winner, with an assist to the legs and arms of the Sabres it bounced off.

The sky is falling - the first line was pretty absent for 40 minutes. The defence was seen standing around one too many times, especially on the Sabres second goal. Huet looked shaky on the Sabres 1st goal. Ca-rey! Ca-rey!

Chez Parée bound? Always after a win, especially against a division foe. Hamr and Smo getting the VIP treatment.

7.5 lap dances out of 10. We still haven't played a 60-minute game. We still need to generate offence not on the PP.

Next evil evil evil evil evil evil foe - we get our first look at the hated Broons, riding a five game winning streak and 2nd in the division. Irish pubs and strip clubs of Montreal beware, the Bostonians are coming.

Plan the Parade: Habs 3 - Carolina 2 OT

Superman wears Saku Koivu pyjamas.
-HF10

The Captain was fantastic.

The goaltender was scintillating.

The power play clicked.

Streit was fabulous.

The PK Subban was inpenetrable.

The Habs won.

Dammit, the Habs won!

So much to rejoice over in this win. It was a great game to watch. It featured saves than span the unbelievable to unfathomable ends of the spectrum.

The Koivu line fulfilled expectations. They played loose. They created chances. They skated hard through the middle and basically set the offensive tempo. Higgins and Ryder were not quite as revved as Saku on this night, but they could have had a couple of goals each last night. That's encouraging.

Grabovski seemed a bit overwhelmed in this, his NHL debut. That line was powered by a Kovalev who's deft moves are still there to a)drive opposing defenders crazy b)make Christmas come early for opposing defenders. Whatever the case, in his sleek stick handling attempts, he continues to dazzle. Remember this: The Dance à 10 Line (thanks LG77!) with its two youngsters can ONLY GET BETTER.

Plekanec had a beautiful game last night. He was excellent on the back check. He caused several turnovers in which he was able to retrieve the puck and create a threat the other way. He needs to find some chemistry with Latendresse though; the two rarely connected for anything tangibly interesting.

Of course Saku was the player of the game, but give full marks to Huet who turned in a very convincing performance and Streit who showed so much last night that he will make it very hard for Carbonneau to use him as the revolving door poster boy he has been in the past. If last night was any indication, Streit will not move from the blue line.

You have to like what the boys did last night. They beat the Canes in their home opener, they did it in Carolina, territory that has been more hostile to the Habs than a Rutgers Women's Basketball Alumni reunion would to Don Imus.

The power play created nice chances near the crease and the team made better use of its wingers with the Souray factor having been subtracted from the equation. Markov's cross-ice pass to the slot on Koivu's first goal was such a convincing display of awareness.

The defence pairings worked well together. Brisebois was surprisingly good and you can bet the house that most fans are leaving the jury out on him for now. Sure he coughed up the puck up the middle, more than once, but on the whole he didn't play like the second coming of Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot. MC Hamrlik's debut was a bit of a bust, and that kind of sucks because he made $ 67 o73.17 last night. Just thought you should know.

The Leafs. They're next in line.