Habs/'Nucks Preview and Open Thread

Middle-aged Madison Avenue advertising executive Roger O. Thornhill (played here by Carey Price) is mistaken for a government agent by a gang of spies. He gets involved in a series of misadventures and is pursued across the States by both the spies and the government (Trevor Linden) whilst being helped by a beautiful blonde (not pictured, for some reason). As so begins the Hitchcockian adventure that is: NORTH(EAST) BY NORTHWEST showing exclusively at the Bell Centre tonight at 7pm EST/4pm PST

I bet TFS(tm) would have preferred running from government spies rather than continue to tend goal for the Habs over the last few games...

Finally, no more Tyler Myers or Alexi Kovalev or Charles Wang. Tonight the Habs play their first of 2 very special (i.e. league-mandated) all-Canadian matchups with the Stanley-Cup contender Vancouver Canucks. I throw in "Stanley Cup Contender" because there are lots of parallels and links between the teams, but that's not one of them:

• Both teams' most important players are their goaltenders, who were each prodigies and top-5 picks. Not just that, but each is from the other team's home province. Ooohhh, eerie.
• Both teams' attacks are led by twins: everyone knows about Daniel and Henrik, but it was recently discovered (not really) that Giant and Gomer are actually fraternal twin brothers from different mothers. While the Habs twin munchkins seem to have lost their traditional chemistry early this season, the Sedins are still rolling along together, as this **actual** photo shows:

• Both are getting unexpected scoring from late-signed third line centres (Halps and Manny Malhotra)
• Both have a disappointing veteran D (Jaro-that-should-have-been traded and Keith Ballard, who at least has the excuse of playing hurt)
• Both have underachieving "agitators" (aka "skating a-holes") in Mad Max and Alex Burrows
• Both have virtually identical average ages and sizes, and how the teams were assembles is eerily similar
• Apparently both fanbases are "annoying" - but this is coming from the Centre of the A-Hole Universe , so take it with a grain of salt. (Okay okay, the original article is from EPSN, but whatever - are you against the Leafs or not? That's what I thought.)
• Both have awesome strip clubs to relax at after games
• Vancouver is presently 6th overall in the NHL, Montreal 7th
• Vancouver stole one of the Canadiens nickname's for their own
• Vancouver stole one of Montreal's ex-coaches for their own
• Vancouver stole one of Montreal's best players - ever - when they reaquired Trevor Linden (okay maybe not, but I LOVE that guy. Ever since he won the Memorial Cup with the Medicine Hat Tigers I've been a fan, and ever since he got drafted I've had a soft spot for the Canucks)

Of course, these are all superficial similarities. Where is really counts - like for tonight's game - Montreal doesn't look so hot by comparison:

• Vancouver has won 6 in row and already scored 8 more goals
• The Sedins have 5 more points - each - than Turtlepleks
• Vancouver's "cold" list isn't virtually identical to their top two lines: besides TurtlePlek, all of Gomer, Giant, Squid and Big Tits closely resemble glaciers
• On the bright side, Vancouver's IR is longer that the Habs': top-4 D-men Dan Hamhuis and always injured Sami Salo are out. Unfortunately, Vodkov is playing like he's still on the IR - or he's just trying to make Jaro-we-should-have-traded feel better.
• Did I mention that only Vancouver can be considered a legitimate Stanley Cup contender? Oh, okay. Well it's still true.
• Have I also mentioned that SpaceKadet should have been traded instead of that other Jaro? Yeah well it needs to be said until someone listens, dammit. 

It's fair to say that this is a measuring stick game. No game 15 into the season can be said to be "key," but the Habs have already made one minor move by waiving Boyd. If they lose again tonight (say 7-1), heads might roll, or the Goat may even pull the trigger. I'm not sure about the last one - are we happy with the CHicken/Gui! trade again now with the "PhD" line and Gui! on the shelf? Whatever, I'm sure everything will be fine once they bench Gomer and promote Desharnais to the top line.

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

I have a sneaking suspicion that it won't be the last time I feel sick today. Share your nervous energy about this 'measuring stick' game in the comments.

PART UN - Habs Clinch - Canadiens Emancipated - Ability to Have Multiple Orgasms Retrieved - Habs 7, Sens 5

I shall be forever in debt to the Mighty HF29 for having invited me to the slaying that took place for, um, forty minutes at the Alexander Graham Bell Centre last night.

The fans created a nervous buzz around the building just before game time. With a sun shining proudly past 6pm, a very big game on tap, and the temperature rising ever so slightly, Montreal caught its first glimpse of a playoff atmosphere. The beauty is that this team has been on such a consistent roll since January that there was never much of a platform for playoff hype; their ticket to ride in the Spring appeared, if not booked, then put on lay away for some time now. For the first time in ages, Montreal just glided in the playoff picture, not needing the insane pressure of 18 MUST WIN GAMES for a feeble clutch of eighth place.

All the Habs needed last night was a statement game that could wipe-out the enduring torment served by 5 losses in 6 games that all exposed Montreal as a far weaker opponent, as a team that wasn't even in the Senators' league.

Did Montreal ever turn the tables. For 40 minutes of play, it looked like the billing flashing outside on the building's billboard read:

"Tonight: NHL Hockey: Montreal Canadiens v. Muppet Babies"

The puck dropped and Montreal immediately began to execute Plan Emancipation for 40 Minutes . The 4th line pounded everything in white and an awkward logo. Menachem Begin led the way with furious hits to the tune of Menachem circa 2005-06. The passes were crisp and all 4 lines peppered Martin Gerber with shots coming from and heading towards all directions, including his gaping 5-hole.

The Habs left the ice in the first with a 3-0 lead and a standing ovation from the Forum faithful. As soon as the crowd recovered from euphoric bliss, it reverted back, during the first intermission, to scenes of carnage from games before, and was soon reminded of Ottawa's scoring potential. Like a machine gun, Ottawa could explode into such rapid fire that damage would already have been severely inflicted before the Habs could react. A 3-0 lead could conceivably turn into 4-3 wizardry before you knew it.

But the Habs must have known that because the second was better than the first. And for another 20 minutes, they were dominant.

Ray Emery led a hopeful squad back onto the ice to start the period. Quite charming as, HF29 and I were quick to point out that the Rayzor (is that how you spell moron?) had not even made it to the bench or makeshift backup seat across from the bench in time for the first period. "I thought the game was at the old Forum, really." Asshole. Well, Emery couldn't do much better. Montreal took the game to the Sens with an even greater sense of purpose and disassembled the team from top to Spezza. For 40 minutes, the Senators' big line was completely silenced. For two periods. Where they had so often tallied a combined 12 point production against Montreal, Heatley, Alfredsson and Spezza looked like they were playing the game in a different continuum. Montreal had succeeded in making them look ordinary. For 40 minutes.

The pretty passing plays were rattling of the sticks of a team that is THE most potent offence in the entire NHL (pause for risk of aneurysm). Kovalev put on another exhibit of moves that should be bottled up and put on display at the Smithsonian. For 40 minutes. The bigger of the Tits reached the 25-goal mark, a figure Chris Higgins also climbed close to on this night with his 23rd of the season. This team dishes the puck out with elegant skill, but as elegance commands, they do it with quiet grace. Andrei, Pleks, Higgins, they all quietly surpassed the 20-goal plateau. And they were looking for more, during those 40 minutes.

You know for 40 minutes of hockey, the D squad played with pride and intensity, this after having lost its anchor in Mike Komisarek. Make no mistake about it, this kid is Scott Stevens and he means as much to the Habs as the latter did to the Devils. It's a huge loss to a team that has been spared injury, but they are showing they can hold the fort until the playoffs when Komo is scheduled to return. Markov played 2 periods like a fan of Norris (not Chuck) with Gorges and Bouillon stepping into the offensive zone when needed,... although needed for 60, did so for 40.

Montreal owned Ottawa in that second and, this time, left the period to the vibrations of another standing ovation, stirred by the 7-1 lead they had just created. 2 periods of excellence, the playoffs were a formality now, if they weren't before.

There was just no way, the way this game was shaping up, that Montreal could wet the bed. Not after 40 minutes of perfection.

What do you think 29?....I hear footsteps....

PART DEUX: What the Fuck Was That?

Seriously, what the fuck? Can this team not fucking play 60 minutes? I have now witnessed 21,273 people go from ecstasy to fear in an instant. Yours truly was at the top of the list. Sort of like that Rangers comeback in reverse. I missed the last 10 minutes, because my head was buried in my hands. In a matter of minutes, HF33's face went from his swarthy semitic good looks to pale as a pre-painted Easter egg.

How many ways did we suck in the 3rd? So many I won't list them. Let's just say you must, you know, skate and play defense if you decide to go into a defensive shell. If that was a defensive shell. I think it was more like hibernation.

The lone highlight was Price, who, despite giving up a couple of juicy rebounds, helped to kill off a two-man advantage. And as lawyergirl77 said in the thread, at least the young Habs learned a lesson: NEVER. FUCKING. STOP. PLAYING.

That lesson better fucking sink in before Philly, Washington or whoever hands us our asses on a platter in Round One.