We're Going MILF Hunting! FHF Draft Open Thread

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It's Getting Drafty in FHF Headquarters

It's NHL draft day, the day every team has hope, and every shot of a top prospect in the stands holds the possibility of a glimpse of a hot girlfriend, sister or mom. Draft days can be totally predictable, unpredictable, glorious, or downright painful, but there are certain things you can take to the bank this year, summarized in this handy, totally random list of an entirely coincidental number:

Ten Things You Can Bank On Happening at the Draft:

1. Steven Stamkos is going to get picked first, either by Tampa (ya think?) or whomever pays them the ransom they would want to trade out (Ottawa? Columbus? St. Louis? Pittsburgh?)

2. Wildcard Nikita Filitov (hands like Kovalev, wheels like Bure, head like ... ?) will go anywhere from 2nd to 20th. Look for someone (Toronto?) to try and jump up a few spots to get him for sure.

3. There will be a massive run on defenseman, everything from offensive whizzes (Doughty, Del Zotto, Pieterangelo) to defensive stoppers (Schenn) to monster projects (Myers).

4. Gainey and Timmins will swerve all of us by passing on everyone's "they'll take the top-rated Quebecer" choice Nicolas Deschamps to nab a high-school defenceman from Minnesota or Wisconsin. Seriously, why does every "expert" have the Canadiens automatically snagging the French kid? Wasn't the Angelo Esposito thing just last year?

5. There will be at least one trade that makes the Ottawa crowd go "OOOOOOOOHHHH!!" and three dozen "Calgary trades the 38th and 64th picks in 2008 to Carolina for a 2nd round pick in 2009 and the rights to Bret Hedican" type deals as the GMs get bored.

6. Some poor kid will sit there for two days with his Mom, Dad, sister, brother, girlfriend, and ailing Grandpa and not get picked.

7. Detroit will pick some Euro no one has ever heard of, and he'll win the Conn Smythe in 2014.

8. Pierre Maguire will LOVE at least ten guys in the first round. "Gonna be a MONSTER for New Jersey!"

9. Some Eastern European will slap on his new cap without bending the bill and will look like a doofus.

10. We will spend 75% of our draft viewing hoping to find the new Kyle Turris' Mom.

Happy Draft Day from TMS

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of going number one...

• Bob Gainey had a press conference yesterday. He's looking to trade for an impact forward, and hopes to sign Big Tits. Yawn. Have a press conference when you actually do something, Bob;
• We're still hoping to give you some kind of FHF draft preview, but of course time is getting thin. In the meantime, enjoy the boys from MYFO who did a preview on Deadspin with all the wit and dick jokes you've come to expect.

Depending on our drunkenness level, we'll be live-ish blogging the draft tonight with strippers and meth. Our focus will be on finding this year's version of Kyle Turris' mom, so pop in with your dirty comments.

Experts at TSN Report Sun Will Rise Tomorrow

In the video of "Canadiens Draft Lookahead", John Liu of TSN states unequivocally that the Habs will "take the best player available when their turn comes around" (at the 0:34 mark).

My god, it's like they can see into the future or something. No need to watch the draft now.

What FHF Thinks About Habs' Wins in October

Dear Habs,

Thanks for yet another tremendous cock tease. October means nothing to us now. Year after year, we fall for your little scheme. After stuffing our faces with your promises during the first few weeks of the season, we're giving it all back. Today we know better.

And don't you think we're going to follow you on the Maxim Lapierre will save our pathetic souls logic. This HF was there last night, and would have rather spent the entire evening gargling with mayonnaise. You're far from a Lapierre quick fix solution. Make love to yourselves.

HF33