Panthers Game Preview and Open Thread: Slump-buster Edition

Three losses in a row = no excuse to post hot chicks. If women were as crass as men, Homer Simpson would be the poster child for female slump-busters.

Hey Habs fans, your favorite sports team, in a slump? There is a tried and tested two-step solution: First, pray to an imaginary deity. After realizing there is no god, go out and find a slump-buster. Then feel shame. Although not as much shame as Breezer.

Waiting in line details: 7pm EST/5pm MST in Florida - another away home game for Montreal. Game is on TSN in English! Yay Pierre MacGuire! Finally, an opportunity to ignore Homer Brunet.

Hot Habs: Does Breezer count? I mean, he didn't allow any turnovers from the pressbox last game. That's something. Actually Markov has 11 points in his last 9 games - but it's probably not a good thing that a defencemen is leading in scoring.

Fiery Cats: Up front, the underrated David Booth has 17 points in his last 13 games, while on the backend, ex-Fredericton Canadien Tomas Vokoun is starting to salvage a horrible start to the season with pretty numbers (1.88 /.933) in his last few starts.

Ice Cold Canadiens: Um, all of them. Duh. They suck, will miss the playoffs and we'll all be wearing Leafs jerseys in an few months, remember?

Pouting Panthers: Bryan McCabe is to this space what Breezer is to the trunk of my car: he just belongs there.

Why the Habs may win: to impress Jay Boumeester in an effort to lure him away. We're one defencemen away from the Cup! (Wait, what? I thought they were going to miss the playoffs?) Last time in Florida Mad Max notched a hat trick, so maybe he is to the Cats what John LeClair was to Montreal. Carey Price was supposedly pissed off after the Lightening loss, so maybe he steals one.

Why the Habs shall lose: Breezer is back in the lineup. Panthers are hot with 5 wins in their last 8. While it's nice to get the injured players back, it'll be a while before they hit their stride if the last game is any indication (yeah we're looking at you, Trade Bait Chris Higgins).

OK people, on the count of three we all pray to Jebus. One, two...

(Live) Game Review: It`s awsome to see the Habs crush the Leafs in person Edition

Mikael Grabovsky and Sergei Kostitsyn continue their battle in the alley behind the Bell Centre after the game.

Ah, life is good. Out of the hospital, airways clear, and on top of it, due to the generosity of loyal FHF blogger LG77, got to watch the Habs beat up on a crappy Leafs team live. First post in a while, so I`m a bit out of the loop - got nothing clever, so let`s hit the bullet points, random stream of consciousness style:

• Special thanks goes out to Toksalad's (FHF nickname award (non-Habs division) winner, 2008-2009 season; take a bow, Moeman), who ensured a Habs victory and the fulfillment of all my pre-game wishes after giving up several weak ones, especially the second to Mad Max.
• On the other hand, nothing but praise for Jaro (especially after he got bashed after the Devils/Panthers games): solid-to-spectacular play, to the point that was surprising to see the Leafs ahead in shots all game. As HF4 might say: Cari seet in sick room and have sexy massage of brokeen groin, so Jaro seev meeny shots from Leaf and help Mentreal ween.
• Kovy is great when he's interested. (I just wish that was more often.) And he could have been a porn star: he can get it straight up in tight in the blink of an eye.
• Yet another rookie made his Habs debut. Wearing no. 68 (what with the 60`s digits? what`s wrong with 24 or 15?? Or something in the 30s? This is bugging me way more than it should.) Weber didn`t do anything spectacular on the PP, but got off one rocket of a slapshot in the third, and held his own during regular shifts in the third alongside Hamr. It was nice of the Leafs to suck so badly that Carbo could play him like that without worry.
• What`s with Georges up front? Dude clearly plays defence for a reason.
• D`Agostini can probably make travel plans back to Hamilton when Saks returns (fingers crossed) on Saturday. Hit the net on a breakaway, rookie.
• I can`t believe the refs kept Grabs and Little Tits apart - but loved that it seemed like the linesmen was going to toss Grabovsky like a dwarf for a second. Apparently Grabs said he`d fight him in the street - which I`d pay to see.
• Also can't believe the league is going to look the other way after that dust up - seems like Grabs is getting the Curtis Joseph treatment. (Ed. note: RDS reports that Grabby got 3 games.)
• Most unbelievably, I think it`s time to let Breezer out of the trunk after moving into 5th all-time in Habs scoring among defensemen after his 3-assist game. He's played within his capabilities alongside Cube, and (shudder) has probably been our second best offensive defencemen. That being said, if Gainey doesn`t substantially upgrade the quality of puck-moving defencemen before the deadline they`re going nowhere in the playoffs.
• Is Brian Burke going to do something besides goon the Leafs up with the likes of Brad May? I guess he's returning to the good ol' Conn Smythe days of "beat'em in the alley" - cause they clearly aren't going to be beating many teams on the ice.
• Both Greek Lightening and Franky may have lost the technical decision in their fights, but Cube hanging in there with a guy 6 inches taller energized the team - and the crowd. And proved that "intimidation" tactics are not going to win hockey games when you have no talent.
• Speaking of fighting, where is Georges Laraque? How does one get hurt by not playing? Maybe someone should tell BGL that the massage places he's been frequenting, while temporarily improving the feeling in his groin area, really aren't a recommended long term medical solution.
• OK, so now we have a good PP again? And Mad Max`s line plays half the time? OK.
• Speaking of whom, I'm away for 3 weeks and Max turns into Rocket Richard? WTF? I guess that makes Tenderness Toe Blake.
• It is an experience to watch the Habs beat the Leafs live. Taunting Toksalad the whole way through. Sixty-seven, clap-clap-clapclapclap in the first. Olé in the second. Hey-hey goodbye half way through the third. (Usually I`d say too early, but the game was never close. Plus it`s the Leafs.)
• Especially sweet victory with 6 regulars out. Of course I`m sure Leafs Nation has some sort of excuse for the fact that the Bulldogs probably could have beaten them last night.
• Speaking of Leafs Nation: One member got tossed 5 minutes into the game after throwing a plastic bottle down 15 rows, nailing a guy in the back of the head (he was fine). I don't know what Leafs Fan was thinking because no one was even taunting the Leafs or their fans at that point. Then again, if he was rational he probably wouldn't be a Leafs fan.
• Not-something-you-see-everyday department: two Hasidic jews with Habs baseball caps in the front row of the whites. I guess god really is a Habs fan.

Great game. Leafs Suck indeed. I`m off to watch some midget wrestling to get in the mood for the rematch.

10 Things We Hate About the Flames: Game Preview and Open Thread

This is what you get when you google "Calgary Flames Girls". Her favourite book is the dictionary - we're thinking she though the question was "what is the only book that you own?"

Standing in line details: 7:30pm EST/5:30pm MST start at the Phone Booth in Montreal. Game is on RDS and Rogers Sportsnet West - somewhat surprising since all the best Flames games seem to be on pay-per-view. Barbaric - Montrealers would riot. Of course, that's not saying much.

Lineup news: Kipper (shockingly) and Halak start. Little Tits goes if TurtlePlek can't. Tenderness and Rhino probably still eating popcorn in the pressbox. UPDATE: RDS reports that Little Tits is in and BGL is out, and Pleks will be in the lineup.

Random details that seem interesting: Kovy's goal drought now at 16 games, but Tangy and Hamr should be motivated against their former club. Flames have won 5 of 6; Habs 3-0-3 in their last 6 at home. Someone named David Moss is hot for the Flames; on some Flames blog somewhere are probably saying some guy named Matt D'Agostini is hot for the Habs.

Speaking of Flames Blogs: Five Hole Fanatics looks pretty good. At least they're emphasizing the most important position in all of professional sports.

Now that we've given token consideration to Calgary's point of view, let's get to the Flames' bashing:

10. Bandwagon Fans. Between 1995 and 2005, you couldn't give away Flames tickets. One vastly-overachieving and isolated playoff run later, you can't walk down a street without seeing an Iginla, Kiprusoff or Phaneuf jersey. Of course, those are the only three jersey's you'll see, along with the occasional Lanny MacDonald retro jersey - Flames fans can never be accused of originality. And they were all purchased during the 2005 run with dirty oil money. Yes, I live in Calgary and I hate oil & gas.

9. Stupid, lazy nickname. Flames? Um, Calgary is cold. I've heard it symbolises the flare tower at the top of an oil rig. (This is what it is for. Make sure to read to the end.) Maybe so, but not only does it simply reinforce the stereotype that Albertans care more about almighty oil than the future of the planet, it's beside the point. It's hardly their own name: it was taken from the Atlanta Flames - a nickname that made sense there, seeing at it gets HOT in Georgia. At the very least it's a second example of a massive lack of originality.

8. Harvey the Hound. A firefighting dog? Can he pee on the Flames and put them out with his mascot penis? Not only is it a lame outfit, Youppi! could so kick his ass.

7. Ugly jerseys. The Flaming "C" is a boring and unoriginal. But it's the mafia-inspired horse-head and the "podium" jersey that I'm really talking about. The former even made an All-time Top 10 Ugliest Jerseys List.

6. "Kipper" is fucking overrated, and it's time for Flames fans to admit that. Just because he plays 75 games a year and steals maybe a half-dozen doesn't make him the goaltending god they worship him as. Kipper's numbers are only slightly better than and certainly comparable to Christobal Huet, especially if you take into consideration the defence each has had in front of them. (Of course having said this, one of those half-dozen games will be tonight's.)

5. What is the Saddledome supposed to say to the world? Calgary literally plays in a barn? Smells like shit, and a participant might die? Not to mention the whole 'Brokeback Mountain' vibe it gives off.

4. Dion Phaneuf is an asshole.

Quick anecdote, even if it may be just urban myth: Phaneuf once left his Cadillac Escalade parked - and running - on a sidewalk just off the Red Mile. Stupid. Careless. Selfish. What was the urgency? Apparently, he was running into a Tim Horton's to get a cup of coffee when someone jacked his ride. The cops gave Phaneuf a ride to the game. Dick. Plus, there's this:

Admittedly, this pisses me off way more. At least Rangers' fans know how to treat him.

3. The Red Mile myth. All it is now is an excuse for bars to paint stupid "Go Flames" crap in their windows, being nothing more than a marketing label. Nary a boobie to be seen. At least some academics at the U of C are looking into the phenomenon, for the purposes, I can only assume, of how to re-create it.

2. 1989. Al MacInnis. Doug Gilmour. Joe Nieuwendyk. Theo Fleury. Mike Vernon. Lanny McDonald. In roughly that order. I especially hated how MacInnis owned Roy in the finals. It broke my 13-year old heart and forever soured me on the Flames. An unfortunate handicap when you end up moving to the city. Thankfully, we one first in '86. Plus there's the 24 to 1 Cup thing.

1. The collective delusion amongst Flames fans that their hometown team somehow competes with Edmonton's. The Oilers really are much better in every way. 5 Stanley Cups to 1. Gretzky, Messier, Kurri, Coffey, Lowe and Fuhr vs. Gilmour, Niewendyk, Fleury, MacInnis, Suter and Vernon? Please. Even the Oilers jersey's are better.

Alright Habs, let's get a measure of revenge on Calgary for the Stamps' Grey Cup win. Let's hear your thoughts in the comments, and if you're a Habs fan in Calgary, hope to see you at Flames Central!

UPDATE - Ed(HF29)'s note - the following was sent into FHF from reader Hurricane Eye in response to this story. We can't verify its veracity, but we're not journalists so who gives a shit. It amused us.

So I'm walking home around four yesterday when I spot Dion Phaneuf heading in the same direction, on Metcalfe, just north of Ste. Catherine. Since I'm fast and he's slow, I catch up to him. How did I know it was him? Well, he was big and had an NHLPA hat on. Also, he looked right at me and asked how to get to the Sheraton Centre. I told him to head south a block and then west two blocks; since I was heading in the same direction, we crossed the street together, where he bitched about the cold. ("Fuck! It's not this cold where I live." "Where's that?" "Calgary." Aha!)

Once we cross, I point out René-Lévesque - one block from where we were. Except he thought I had originally meant the short little street that runs just south of Ste. Catherine, where the infotourism centre is. Once he realized just how long the block is - about the length of the Sun Life building - he yells, Fuck!, and hops in a cab.

What a wimp. Of course I decided not to tell him that Sean Avery would have walked...

It Can't Get Worse that Blowing A Three Goal Lead to Suck-Lanta. Right?

I had hope. For the first 2 periods they had me going. Seemed like last year, with rookies chipping in (BTW, we like Matt, a lot. Buh-bye Sergei.) and our best players leading the way. Several players - far too many - who looked completely uninterested all season finally looked interested. Big Tits drove to the net and -surprise! - was rewarded. Pleks worked hard as usual, but I saw some dipsy-doodling, which he does when he's got confidence, and was rewarded. (It's interesting that this is unlike Kovy, who does it when he's slumping. Someone needs to remind him that to score you need to shoot.) Markov played like he wanted to take the Norris from Nik Lidstrom. Carey played like everyone but brain-dead Carolina fans think he can.

[Interlude: Which reminds me, take a look at your goalie there, buddy: People with Cam "Flop" Ward in their crease shouldn't be throwing stones at any other team with a young tender. Especially when your young goalie is being outplayed by a guy who wasn't even good enough to make our minor league team. OK, rant over.]

Then hope evaporated again. Turned from liquid to gas in 59 seconds flat. 59 seconds out of a Three Stooges movie. Or Laurel and Hardy's "Who's on first?" bit, except it was "Who's On Thornburn?". You could see even calm-as-a-Hindu-cow Price was pissed on that third one.

Carbo kinda/sorta at least thought about calling a time-out, then didn't. And you know what? I hope Koivu - or Kovalev, or whomever is supposed to be the leader on this sinking ship - whet to Coach and said something like this:

"Don't call a timeout, we need to kicked these fuckers' teeth in. Guys, what the fuck are we doing not winning against the Thrashers? A team that is in LAST PLACE in the NHL. A team with lame-ducks owners and a hopeless GM. A team who's best player will be traded within the year because he's certain to leave that crappy franchise when he's a free agent. A less talented team than us, and a team we should be beating in our sleep!"

I hope they said something like this, and I hope that blowing that lead was a turning point, a wake up call, a "insert cliche here", because Atlanta sucks. I can't stress that enough: Atlanta sucks and there is no good reason to blow a three-goal third period lead at home when you are firmly in control.

But I have hope, that they'll turn it around, play interested, play as a team, win. My most cherished hope at this point, though, is hope that the above picture isn't prophetic.