DIE BROONZ DIE FFS ALREADY

Though we wouldn't object to a meteor tonight. Both these teams suck.

DIE BROONZ DIE

Look, the Mavs did it in 6, it would be nice sports symmetry to see the Nucks do it in 6 too. 8 PM, let's get this over with already so we can get on with our lives.

Taiwanese animation discovers the Stanley Cup Finals

Okay then.

via NMA

DIE BRUINS DIE!!!1!!!!111!!!

We hope you enjoyed FHF's Stanley Cup Finals Preview.

Leftover Tweets: Hal Gill, bitCHes! Das vidanya, Dawes and Boyd. Anyone feel bad for Thrash fan(s)? #diebruinsdie

Congrats Chicago!

Mazel tov to the Blackhawks and the City of Chicago and their favourite athlete Michael Jordan for winning the Stanley Cup. Wait, what?

In all seriousness, well deserved. I guess. I barely watched the series. Now normally I subscribe to the "I'd like the team that beat us to do well" school of thought, but when that team is hated, or a rival, or a hated rival, fuck that shit. So fuck Philly and fuck Pronger and fuck those fucking Flyer fan trolls. Well done, Conn Smythe winner Toews, OT scorer Kane, Auntie Niemi, Sharp, Keith, Seabrook et al, you're a decent bunch. And even congrats to Hossa for finally picking the right team. And thanks for making the Leafs' Cup drought the longest in the NHL now. Here's a Cup-winning tribute to all of you and your fine organization (and for commentor CHester):

Stanley Cup Finals Update: Auntie Niemi Doing Just Fine Between Games

Auntie Niemi sitting back, knitting us a nice sweater.

Auntie Niemi, just being plain cooky!

Oh, Auntie Niemi is always so dainty.

Auntie Niemi getting those groceries done.

Auntie Niemi, a picture of calm.

FHF's Comprehensive Guide to the Stanley Cup Finals

Congrats Pittsburgh, we guess

Congrats to the Fucking Pens and Conn Smythe winner Gino Malkin. We didn't really care, but we guess it's better than Detroit. And we liked seeing Hossa suffer. Malkin, Sid, Staal and Fleury are all under 25 and signed forever. That's a scary thought.

May I take a moment to say "suck it Jim Hughson"? Normally I love the guy, a real pro. But his call at the end of the game - "Sidney Crosby and the Penguins have won the Stanley Cup" - made me fucking wretch. Sid hadn't even played for the second half of the game! He scored one fucking goal in the last 2 series!!! I don't know if he was ordered to do that by the CBC, but jebus. Here, take a look:



Okay, seems like a good time to remind you all that FHF will in fact be posting before September. HF4 and I are off to see the draft live, we've got UFA's and the ongoing ownership saga to keep track of. The season may be over, but the semi-nudity and bad taste has just begun. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to see the sun for the first time in 8 months. Auuuughhh, my eyes.

Sexy Friday wants to do things to the Stanley Cup

Sexy Friday congratulates the winner of the Stanley Cup tonight, whoever that may be. May you surround the Cup with hot babes.

Sexy Friday would also like apologize if some of these pics have been on FHF before, but there are only so many pics of hot chicks with the Stanley Cup out there.







Lap dance to The World of Isaac
Sexy Friday as always copyright KSK

I was wearing an onion on my belt 16 years ago

So 16 years ago today the Habs beat the Kings to win their 24th Stanley Cup, which will most likely be their last at this rate. To make you feel better on this dreary gray day about the further delay of Alexei Yemelin, please enjoy this compilation video of the 10 OT winners from the 1993 Playoffs. Highlights include:

• Ron Hextall going apeshit;
• The little prick Gilbert Dionne thumping his chest in a "me, me, me" move;
• Jacques Demers holding what we now know to be a prop playbook;
• Rob Ramage. I swear I don't even remember him being on the team. But then again, back in 1993 I did a lot of drugs. Not like now.

Happy Anniversary.

The Stanley Cup Finallys!!!

It's always been a kind of anomaly. Once the puck drops on the most important tournament in hockey, the Stanley Cup Finals, 98.4% of the hockey world, including hockey-mad Montreal, has stopped giving a shit.

But there are plenty of reasons to give a shit even if this series feels like it's being played 12 years after the season started, in the middle of a small village in Peru.

Finally, Sidney Crosby.

We get to see two more weeks of one of the best individual runs ever. Runs that would make the ones I had in Mexico a while back envious. Maybe the Kid lifts the Cup at the end of this, far earlier than we had all expected.

It's about time, Gino Malkin.

He responded beautifully to critics who had labelled him a dud in the early stages of the Washington series. The Art Ross Trophy winner is playing with so much pizzaz I'm giving him the Diana Ross Trophy too.

What took you so long, Back to Back Finalists...

This hasn't happened since the Oilers exacted revenge on the Islanders in 1984, foiling NYI's attempt to share bragging rights the Rocket's Habs, and saving Montrealers from sharing anything related in History with Long Island.

Do you know how long we've been waiting for you Detroit, you repeat Champion?

Last time a city enjoyed back to back parades was in 98 when the Wings delivered two successive titles to Motor City. I'm thinking that morale must be low in Detroit these days, you know with the collapsing economy and shit, and the fact that people seem to favor riding around in hot air balloons over a fucking Chrysler.  So maybe Detroit deserves another Cup. Fuck that, Jules Verne rules.

I absolutely love the fact that Montreal is still eliminated

Stay where you are you dreadful Habs, don't move. I love you best when you're not in a hockey arena on skates. How bad is the press in Montreal that throws about 1554785506960 journalists to cover a team practice, that they all get scooped by a paper in fucking Bhbdhbfkjjngfnfgmgninsky!!!!!! Is Saks out? Probably. Is Kovy worth 7M? I think Kovy should be paid what Shia Lebeouf was paid for his staring role in Disturbia. 

Datsyuk and Lidstrom Out? Can Chelly hold the Cup over his head?

If this is to be the fantastic rematch we're all waiting for, then we want all guns firing. Can the Wings overcome a Datsyuk-Lidstrom-less lineup? Could the Habs overcome A Markov-Schneider-less lineup? Oh, yes, that team had no character, or courage (not you Saku, yes you everyone else). The Wings looked splendid (notice how often Red Fisher uses that word?) without its stars, with others coming up huge in the absence of 2 enormous talents. It barely showed.

Do you feel Osgood as Fleury does right now?  

Interesting that this final is the first in recent memory to not feature a superstar goalie, although both have been outstanding in these playoffs. Osgood's ability to morph into Georges Vezina borders on weird. Fleury looks like he's caught the comet that rides him to stardom (please make love to your significant others here, because that last sentence was my literary equivalent to a smooth and silky Mariah Carey ballad). Expect both goalies to shine here, but expect lots of goals and a series that may look a tad, though not as wide open as the Caps-Pens epic.

And Finally, when all is said and done?

A really good team will have won the Stanley Cup, making hockey, this wonderful, magical game, the real winner (that's for people that want more sex, go ahead)