Gather 'round your TV this weekend, should be a hell of a halftime show - Rangers / Devils / Steelers / Packers Previews and Open Threads

Really, do you want to go out into the cold and the snow this weekend? Of course you don't. Neither do I. So I'm gonna grab a brew or twenty, plop My Humps on the couch and enjoy hours and hours of sporting entertainment. Join me, won't you? Let's Get it Started:

Game 1 - Rangers

2 PM start at The Bell. On the See Bee See for all your English Mcsplooge-free broadcasting needs. Possibly maybe available illegally here, but you didn't hear that from us. It's the Battle for Sixth Place!  Habs have won both games against the Rangers this year. I wonder how our old friends at the Bullshit Bulletin are doing? Man we had some good times back in the day.

Gio-Pleks-PatCHes hot, Mexican CHicken not. Gaborik good, Drury bad. Price in nets, Lundqvist probably not. No other lineup word right now. This brief preview has been sponsored by the fact that I've got to get working on my famous Super Bowl chili already (the secret is meth!).

UPDATE - Shutout, bitCHes! Here's your long-form video highlights after a win.

Saturday Night

Let's face it, you have no social life, so you need to watch hockey and drink alone on Saturday night. What to do when there is no hockey? RDS feels your pain and has you covered. Tonight they've got two episodes of the series "Nos Canadiens". If you haven't seen it yet, CHeck it out. Essentially a "day in the life" kind of thing, hosted by the lovely Anne-Marie Withenshaw. Tonight they've got Mathieu Darche at 10:30 and TFS at 11. Saw a preview for the TFS one and he's bowling. Bowling! You can't miss that.

UPDATE - I think Mathieu Darche's wife may want to kill Anne-Marie Withenshaw.

Game 2 - Devils

Sunday at 3 PM. Keep it on in the background while you prepare your Super Bowl feast 'cause I am sure this will be boring as shit. Again, on the See Bee See for all your English Mcsplooge-free broadcasting needs and possibly maybe available illegally here, but you didn't hear that from us. Unlike the Blueshirt Bulletin, I honestly miss our old friends Pookie and Schnookie over at IPB.

Kind of tough to preview a game when the previous one hasn't happened yet. Maybe I'll update this space tomorrow, or later tonight after I finish masturbating to the lovely Anne-Marie Withenshaw.

SUNDAY 8 AM UPDATE -  Here's some bullet points headed into today's game with the Devils:

• Habs could go 4-0 for the week. Bestill my beating heart!
• A Habs win today would: a) tie us with Boston in points and b) get us to fifth place with a Caps loss or OT loss against the Pens;
• Don't get too excited though until you read the next two bullet points;
• The January 2011 Devils are not the crappy 2010 Devils. They're 7-1-2 in their last 10, and Fat Marty is 7-1-1;
• The Devils have won 5 in a row in Montreal, including a 3-0 shutout in October;
• Take the Mexican off the cold list, I thought he had a great game yesterday, and not just his goal;
• TFS gets another start;
• The Habs PP has gone in the tank. 0 for our last 22 or something like that;
• OK, time to start drinking!

Game 3 - Super Bowl XLV

Kickoff 6:15ish, pre-game show starts 7 AM. Steelers vs. the Packers. Tradition! Fat unemployed steelworker fans vs. fat cheese-eating fans. On Fox with crappy CTV commercials. Not much more to say. What is this, a football blog? The only thing I'm hoping for this game is a Steelers win, more problems at Cowboys Stadium to embarrass Jerry Jones, and a Fergie wardrobe malfunction at halftime.

OK that about wraps it up. Hey, I just realized that technically this is a weekend open thread of love. Where is the Love anymore? We haven't seen a TWOTOL pic in a long time. Enjoy the weekend everyone.

Habs vs. Bruins vs. Colts vs. Saints preview and open thread

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL??? And, uh, hockey? Don't forget the hockey. Enough talk, let's get to the coin toss already.

Jim Nantz' professionalism is all in the details - 3 PM start at the Bell. You'd think 2 PM would be better to give everyone a chance to get home and have a good hour to get drunk before kickoff. Habs on a 3-game win streak. Really? (checks) Really. Bs on a 10-game losing streak. Really? (checks) Really. Habs are 3-0 against the Bs so far this year, including the shootout win just the other night in Beantown.

The Saints Rants and 18 to 88 of the hockey game - Oh Cornelius, why didst though forsake us Thursday? Maybe the guys at The Big Bad Bruins can show their faces today.

Hot like the chili you're making for your Super Bowl party - And lo, the children shall lead them. Desharnais! White! That other Hamilton guy! And that other one! Let's see if they can bring it again. Props to the Giant Mexican Pleks who seem to be rising to the occasion of bearing the scoring load. For the Bs, well, a ten game losing streak doesn't give much hotness, though Savard has a point per game over his last 5, and Tuukka Rask is playing better even though the Bs keep losing.

Cold like the crushed ice in a hurricane they'll be drinking in New Orleans to celebrate - The Faceoff preview actually lists no cold Habs except for TFS. Okay then. For the Bs, Satan pointless in 7 and Lucic pointless in 4.

In the trainer's room with Dwight Freeney - Squid, Big Tits and CHicken are our 3 best wingers and are all out. Who needs wingers anyway? Mara still out, and now the Urologist seems to be gone for who knows how long too. Your starting goalie is... [checks Stubbs' Twitter]... [checks Stubbs' Twitter]... [checks Stubbs' Twitter] unknown as of this writing.

All-day adult entertainment - Many galleries of SB XLIV cheerleaders and Saints and Colts babes.

All hockey and football comments welcome. And chili recipes.

Grab a delicious beverage, it's a Wings open thread and drinking game

So yesterday I had this whole thing planned about needing to get drunk tonight because the Habs sucked, making permanent some fine drinking game suggestions from the comments in Thursday's TMS and a couple of my own. Alas, our boys went out and shocked the world last night, turning a need to drown our sorrows into a glimmer of hope. Idea wasted.

But then I thought, fuck it, there are a million other reasons to get drunk! Some of my favourites for tonight's game include:

• Celebrate! Optimism! Delusions! Interesting fact about tonight's teams - Habs actually have more wins (11) than the Wings (10). We'll just ignore the number of losses part of their records;
  
• Habs are wearing their 1910 blue and white Leafs jerseys. You can pretend you're a Leaf fan and then you will really need to drown your sorrows;
• Habs are dropping like flies (Gomez is out). Soon all those "let's just have Hamilton play" jokes from last week may really be true;
• Puck Daddy's McSplooging on the Habs;
  
• Your girlfriend just left you;
• Saturday.

So at 7 PM from the Centre Bell (on a very slim CBC regional coverage), take your preferred 1910-era cocktail and drink as much as you want when:

-someone clears the puck over the glass
-a defensive turnover in our zone results in a Wings scoring chance
-The Urologist falls down on a PP
-Gui tries a wraparound
-Carey tries a reach around (around the net, you pervs)
-Pleks or Squid goes down with an injury (reach for the bottle)

For the RDS viewers
-BB says Guillaume
-BB says "j'ai pasd'problèmes avec ça"
-Joël flirts with someone rinkside

For the CBC viewers
-Bob Cole mispronounces a French-Canadian or Euro name
-Bob Cole does play-by-play of a play that happened, like, 10 seconds before
-Carbo tries to sound intelligent

Not-so-gratuitous Simpsons quotes to get this party started:
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get."
"Marge, I'm going to MOEmaN's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm coming back loaded."

It's a Superbowl Weekend Megapost Preview Review Open Thread of Love

Are you ready for some football??? YEEEHAWWWWW!!! Are you ready for some hockey???

/crickets

Right. Well suck it up people, you are going to sit through two Habs games this weekend and you are going to LIKE IT. If we're gonna waste 6 hours of our Super Bowl weekend watching a worthless bunch of brain dead fucktards (© LG77), you're going to suffer with us. But if you think that we are going to waste one minute of our time previewing and reviewing all weekend, you are sorely mistaken. We've got chili to make.

Here's as much as we'll say. Habs play the Kings today at 2 PM, and will lose to the Bruins tomorrow at 2 PM. Consider this post your one-stop shop to talk about both games before, during and after, and to chime in with your Super Bowl thoughts. Go Steelers! Go Cards! Go cheerleaders! Go wardrobe malfunction! To get you psyched up, please enjoy this video of two women getting bodypainted in Steelers and Cards unis. Mmm, nipple-y.

It may be Super Bowl Sunday, but the Habs Game is Bigger

As we cook the chili for the Big Game later, here's a few thoughts careening around our head.

• There is only one game on tap in the NHL today, Habs vs. Rangers at 2 PM at the Phone Booth. If the Habs win, we will be one point back of the Sens for first in the East. I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the fact the Habs may be good;
• I am excited because I will be at the game. I am upset my mom won't be with me to guarantee victory;
• I hate the Pats and their fans, but I want Mercury Morris to finally shut the fuck up. I'm terribly conflicted about who to root for today;
• The Lingerie Bowl was cancelled this year. That makes me sad.

Watching the big game before the Big Game? Let's hear your thoughts in the comments.