Ah the Bi-Polar nature of Halloween: girls in sexy costumes and cool terrifying masks like The Traitor - more Douc$harek apparel available soon on Ebay from GG11.
It's almost game time, and my stomach is sore. I'm not sure if it's from eating the Halloween candy we're supposed to be giving away - for free! - to neighbourhood brats or from laughing so hard at "Jaro's" game review. Without any hyperbole whatsoever, that was the funniest thing I've ever read on the Internet. Bravo.
My stomach may also be sore from bubbling over in acidic anticipation of The Return of Michael Komisarek. Formerly My Boy Komo finally comes back to play where he was drafted and developed yadda yadda yadda now he's Douc$harek and we all hate him:
Let's hit the Hallowe'en bullet point preview:
- If you're not reading this on your ifone/crackberry, you're likely watching it on your nearest tv right now
- available on virtually all Canadian Broadcasting Corporation channels, before God and a coast to coast audience to determine which team may find some interim relief from their solidly mediocre starts.
- Horrible Haunting Habs really suck on the road, having lost four straight.
- But the Frighteningly Scary Leafs still suck more: only one win all season.
- Habs win and we can all laugh and point and call Leafs' fans names cause their team only won one game all month. On the other hand, it might encourage more Leafs fans to sell their allegiance on Ebay, thereby infecting every fan base with irrational douchebag fan rah-rahism.
- I've done no research whatsoever but I'm guessing since the Laughs finally managed to win a game in Anaheim (and rather handily at that) and then earned road points in Dallas and Buffalo means The Big Ufas of 2009, Niceroad and Penalty King Komo and thir forwards generally must be sucking slightly less lately.
- I heard Grabby scored a shorty late in Sabreland to pickpocket a point last night. He's still a smurf fucker.
- The GiantMexicanTits experiment was a disaster, each of them finishing -2. Who knows which sap is next up in the rotation. BGL, maybe? Freakin' Stewie??
- TurtlePleks doesn't suck - he's actually good now. Until I said that (reverse jink). Or does Halloween mean the return of ZombiePleks from the (un)dead?
- A second liner Mad Max is not. Then again, I may have been a bit casual in tagging CHips as a career AHLer. Maybe. Not sure. Same with Stewie.
- BFW(tm) gets the start.
- To answer your question: Big Fat Whale, Carey Price. (Come on, I know it's blatant gimmick infringement of a colleague (sorry 4) but I can't get enough of that joke. "Cari is a big fat wale". Heh.)
- The scariest thing about it being October 31 is that February 2010 is still on long way off and so is Markov.
- Did I mention Leafs suck? God I love saying that. Please let them finish last even if it means the Bruins get a number one pick - the B's tend to give those away like candy on Halloween anyway.
- Both teams playing their third game in four nights, so we may see some goals. These and other actual game preview-like thoughts over at a CBC.ca blog.
- Rather than leave your home to visit a gentleman's club, stay home, surf the net and look at some ladies who, while intellectual and sharp as I'm sure they are, may be there the next time you decide to go out to such a club.
- Oh yeah, and happy Halloween, Habs fans. Let's hope the Habs show more talent and effort than Panger's pumpkin carving
(You can't see it but on the other side is a pumpkin face with a Habs tuque on. More evidence that Habs Rule: this pumpkin was entered in a Calgary office contest and won.)
Let's hears the screams and cries from all you Boils and Ghouls roaming out there this All Hallow's Eve in the comments.
168 comments:
Sympathy For The Dou¢Harek
Please allow me to re-introduce myself
I'm now a man of wealth but no taste
I was around for long, long years
Stole many a Habs fan's soul and faith
And I was 'round when Jesus Price
Had his moments of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that my agent
Watched my back and sealed my fate
Not so pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my fucking name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my lousy game
I stuck around Rue Ste. Catherine
Then I saw it was a time for a CHange
Killed the Czarbo and his administers
Anti-CHambre screamed in vain
Markov is the CH's tank
Me, I held a coaCH's rank
When the opposition raged
And our defense stank
Not so pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my fucking name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my lousy game
I now watch with glee
While your Tits and Gui!
Play for only ten minutes
For the goofs they made
The leaf media shouts out
"Who killed the real Komi?"
When after all
I'm what you really see
Let me re-introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and no taste
I lay a crap for the ACC visitors
Who kill when they reach our blue line
Not so pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my fucking name
But what's freaking you
Is the nature of my lousy game
Not so pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my fucking name
But what's confusing you
Is the nature of my lousy game
Just as every traitor is a criminal
And all you FHF sinners think you're saints
As my head flies off it's handle
Just call me, Lucic's bitCH
'Cause now as a leaf, I'm in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some FHF courtesy
Have some fucking sympathy, and some fucking taste
Use all your well-learned fucking politesse
Fuck it, just lay my $oul to waste, um yeah
Not so pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my fucking name
But what's confusing you
Is the nature of my lousy game
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
Tell me lg, what's his name
Tell me GG, baby guess his name
Tell me Moey, what's his name
I'll tell you this time, Burkie's to blame
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah
What's my name
Tell me, Cherry, what's my name
Tell me, PeeAir, what's my name
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah
(hnic studio chatter)
Posted too early/late?
Panger that pumpkin rules!!!
and it looks to be setting up in the defensive zone. we could use him
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
or
DOOOOOOOOOUCCHHHEEEEE
just warming up
the more i sing that moeman the more i realize how awesome it is. Jesus Price, the Czarbo, Lucic's bitCH, etc. amazing. AND it's got me fired up. +1
All in FHFun HF29, glad to be part of this fucking FHFun team. GO HABS!
the crowd seems edgy and tense
my eyes hurt already
pajamas again. Does this mean they will shit the bed again?
60/40, really Jim? STFU!
btw Panger good job on that naming of the starting goalie in the preview
oh fuck fuck fuck..not the pyjams..fuck Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo
who's Chip-chair-a, huhgson?
can we please please burn those fucking clown costumes ..i'm waiting for Laliberte to show up from space
I'll give you credit for that Oh brother where art thou comment Jim
Hilarious flic.
Why the smugness @ hnic announcers?
@Moe
OUTSTANDING!! I'm finally getting it.
I think I might apply to the marketing department at Hab World. My first directive will be to burn those fuckin ugly pajama unis and fire everyone involved who thought it was a good idea to have them in a real hockey game. Our slide started right around the time we wore these monstrously hideous jokes last Feb 1. The blinding hypnotic glare caused Lang to go down with a torn Achilles heel. Yes. The Achilles heel. Seems our marketing dept is just that. Our Achilles heel. Fucktards!
pls god let the PP work for a change
New word for da Habs PP, Habshazard.
Gu:( on the PP? Really?
decline, decline!
ESPN paid attention to hockey today. They did a "Top 10 Scariest Uniforms" and these convict duds were one of three hockey jerseys on it.
They were ranked worse than the Islanders' fisherman things, but better than the Canucks' big V uniforms (which were mentioned as only needing a cape to complete the superhero look).
@kc, nice use of the Gu:(
Let's turn that upside down frown around Gui!
WV = fectounk, as in the sound of don cherry taking a dump in the cbc in-house shitter before coming on air to spew his leaf love...
Is there a costume party tonight after the game at Wanda's cause the Habs are ready to go.
Fuck this shit. Why is a Hab going off for Exelby being a douchebag?
Nick check on Gio from behind...
Dou$harek in overalls.
The Urologist sucks at playing D
heh, hnic's leaf nugget finder hughson, "It's a 4 on 2".
Well, we've been running around like headless chickens in our own zone, so no surprise that we have to kill a penalty now.
hnic's jim just called Jaro, Jaro....
So far, good goalie CHoice by Jacques.
It would be nice if Montreal played a little bit of defense to help Jaro out a bit. He's all alone out there.
Imagine being the cbc video geek and being asked to pull a grabasski highlite reel. Too fucking weird.
Stewie mugging Komi. Haha.
OK period.
Must (find a way to) score goals.
Hire The Flower as O-coaCH? Before the 2015 Trembmond does!!!
Also, did teh goof (see lyrics above) Gui! and BigTits even play this period?
Between Cherry and those uniforms I think I'm getting vertigo.
cherry is seriously drunk, NTTIAWWT.
Also, Amaretto on ice, is nice.
@moeman: I'd be happy if Cherry was drunk because it would explain some of the crap that comes out of his mouth.
Stuck watching Hockey Night in Toronto IN Toronto and it's painful.
Cherry's rants:
1. Leafs are great
2. Leafs are great
3. Ont boys who play for other teams
4. H1N1
5. Fallen soldiers
So... The Gionta hit (that no one noticed exept Grapes) was dirty but the Ladd hit on D'Agostini was a-ok? Like, for reals!??!?
I can't even listen to Don Cherry - my plan was to flip over to game three of the World Series, only to find it is in a rain delay and Ozzie bleeping Guillen is yakking on the even-more-interminable pregame show.
At least I have plenty of leftover Halloween chocolate to get through it - I had plenty of kids at the door, but I always get a ton of candy because I don't want to run out. :)
@kc, cherry is drunk, no doubt about it.
Having typed that and believing that cherry is horrendously biased and I think he pats his own back by mentioning people/soldiers, that die in sad circumstances, I give all our military members a heartfelt kudos for serving our country and their cause. I may be anti-war and in another extent anti-military but I have no problem respecting those that lay their life on the line for their line of work.
Dear Habs - while I would love for you to get a goal, I would settle for you winning a FUCKING FACEOFF!!!!
Yours sincerely,
LG77
P.S. I know it's Halloween and all but my eyes are bleeding from seeing the two scariest (ugliest) unis in the NHL onte ice at the same time.
(at least there aren't that many leafs fans in section 315 tonight. This section is usually overrun. Fucking season ticket scalpers....)
@cottoneye, good catcH on cherry's bias. He is paid to to that.
Great work, Urologist.
kill me
FUCKING UROLOGIST.
Stewart of all people gets a breakaway. What a fucking waste.
Wow, hughson is paid to be a wad?
@moeman
Amazing job with the Sympathy for the Devil
Métro!
Metro!
Also, Patches has looked good this game and in Chicago. Fuck you CBC for your disdainful commentary.
nice quick comeback
good job vesa
What a completely bizarre shot.
MOEmaN with the assist!
As much as I want someone to deck Komi, we've got to keep our composure and not draw penalties for baiting Komi.
Clean hit.
I can't believe what I just heard. They just said the Douche let up on Metro so it was a nice thing. Not for real.
@Not Geoff Molson, thnx, bonus for me is it is my fave song of all time (close 2nd is Marley's 'Three Little Birds'). Nothing like lyrical poetry that makes one wonder and think about the time they live in).
oh god not that stupid over the glass AGAIN
FUCK ME. Another delay of game?
This is what you get for singing the Ole song during a PK, Bell Centre!
Jaro!
Best crowd in hockey.
Also, Habs should Halloween it up and CHange jerseys for the 3rd period.
How was that not a penalty? He CLEARLY hooked him!
OMG can these CBC guys get more biased!? Fuck I hate everthing about the Laffs. Why did we bother even showing up? We just killed a 5 on 3 and not a fuckin word about that!!!!!
Fucking blind refs
at least squid's playing with emotion
oooh, pleks
Wow, get a goon's stick shoved up your helmet and get penalized. Wow.
love that slow motion PK
Jaro again.
Heroic PK.
"Penalty killers are barely moving now."
Was does that mean?
hughson and simpson are reading a fucking $cript. Fucktardian $hill$.
He just said "pitch forked to the ice" - What a fuckin' biased mother ...I cannot believe how one sided this broadcast is being called. I thought the C in HNIC stood for Canada - Didn't think it was HNIT!!!
Come on Bell Centre, bring on the Vesa chants.
Fuck you Leafs, fuck you CBC!
All-around sweet.
finally some pure laine action for BR
Does Latendresse get his exclamation point back now? :)
Fuck You Doush!!!!!
Time for another batCH of Amarettotinis (Amaretto+pineapple juice+cranberry juice+line splash).
lime
GILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOO
Oh. My. God. Was that Gill?
Also, fuck you Beauchemin.
Squid-flected!!!!!!!!!!
No Squid action, all GILL!!!!!!!!!
I didn't know that squid and leafs were natural enemies.
Nice goal, even better check by Cammi on Beau$hadouche. heh, friedman, apologizing for douchemin.
Also, Squid didn't want to play on a loser for five years. Fuck you, CBC. Smurfy line? Better than your garbage.
how are we getting a penalty out of this?
goddamnit
Fucking Leafs.
Who fuckin' cares, cheap leaf freebie from da refs. Oh, wait, cbc/hnic announcers care. Wonder why. Fucktards.
how are we getting a penalty out of this?
Because that will give Toronto a chance to tie it again?
Man, I'm likin' our boy CHips' game.
What is with the fucking camera work tonight? You'd think they'd never broadcasted hockey before.
just thinking the same thing moeman. like a real NHL'er now
some good hating tonight
I agree, Chips looks great.
I'm just glad that as an American, none of my tax dollars go to Craig Simpson and Jim Hughson.
I'm gonna go semipurewoolyester for a bit here, Gui! and Laps, @ home, in la Belle Ville (the city of the MOST beautiful women, (like our own lg77, GG11 and Moey) need to dig deep and find their BBR balls and beat these fucking Ville Reine assholes where it hurts, in the alley, yup, Conn Smyhte's fucking alley. the same Smythe who's trophy bears the name of many, many, many CHers. GO HABS!
I'm sitting in my living room in the UK streaming hnic on the interent and waiting for the Hot Stove...but dreading how much they will want to blow someone who works for Toronto...man oh man - things haven't changed in a lot of years! Go Habs Go!
The penalty that lead to their second goal was horseshit. How are they allowed to beat on our guys after they score???
Reffing has sucked for both teams but it has sucked slightly more for us. As usual. Sigh.
Um, sorry for da typo, I meant THE, MOST, BEAUTIFUL, WOMEN.
All this NHLPA garbage is;
- based on most playas involved from Toronto
- most of the exiled, exiled by people in Toronto
- most of the legal types (apologies to the FHF law types) are from Toronto
- most of the media yippers that have no clue are from Toronto (should healey be even commenting? biased much glen?)
- find the simihilarities kidz
Am I the only one to be amazed at how much time "teh hotte stove" is spending on discussing the Players Association's issue?
I mean, not a single soul on earth gives a boring fuck about the PA, including the players.
Jeebus.
Hey Moe - since when has integrity ever played a part in a HNIC broadcast - Healy was a shit 2nd string goalie and a even worse as a "non biased" CBC pundit. The solution is simple - Hang Bettman and be done with it!
@Olivier, the hotstovers have a huge sense of self-importance. Wonder where the show is broadcast from ...
Also, when Mike Milburied is your best bet at a potential pundit worth putrid points your past has passed you by (except for leaf fan cuz they worship shit).
heehee, simpson finds something else to slag our Habs.
OH FUCK NOT AGAIN MAKE THE GLASS HIGHER
AGAIN!? Do these millionaires not learn anything?
@Kmaxx, healy is loved by his CotU cohorts.
Oh look a leaf PP for no reason and the hnicers just fucking love it. Sick.
Just what we need, another Dman injured.
whew
Can someone just injure Colton Orr already?
Also, name me one, one, hnic'er that has integrity, one;
- mclame - he live$ to fill his wine cellar with leaf love vintages
- cole - he has a PHd in sucking leaf dry
- friedman - he makes every attempt at making forgettable leaf memorable (for leaf fan)
- hughson - sadly a decent playByplayer has bought into the $hit, contract clau$e?
- simpson - toepicker
- healey - realey?
- LeBrun, rename him TheBrown and be done with him
- pjstock - heh
- Al Strachran - nice try for the real fan bud, see ya
- moronson - slimy fuck with an even slimier fuck beard
- marek - another CotU wannabe leafrimjobber
- warnsby - see kidz, you just gotta keep up, google it
- cherry - I never, ever, say anything negative about my gay friends, even those that are leaf fans, they may enjoy the ecstasy differently than I do (butt its close)
...
HAMR!!!!!!!!!
Sausage!!!!!!
Hamr!
Habs! Hamr!
bouncy bouncy
trouncy trouncy?
Neat how cbc/hnic goes to commercial so fats after a CH goal. Just, fucking, weird.
Hey - that adds a -1 to Doush's stats!
For fun the Bell Centre game star guy/gal should give the 1st star to Hal Fucking Gill, 2nd to Squid and Turd to Dou$harek.
Then the team meets at centre ice, pulls off the barber pole jerseys and starts a fucking bonfire of the vanities.
quality pylon impression Hal
So, is it okay to call Kessel "One Ball"?
As I type that hughsonofabitch™ sarcastically says Gill currently has the winning goal. Fucktard.
Also, kudos to coacH Martin for starting Jaro. No trick, all treat.
Gui! playing like Gu:( on his last shift.
Patches is playing really well.
STOP FUCKING SINGING
THERE YOU GO ASSHOLES
@kc, it is an easy nickname but seeing as we all have victims of the big 'C' we should be careful. I like calling him burke jr., for no other reason than he looks like a young burke, ugly. (Maybe why he was signed by the leaf, a team known for very ugly on/off-ice players/mng't).
~~~
It is only the leaf but what a good 3rd period.
~~~
4-3
~~~
cbc is happier al of a sudden ...
now we're holding on for dear life cause of that fucking early singing
@moeman: I agree. Too bad he didn't lose a ball in a farming accident or something.
Why do the Leafs look like they're on a PP?
@HF29: No, we're holding on because this team can't close out a game.
heh, kakaberle shoots wide and simpson says it was a planned play, STFU you leaf lover.
im in hell
There ya go. Life sometimes suck.
God, these fucking...
FUCK ME. Leafs score while I'm handing out Halloween candy.
Somehow I doubt CBC will have many excuses for Jaro as opposed to Vesa.
WTF!!!!!!
Newest Habs fan enemy #1 , craig simpson, buttered leaf lover.
@LG
they're all yours. Ugh!
@kev
WTF is ringing your bell at 9:45?
what a disappointing point
will the crowd ever learn ? singing ole and goodbye ?? talk about the ultimate mush. shut. the. fuck. up.
This should've been over in the 2nd. Embarrassing. Listening to craig simpson smirk is sickening.
These cbc'ers are a sick bunch.
@GG11: I'm on Pacific Standard Time. Still, stop ringing the doorbell in OT!
We deserve this OT for the singing during a 2-goal lead. I blame the asshole fans. Sigh.
So many fights in the stands tonight. Crazy.
Be safe lg77.
@keV
do what I do. Put a bucket outside with a sign that says "take some and leave some. Go Habs. Sorry. Overtime"
Add an 'e' to Gill's name.
Do we or don't we want the Bruins to get that 1st (lottery) pick?
I really refuse to blame the fans for singing during a two goal lead, late in the 3rd on Halloween.
I blame the guys on the ice for not sealing the deal.
i am not looking forward to this
This is all just painful
Squid!
Squid! Seafood goodness!
Jaro! Sausage!
Jaro 1.0!
MEX!
Gomer! Mexico! Alaska!
olé!
same spot
Jaro 1.0 encore!!!
i guess i'll take it
FUCK!
DA!
LEAF!
and
CBC/HNIC!
FUCKERS!
1993 lives on!
Habs win while I'm handing out candy! Thank God this shit is only once a year.
Beauty result. Gives the stupid cbc/fuckers a glimmer, then pfffttt...and the Bs get some added hope to bag a top 5 pick because the leaf are that fucking bad. Burke is a genius and Dou$harek is a fucking traitor.
Any win against the Laffs is a good thing...wasn't as pretty as it should have been but at least it was 2 points. Fuck you CBC and HNIC - try a bit of impartiality next time - or any time really - Toronto hasn't been the "home to Hockey" in Canada for a lifetime - Deal with it!
heh, on da tsn CHat, da sad leafers are calling our boy Squid scamallerri. So funny, yet truly fucking sad, these fucktrads form the fucking CotU. Imagine if the cbc catered to those fucktards.
~~~
Next 3 are ATL-NJ-B's.
Jeebus, that was brutal. Not only the shirts and reffing, but I suspect somebody laced the producer's candies with acid... I mean, they lost track of the puck so many times, it reminded me when we play in Nashville...
Ba-dum ba
Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all week long.
Can I just say - its not the shirts that are the problem. Its the fucking socks!
"Na na naaa na hey-ay ay good,,Shit!
Fucking rich!
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