The often dreaded Florida Christmas two-step continues with a visit to the suburbs of Miami to meet old friend Tomas Vokoun and the Panthers. Put down your shuffleboard stick and pay attention, or no Matlock after dinner!Waiting in line for the $5.00 Surf and Turf Early Bird Special: It's Florida on New Year's Eve, so naturally it's a 5:00 pm start at the National Car Rental Center. Habs a totally unexpected 5 and 1 on seven game road trip, Panthers losers of last two and in the muck of the 7 to 11 crowd.
Hot as Morty Dershowitz's 22 year old grandaughter who is down for a Christmas visit: Oh look, it's the Canadiens broken record: Pleks. Squid. Big Tits. Secondary scoring alert! The Giant Mexican Chicken may become our new favourite photoshop. Andrei Markov, who loves ya, baby? Every fucking Habs fan in existence, that's who. For the Panthers, well ... they're kinda the poster children of middling, average, not-too-hot-not-too-cold. But Dominic Moore has two points in his last two, and Keith Ballard hasn't clubbed a teammate over the head for weeks, so that's something. Remember when the Habs made the choice to keep Jose Theodore over Tomas Vokoun? Ever wonder what the last ten years might have looked like if they chose differently? Yeah, me too. Vokoun still facing a ton of shots, still keeping a middling franchise in games, still deserves a chance with a real contender. The Jaro/Price Vokoun/Theo comparisons should scare everyone ... unless TFS plays every game like he did last night.
Colder than Mrs. Berenger in room 243 (CODE BLUE!!): Panthers leading scorers Stephen Weiss and Nathan Horton are both scoreless in the last few. Old Leaf whipping boy Brian McCabe is also pointless in two. Run up and down the Panthers line-up and there's a lot of arrows pointing down right now. Of course, that means their gonna shell the Habs silly. For the Habs, despite some promising signs from all three, Little Tits hasn't completely broken out of his slump, Mad Max is a press box seat waiting to happen, and seriously, who the fuck does Matt D'Agostini have pictures of? I've fucking had it with that guy.
Broken like Mr. Mendelbaum's hip after he took a spill in the dining room: Mara looks like he's still out. Hamr still limping but gamely playing on. Jaro might have pulled groin after making luv to meny meny sexy womans after his heroics last week, who knows. Florida without David Booth long-term, Dmitri Kulikov for a few more weeks, with Rosty Olesz and Cory Stillman game time decisions.
The Retirement Home Gossip: Check out LitterBoxCats, your "Florida Panthers Commentary and Discussion Colossus". You put Colossus in your own blog description, you get mentioned here. Also helps if there are NO OTHER PANTHERS BLOGS ON EARTH.
You post-game Matlock viewing and adult entertainment: Line dancing in the recreation center at 7:00. Bingo at 9:00. Fuck, the Panthers play a slapshot away from South Beach and it's New Year's Eve. Do you really need my help on this?
Happy New Year from FHF to all our lovely readers. Since I'm guessing we aren't getting Habs/Red Army '75 redux tonight, here's hoping the booze is flowing, the champagne at 12:00 is cold, and the person you kiss is hot and available.
93 comments:
Back after some time away, and I have to say, this has been one of my favorite previews in a long time. The Seinfeld sprinkled in really made my day.
"I, have ridden in a Cadillac, Hundreds, maybe thousands of times!"
Gold. Glad to be back, FHF. Let's keep up the winning ways!
@10
I'm kvelling. Hope I don't break a hip trying to catch a puck at the game tonight.
Mendelbaum! Mendelbaum! Mendelbaum!
Happy New Year kids!
When I clicked on the photo you can see the giant chicken's feet on the left. Hilarious.
GG11,
Have a great time at the game tonight.
@Moey
I'm ready to leave now! I'll be wearing a grey Habs t and one of of GG boys is wearing a retro Markov Xmas sweater. I'm sure we'd stand out if the place wasn't crawling with Habs fans.
Didn't Vokoun play a whole 1 game and let in like every goal? It only took him 15 years to realize how to play his position properly so I don't see the similarities at all, really...except that he's Czech and Jaro's Slovakian and they can snarl at each other from across the border/red line/Olympics. That giant diving Swede will probably steal his job in a year or two anyway (unless that jerk Salak does first, assuming he doesn't injure himself trying to stop the Bulldogs again).
Early games annoy me. My schedule is all fucked up now so GO YOU FUCKING HABS!
did the game start yet?
did the game start yet?
God take some of them now!! The waiting room is WAY TOO FULL!! Traffic hell on the way to the game.
am sure to miss game as there is no way but in Florida can one make a 5 PM start.
seriously. I knnow it's Quebec and all and we start our parties early ....
@GG I'm sure we'll have not problem spotting you. you can always try flashing your boobs at one of the Habs. why shoul dGionta be the only lucky one?
What bea.habs.fan said...
Betcha HF10 gave a Wizard as a present?
10 told me it's a tip calculator
lawyers tip?
+15% to bea.habs.fan
whoa whoa, lawyers tip very well. to strippers.
Nice pregame. By the way, there is at least one other blog covering the Panthers. The Rat Trick. Check it out. It has your site on it's blog roll, so it can't be too bad eh?
Good Preview. We all miss Seinfeld.
Was it Miami or Tampa where former fan favourite Tom the Bomb convinced a drunken Rhino into taking some lady's purse?
Good Times.
Never heard of The Rat Trick, so my apologies.
@ Moeman: I gave everyone pens that write upside down. The astronauts use them.
I'm assuming that will come in handy when they're all on their meth trip
And I thought youppi needed the death penalty. The panther mascot (a bear?? Someone speak
to marketing) is dancing center ice.
Should auld Centennials be forgot,
And never brought to mind.
Should old UFAs be forgot,
Get me a marble rye.
For auld lang syne, my fucking friends,
For auld lang syne,
We'll talk the Cup of 25th yet,
Buy me a black&white.
And there's your pants my trusty frères,
OMG! GG's behind the benCH,
And we'll talk about her tight jersey,
For she's our gorgeous graphic wenCH .
For auld lang syne, FHFers,
For auld lang syne,
We'll talk again in 2010,
Go Habs Go and Happy New Year to all!
+2010 moe
what time is it? this is freaking me out, man
@soperman,
It was Tampa, and they had started the evening at Bern's steak house, Mr. Moey and I sampled it last year, awesome wine cellar, we took a tour. I can just imagine what the Hab's bill was. The bar was just down the street. Rumor has it that some chick took some comprimising pics of Huet and O'Byrne was trying to get a hold of her cell phone, hence he was caught red handed with the purse.
did anyone catch why price isn't starting the game after a great outing last night?
@c'head - no. RDS speculates a reward for the whole road trip, but that's bullshit
what a crock of shit, at least there are a lot of habs fans there to keep our boy company
Herad on the rad that Coach JM felt the timelapse between games justified the goalie swap.
Nice dive.
crap
Keith Ballard = Bobby Orr?!
WV: Orkin. Weren't they the pest-control company that used to sponsor the whole rat-trick shindig?
weak, jaro
Gill the Thrill!
wow
Gill is the man!
I was completely disappointed in Gill's midseason rating a few posts back. C+? Everyone knocks the big donkey because he is slow but how many 5 on 3's has he stopped single handedly? Best penalty killer in the NHL.
Led Pittsburgh in +/- in the playoffs last year and I would even say they woulodnt have won the cup without him and Scuderi.
GO HABS GO + HAPPY NEW YEAR!
WV: chilla
BB mcsplooging on the CHicken
fuckity-fuck
2nd bad goal ...
fuck and im stuck listening to the florida announcers absolutely loving the fact there is no two line pass and sucking betmans pseudo dick thank god for the mute button
this team needs some Red Bull
Halak looks a little shaken up...
A thing of fucking beauty!
keep it up les boys... dosn't look like jaro is gonna steal one here...
WOW
from his knees!
A thing of fucking SuperPlexian beauty!
Dear Mr. Gainey.
tomorrow is Jan 1st.
FUCKING SIGN FUCKING PLECKS YOU FUCKER!!!!
love
knuckles.
I guess Vokoun is only used to being hit by his own players...
did they just say Tits is out?
where's tits?
Mad Max Schmeling!
Well, at least Laps is showing some sign of life.
WV, as in the yolc's on Gu:( ?
@HF29, + 1 ten count for dat!
Where is Andrei? Damn right when we got shitting healthy....
Big tits knee injury from a Ballard hit. Laps stepped up for his teammate.
When #57 drop the gloves we can type Cock Fight!
seriously pull Jaro
Brutal and screened.
maybe screened, but still, meh
Hamr pissed! Slamming the door. Almost got my finger caught as I was trying to give the boys a massage.
@HF29, agreed on the meh (see 'brutal' above). Jaro looks slow.
for your entertainment during the commercial and 2nd intermission, GG11 has sent us a bunch of photos from the game
Merci GG.
PleKs is Super.
Big Tits gone for the night.
PPologist scores.
WHAMMY!
how about a fucking whistle refs?
AUGH
CHicken!!!
aw crap
Bok.
it's like a pond hockey game
jaro? hello? jaro? beuller?
SOMEBODY SHOOT
New years resolution:
no more talk of halak as a number one in this league.
Does anyone else shriek when Ballard approaches one of our stars now? When did this guy get so dirty....
@boob Babs shoulda traded Jaro in 2009. (still time)
Also, brunet is beyond unbearable.
Jaro!
nice blond going to commercial
speaking of which, check out GG's video of the Panthers ice skanks on that link I posted earlier
Merci beaucoup GG.
Hal thinks he's Sheldon. moe likey.
yikes
Fuck was that Markov?
thx Jaro for a change tonight!
http://www.hockeybuzz.com/blog/Steven-Hindle/Team-Canada-Line-Combinations-My-Take-on-Team-Canadas-Roster/98/25247
Team Canada B Team = Still Gold contender
Halak Bashing? Jeez we eat our young quickly...two bad periods and hes tradeable!
@Jaybird, we are just kidding, Bob can wait until the fucking trade deadline or sooner.
fuck yeah Happy New Year bitches!
tired, error-prone, but damn, that's alright
We definitely need something in return, unlike Souray, Kovy, Streit etc. etc.
Gainey is signing his own papers if he doesn't sign The Mekanec during the season.
Phew.
12 of 14 pts on the road (including a ref robbery in Ottawa). Bag it and enjoy the bubbly tonight Habs and Habs fans. Play safe and let's make 2010 a fucking great year!
No one knows how to riot likes Habs fans. Going out to pull up palm trees!!
GG11,
Just checked out your game pics, Gill is a lot of man, wonder if he's a fun ladder to climb?
@Moey
Thanks for the scoop.
Check out the last video (IMG_0750.MOV) I sent of the post game in the lobby as the nosebleed section was coming down the escalator. Ridiculous.
@Moe
Love the song.
"Turn your dream sports room into a reality" over the swarm of Habs fans. For the Panthers this is their only sellout of the season, apparently. We've contributed to the economy. Ah fuck...
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