Tonight on RDS and the mystery TSN secondary feed, noted troublemaker Sergei "Little Tits" Kostitsyn returns to the scene of his (alleged) crimes against team unity to face stone-cold killer Carey Price and a showdown with his long-lost-in-a-fog-but-better-now brother Andrei. Sergei left the wild frontiers of Montreal and headed to Music City to join big gun toting Shea Weber and learn some honky tonk but tonight he and the Predators come into the Molson's saloon looking for a fight after being blown away like tumbleweeds in Toranna last game. Saddle up!
Cast of characters:
The Stone-Cold Killer: TFS stats for the last four games: 4-0, 0.75 GAA, .979 SP, 2 SO. That sound you hear is the wind whistling through the Preds dressing room as they contemplate those numbers.
The Gunslingers: Big Tits and Cammy each have 3 points in their last 2 games. Captain Gio has 5 in his last 2. Pleks has 6 in his last 2 and is on pace for 94 points. These boys are shooting the lights out, I reckon. For the Preds, youngster Cal O'Reilly and old warhorses JP Dumont and Steve Sullivan are leading the way, although none are exactly dead-eye shooters at the moment.
The Sheriffs: The Preds win with defence, and their defence starts with big gun Sheriff Weber and his deputy Ryan Suter. Along with former Hab Frankie Bouillon, the Preds usually make life in their zone tougher than a night at the OK Corral on Wyatt Earp's worst day. Habs D makes second appearance without Russian Gun Andrei Markov. Can old saddle hands Roman and Jaro keep rustling forwards away from the net? Can the Lightning Kid PK avoid distractions from the Mike "Coward of the County" Richards interview? Will Josh Gorges be the unsung hero who gets to kiss the rancher's daughter in the end?
The Wounded: Russian Gun Andrei's six shooter is holstered indefinitely. Halpern's bell got rung off the saloon doors on Tuesday so he might be shakier than a farmhand on hooch. Nashville's Matt Lombardi got conked on the head by a flower pot off the brothel's second floor during a shootout last week so he's concussed.
The Drifter: Funny as hell but still menacing tough guy Wade Belak won't have much to do tonight so he'll drift around unless someone like Travis "Prairie Gumption" Moen stupidly decides to take him on.
The Angry Loner: Yeah, this is the part where we discuss that low-down dirty scoundrel Sergei "Little Tits" Kostitsyn. Word by way of the wagon trail is ol' Sergei is strugglin', with 3 points and a minus 4 in 12 games. He's also reputed to have had some run ins with boss Barry Trotz. What with the Habs playing so well and Sergei still letting his ten-cent head mess up his million dollar skill set, it looks like the Habs win that trade even if they only have tumbleweeds in the press box to show for it. However, keep an eye on that varmint tonight, because the return to the saloon he was run out of on a rail might motivate Little Tits to go guns a blazin'.
The Pony Express: Get yer news on those dirty low down dawgs from Nashville via On the Forecheck.
The Posse: Final word goes to the posse, which has something to say to anyone disappointed this post isn't an epic Tits versus Tits fest. For entertainment purposes after the game, rustle up a posse for yourself!
119 comments:
The disappointment of the 'More Tits' faction is palpable
Not even saggy tits?
Tit vacancy is a metaphor for little tits processing power and inferior software.
GYFH, and please please let Lego score, and PFK be cocky, like John Holmes touching your knees cocky.
Love the Wild West preview.
Love the Unforgiven poster and the theme. Jaro doesn't work as a western name but Roman works fine (as would Hamr).
Go PFK - Richards is a douche you should ignore.
GYFHG
our tits is bigger than theirs- hilarious!
GYFHG
and phuck pronger, dickchard and the phlyers
How Cocky should PFK be?
More Cocky than Tiger Woods introducing himself to Bree Olsen
More Cocky than Dion Phanuf when he gets home from the hospital after a week and sees Elizabeth Cubert.
More Cocky than Charlie Sheen before he trashes the room
More Cocky than Pee Wee Herman at a porn shoot
More Cocky than John Baird being interviewed by Rick Mercer in a steambath
More Cocky than Jean Charest at a mob funeral
More Cocky than George Bush pretending he wrote a book.
More Cocky than orangeman the morning after the first time he ate a whole bowl of kimchi
More Cocky than Burka trading a first round draft choice.
More cocky than Sean Penn taking kudos for acting mentally challenged
More Cocky than Kanye West, no need to elaborate that one
More cocky than Chris Pronger taping his stick
More cocky than Roman Polanski at a justin beiber concert
More cocky than McSlooge explaining what a delayed off side is to an American
More cocky than goat living in Vermont
More cocky than chocula playing the Urologist
More cocky than Micheal Vick and Mike Richards when they realize their dogs are in heat
More cocky than GM launching an IPO
More cocky than Steve Jobs dissing Flash
More cocky than Donald Trump dumping another losing property
More cocky than Stephen Harper using the senate to kill legislation
more cocky than Glenn Beck in the midst of Nazi tourettes
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw! Giddy up!
Is it wrong that I took advantage of a day off work due to a Muslim holiday to drink all day and eat bacon at every meal? I'm sorry, this is what I do on my days off.
GYFHG!
Nice list Steve, except I don't know of 'cocky' would describe my first experience with kimchi. More 'hunched over'. Are you really in Seoul right now? Cause itsn't like 6am over there?
OH those were the days.
Tits Together
did golden girl make that one? and was she the model?"??
@orangeman
No I live near Torona now. My experience with Kimchi. For about two weeks after I eat it I can peel graffiti off a pourus brick wall with my breath, then for about a month after that every time I smell galic there is a pup tent.
The last time the Canadians won the cup I watched the last game on AFKN TV from my room at the Hyatt.
Ahhh, AFN. They've blocked that now unless you pay for an expensive satellite. Something about unfair competition with Korean channels, what with KBS's internationally envied extensive hockey coverage and all. Wow, the Hyatt, pearched on it's mountaintop looking down on the unbathed masses of Itaewon.
I miss Itaewon, or at least Itaewon prices.
Now looka I say looka here, Go you fuckin' Habs!
Webber called up.
@orangeman,
last time was 2002 but I bought "real" home and away sweater for about 20000W each. I loved both ground level and second story.
@Arazi
What happens at fhf headquarters stays at fhf headquarters.
NO Webber, no he is to young for Chocula, maybe PFK can give him some cocky, give some to Lego as well.
GYFH Weber, Lego and PFK be the Whiskey Stars
How about Spidey for Webbers handle
Why did Spideys mom get mad at him?,
he webbed the bed.
GYFH TFS no more goals against this year
@Steve: Yeah, I picked up a 'real' jersey on my way out for 30,000 (about $25 these days) with Muller 11 and everything. I bought a plain Habs t-shirt here for more than that.
just getting to the comments for the first time today. i reckon this is a fine (hitching) post, 10 and GG!
and nice list Steve. and I want some kimchi now. god i miss real Korean BBQ
hmmmm. not a lot of virulent anti-Pred sentiment around here today. big surprise.
anyway, sure hope the dudes on the ice can wrassle some up.
*tries to come up with a good Blazing Saddles joke - fails*
GYFHG
I've never noticed how the French speaker's inability to pronounce 'th' results in the "Altanta Trashers". Awesome.
@29: Next pantscast at a Korean BBQ joint? Get that soju a 'flowin.
@B101, when in need of a jokey quote with a little HF10ish twang, use some Foghorn Leghorn.
Damien Cox just defended PFK and said bad things about Richards and the Flyers on TSN. and then my head exploded
and then Cox compared Gino and his Movember stache to Super Mario and I laughed. i haven't been this entertained by TSN ever
@29: I actually find Cox reasonable. This from a kid who spent his teen years reading the guy in Ontario. More realistic than most Tronna media, anyway.
For those with kids to buy for this holiday season: I wouldn't normally do this, but WWF (the non-violent one) offers animal adoptions that come with adorable little stuffed representations. This year they've upped the ante and are offering families for adoption. Heart: melted. Just look at that mother polar bear with her cub! My neice is getting everything available. If you're going to get useless fluff for the lil 'uns, this is the place to get 'em.
Oh my lord, they have a 'Tub of Cubs'. Someone take my credit card away from me.
I have absolutely no clue which way this will go.
Any predictions?
wooooo Nashville! feel the excitement! the tension! the rivalry!
@i - we're gonna have an iLetdown after the Flyers game
@29 - iHope not :(
I don't even remember their last loss. Good times!
5-4, PHuckers over TB. Still in the 1st.
When did Nashville get an NHL team?
Are you sure this is not some kind of friendly?
If I may carry on my rant against the French language...
What's with all the self-reflective verbs? S'assoire? S'arreter? Pourquoi?
You're already assigning innamate object genders, now you have us doing simple tasks to ourselves? I knew the French were sex-obsessed, but I'd prefer if they kept to Bleu Nuit.
je m'amuse tellement ce soir
Wow, iRiRi, that's incredibly. That's gotta be some sort of record.
/surfs over to wikipedia
See, 29, that actually makes sense (perhaps). You're amusing yourself. But I'll sit myself down? Fuck you French grammar. Just...fuck you.
Ok, nevermind. Most goals by one team in one period is 10, so I don't think 9 by two is relevant. Still, though.
o'man you should have learned this when you were young. it would have been much easier than learning it now with your brain destroyed by cheap and delicious korean booze
Ca-rey!
Can't wait for all the 5on3s and an entire 2nd period of Preds penalties.
@orange,
I bought those one year for my newphews. So cute and for a good cause.
Price, je t'aime.
29: The thing is I did learn this when I was young. This is all 'review' since I...destroyed my brain with cheap and delicious Korean booze and other...things. What can I say, lead paint just smells good.
Looks like the Preds are getting their payback for being f-ed over for a Tronna win. Nashville is but a cog in the wheel of Canadian politics.
WV: That last save by Price made me 'tingly'.
Time to put the no. 18 PP to work!
@ 29 and Orangeman
What fucking delicious Korean Liquor are you talking about. Han go in sararang a hunnida, but Sake tastes like lighter fluid and Souji is lighter fluid.
The western theme couldn't be more dead on today. I just caught my week's SIXTH shoplifter at work. Worst part is they all know eacother. How boneheaded do you have to be to think you could pull it off when I caught 5 of your buddies? And to do it duringa Habs game too? How DARE you interfere with my habs watching/listening? How DARE YOU?! I end up missing the first 2 periods every time
thanks 29.
made my way out of the tumbleweed desert
must be this site bringing out latent jewishness.
turns out it's not a good idea to take too much pain meds for back pain, lie on one's sofa under 5 blankets because one's f'in cold and try to blog at the same time as one attempts to follow a hockey game with weirdly-shaped players
whew bea. i was starting to worry. sounds like some good pain meds!
6-5 Flyers in the 2nd. that's some good goaltending
@Steve: How dare you call soju lighter fluid! It's gasoline, pure! I will not stand for this! Oddly, I always found soju terrible but a great way to, you know, kill yourself. Sake on the other hand, blah! And then you get the hot stuff in winter. I'm not a hot drink person (my no coffee or tea conviction ruined Koran 'jeong' faster than my anti-Korean speedskating team rants).
See now that you guys lost the strippers this place is becoming a Korean message board.
I'm faling alseep from the meds
pretty sure that's not the effect i wanted and hoped for
2nd period hopefully more exciting in our favor
crap
not what i was hoping for as a wake up call
though i do love the name "Goc"
We're SO due to get shutout. Sigh.
How they can they get shut out AGAIN against Nashville?! Don't they remember leaving TFS out to dry last season when he made 53 saves?
*I am getting a little ahead of myself though.
7-6, PHuckers over TB
cmon 19th ranked PP!
So that's the end of that PP boost?
Sigh.
WV: balli. Korean for 'fast'.
i think we're first in patheticness when it comes to our PP
At least the Laffs capitalized on their gimme PPs.
FFS SCORE ON ONE OF THESE
7-7 bolts/phuckers. Srsly?! Why are we watching the Habs game?
OH, COME ON!
The old PP is back.
Wow, soft call on Squid.
what's up with Cammy fucking up our already fucked up PP?
as he been following this blog and decided to go with our decline the penalty strategy?
Stamkos scored the 7th goal during a Mike Richards 4-min high sticking penalty. Very respectful of him.
Any change GG can sneak into the Bell for the 3rd?
I know it's totally chiche, but it just seems like the bounces aren't going the Habs' way tonight. There's lot of rebounds, but they just bounce to the corner. Obviously, you have to make your own bounces but it just seems that way so far. I think they're working well, though. It's not insurmountable.
this game's a real iLetdown so far. cmon, still 20 minutes, GYFH
FT, during the intermission why don't you tell us about the other five shoplifters to keep us entertained?
Yeah, shopifters! I want details.
Is it over yet? I'm tired.
TFS™ photoshopped onto Worsley, Plante, or Roy for good luck...
worsley - yes!
We should extend this photoshopping practice to try to remove the hexes on certain players. Like Lego. And Mex. Any other Danes or Alaskans in Habs history we can use?
8-7 TB Stamkos with a hat trick
what the fuck is goign on in tht game?
I don't thibk i'm goign to make to the 3rd in this one
I'm debating whether I should head home during the third. The metro ride home from McGill might be more interesting than this third period...
hang in there bea! you're only at 2 typos per line. you're gonna make it to OT in a painkiller-induced mumbling haze! we have faith in you!
Unfortunately the amount of customers combined with the fact I'm typing this on my crackberry makes it a bit difficult. 4 out of the other 5 were pretty uneventful but one of those, whom I talked about briefly 2 weeks ago, I got into a fight with. He hit me 3 times and cut me open with his ring, my inner cheek was ripped apart because of my teeth and I had blood dripping down my chin. Got pics and everything. Funny thing is even if he got the jump on me and was 50 pounds heavier than I am, I actually knocked him out in 1 punch and proceeded to call the cops to charge him with assault.
FHF commentors kicking ass and taking names!
@29
wished the Habs were doing that
(ooooohhhh no typo)
Max: less smiling, more scoring.
@Toaster: I hear the Habs are looking for a fighter.
@bea i retract my earlier statement. we're not making it to OT. i can sing you a lullaby if you like. you need a good night's sleep
game over
FUCK
by they way golden girl i checked out your woman on the ledge blog... FUNNY STUFF!
we have a little girl with a boy coming any day.... your posts make me laugh but then again im scared shitless
-avi
Seriously, the Preds are new Devils to the Habs now. Unbelievable. Just fucking unbelievable. I had faith up until that mindfuck of stupidity.
And now they'll score just to fucking infuriate us more.
WTF is the saber tooth tiger logo about anyway? Are there a lot of saber tooth...teeth tigers... in Nashville?
man that goal sucked all life out of the building
Now would be a good time to mention my dad is at the game.
Last time I went, they got shut out too.
It must run in the family.
I *almost* went to the game tonight. It got called off at the last minute (lunch time). Praise Allah (shout out to my boss who took this Muslim holiday!).
@orangeman: I'd sign up except that I can't skate for shit.
PHuckers lose 8-7. Bwa ha ha.
sucked the life out of this fan (and there was not much to begin with tonite)
lesson for the day:
GG should attend more games and iriri and family should stay away
and our PP's gone back to a comatose state
ugh. bad to worse
How do you pronounce that cat's name? Gak?
Hey, y'know what's not working? The open shot from just inside the line. Here's a crazy idea: go to the net.
And Price is falling apart. And here is what we were all fearing. Bigger than this game.......
@Arazi
Had parent teacher interview yesterday for Pre-K. He needs to work on his cutting. Sure beats the 'doing lines of cocaine down the bannisters of residence during frosh week' that I'm quickly approaching with my oldest. Lots of time to get used to things.
Crap.
Steve Stamkos is cocky.
is this deja-vu?
@moe- According to PH, it's "Gosh".
@bea - Far far away. I promise.
Hey, is Pasquale at the game? Is he there freaking andrei out?
Impotent offence, defensive brainfart leading to goal, Price letting in an easy one, flacid futility, frustrated Bell Centre crowd. I've seen this movie before.
I'm going to kiss the money I didn't spend on this mess before going to bed. Unfortunately, I'm a fool and will watch this to the end.
my cats as fellow felines know when this game is in the bag - they're both fast asleep not one bit worried that I may suddenly freak out after a Habs goal.
I'm going to join them.
Ouch
Hamrlik was exceptionally brutal tonight,
O h good an injury....oooOOOOOHhhhh fuck, that looks terrible. Oh god, I pray for you Jaro 2.0
K now that the iLetdown is out of the way, bring on the Laffs!
wv: this game pized me off
So they still haven't ridden themselves of the rep of playing up/down to their opponents. Until the 3rd I believed, but that period was just embarrassing. There was no reason for any of that.
We aren't use to losing.
Hey kidz, tomorrow is SEXY FRIDAY!
Nice going Cube.
Fear Tronna. They've won 2 in a row now (while getting a 11-3 pp advantage, I'm sure that's coincidental). I have faith in my Habs, but that 3rd makes me fear a return to 'form' (aka 1994-2008). Maybe it's PTSD.
Just when you thought BRs hair couldn't get any orangier.
meh
I like how they marked markovs favourite crash landing spot on the boards behind the net
Nice catCH gillis.
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