Really, do you want to go out into the cold and the snow this weekend? Of course you don't. Neither do I. So I'm gonna grab a brew or twenty, plop My Humps on the couch and enjoy hours and hours of sporting entertainment. Join me, won't you? Let's Get it Started:
Game 1 - Rangers
2 PM start at The Bell. On the See Bee See for all your English Mcsplooge-free broadcasting needs. Possibly maybe available illegally here, but you didn't hear that from us. It's the Battle for Sixth Place! Habs have won both games against the Rangers this year. I wonder how our old friends at the Bullshit Bulletin are doing? Man we had some good times back in the day.
Gio-Pleks-PatCHes hot, Mexican CHicken not. Gaborik good, Drury bad. Price in nets, Lundqvist probably not. No other lineup word right now. This brief preview has been sponsored by the fact that I've got to get working on my famous Super Bowl chili already (the secret is meth!).
UPDATE - Shutout, bitCHes! Here's your long-form video highlights after a win.
Saturday Night
Let's face it, you have no social life, so you need to watch hockey and drink alone on Saturday night. What to do when there is no hockey? RDS feels your pain and has you covered. Tonight they've got two episodes of the series "Nos Canadiens". If you haven't seen it yet, CHeck it out. Essentially a "day in the life" kind of thing, hosted by the lovely Anne-Marie Withenshaw. Tonight they've got Mathieu Darche at 10:30 and TFS at 11. Saw a preview for the TFS one and he's bowling. Bowling! You can't miss that.
UPDATE - I think Mathieu Darche's wife may want to kill Anne-Marie Withenshaw.
Game 2 - Devils
Sunday at 3 PM. Keep it on in the background while you prepare your Super Bowl feast 'cause I am sure this will be boring as shit. Again, on the See Bee See for all your English Mcsplooge-free broadcasting needs and possibly maybe available illegally here, but you didn't hear that from us. Unlike the Blueshirt Bulletin, I honestly miss our old friends Pookie and Schnookie over at IPB.
Kind of tough to preview a game when the previous one hasn't happened yet. Maybe I'll update this space tomorrow, or later tonight after I finish masturbating to the lovely Anne-Marie Withenshaw.
SUNDAY 8 AM UPDATE - Here's some bullet points headed into today's game with the Devils:
- Habs could go 4-0 for the week. Bestill my beating heart!
- A Habs win today would: a) tie us with Boston in points and b) get us to fifth place with a Caps loss or OT loss against the Pens;
- Don't get too excited though until you read the next two bullet points;
- The January 2011 Devils are not the crappy 2010 Devils. They're 7-1-2 in their last 10, and Fat Marty is 7-1-1;
- The Devils have won 5 in a row in Montreal, including a 3-0 shutout in October;
- Take the Mexican off the cold list, I thought he had a great game yesterday, and not just his goal;
- TFS gets another start;
- The Habs PP has gone in the tank. 0 for our last 22 or something like that;
- OK, time to start drinking!
Game 3 - Super Bowl XLV
Kickoff 6:15ish, pre-game show starts 7 AM. Steelers vs. the Packers. Tradition! Fat unemployed steelworker fans vs. fat cheese-eating fans. On Fox with crappy CTV commercials. Not much more to say. What is this, a football blog? The only thing I'm hoping for this game is a Steelers win, more problems at Cowboys Stadium to embarrass Jerry Jones, and a Fergie wardrobe malfunction at halftime.
OK that about wraps it up. Hey, I just realized that technically this is a weekend open thread of love. Where is the Love anymore? We haven't seen a TWOTOL pic in a long time. Enjoy the weekend everyone.
134 comments:
Love the Peas shop
I really tried to figure this one out myself:
P.K., xx, Auld?, Brodeur
Who's the Fergie substitute? And if that is Auld/Palomalu, why is he wearing a Rangers logo? I'm slow on weekends. Is it to do with his famous record against the Rangers, even though Price is starting today?
why is PK wearing a Packers logo? accuracy is not our goal at FHF
as for xx, who is the most feminine Ranger of them all?
I've decided it's Avery, though it's such a new and exciting look for him that I couldn't see the old him.
Malkin out with torn ACL/MCL, surgery probable. Fell in the corner in a Markovian fashion. Pens? Welcome to our world...
League will begin imposing mandatory bionic knee replacements. Why wait when you can prevent such injuries?
The Wiz is sick. Not-Jean-Luc Picard is in.
@31,
That's good news, no Sid, no Geno! *snicker* But then again, we may need them take out the Philthy Phlyers in the playoffs. *sigh*
i am not nearly drunk enough yet
French Canadian goalie in Montreal alert
whew no bob cold
pretty entertaining so far. for an afternoon game
i forgot what PP goals were like
I love when Pacioretty drives to the net.
so far.. so good on the scoreboard watch
oh god a defenseman's knee
incidental contact my ass CBC
yes.. elbow to the head is coincidental
shit's getting ugly
nice leg takedown you pussy Fergie
attaway to fight for a job Lean-Luc
great period of hockey. no, really!
I would have liked to see a few more shots.... by Picard to the head of Avery
I have a couple of tickets to the heritage classic. Who wants them?
Fire Don Cherry and hire P.J. Stock instead. Here, I'll even provide the cannon.
can we compromise and fire Don Cherry but hire anyone else but PJ Stock?
someone is gonna get killed in this game
Has anyone else notices that L'il Tits is leading the league in shooting %?
12 goals, 28 point sand +2.
Sean Avery really should be a PHucktard.
GFHG!
bruins lost!
@lehab: I've sprung one!
refs have been on the phones with New York apparently
@29 : Anyone but the Cherry.
Rangers gonna score on one of these sooner or later
/reverse jinx attempt
Mexican Olé!!
about fucking time
Gomez?!
MEX!!!
20 mins to go and a 1 goal lead. C'MON SYSTEM!!
Hughson says Habs are lucky to be in the lead. fuck off
Perhaps Prust should try hitting the puck into the net instead?
worst. PP. ever.
I think both sides have been better offensively on the PK than the PP.
FUCK IM NERVOUS
FUCK IM NERVOUS
Being outshot 13-2 in the 3rd. The system will be the death of me.
Sorry, make that 16-4.
the point still holds, iRi
HOLD ON YOU FUCKING SYSTEM
EMPTY NETTER!!!! FUCKING MIRACLE!
AN EMPTY NET GOAL!!! FINALLY!
PleXXXe!!!
Finally, an empty-netter!
Ca-rey!!
Kinda slipped my mind that Price got a shutout. Weird.
What a game. SOLID game. Now I want some fucking tacos.
haha. gotta love Carey's speedroping.com promotional hat
fucking Ron Mclean doesn't even know Markov and Gorges out FOR THE SEASON, not an "extended period". get your head out of your Toronto ass
What a fuckin' brilliant start to the weekend! A fuckin'shutout and an empty net goal - How often does that happen!!
And I found a legal stream - 10 bucks for the whole year - no more fuckin' around with dodgy streams every night - Woo Hoo
GYFMFHG!
Where is that KMaxx?
Looking forward to Nos Canadiens tonight. Not looking forward to AMW. Last time I watched, Markov couldn't get away from her fast enough.
Elliot Fried Man = the only HNIC personality I kinda like (Hrudey's so-so) AND he asks Price where'd you come up with this new victory celebration with PK? Fuck me.
Goin' drinkin. Later dudes and dudettes.
The woman with the pink, tight dress...is it...could it be...lawyergirl77??? That face, that's EXACTLY how I pictured her.
I took my quest to watch today's game hungover a little too seriously last night and instead listened to it on the radio from bed while tossing and turning to make the pain stop. But woohoo! A win! 2 pts back of the Big Bad Broons!
Now to venture outside since the evil sun and it's evil brightness are gone to search for solid food.
Dear anon, fuck off you coward piece of shit.
Awkward lady notwithstanding, these Nos Canadiens episodes are pretty awesome. Darche's kids are too fucking adorable and Price is hilarious. Awkward lady can go away though.
@31,
Agree, she's friggin' terrible. You and I could do a better job.
what ti-cul said.
I think we should have an all-female Habs panel show - N31, Moey, LG, GG, and my mom. It would kick ass.
@29: Mr.natural fully supports anything containing the words "all-female".
I'm still PHucked up from Friday night but will struggle on through.
That is all.
Is that anon. dude still around? Anyways, fuck the Devils and I hope the fat bastard chokes on some smoked meat.
Habs panel show? Like those TSN guys? Sounds fancy. Got a Quiz segment?
How many pizzas can Brodeur eat?
a)1 b)2 c)4 d)8
How low will Kovalchuk's plus/minus go?
a) Lower than Gomez
b) Lower than Wisniewski
c) Lower than Kessel
d) Lower than Gonchar
How many times does Lou force Lemaire out of retirement after this year?
a) Never - Steals Muller from the Habs
b) 1 - Steals Muller from the Habs who promptly runs away
c) 1 - Steals Muller from the Habs and gets Carbo as AC, but both are comfy where they are
d) Never - Lemaire tells him to fuck off while sipping a cold one on a Floridian beach
Who really is the New Jersey Devil?
a) Lou Lamoriello
b) Snooki
c) The Situation
d) Miroslav Satan
CHrist that's a lot of PHucken'snow!
All cleared away , path to the woods, off to snowshoe, back later.
Starting major-ish project in basement will check game intermittently.
If Lou takes Muller I'll give Tony Soprano a call.
Lemaire really has turned the team around...they believe, and that's dangerous.
I know that this is JL's last go around with Lou, he will be telling him to PHuck off after this one.
Lou had to open the vault big time to get him back.
Plz refrain from identifying the the latest Troll by name, just ignore him and pray for the return of WC's balls. *sniff*.
Later
@29 & 31,
I like that idea! We could also combine it with a cooking and crafts segment, like how to make Milbury voodoo dolls & do a recipe exchange with Hal Gill.
Regarding places to watch hockey online:
sssssssshutuuuuup. Gotta be more careful now that the feds are watching. People should know, though, that if the CBC is showing it you can stream it at their site if you're in Canada (ie today's game).
GYFHZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
At the risk of feeding trolls, I can't imagine LG77 in pink... I imagine her in black, taking numbers and whipping impudent little boys who don't know when to STFU.
am in Europe this week - would love to catch bits and pieces of the game.
anybody got a feed?
It should be available at www.atdhenet.tv
shhuuutuuuuup
my dream of fifth place is dying fast here. Pens can't do anything
@Moey
Totally! I can bake bread. Sort of.
someone's gonna kill matt cooke soon. nice intent to injure knee there you fucker
29, how many times has Ovechkin done that exact same thing? Not to mention launching himself at other guys' heads. If he wants to play that way, he can take it back.
oh LeB, don't get me wrong. couldn't have happened to a nicer guy, what's good for the goose, etc., i agree. but matt cooke ain't exactly an angel
You can also try www.myp2p.eu. I was just using any excuse to show that Simpsons clip. You know someone looped the "Dental Plan! Lis needs braces!" clip on youtube for a full 10 mins? I watched the whole thing. Twice. It's hypnotic.
It's Puppy Bowl time in America!
Oh...and the Habs...
/returns 10 minutes after o'man's comment.
i was, uh, cooking
UGH
ugly mistake
What the hell?
we're never getting a PP in this game. not that it would help
Hal Gill was thinking about his potluck.
No call on the highstick on Hamr. Zzzz...
No call on the crosscheck on Picard.
Zzzz...
game over
Thank God the puppies are on...
That was going waaaaaaaaaaay wide and he tips it in. How come the Habs can't ever do that?
Almost 3-0 right there. Waaaaaaaake uuuuuuuuuuuup.
Well, that was a fun game. They tried hard, but ultimately it came down to the goalies and once again Brodeur saved the day. See you on Wednesday.
in these troubled times, thanks for making me laugh o'man
jim hughson is mcsplooging on kovalchuk
Alright boys, Price is keeping us in it, how about a goal or two?
Pouliot owes Price a goal for saving his ass there.
A penalty? I think this ref is going to get fined after the game.
a PP! this, uh, can't hurt?
What's the point of having Gomez out there? He refuses to shoot the puck.
well that was a decent PP at least. if only Gomez wasn't allergic to shooting
Brodeur just hurt himself. Too much pizza.
Well, that was a terrible period. You have an injured goalie opposite you and you can't even get a shot on him.
Y'know, I'm a little tired of hearing what tear the Devils are on, how hot the Bruins are, the Pens winning streak, all while the same people talk about the Habs fighting for a playoff spot. The Habs are 10-2-3 in their last 15. That's pretty damn good. Hell, I think only the Nucks have been better. But no one's talking about it.
Of course, when they play like this I can see why.
on the other hand, the comments make it clear that I probably don't want to make much of an effort to try to watch this game.
figures that they'd play well when I don't intend to watch.
so do i have to watch 40 more minutes or can i get on with my life?
There's helicopters flying around today. Weird.
I'm an idiot. My cousin just called and offered me a free ticket for this game but for some reason I thought we were going into the 3rd so I just didn't think it was worth it. Tried to call back but he's working. Now not Marty. FUCK.
Sweet Christ..
On the other hand, fuck this team.
FUCK
OK now I'm really going to get on with my life
Seriously... Men Who Stare At Pucks.
So, ok, one time Gomez should have shot it and didn't it worked out.
P-F-K!
PFK!!! Hahahah shove your shutout up your ass, Brodeur!!!
Nice deflection there.
FINAFUCKINGLY.
What a rocket by PK. At least they're not shutout.
Also, with that goal, PK has the same amount of points Markov had in his rookie season.
Can you tell I'm watching the game in bits an pieces?
I think PK's shot might have been the first shot on Hedberg. Felt like it was...
I hate the fucking Devils.
Dive.
i have returned from getting my life back in time for the big third period comeback
So do you think the Habs have a bet going that whoever scores today has to pick up the tab for the Superbowl party tonight? Because I'm used to seeing them scared of scoring, but I've never seen them this scared of just shooting the puck.
Unfortunately the Devils made Clemmensen look like fucking Brodeur, they can probably do the same to Hedberg right now. Annoying.
oh man i thought that was in. meh
How did they not score there?...
Gah i thought that one was in too
come on...
They could play without a goalie. It wouldn't matter. But as that PuckDaddy guy says, all they're doing is ruining their draft position.
I would rather have seen replays than commercials and the Gionta miss...
Hedberg diving more than Roloson.
It seems like every possession is either a quick, low percentage wrist shot from the side or a dump in that the Devils recover behind the net. Do we have any plays that keep possession for more than a few seconds the way the other teams do?
The Devils announcer alerts us that the ref felt there was a penalty, so he let Gomez yap at him about it. That's just as good as a power play! Well, at least the way it's been going recently.
Gomez got tossed? Maybe this will spark him? Please???
Wow refs, you blew that one too. The hook didn't stop him from hitting the net. Donkeys.
It would be awesome if Martin would stand up for his players in such an obviously biasly called game. Just once fucking look up from his crossword puzzle and say something.
Holy crap, listening to McLame defend Wilson and the player's poll is pathetic. He doesn't 'buy' the poll result because people like to poke Toronto. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. So no one bothered to vote for TO in most other negative categories except for this one and it just so happens it confirms his public persona and rumours from behind the scenes.
Worst. Officiating. Ever.
That being said, the Habs had their chances and couldn't finish. Weekend went as I predicted.
One thing that confuses me is how Kovalchuk managed to play about 27 minutes of hockey with Hughson and Simpson's lips wrapped firmly around his cock? Curious indeed.
@Orangeman
What McLame fails to realize is that we have retired players coming on air and without hesitation explaining how much they hated playing for Ron Wilson. He's a prick.
Oh thank heavens. I don't give a damn about the NFL but no way could I stomach another Pittsburgh win...
Also I love cheese.
Superbowel was okay for a change, the Peas stunk, and I ever here how great the Steelers defense is again, I am going to call the embassy, or after the latest perimeter plan my congressman.
You did not miss much on the commercials, most were promos for FOX shows and local inbeds.
Fuck the Packers
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