The lunatics have taken over the asylum - FHF readers preview the Leaf and open thread

Well done, some of you! We got some real quality submissions for our reader preview of the season finale tonight (7 PM from the ACC, on CBC of course, here's an actual preview if you want, like, information), though we didn't get the quantity we were expecting. Bunch of lazy asses, the lot of you! We'll give you a chance to redeem yourself though. You've still got all day, email your submission to fourhabsfans[at]gmail[dot]com and we'll update the post throughout the day. Because some of you refused to abide by the "paragraph" guideline the post is a bit long, so we're gonna put the whole thing after the jump. So do the clickity-click thing to see what FHF's finest came up with.

Orangeman

I only have a minute, but I will never miss an opportunity to see fuck the leaf in print. So, yeah. Fuck the leaf. But don't fuck 'em hard, they don't deserve it. Fuck 'em like you've been married to them for 25 years and you're doing it out of duty so they won't get suspicious that you're actually fucking a much sexier team at the office. Fuck the leaf like that.

Steve

I would not dress PFK or TFS for the last game, the Leafs will be gooning it up. Three highlights of the season, PFK getting better and learning to play within Choculas hopeless vision. TFS proving that there really is no system, no TFS, or Halak, no victory. The resurrection of TITS, free of Mexican’t prison he has played his best hockey ever, maybe its last year of the contract or maybe he is a rare non asshole from Eastern Europe. Three warm and fuzzy feelings, Lego, more than a bag of pucks, could be the big man we have been searching for since Wickenhauser, Patches, if not for the attempted murder, we would be lock on the cup. DDD showing there is a reason there is always room for another smurf at the Habs House.

As for the rest, SuperPlexxx is like a Honda, does everything you expect and more with total reliability. Squid, want to hear his redemption song. Giant, same but louder, Mexican’t, dead to me, only a cup win gets him out of sharing a coffin with Chocula. Chicken on his last legs in Montreal. The rest, Competent, Whiz, Blanche, and Gill (how about we call him Trout) next year for sure. Players not mentioned are interchangeable and easy to find. Chocula has to go, his goal stifling system makes no difference, the scoring chances and shots are still coming, so what is the sense in a plan that by design has you playing the whole game in your own end. Calling the playoffs is tough, they are a better team than last year, more potential than last year, better goalie than last year, they go to the cup finals, Go you fucking Habs Go, all the way if you play PFK.

Bill 101

Given the statistically significant bias show to leaf by certain media outlets, we can estimate the sum of leaf nation delusion ('lnd' - measured in "ballards")  by performing the following elementary calculation:

lnd = 67 divided by zero

Choose the best answer
a) infinite
b) not a rational number
c) not even a fucking real number
d) not permissible
e) all of the above

Wouldn't it be great if the leaf meant something? I mean, in more than a bizarre psychological foil for Canadian hockey fans way - in a hockey way. Imagine if there was something at stake other than office bragging rights. Imagine seriously getting pumped for a tough late-season game between the Habs and the leaf with tough clean end-to-end hockey. Imagine a leaf playoff series. Wouldn't it be cool if pigs could fly?

This season of competence-over-adversity has been a blast. Now it's time to stock the fridge and look forward to lots of real hockey. Cheers!

Mr. natural

T'was the week before playoffs when all through the league
Not a creature was stirring, just ripe fans to bleed
PactCHes was hung out and Buttman didn't care
Here's hoping TFS will eat Broons and more

Orangeman was nestled, passed out on the floor
While meth driven sugarplums danced in Steve's head
LG in her kerchief and GG in her cap
All were just waiting to go off and * snap*

Out in TV land, they heard such a blather
They shook off the booze and  the meth to see what was the matter
Pumped up the volume to take in the trash
McLame and his Cherry spewing out bile
While the TSN assholes were equally vile

So Google away for highlights of the playoffs just past
and bathed in the glow of kicking some ass
Bye Ovie, Bye Sidney, not standing so tall
For the leagues two greatest a really hard fall

Now comes the challenged, gorilla et al
Thomas and Marchand can go PHuck themselves
The PHuctards though scary are not riding a roll
may be ripe for plucking, you go Buffalo

CHocula's plotting with that Muller of his
on ways to upset PHuckPHace Bettman's great bid
PHuck Bettman, PHuck Campbell, PHuck Cherry and ancient Bob Cold
PHuck Duthie, PHuck Hugehead I can't list them all
But trust when I say they can all lick my balls

I believe in the HABS and love one and all
I live and I die with each rise and each fall
Though the league sucks the life out of my game
I will never succumb to their shit or McLame's

So join me in drinking and wacking up Meth
And believe in our team that they can be best
A little luck here and a turnover there
Is all we will need for our city so fair

As our boys fly down the ice like the down of a thistle
Maybe the refs can hold on to their whistle
All hear me exclaim as we are crashing the net
Die PHuctards Die and the same to the rest

Go You MotherPHucking Habs Go!

L Dude

In the style of Buck Sixty Five

Habs rule
Leafs drool
CBC, no it ain't cool
Cherry and McLame in the CotU

McLame don't like no PK celebration
So much creamy leafy lamentation
Holy fuck BATMAN!  Hotstove fraternization
Reimer and Kadri for canonization

*now the beat picks up

FUCK U CBC.
Here's how it's gonna be
Habs down laffs 1-2-3
I think you'll agree with me

I like me some Titty McSausage
AK's passes have been all the rage
Squid's inky deposits in the back of the cage
Ready for the playoffs a brand new page

Mexifuckinlaskin better score a goal
Or we gotta send him back to the fuckin' north pole
Pot one on the leafs just to fuck Bob Cole
get Ready for the playoffs or I'll rip you a new hole

The PK and Carey Show on TV - It's LIVE!
Gonna celebrate with a triple low five
Three down low ain't gonna jive
It's too fucking bad Cherry's still alive (too far?)

I'm running out of steam it's getting really late
I meant this to be one stanza now it's not so great
It's OK for the mothercorp to hate
FHFers know this Habs team's fate

VICTORY.  GLORY.  HONOUR. 

Oh yeah I like Big Tits, big tits, big fucking tits and fucking big tits.
That is to say I have a feeling tonight will be a big night for AK46.

Moey

I was going to do a parody on “How do I hate thee?  Let me count the ways.”  But hate is a strong word. The leafs aren’t worthy of it, I’ll save that for the Bruins.  I much prefer disdain.  Definition - a feeling of contempt for someone or something regarded as unworthy or inferior.  Disdain describes my feelings perfectly.  I don’t hate the fans either, I feel pity for them in the same way you would for people who are intellectually handicapped.  The one thing I do HATE is how the media keeps shoving them down our throats.  It’s disturbing and unprofessional not to mention insulting to our collective intelligence.

I’ve always thought that I being a Hab’s fan was a birthright and I thank God every day that I was born in Montreal and not Toronto.  That’s a scary thought, it sometimes keeps me awake at night and when I do finally fall asleep it pervades my dreams.  

Tonight’s game?  Meh.  I don’t care if we win or lose.  I wouldn’t put it past the leafs to try something stupid so personally I would let Price sit because he’s our most valuable commodity.  Without him we’re going nowhere.

the Maritimer

Waiting in Line Details : 7:00 pm start at the ACC from the COTU. On CBC with the primo pairing of Jim Hughson and Craig Simpson 'cause they realized they got fucked by TSN in the ratings last year by giving up the Habs/Caps series and choosing to follow two American teams instead. Like moeman pointed out Thursday the Montreal/Ottawa game was a warm up so they can practice all their Habs criticisms and insults. Bob Cold hopefully put out to pasture for the spring. On RDS as well if you desire the finer points of Benny Brunet's commentary and Joel Bouchard's analysis from the studio as he is not allowed in ACC where Glenn Healy has squatters rights.

Pay Your Cover Charge To: Probably Pension Plan Puppets, there are lots of leaf blogs, I don't read them but Google can find them I'm sure.
 
Hot Sexy Habs to Watch: Squid is finding his groove, his hand eye coordination coming back, opposition goalies beware. Big Tits are firm once again. PleXXXe is recovering from some sort of injury and is a shorthanded threat once again. PFK, even the hot stovers were giving him some love Thursday night.

Hot Sexy Leafs: Kind of an oxymoron, but Grabitchski, Kulemin and Baby Phil are 30 goal scorers, something the Habs haven't seen in a while. Michael Ryder anybody?

Skanky  Habs: Just the usual, CHicken who can't seem to stay on his feet and Gomehs whose shot travels less distance than some FHF commenter's semen or wouldn't penetrate a wet paper bag.

Skanky Leafs: Caveman Dion is one ugly bitch. The Habs need to be aware of him, he could be the Habs injury waiting to happen. Fuck, they're all skanky.
 
Not Dancing Tonight to Conserve Energy or Tryouts Are in Progress: Halpern, Picard and probably Hammer or Gill. For the Leaf, Orr (concussed) Armstrong ( broken foot,one less headhunter to worry about) and Tim Brent who will be replaced by the second coming of Mats Sundin, Joe Colborne the prize for giving up Kaberle. Some Hobey Baker award finalist, Matt Frattin will get a look see as well.

What it All Means in the Standings: Win and remain in 6th to play the Booins, Phucktards or Sid-less Pens depending what they all do this weekend. Lose to the leaf and possibly finish 7th and play the same teams. It doesn't matter who the Habs play in the first round, McLame, Cherry, Milbury, Healy, et al will find plenty of reasons why they will lose. Possibly they will spend lots of time discussing the leaf fortunes for next season.

Reasons why Brian Burke likes the sound of his own voice: He's a lawyer?
 
Post Game Adult Entertainment: The House of Lancaster (provide link) where they have oil wrestling on Sunday and Monday night.

LeBuuuuut

Two and a half years ago, I decided that I was ready to start following the NHL.  I went through a long process to pick a team, and I ended up with the Habs.  Saku Koivu, the great uniforms, being Canadian, the great fans, and later finding out that Patrick Roy (my favorite as a kid) played for them all reassured me that it was the right decision.  I may not have the hockey knowledge and history of my peers at FHF, but the Mighty Ducks Trilogy, a love of Roy, Sakic, and Bourque while playing NHL Faceoff 2001 for  Playstation, and the things mentioned earlier have helped me get to where I am today: a Habs fan who truly loves this franchise and is loving every minute of every game.  That love for the game wouldn't be as great without the good people of FHF, so I thank you.  While that's not much of a preview for the game tonight, I offer this one final remark, the most important thing that I've learned from FHF:

Fuck the leafs, Fuck the Bruins, and GYFHG!

iRiRi

This is gonna be short and sweet so here goes! This game, just like the leaf, means pretty much nada so I’m not getting my hopes up. That’s why my “preview” is on what comes after the leaf. We all know what the Habs are looking ahead to. That’s the difference between the leaf and the Habs. Winning tonight would mean the world to the little leaf but winning in the playoffs is what the Habs are (hopefully) aiming for. That being said, here’s a little reminder of all the fun we had last year! Here’s to Price and the boys going even further this time around! CHeers!

GYFHG!!!

Dwgs

Awww crap, I feel like I'm back in school, never could manage to get my homework done in time. Mind you back then I didn't have a feverish 5 year old as an excuse. I like the fact that the Habs should be going into this game loose, I say play the hell out of the kids and start Auld. Nail Turtleplecks to the bench, ditto with Hammer and Gio. Let PFK play till he gets that record setting goal in his hometown then reel him in before phaneuf tries to double dion him. Oh and most importantly, tonight of all nights, Fuck the fucking system and let the youngsters play some firewagon hockey!! I'm bringing the five year old and the eight year old down to the pub to watch the game but I promise to keep all the Guinness for myself. Fuck the fuckin' leaf.

GG11