The Weekend Open Thread of Love was made possible 65 years ago today

Heya! So I got to thinking this morning. You know, if it wasn't for the brave Allied forces storming the beach of Normandy on June 6, 1944, we wouldn't have the freedom today to post pictures of babes kissing. Think about that.

The focus of our weekend is of course Game 5 tonight in Detroit. The Wings expect Datsyuk to play barring some sort of accident on the way to the Joe. Has Pensburgh ripped momentum away permanently? I highly doubt it. Wings are just too good to let it slip away like that. They may be tired and old, however. Should be a doozy.

In other hockey news, the NFL, NBA, and MLB stuck their noses in the Coyotes situation and filed a court brief and bla bla bla we should keep our iron control over everything, bad precedent, bla bla bla. I'm a lawyer and I even I find this shit boring already. Elsewhere, we've got French Open Finals, Mike Weir in contention at The Memorial, and Game 2 of the NBA Finals tomorrow. Go ahead and comment to your hearts' desire. You can say anything you want, thanks to the brave soldiers 65 years ago today.

Live blogging Jimmy Balls

As i sit here at work, I am listening to Tirico and Van Pelt on ESPN Radio. They are currently interviewing Jim Balsillie. I am going to try to report this as it happens, because I am bored as fuck on a Friday afternoon.

Tirico: What is the biggest stop sign in Bettman's eyes?
Balls: I don't know. You'll have to ask them. Basically I said, "here's a check, if I can relocate them to Southern Ontario."

Tirico: Was the South a mistake?
Balls: Dangerous to generalize. My purchase attempt is not part of a larger picture.

VP: Is Canada a "bigger seed to plant"? (or something)
Balls: Yes, Canada is very fertile. Second Southern Ontario team will only bolster the league.

Tiricio: Do you have support among NHL and hockey people?
Balls: I won't get specific about my conversations. I have no intention of doing anything but playing by the rules, building friendships.

VP: It all seems to make sense coming from you. good luck to you and Canada.

/fin

Sexy Friday whips out the video

A couple of videos for you on Sexy Friday. First up, our favourite anonymous blonde hockey talker goes outside to have the wind swept through her hair and talk about Games 1 and 2. Amazingly, lots of what she says comes through for the Pens in the last two games. I'm telling you, she's a brilliant analyst! She's also cute trying to pronounce Justin Abdelkader. Finally, I like the way she has to sort of lean forward to be in the camera frame.

Recently we had a complaint about the lack of strip club stuff around here. Agreed! This has nothing to do with hockey, but here's a CNN story about some dude suing a strip club when a stripper allegedly kicked him in the head. Lawyers and strippers! FHF in real life.


To make up for that not being about hockey, I have some hockey news. Mario Tremblay will not be rehired by the Wild, he's now free to join the Habs. He said of course, would love to come here. Did that just make your Sexy Friday flaccid?

As always, Sexy Friday copyright KSK

The Morning Skate is taunting the Wings with dance for Friday, June 5th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of winning 300 games. We still think the Langston trade was a smart one...

• Helloooooo, series. Pens offense comes alive in a 4-2 win, evening the series and grabbing Moe and his brother Mentum by the throat. Sid and Geno with 1G 1A each. Wings actually looked befuddled for a while there in the second, after TMS turning point Staal's shorthanded goal. MAF is now outplaying Osgoode. Hossa is possibly now regretting his decision. We could ask, but we can't seem to find him;
• Blah blah blah, second team in Toronto, blah blah blah;
• CKAC reports Habs have a new goalie coach, so you know it's not true;
• George Gillett has money issues, in case you didn't know.
  

Happy Sexy Friday to all. Hey, it's Grand Prix weekend in Montreal! Oh, right.

The Mid-morning Skate for Thursday, June 4th

Bullet points for what you missed while FUCK YOU VIDEOTRON...

• In case you missed it in the comments yesterday, Jacques Demers could have been our next coach. Also on tap, Benoit Brunet and Eric Desjardins as assistants. Mmm, 1993. But since Serge Savard sort of pulled out, the plan is down the tubes. Whew;
• Avs clean house;
• Phlyers look to Ray Emery to be their goalie and kick some ass;
• Here's a full transcript of the Ron Maclean-Gary Bettman interview from Tuesday night's HNIC broadcast. Well worth the read. Ron should have been a lawyer. Standard Bettman response: "I’m not exactly sure what you’re talking about".

Pivotal Game 4 tonight. Datsyuk is a game-time decision. I love his quote about sitting out: "Oh I tell you, this is not fun to watch. I take in lots of beer." You and me both, Pavel.

The Morning Skate counts to six for Wednesday, June 3rd

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of trying to Tweet from China...

• Well, for one day at least we have a series. Thank fucking god. Max Talbot pots two in the Pens' 4-2 win over the Wings. MAF finally won a goalie battle with Osgood. Sid is still a zombie, but Malkin came alive with 3 helpers. Two PP goals for the Pens, including Gonchar's winner after one of those interference calls where you think to yourself "Seriously? It's the 3rd period of a FUCKING STANLEY CUP FINALS GAME". And the refs did more too, ignoring about 20-25 seconds of Pittsburgh too many men on the ice. Your photo evidence is above. I'm sure Bettman had nothing to do with any of this;
• In case you missed it in the comments late yesterday, Quebecor Prez Pierre-Karl Péladeau was suprised the Habs hired a coach before an ownership change. Keeping his mouth shut does not seem to be one of M. Péladeau's strong suits;
• The French press dreams of François Allaire as the new Habs goalie coach.

Seize the Wednesday people.

The Morning Skate for Tuesday, June 2nd

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of being a Deadspin commentor...

• Not much happened yesterday. It was pretty quiet around here;
• In all seriousness, let's try to recap. Jacques Martin is the Habs new head coach. Brilliant reaction from HF10 is in the next post down. In the process, somehow Rollie the Goalie Coach got axed. Weeeeee! Vicious rumours of Mario Tremblay being hired as an assistant were unfounded. As BGL chimed in, "people will be happy here (in Montreal) because he's bilingual." There's a vote of confidence;
• Jimmy Balls filed an application for team relocation with the league last night. We don't know what that means either. Like Bettman cares about your "procedures";
• With Joe Nieuwendyk as the new Dallas GM, Brett Hull is now "executive vice president and alternative governor" aka "stay away from the hockey team Brett."

Hey look, hockey! Finals Game 3 tonight. God forbid the Pens make this a series.

Now We Have Your Attention!

Enemies of Les Glorieux! Do you quake with fear at the announcement of our new leader? Are you not paralyzed by your own inadequacies, now that the most exalted mind of Jacques Martin, Defensive Guru, has taken his rightful place amongst the titans in Les Habitants dressing room? Do you not know that this mastermind, the winningest coach in the history of TWO of the most storied expansion franchises of the 1990's has made it his mission to right the wrongs of the past decade for the most storied franchise of all? Tremble as you face the might of this newly reconstituted managerial, coaching, and hockey playing juggernaut!

And you! The ungrateful proletariat scum that alternately worships at and grovels before the altar of awesomeness that is your Montreal Canadiens! Do not trouble us with your namby-pamby concerns over the Defensive Guru's perceived faults! Do not cite "boredom" as a reason for slighting the glory of the Defensive Guru, who turned Jason Spezza into the Selke winner in waiting he is today! He who took an Ottawa Senators organization from the depths of despair into the Eastern Conference champions, only vanquished in the Finals by corrupt referees and an Anaheim team featuring 14 Hall of Famers! Do not play mosquito to the ear of the Gods, complaining that the Senators and Panthers were defense-oriented, not when the official Party records show that the Defensive Guru's teams regularly average 15 goals a game, and that every Florida Panther ever coached or managed by the Guru set career highs in goals, assists, points and highlight reel appearances every year! This is a man so confident in his own Defensive brilliance and so cunningly subtle in his offensive wizardry that he could allow them to trade Roberto Luongo away just to win without him! Because he can! Only God himself can devise an offensive game plan sophisticated enough to crack the armour of the Guru!

Do you not know the offensive arsenal that can be unleashed, now that our players are secure in the knowledge that the Guru has devised a defensive masterpiece so airtight that they can merely relax and attack with relentless, remorseless fury? Witness the wizardry that our masters of puck sleight-of-hand like Kovalev, Kostitsyn and Gorges will dazzle with, now that the Guru has come to guide them!

Do you not know the genius of a man who took a downtrodden Senators franchise to heretofore unseen heights on the back of Patrick Lalime? Can you imagine the futility of attacking the Guru's system backstopped by all-universe goalie Carey Price? Our enemies will gnash their teeth and weep like children, unable to muster any answers!

Do you not realize that our Defensive Guru hails from Greater Rockland, neighbour to the venerable birthplace of St. Guy of Thurso? Are you not aware that our St. Guy first demonstrated his otherworldly talents as a member of the Rockland Boomers? Who do you think was the architect of his magical acension into the pantheon? The Guru was there from the beginning! Tremble as he wields the might of the power of St. Guy on a new generation!

You fear the arrival of Mario Tremblay? The man who singlehandedly delivered two Stanley Cups and countless successes on the weaklings known as Colorado? Adding a man of such unique talents and abilities, aligned with the genius of the Guru will only cause our enemies more consternation! The power of a man who can stare down St. Patrick compels you to genuflect!

Yay, I tell you that there will be those amongst the non-believers who crow at the Guru's lack of success versus the infidels of the Blue and White. Let them know that God himself needed to rebuild the entire earth before finding his chosen people! The Guru's time with the Senators and Panthers was but the impetus for the new Genesis of glory that comes from finally being united with the chosen, Les Habitants! The Don River will run red with the blood and tears of the non-believers after the Guru brings hell to the House of Sodom known as the ACC! We will not be denied! The Guru will stand astride the NHL as a bilingual, stoic, shining beacon of fantastic! He will become the collosus that crushes all before him in a vice-like grip of defensive acumen married to the Canadiens already otherworldly offensive talents! You will not doubt him, or you will not be party to the glory and joy of victory!

Welcome our new classy overlord

Sure he's bilingual, but he's from Ontario. The 110% guys won't like him.

So lap dances to FHF reader QLess for reporting that Team 990 is reporting that Jacques Martin will in fact be the Habs next head coach. A punch from the bouncer to the same QLess for forcing me to listen to 20 minutes of Team 990 to confirm this. I can confirm that yes, Team 990 is reporting it as a "done deal" as QLess said. He has gotten out of his Panthers contract, and will be put in front of the Montreal media pretty soon.

I'm sure you're waiting for the FHF insta-reaction. Problem is I've only had 3 minutes, and I need 10 minutes in blogworld. So the pros - bilingual, experience, defensive discipline. Cons - defensive discipline. Good luck teaching that to Kovy.

OK FHF'ers, make my mind up for me.

UPDATE - Habs I/O is reporting that the Habs have a 2 PM press conference to introduce the Martinizer.

The Morning Skate for Monday, June 1st

June 1st? Fuck me...

• Well, this series is over. Wings take Game 2, 3-1. It's too bad, the Pens are playing pretty well, but Osgood was too good again. The real excitement last night was the Malkin-Zetterberg lightweight division tilt at the end of the game. You read that right. Here's the vid;
• Habs strength and conditioning coach Scott Livingston is leaving the club. Good fucking riddance;
• Dallas will have a new GM today, and it's Joe Nieuwendyk. Brett Hull has been reassigned to the golf course.
  

In case you think the series is not over, here is our favourite anonymous blonde woman previewing the Finals. Her Pens in 6 prediction may now be mocked openly.