It's a weekend open thread of love!

Patches! Als! Sens tonight, Bs tomorrow. I have to run off, I'll update later, talk amongst yourselves. That's what TWOTOL's all about anyway...

SUNDAY MORNING UPDATE. Habs lost 3-2 last night, thanks to a goal in the last minute by Chris Neil (seriously?). Not much of a game to remember, except for Squid's 2 goals thanks to Palushaj's two helpers. Beaulieu showed he's not ready for prime time, despite RDS' insistence he is. TFS hopefully continuing his pattern of playing meh in the pre-season only to win almost 40 games in the regular season. Although he did have some huge saves at key times, and the Sens' 2nd goal bounced off a hundred skates before it went in.

Bruins tonight, at 6 pm EST from Halifax. PatCHes did not make the trip out East, and the Shaved Gorilla has been on and off with a leg injury all pre-season so he probably won't be there either. Don't forget CHicken! In other former-Habs-with-CH-in-their-nickname news, CHeez Whiz is in trouble.

While you wait, nice NFL double at 1 PM (at least on northeast stations) with Giants-Eagles and Pats-Bills (Bills are good this year). Or you could catch up on some housework. You're bathtub is disgusting.

moeman updates that i/o reports the following; "The Boston Bruins will play defenceman Zdeno Chara and forward Benoit Pouliot tonight vs. the Canadiens, but will sit both players tomorrow on the team’s date back at the Bell Centre."

Guess the shaved ape won't be relaxing at the Boston Zoo today and is too small-balled to play in Montréal, also, too CHickenshit.

Sexy Friday is handing out some discipline

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a whole new set of Kate Upton bikini pics...

• Habs have four games in four nights starting with the Sens tonight. We're tired already;
• Tonight's game will include the appearance of The Mexican, whose lower body is ready to not score goals;
• NEVER touch a Leaf, you will pay. Shanny the punisher hands out five pre-season and five regular season games to Jody Shelly;
• Shanny also handed out 4 + 1 to Letourneau-Leblond, who didn't hit a Leaf;
• THERE IS A BANANA ON THE ICE! THERE IS A BANANA ON THE ICE! Actually we shouldn't joke because this looks like it may be a disgusting racist incident. Ugh;
• MIke Modano will sign a one-day contract so he can retire a Star;
• PJ Stock feels bad;
• For the ladies today, Cosmo puts together a slideshow of 64 hot guys without shirts.

As you can well imagine, "discipline" videos are pretty out there. So here's some random artsy fartsy strip tease video (no nudity, but close, so close your office door). Happy Sexy Friday everyone!

Tweet this bitCHes for September 22, 2011

The children - Gallagher and Beaulieu - are our future. #weneedrealgamesalready

PatCHes preview and open thread

I was going to use the "face smashed into a stanchion by a gorilla" pic, but wanted something happier

Tonight, at 7:30 on RDS, PatCHes returns to the Bell Centre ice for his first game since the, uh, the you know what. I will admit it, I may get weepy when I see him. It's the dust. Fuck the NHL and fuck the Shaved Gorilla. This will be a happy ending.

Summer ain't officially over ...

OK, so our Habs lost, 6-3, in a pre-season game.

Lotsa kinks to be worked out but Colé scored and Gremlin had a nice hit,

so that's nice. No ice cream? Not so nice. Bonus, its still-Summer weather.

RDS calls it an early costly loss. Really. Do they think ratings'll suffer?

As our own gillis would say, "meh". CHill out FHFers, you could be a leaf fan.

Or Steve-Olé, now dats gotta hurt.

Regardless. Summer has yet to set.

Enjoy the warm weather, 

the real CHill in the air ain't far away and it could be

much, fucking, worse.

Be good and be good to eaCH other.

The End.

G Y F pre-season H G !

Hockey! Pre-season! Players you've never heard of!

Yeah, this is about as recognizable as some of the Habs on the ice tonight

Tonight at 730 PM, from the Bell, on RDS, against Dallas. WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hockey motherfuckers! Too bad I have plans, because pre-season hockey is the best.

Players you've heard of who are in the game: Squid, Pleks, Tits, Cole (uh, nickname? did we figure that out yet?), Gremlin, Gill, TFS.

Players you've never heard of: Everyone else.

In honour of the first (sort of) game of the season, here's a good old fashioned stripper pic for ya. Stop your whining.

Tweet this bitCHes for 09/19

RT @MCammalleri13 Tweeting while driving is dangerous. Never do it. Unless ur parked on a bridge. #champlain #victoria #mtl http://yfrog.com/h65jgwcj

FOUR FUCKING GAMES THIS WEEK. Sked.

#lovethisvidedandpjrule

(Y)Emelin!

Oh hello. Happy Sunday to you. Why aren't you in church? You should be, you sinners. While you wait for the Als game or the NFL game of your choice, enjoy these videos of Alexei (Y)Emelin wreaking havoc in scrimmages yesterday. Drool. Well except for the potentially taking out PatCHes' knee part.

Sexy Friday is going in for its pre-season physical

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of Scarlett Johansson nude photos...

• It's time! Habs report for physicals today and actual camp starts tomorrow. You can feel hockey in the air, and it's not just the fact we froze our ass off last night;
• Puck Daddy's previews have arrived at the Habs. It seems relatively fair and accurate, which is a surprise. But for the love of God don't read the comments. Remember the old Puck Daddy Comment of the Day feature we had around here once? Well, we can't pass up this one: "Leafs are gonna kick their @#$% and finish ahead. Montreal will be fighting for 8th. Price won't play as well as last year. Leafs will get 6th or 7th.";
• Leafs sign Luke Schenn to a five-year deal, Tronna plans a series of parades;
• Finnish Flash signs on for another year with the Ducks;
• The Dallas Stars are bankrupt and being sold. Another successful Southern franchise;
• Tweet this bitCHes - the NHL has a new social media policy, and it means there won't be any Tweeting from the locker room;
• Habs TV has a cute new host(ess);
• Here's a video of some amazing pole dancing, for no reason;
• Kate Upton goes to football games too. Could she be any more perfect?
• Some yutz named Allen Mendelsohn has a new blog. We bet that's the last we hear from him.

We're turning over the video section of Sexy Friday to the ladies today, but don't worry, everyone will like it. Do you enjoy handsome young defensemen of African descent showering and working out? Then we have the video for you! It's really just perfect, except for the fact it's filmed in Toronto. Happy Sexy Friday everyone.

A children's treasury of Markov pics in tribute to his knee

It's being reported that Vodkov's knee is, uh, not good. This has us worried! If you want to know why, you can just go ahead and read J.T., who sums it up perfectly as usual. We will use it an opportunity to fondly look back at some of our favourite GG11 Vodkov masterpieces over the years.