Eye of the Squid: Habs 4, Bruins 3

Mr. LG77 (after the events depicted above): "Wow. It's like the Habs' balls dropped tonight. They're hitting people and manning up. Fuckin' weird."

Wow. Beating the Bruins is incredibly satisfying and words can't describe how happy I was to see last night's game in person. The Martin "system" actually looked like a system (well, for 40 solid minutes) and there were so many firsts and other interesting things happening on the ice...

There are so many thoughts going through my head that I can't limit myself to just one theme for this review. So, without further ado, and using a number purely picked at random that is absolutely not important to me at all, here are my 33 thoughts about last night's game, divided up into three periods, typed into my iPhone while I was at the Bell Centre:

First Period:

• Ugh. Should not have had the Smoked Meat. Definitely not worth the second mortgage on my house.
• Holy shit! Squid's getting a penalty shot! Bet you anything he's gonna miss this oppor....
• GOAL! WOOO!
• Do my eyes deceive me? Are the Habs actually doing progressive line changes and having the defence and forwards change at DIFFERENT times? Wow - they may actually get some offence going in this game!
• GOAL! WOOO! Oh, shit, wait, it's a two-goal lead...
• Scott Gomez + paintball gun + unlimited ammo + broadside of the barn = not one shot would hit the barn.
• While Chara may be a big, dumb tree, I still don't get why we boo his ass. Ryder was making fucking paper airplanes in the pressbox and he doesn't get booed anymore.
• Did the in-game hostess get a boob job, or is she just wearing an exceptionally tight shirt?
• Shit. They scored. We're gonna lose now...
• GOAL! WOOOO! Plan the parade, people!!
• Max-Pac is playing an inspired game. I wonder what the over/under is for when the Martin is going to sink in and beat the creativity out of him.

Second Period:

• 2-goal leads make me so very nervous with this team. It allows Martin to think we can play passive defensive shell, which then leads to disastrous momentum shifts. And, then, when it becomes time to turn on the jets again, it's too little, too late.
• Gionta's broken French cracks me up. At least he's a good sport about it... even though he looks like he's trying to pass a kidney stone in these godawful ads.
• "On veut des ailes" - chanting in cheap seats at the start of the period. A little early to be having visions of chicken wings along with the sugarplums, no?
• Fuck, how many goals would Big Tits have if he would just stop shooting the puck DIRECTLY at opposing defencemen??
• Challenging the Bruins in the neutral zone and pressuring them relentlessly has led them to look really disorganized. The Habs are finally using their speed against an opponent! Yay!
• Argh, they scored off a lucky deflection off of Picard. Sigh. Yep, we're gonna lose.
• Oddly enough, we're playing better defence in THEIR zone than in ours this period. Our D sucks in our own end, and it's starting to cost us... Getting really worried now.
• HOLY FUCKING SHIT. An unannounced midget wrestling match breaks out at the Bell Centre and the Squid wins by submission!!
• Michael "Killer" Cammalleri? To me, that's like naming a toy poodle or a chihuahua Killer. While it may initially have been done for vaguely ironic reasons, both the dog and its owner inevitably wind up looking ridiculous.
• GOAL! WOOOOOO! I'm going to go pick out my lawn chair for the parade right fucking now!!
• Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we now have a First/Second/1A/1B line!!

Third Period

• Some girls ask for jewelry for their birthday, I ask for free chicken wings. I'll make a necklace from the bones, if I have to.
• Shit, PK just took another penalty. Two blemishes in an otherwise solid game from the rookie. Bet you anything the CBC is shitting all over him right now. Gosh, those HNIC analysts remind me of cockroaches.
• No, seriously why is the in-game hostess' skin so orange? Does she have some kind of a skin condition or does she use a tanning bed as her sleeping coffin at night?
• Oh, and now Bill McCreary has decided to start calling shit. Death, taxes, one-sided calls by McCreary in the third. Someone needs to tell him Movember is over.
• Shit, now it's 4-3. I rescind the chicken wings wish. Now I just want two points in regulation... which we won't get because the collapse is totally imminent.
• Aaaand, now they're dumping the puck for line changes. SonofamotherfuckinggahIcan'teven... *head explodes*
• You know, Darche Vader is smart. He hits Chara lower on his body, which messes with his centre of gravity and slows him down way more than when he gets hit by other players. Did he take a physics elective while he was at McGill instead of a bird course like "Moons for Goons" or "Clapping for Credits"? Loser.
• People two rows behind me are singing "Hey Hey Goodbye" with a one-goal lead and a surging Bruins team. I told them politely to please refrain from singing that song at this particular point in the game. There may have been an expletive or dozen in that sentence. Maybe.
• Shit, they've pulled Timmie out of his net. Pleasedon'tchoke. Pleasedon'tchoke.
• YAY! I I don't have to recap another loss to a loathsome opponent!!! Plan the parade, bitches!!