CRITICAL SYSTEM FAILURE - Bruins 8, Habs 6 (no, really!) - a TMS review

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a coach who might actually react when his heart exploded out of his chest...

• Apologies for the review style, but man we just have so many jumbled thoughts about that game we just have to spit them out somehow, and we have no time for coherent thinking, we've got to prepare for the Islanders tonight! Woohoo! Islanders!
• WTF was that?
• No, seriously, what. the. fuck;
• Despite our rapt confusion, that was as entertaining a hockey game as you'll see in the Jacques Martin era in Montreal;
• OK, how about some stats: 182 PIM with 14 fighting majors and 4 game misconducts;
• Two of those fighting majors were to TFS and Timmeh. They were just adorable! Carey seemed to enjoy it. Price on the fight: "I think we were just play-fighting more than anything". Then they sticked-tapped as they left the ice after the 2nd. Again, so adorable!
• The penalties led to some great penalty box photos;
• The Habs' defence as a corps was, uh, porous? Pathetic? Really, really, really, really crappy?
• We are really starting to get annoyed at the Mexican. He couldn't have been more terrible last night, what with the ill-timed penalty (AGAIN), the lack of any offensive spark whatsoever, the inability to win a faceoff, the crossing of the blue line only to give up the puck and a goal the other way, the complete inability (or lack of desire more likely) to cover someone in the defensive zone, the steadfast refusal to SHOOT THE MOTHERFUCKING PUCK despite being in perfect position to do so (alone, uncovered, in the left slot, on a PP). At least CHokula noticed it too and benched him for most of the 3rd;
• The Broons are a bunch of motherfucking goons. Fine, have some fights, we like fights too, but stop with the gooning it up in the final minute, you goons;
• So FUCK YEAH when CHicken of all people pounded the shit out of Krejci;
• On the other hand, SpatCHes, uh, no fight good. Those were 30 quality blows he took to the face;
• Credit Tommy Pyatt for taking some quality blows too while getting nicely bloodied with a Bruin goon elbow or something;
• Fuck TSN. No seriously, Habs were not DOMINATED. Habs were not OUTMATCHED. Habs were not EMBARRASSED. I seem to recall scores of 2-2 and 5-4. Shots were 33-34 for the game. That sounds pretty close to us;
• Fuck Mcsplooge in particular:

• Don't forget, Lakers-Celtics tonight on TSN2!
• RDS, we're not letting you off easy. Fuck Benoit Brunet and his cackling laughter every time someone scored. The Bruins scoring is not fucking funny you asshat;
• CHokula, how about FUCKING DOING SOMETHING DURING THE GAME. Your System was in the tank, do something about it. Sending out Alex Auld to start the 3rd would have been a good place to start;
• TFS having to do his own work clearing his crease is really fucking embarrassing for the Habs D. At least it would be, if we had any D;
• Want to know how whack this game was? According Elias Sports Bureau, after 709 games between these teams this was the first time ever there was a period where each team scored 4 goals;
• Is this game just an aberration or has it showed a really flawed Habs team?
• Congrats to Gio getting his 200th career goal, and Swiss Mister II getting his first NHL regular-season goal;
• Congrats to Double D for playing a decent game. The Mexican could learn something from him;
• Congrats to the Habs PP for coming back to life;
• Congrats to you for reading all these bullet points.