Everyone is talking numbers. Math is fun and easy. Let's try some. 3 games multiplied by no fucking goals equals sweet fuck all. Sharpen your skates and your pencils boys cuz we need a win. OK, we don't actually need one as bad as say the Thrashers or the leaf but being rational, we don't want to end the season facing those latter Fuckfaces holding the playoff cards. Odds are still in the Habs favour but its no time to get CHomfortably numbered. Even Joey Juneau would tell you it isn't calCHulus out there. Pick a branCH betwixt Ambition to Win, Distraction by Danica, Uglification of the Standings, or total Derision if they fucking lose. Carey the two points and GYFHG!
CHraps ~ No one is hot on RDS or TSN (19h30), but Danica makes counting up to 21 fun.
The UnaCHountables ~ Too many too mention. Score already.
186.05 ~ Minutes and seconds since someone last scored. Remember who it was? Remember 1949? Remember 'The Wonder Years'?
They can be Zeroes ~ ATL (32-31-12) shutout MTL (40-29-7) in their last game.
Tumbling Dice ~ Still lots of injured players.
0.4% is Almost Null ~ Golf leaf Golf!
31 is a lonely number ~ TFS™ and our own Esther are both goalies, one is an FHFemme, the other is starting in net tonight.
Its in Descartes ~ "One more time. It's simple. Habs win tonight and tomorrow. Canes lose tonight and tomorrow (against Habs). Habs secure playoff spot". ~ LDude, a card who can be dealt with.
3.14159 26535 89793... ~ Sorry Steve.
Spin at 45 RPM ~ Rolling out a song parody soon …
And make me burn my CHandle right down,
But baby, baby, I don't need no ice in my Royale CHrown.
'Cause all you FHFers is low down gamblers,
CHeatin' like I don't know how,
But baby, baby, there's fever in the Habs house now!
This low down bitCHin', got my poor fingers itCHin',
You know you know the Steve is still wild.
Sharon baby, I can't stay, you got to roll me
And call me your fun loving' guy.
Today I was in a hurry, I never stop to worry,
Don't you see the time FHFlashin' by.
GG honey, gets no FHF money, she's all golden and sweet and fine.
Say now, Anon, you're the rank outsider,
You can be mcsplooge's partner in CHrime.
But buddy, you can't stay,
You can't roll me and call me the FHFumbling' guy,
Go fucking roll thee and watCH me enjoy Carey Price'.
Oh, my, my, my, you're the lone crap shooter,
Playin' the field ev'ry night. Buddy, can't stay,
You can't roll me, can't call me Pants! tumbling' guy,
Blogroll me but don't call me the Habs hockey clay dice.
Go fucking roll thee. Go fucking roll thee.
141 comments:
I don't get it?
@anon - it means moe is working diligently on the math involved in the preview
in the grand words of Chevy Chase as Gerald Ford "I was told there would be no math"
Is it wrong for me to hope the leaf win tonight against the Sabres? I'd rather not have them breathing down the Habs collective necks. I've got this feeling that tonight's Canadiens game is going to a shootout. Even a point would be good.
Please no more math, I dont even want to see numbers of the sweaters tonite.
Every Leaf win is a Boston loss in the draft, but having them mathematically eliminated, priceless.
@ Maritimers, doesn't matter what happens below us, all we have to do is fucking win. Score at least one mother fucking goal (I forgot I can count that much)
Totally Awesome Moeman, and GG, love the tumbling dice.
L Dude is obviously a Math prof at McGill.
Time to reject the null hypothesis FFS.
GYFHG!!
man this post keeps CHanging by the minute. well done
Finally done (parody too). Blogger formatting rolled me.
I thought my laptop was broken after I saw more hot CHicks the second viewing. Yeah! I look at this blog more than once a day! Problem with that? There is not enough meth in the world to make me feel good about this team now. GO EXPOS!
Bonus 4 U kidz, new FHFunny.
@moe,
Your Sharon link does not compute. I assume you mean Sharon Stone? Ha! Mr. Moey's fave too. I think he's seen Basic Instinct 2000 times.
On another note, how about Gomez and AK46 straight up for Koivu and Selanne? *fuming*
Geez you guys are depressing!
Why not start to spread the pipelines of saliva which are spilled anually concerning the playoff matchups? We've been cramming a month's worth of talk in the two days of rest between the 82nd final buzzer of the year and puck drop for game 1, care to start a little early this time around?
Who's breathing down our neck for a playoff spot? FFS, try putting yourself in their shoes, 5 points out (of 8th place if you're the Whalercanes), no tie-break, got to make up 6 points in 6 games, what would you say? Game over, forget it, that's what you'd say. So why the turnaround?
Let it go. TO is at 0.4%. No is allowed to talk about them in the playoffs untill they rolled a 200-faced die and tried to hit 69. Or tried to guess a card out of a 200 card deck.
Grrr. I bet TSN is infinitely more optimistic about our "playoff chances".
I'm feeling a wind of a 3-2 loss tonight. Hey, at least we score in this game...
Thx Moey, fixed. Fucking Blogger is snake eyes today.
@McPhee - while your Polyanna attitude can sometimes be refreshing, I've gotta ask... why do you come here so often if you find us so damned depressing??
Pouring over postseason matchups and qualifications for the playoffs are what sports fans across the globe do when the regular season is almost at an end (unless, of course, they're polishing up their golf clubs along with their favourite players).
Why I'm not happy with where the team is right now: I find that, too often, the Habs just limp into the playoffs. IMHO, the last 10 games of the regular season are when a team prepares itself for the postseason.
If the Habs' playoff preparation includes three consecutive shutouts, then may I humbly suggest that it's not exactly a plan that inspires confidence. I'm sick of limping into the playoffs, being down 3-1 to an opponent and praying for a miracle comeback. Even if it comes, I think it empties the tank prematurely (especially for goalies) and sets a team up for a crash in later rounds.
But, hey, if you're willing to share some of your Kool-Aid (spiked liberally with vodka and/or gin) with me, I'd be game to imbibe...
Great work, moe!
I've got Gio scoring at 8:25 into the 1st period. Or I'll take anyone at this point!
Score You Fucking Habs Score!
When I was in Korea I had a 5th grade student who looked exactly like Winnie Cooper (look closely, or should I say 'up', her eyes are somewhat Asian-y). Anywho, I always called her Winnie so one day my Korean co-teacher decided she wanted to see this Winnie Cooper for herself during class. The Computer was hooked up to a giant TV for the whole class to see, and her fingers typed faster than I could run across the room to stop her. Up came picture after picture of a very adult Winnie Cooper posing, while in a classroom environment, not very academically.
Long story short, I now have to alert my neighbourhood police office when I move into a new place.
mmmmm kool-aid
gotta batch goin' all frothy & ready to peak in April
come to think, better check on that potency right now...
*
*
GOMEZ HATTRICK TONIGHT!!!!!!
heh, Péladeau, Nordick lover and owner of TVA = loser.
@O man - great story, I assume you know about the second story of Itawaon, as usual we had Mexican't results, a broken arm, a gold card membership, and a 4 figure bill.
@MChpee - you are preaching to the choir, but I am ready to say, stop singing and SIC.
So what does blob mackenzie pull out of his fat ass? "The leaf are young, they have a future, leave them alone!" I may have to redefine Burkkake.
Totally random but do the rest of you guys find that you pretty much start hating all the other 29 teams in the league as you get older? I mean, the teams out West don't bother me that much since we barely see them but I sincerely wish all the Eastern Conference teams would fuck off and die, even the supposedly harmless ones like the Panthers.
Go Habs Go.
@kc, yup, except the Canucks.
Since no one else will say it
Thrash the thrashers
GYGHG
I do not want to see Mex score, I do not want him on the team next year, he is the most useless fuck ever to play hockey on a team that should never suffer such a despoilment of tradition.
Anyone have a link to the game? ATDHE isn't showing them anymore.
IF anyone is in trouble out there
try Justin.tv you gotta find it but its there, try sports
do not get to excited cause all I am getting is a Hd still of Chicken
No denis gauthier! Habs'll win!!
ok ONE GOAL. FOR WINNIE COOPER
Agree moe, anyone in the West except the 'nucks. Actually I'm rooting for the Ducks <3.
My money is on Philly in the East if anyone can take the fucktard Bruins they can. I wouldn't lose any sleep over Philly winning the cup, the B's winning it doesn't bear thinking about. It would ruin my summer.
Let me get one one more prediction in: Wings. FOR PATCHES.
@moeman, best parody in a while, being a huge Rolling Stones fan I appreciate some lyrics I can understand. Favourite Stones song of all time = Midnight Rambler, the live version.
I watched OTR, guests today were Rob Ray and Chris Nilan. Man, old Knuckles looks really bad. I'd say he's been through the wringer a couple of times. Best fighter the Habs ever had, except maybe Fergy.
Nilan and Ray agreed that the Chara hit messed up the team because nobody could or would address it. Nilan said he would have fought Chara, regardless if he won or lost. Unfortunately, I have to agree with him (them), it is a reality that you need someone who can respond to such incidents. The Habs are not built for that nor is their coach able to deal with it. What to do? Fucked if I know. That's what they pay Gauthier for. I just hope I don't have to watch three more years of beatings at the hands of the likes of Boston and Philthy.
@Moey, yeah Teemu & Saku raising the silver mug would be fun but the mediots would find a way to give Burkkake credit.
I've been saying it for years but a Habs vs. Nucks SC Final would be sick fun. Bonus, Fuckface bettman would puke.
CHeering a ref? eesh.
That's right, crowd, keep schmoozing the ref!
PatCHes tweets: "LOVE how @KnucklesNilan30 said the habs should have signed him for the game vs Boston...#beauty"
Well, they've gotten through the first 2 mins without giving one up. They haven't done that in a while. So, uh, hooray!
Thx the M.
"Favourite Stones song of all time = Midnight Rambler, the live version." Agreed for their older stuff, close 2nd is 'Sympathy for the Devil". Modernish tune would be 'Respectable' or 'She's so cold'. Sweet licks.
Oh-do-ya like interference much?
Since I cant watch the fucking hockey game, gonna weigh in on the Stones.
Best Song Exile on Main Street,
Next I gotta go with Satisfaction,
they are not giving it anymore, and the Stones nailed it in 64
LG77 I totally agree, I can't believe how painful the last 18 years have been. There's a reason I sound chirpy and that's because I try to stay away from topics regarding the Habs that get me upset, such as pretty much everything that concerns the last 18 years.
Basically we are one year (this year) away from fully recovering for the black hole that hit us when we fired Serge Savard for the same stupid reason that led the entire city to agree that Casseau had to go.
So...yeah. In order to stop consuming myself with pure frustration I try to focus on the fact that we are now basically back to where we started rather than on the pain that it was to achieve that.
Because where we started is with Patrick Roy in nets and a team built with warriors with, not the scariest offence, but one where the goals could come from everywhere and also a solid defense. The right mix of veterans and rookies with a few shipers and a few bigger, uglier mugs. A backup whose job is not be thought of, and we're good. That combination can win the Cup on any given year if the stars align right in the playoffs (as in : after you beat washington and pittsburgh there souldn't be two more rounds of hockey to play, to quote an example chosen at random).
I hope this clears things up.
No wood on that Squid shot. He ain't 100%.
29 has let me know, to let ya'll know, that if/when the Habs score, its is a jacuzzi filled with meth-laced ice cream for all. You gots to pay UR own transportation.
Okay, let's do this, boys. FOR PATCHES.
You'll notice McReally will work hard to not call anything...
Street Fightin' Man
Sympathy For The Devil (agreed moe)
It's Only Rock 'n Roll
Couple of good tunes on Voodoo Lounge : Love Is Strong and Out Of Tears.
Bridges to Babylon : Out Of Control and Saint Of Me.
Mick and Keith didn't get along but they are musical geniuses. Must have been all the booze and drugs.
Hamr and Gomer on the PP. How could this possibly go wrong?
"Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it"
-EVERYONE WHO HAS WATCHED THE HABS THIS PAST WEEK.
And there's the ever popular quick whistle by McReally.
winnie cooper was not impressed with that PP
Well, a post is much more than we've gotten in over a week. Baby steps.
@Maritimer well done
What is it with JM's aversion to using PFK on the PP?!
iRiRi
Every time they actually scored on the PP, PK was out there with Wiz. Why are they not noticing this...?
I'm with ya on those the M.
I'll add 'Beast Of Burden' and adjacently Mick's duo with Peter Tosh on 'Walk & Don't Look Back', a fave of all time and the SNL live version is classic.
FINALLY!!!!!!
@Maritimer wrong link with pictures
It's like my first blowjob after Lent.
/faints
(same result)
Hamr!!!
Did anyone feel an earthquake just now?
!!!!!
they're coming in bunches now
DarCHe!!!
Open the floodgates bitCHes!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, the seal is broken, bitches.
GOAL HABS GOAL!
meh, what's the number after 2?
Ok, maybe I have a minute here to also quip that, like the goal, the bj was messy and involved alot of guys on their knees.
Ok, there. It's out of my system. Pun totally and completely intended.
@31 - Exactly! I love the PFK-Wiz PP unit!
We have a new FHF lucky CHarm in Winnie!
Does anyone here have a link for the game? All of my usual places are empty. I want to see these strange things you call "goals".
I'm booooooooooooooored. I want another goal.
@buuuuuuut: One last time just for you. justin.tv (look up under habs, sports, etc) I don't like listing the exact sites too often as I know Homeland Security has this place on speed dial, or rather it's internet equivalent.
Fuck Kirk is hot!
@o man I am all over that site and just getting still pictures, are U watching there?
Huh. I never used to have any luck with them and then ended up using other websites.
I need to learn French.
@Steve: Are you on ex-nordic's channel? I think location and traffic dictate quality which is why I'm somewhat hesitant to keep on passing on the link (not to you of course). It's skipping a bit tonight when it's usually perfect, so I'm not sure what's going on. Last week I had a hard time finding it, I had to dig real deep.
Good 'Habs with a Shotgun' 1st. Keep shootin'!
After that second goal I figured all the FHFers would collectively jizz their pants. Looks like Orangeman beat them out of the gate for the win!
@Steve, no links, like Hitchcock, it's all left to the imagination.
One song I forgot about, Star, Star from Goat's Head Soup. Moeman you would have a field day with that one.
Thx the M. I'll CHannel it someday.
Its hockey-related.
Feels like The System™ is back.
I hope they don't think they're done. They still owe us at least 3 more. CHicken wings is the least they could do.
Too many men? There are the Habs I know and love!
we've got to be close to that too many men record now!
Moeman, that video makes my heart smile. The Ducks were the first hockey team that I loved.
meh, the only too many men in history that gingerly counted is;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZbTlEKs3Jw
Uh, that embarrassingly Duck-loving comment was from me.
So PK doesn't play the PP anymore?
Pourquoi says moi.
Parce-ce que says Jac que.
FIVE SECONDS OF PP TIME?! I JUST CAN'T.
@buuuuuuuuut: You were one vowel switch away from coming out of the closet, NTTAWWWT. My first jersey was the Sharks. Their first year, 1991. My second jersey was last year, an ill-fitting Habs (Muller) affair made in the back room of a hole in the wall in Steve's favourite place Itaewon in Seoul. In between was a real sweater, old-timey 50s style, found at a garage sale. Too small for me but I've got a niece and another little thing on the way next month.
Why are these guys terrified of empty nets?
btw, Steve, you'd be shocked what has happened to Itaewon since you left. Hell, the difference while I lived there was stunning. Upscale restaurants, lesshooker clubs and even a legit massage/spa place or two. It's not your father's army area anymore. You have to go way up north near the border for that kind of, uh, viewer discresion type evening. Well, hooker hill still exists, but mostly as a directional point to the foreign market these days (nights are a different beast).
The opions expressed in my previous post don't necessarily represent the opinions of the poster or my sponsors. I went up to that seedy area to get dirt cheap prices on those winter toques with the animal head with matching paws for mitts for people back home. I played a dart game with a lady of the night with one these enseblems on the line. That's as dangerous as I get.
did you just see Gomer wind up and shoot?
/faints
29 is thin-blooded.
Those 11 seconds in the first were pretty awesome. Since then, not so much.
Pls Dog
Don't let 'em try 'n proteck a 2 goal lead.
History prooves it's not a recipee for success.
Shaddup Kane.
leaf playoff odds still at 0.04%. Parade fuckers!
Ryan Miller was quite the sieve today.
HOW IS THAT A FUCKING DIVE?!
PFK!'s got rhythm. hnic will be ripping him for sure.
So automatic even up penalties now?
COME THE FUCK ON. How the fuck did they miss that?
WTF? FUCK?
Obvious high stick, obvious offside. But let's count the goal. That's good.
Three blind mice.
Surely, there will be a make-up call in our favour? Right?
Whenever anyone says the league is not against the Habs I want this on replay. That was the single most ridiculous non-call I've ever seen. Ok, Saku at centre ice one could argue that the ref was looking down ice. This is the puck carrier. It's a fucking joke. This league is a fucking joke.
FOUR blind mice. What the FUCK were they talking about?! LOOK AT THE FUCKING SCREEN! It's only the size of a fucking house!
enthirtyone, methinks one of the linesmen tried to plead the case. He need a good lawyer. Anyone know any good lawyers?
CASH ONE. FOR WINNIE
This whole third period has been a handjob to the SE division. It's pathetic.
Oh, so the ref saw that. I understand.
I actually appreciate calm and patience because I often can't muster these up when it counts. But when your team is as screwed over as that how does JM just stand there and take it? Not a word. Not a head shake. There really is a time where you need to let your feelings known, if only to let your players know you got their back.
i'm tense
Tits untenses 29!
Empty net!!!
/ faints
// for real this time
Holy crap, an empty netter! I'm sure he'll be benched next game.
An empty netter FOR PATCHES! Praise Jesus!
They're removing Pavelec again? PAD THOSE STATS, HABS!
2.5 goals and a win! hallelujah!
A W is a W but I would of liked to see one of the "millionaires" score.
Winnie!
Shoulda been a shut out. I have to find a way to stay angry, otherwise there really is no reason to get up in the morning.
Goodbye McReally. Should have been a shutout...
Winning recipe:
Exactly 4 ice cubes
Exactly 1 ounce each of rum, brandy, Triplesec, and Rose's lime juice.
Drink with a positive outlook = 2 points.
Been working on this for several games now. Perfected. GYFHG
Well, damn. Happy with win, although it shoulda been a shutout.
@McPhee - makes sense now. I just can't do the blind optimism thing with these guys anymore. The Bleuet Bionique killed it.
sadhabsfan, who is Rose and where do I get her limes?
Also, is 29 still fainted?
Price: Pouliot won a free donut from Roll Up the Rim. Players put that on the board for the guy who broke the drought.
Hamr gets a donut.
Someone needs to roll 29 on his side so he doesn't die on us.
CJAD just played the audio replay of the first goal tonight along with "Hallelujah". Funnies.
TSN: Habs end longest goaless drought in 61 years for only 4th win in last 10.
Jesus christ. Take the small blue and white dick outta your mouth.
I'm worried about Steve, it's been 2 hours and 21 minute since he posted. Perhaps he's fallen down and can't get up.
@dwgs: I take responsibility for pointing him towards the new red light district.
Maybe Steve is 29?
Media bias alarm!
TSN took the trouble to update their standings for the Caps/Canes game even though it ended significantly after the Hab game, yet they have not updated the Habs' points. Also, they have the highlights up and at the end they show the standings at the end, so obviously they know the game is over, yet haven't updated the Hab points there either (yet updated everyone else)!
Also, just to point out, the Canadiens have officially passed their total from last year (87). Yay?
It seems Gainey has had a little chat with Mex. No word if it happened near the St-Lawrence but he DID have a little pep in his step tonight.
Also, I really want someone in the media to ask why PFK gets so little PP time. I'm DYING to know JM's reasoning.
Could be that Steve is experimenting with his own winning drink recipe and it overwhelmed him with awesomeness.
@iRiRi: CJAD was questioning it, but I was too busy enjoying Winnie. You know, for the Habs and scoring and such.
Also, because I've been his biggest hater, Gomez did put in a good effort tonight. It totally doesn't negate everything else, but I'm a big enough man to admit it.
According to Arpon Basu, Martin is seriously evasive on answering the "why no PK on the PP" question.
Um... Twirling rally towels in Toronto?!
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