I've returned in time for this???

After dealing with United Airlines of Incompetency and two flight delays that resulted in an 13 hour trip from the Bermuda Triangle of hockey news, Orange County, I arrive home only to find that the Habs have repatriated the most reviled player in recent Habs memory? The "player" who made Baron Von Pylon look like the ghost of Larry Robinson? Please tell me I'm still asleep in row 4B. Or that the plane crashed and I'm in H-E-double hockey sticks. You know, the place where Cristobal Huet and/or Carey Price and/or Jaroslav Halak and/or Cedric Desjardins will be every third defensive shift this winter.

More tomorrow (well, later today given it's 2:53 am MDT, fucking United) when I can absorb this atrocity, try to understand why the Hockey gods hate me so very, very much and analyse all the other goings-on in my absence.

Thanks For Ruining Our Weekend, Bob

Well it's official. The Breezer has signed and will be in a Habs uni once again.

HF33 and I have such a great weekend planned. We are off to the wilds of the Laurentian mountains north of Montreal for the bachelour party of "fifth Hab fan" Mike. Drinking, BBQ'ing copious amounts of meat, drinking, and of course, strippers. The perfect weekend. Now Gainey has gone and ruined it all by signing the Breezer, undoubtedly forcing the topic of discussion all weekend to this nightmare.

RDS is reporting that the deal is worth 700k, with an additional 700k in bonuses available. Bonuses for what? Limiting the number of players skating by him to 3 per game? Keeping his plus/minus above minus 40???

As we have mentioned before, this is a mixed blessing for the FHF. Sure, he sucks, but at least now we have comedy material for the whole season.

But our weekend is still ruined. F U Bob. The FHF mantra of "Trust Bob" is being stretched to the limit here.

Je Me Souviens - The '86 Stanley Cup Riot

Je me souviens is the newest FHF feature of crappy filler while we wait until the fucking season starts. The title says it all. If you don't know what it means, read a license plate. Or go use The Google.

I have been "lucky" enough to have participated in the 3 major riots in Montreal over the last 25 years - the Stanley Cup Riot of 1993, the Guns 'n Roses riot of I was too stoned to remember what year it was, and the subject matter of this post, which was the "best" (read: craziest) of the 3.

That whole 1986 playoff run was magical, and insane at the same time. To give the riot some context, let's try to summarize those playoffs and the season with some bullet points:

• 20-year old Patrick Roy, in his rookie season, became St. Patrick by taking over as starter, winning a bunch of games to close the season, then having a 1.92 GAA in the playoffs and winning the Conn Smythe;
• That whole team was a bizarre mix of leftover 1970's stars like Bob and Big Bird, and 8 rookies, and their regular season had been mediocre - 40-33-7;
• The Oilers were eliminated in the playoffs by Steve Smith scoring into his own net off the back of Grant Fuhr's legs. Remember, the Oilers should have been in the Finals; 2-time defending champs, they had won the first-ever Presidents' Trophy and The Great One had a record 215 points (that number still freaks me out);
  
• The Habs had to beat a pesky Hartford Whalers team in the Adams Final, in OT in Game 7;
• Rookie Claude Lemieux played like Mario, scoring 10 post-season goals, while at the same time beginning to earn his rep as a shit-disturber;
• The shit-disturbing led to this at the end of Game 4 of the Finals:

So that's the mentality we were dealing with. The whole city was in a Claude Lemieux - John Kordic (RIP) insanity.

I can picture where I was as I watched the final game - the basement of Bram Something-or-other's house in The Luc (Montreal suburb for you out of towners). As the game ended, about 15 or so of us who were there sort of moved toward the TV screen for some reason, then exploded when the horn sounded. Then someone said, "let's drive downtown and celebrate! It's gonna be wild down there." We had no idea.

We end up in the area of Ste-Catherine Street and Crescent, and from there the whole night becomes a series of images in my mind. First, excited celebratory screaming and hollering and high-fiving. It was amazing. Then, as the hours wore on, the first sounds of glass breaking. Then, the first images of fires burning. Then the fire engines showing up. Then the crowd literally commandeering the fire engines. Then the crowd building a massive bonfire right in the middle of the street - the kind of fire that lights up the sky. Then a bunch of idiots pushing a car towards the bonfire, me understanding the chemistry of explosions, and running the other way. Then people carrying looted clothes. While I did not loot, I am embarrassed to say I did climb up on a fire truck and partied on top of it. Young and stupid (I was 17), or at least part of the mob mentality.

The riot dragged on like this, fires and looting and dancing on fire trucks for as long as I can remember. There was no sign of any cops anywhere. It was weird - the mob really controlled the street. By about 4 or 5 AM everyone was just tired of rioting - that's the only reason it stopped.

The denouement takes place at Dorval Airport, where the mob had moved to welcome home our heroes, armed with freshly-looted tube socks. I vividly recall the mob taking over the terminal, sleeping on the luggage carousels as we waited for the flight. Never saw the Habs come in, I am not sure why. Dragged my ass home at about 10 AM to finally face my mom and her questions as to where the fuck I was all night.

I was at the riot, Mom. In 20 years it'll be a great story.

The Morning Skate for Friday, August 3rd

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of Kevin Lowe making an RFA offer to a Hab...

• ESPN.com's Terry Frei thinks The Breezer should just retire already (third player down). Hallelujah!
• In more Breezer-related news, our friend Robert over at Eyes on the Prize tries to convince himself The Breezer's return is a good idea. He did a good job trying, but he admits himself in the comments he's full of crap ;)

Another hot August Friday. Someday soon we'll hear the awesome THWACK of a puck hitting the boards.

BREEZER UPDATE - FHF reader BigBird19 has tipped us off to the fact that it really looks like the Breezer is coming. I'm still in denial, so we'll wait for the official announcement. But it does fit in with the rumour I heard on CJAD this morning that the Breezer's hockey bag was delivered to the Bell Centre yesterday (which is mentioned in the link). I thought I was having a nightmare at the time.

FHF Has Set A Record*

(Self) congratulations to the FHF who have reached the milestone of 100 blog posts in a record 43 days since this blog was launched! Shit that's impressive, especially given our laziness on weekends (that'll change with Saturday night games, we promise). As with every milestone, birthday, anniversary, and Simchat Torah, the FHF will celebrate in the usual manner - strippers.

*totally unprovable, and undoubtedly totally bullshit

Evil Genius Lou Lamariello Does it Again

The Habs road got a little tougher yesterday, as New Jersey GM/Overlord/Evil Genius Lou Lamariello locked up his young star Zach Parise for $12.5 million over the next four years.

Now, I'm no salary cap expert and I can't do math, but the Evil Genius must have performed some sort of Jedi Mind trick on Parise in order to get him to sign for less than Mikka Koivu got from Minny. You know, the same trick he used to get one of the best goalies ever to resign for way under market value, the same trick he used to get Patrick Elias to resign for way under market value, the same trick he uses on the NHL to convince them to wipe Alex Mogilny and Vlad Malakhov's salaries off the books to stay under the cap, the same trick he uses to convince coaches to come to the Swamp only to get jerked around so Lou gets all the credit, the same trick he used on an arbitrator to convince them that proper compensation for a very young, still finding his way in the league Brendan Shanahan was Scott Fucking Stevens. Seriously, has this guy got pictures of everybody?

And where the hell was Kevin Lowe when we needed him? He's offering Dustin Penner $21 million while a way better talent like Parise is watching Darth Lamariello choke out his parents using only his mind until he signs (in blood, no doubt) on the dotted line.

For the love of Guy, don't let Bob sit anywhere near Lou at the GM's meetings in 2010, or he'll end up handing over Carey Price just as Brodeur and his salary cap number mysteriously land on the "physically unable to perform" list.

The Morning Skate for Thursday, August 2nd

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of Bettman actually admitting he made a mistake expanding to the U.S. South...

• Looks like the Breezer is playing hardball with the Habs, if I read my agent-speak correctly. Given that all agents are lawyers, I think the FHF know how they speak;
• Franco-hating douchebag Sean Avery gets $1.9 mil from an arbitrator after looking for 2.6 mil. We might have to analyse this later with its own post, it'll give us a chance to post another Elisha Cuthbert photo;
• In case you missed it yesterday, the Preds are going to Hamilton after Balls-Silly's 220 mill offer is accepted. Oh sorry, for a sec there I thought I was writing in a world where things actually made sense.

Exactly 2 months til opening night. Weeeee!

Keep Enjoying The Nashville Skyline, NHL

Well, the Balls-Silly saga (at least this round) is officially over. TSN (via the AP) is reporting that Nashville Preds' owner Craig Leipold has signed a letter of intent to sell the team to a group who will keep it in Nashville. For a reported $180 mill.

So Balls-Silly offers $220 mill, and the team is sold for $180 mill. I'm no mathematician, but I think 180 is less than 220. This can only mean one thing - lawsuit! The Four Lawyers of the Apocalypse, aka the FHF, are salivating.

Cheer up Hamilton! I am sure the Panthers, the Thrashers, maybe the Hurricans and the Coyotes will all be available for sale, er..., available for Bettman to screw you and block your bid to purchase those teams very soon.

Who The F*ck Is Eklund Anyway?

Excellent post over at The Fanhouse about that "Anonymous Hockey Blogger" Eklund, guardian of all the bullshit rumours over at Hockey Buzz. We actually like Eklund (he is 'rolled over on the right), but never take anything he writes seriously anymore, given his track record of being totally wrong (I'm still waiting for Brad Richards to be a Hab, as Eklund promised). Fanhouse hockey blogger Greg Wyshynski, who actually interviewed Eklund, really takes the gloves off analysing him. Yet unlike Fox News, it really is fair and balanced. Sample:

Despite that success, Eklund's reputation has taken more hits than Eric Lindros's cerebellum. The mere mention of his name on sites like the HF Boards draws more jeers than cheers. While there should be no question about the legitimacy of many of his informants, he has been known to cultivate his rumors from such solid sources as Carolina Hurricanes fans on Internet message boards and callers to WFAN in New York.

At the FHF we have never purported to offer anything but snark and strippers, with some decent analysis from a fan's persepctive thrown in. But Eklund claims to be a hockey insider, and needs to be called out on the seedier side of what he does. Definitely worth the read.

The Morning Skate for Wednesday, August 1st

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of hockey taking its rightful place back in the big four of U.S. sports...

• Interesting piece from ESPN.com's Scott Burnisde about the possibility of the NHL capitalizing on the woes of the other team sports. What? There are problems in the other sports? Why isn't anyone talking about this?
• Speaing of ESPN, look who's talking.
• In case you missed it yesterday, RDS has signed a five-year extension to their deal to broadcast Habs games. It turns out that RDS can put the broadcasts on the Interwebs too. Good news for FHF reader Jordi!

Look at the calendar kids. August is here. The summer is almost over. The puck drops soon. Yeah baby!