Wednesday, February 04, 2009

A Thumb is Removed From an Ass: Habs 4 - Penguins 2


If there's one thing someone could teach a Penguin, it's balance. The penguin demeanor is one of awkward shuffling.  A penguin often looks like a man rushing out of the toilet with his pants down to his ankles as he darts to a nearby room to get some reading material.
 
Shut up, we've all been there.

So if there was anything the Penguins could learn on this night, it was balance. Coach Michel Therrien needed to be reminded of balance early on as he put his two stars together on the top line, leaving the other three void of any potency.

Conversely, coach Carbonneau had balance on his mind, and composed four lines that stood out because of their familiarity. And for the first time in a long time, the team felt like an old shoe. Kovy reunited with Plekanec and Big Andrei. Higgins and Koivu guiding the young Dagostini who exploded onto the scene with them when he was first called up. Pacioretty, Lapierre and Little Sergei makes intuitive sense. A fourth line used sparingly to throw its muscle around.

Balance, stability. It all made sense. And the cows came home. The jitters seemed to evaporate and the players responded to Carbonneau's coming to his senses with poise and determination. They played with a sense of direction. With the weird line combinations taking a night off, the players settled down and they all contributed evenly.

Kovy's line didn't look like a bunch of world beaters but they weren't erratic. And they kept at it, with dividends to celebrate in the third. The two rookies, Max and Dagger, made it look obvious that Carbonneau must keep them in the lineup, for these are NHLers not AHLers. Lapierre's confidence is now soaring and he is now the reliable spark maturing into a creative forward, propelling my man feelings to new heights. And last night, it is said right here that Sergei played his best game of the season, because it's far easier to have two hands on your stick when a thumb belonging to one of those hands is not firmly embedded up your ass. Bravo Sergei for using your dexterity for other purposes.

Nice job showing the coaching staff that Lang and Latendresse may not have to be the focus of gut wrenching nostalgia. Nice effort by Carey although it is written here that his game still needs some work. Nice work by the coaching staff in reuniting old friends. I haven't seen this much balance since the Jenga competition at the World Cup of Nerdiness.  

THEY MAKE COUTDOWNS FOR THIS SHIT?


Anything to make a headline.

I didn't know we were actually COUNTING DOWN.

Let's see, what other countdowns could we think of....
  • One hour till I have lunch!
  • 23 minutes before I get up to speak to my partner!
  • 12 seconds before I swallow some saliva!
  • 65 days before that pigeon in Florida decides that it's time to fly back to Quebec!
  • 3 seconds before that pigeon makes pigeon droppings!
  • 6 seconds before that pigeon makes pigeon droppings!
  • 3 weeks before coach Carbonneau's firing!
  • 3 weeks till the coach Gainey era resumes!
  • 5 hours before I finish Season 2 of Arrested Development!
  • 8 seconds till I come up with another countdown!
  • 26 hours till my next random high five!
  • 22 years till the 22nd anniversary of the infamous events of February 4, 2009!
  • 2 seconds before I fucking take Zaza OUT!
Moving right along, TSN. Get your first trigger-happy page reloader guy going and get me some real freaking news on your front page. Or shall we insist on Ilka Sinisalo's new career as a welder for more front page features.

Douchebags.

Nice dance, Alex! Habs news and notes...


We salute you, Alex Henry. In two games you got into two fights. But with BGL set to play Friday night, Alex is headed back to Hamilton. We already miss your more than minute-long fights where you barely through threw a punch.

In other news, lap dance to Van Hab for the update that Gui! will be out 4-6 weeks. Oy. I am pretty sure this is all just karmic payback for last year's healthiness. So much for enjoying Wednesday.

The Morning Skate for Wednesday, February 4th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of killer gonorrhea...
Enjoy your Wednesday. Easy to do with a win.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Suckfest Habs vs. Suckfest Pens. WHO YA GOT? Game preview and open thread

In honour of the biggest Steeler fan on the internet, Christmas Ape from Kissing Suzy Kolber, and in recognition of the Stillers' glorious win, we, uh, borrow Ape's awesome WHO YA GOT? format for the game tonight. We've got two teams in the midst of total suckitude, so WHO YA GOT?
Contestants

Montreal Canadiens____Pittsburgh Penguins

Aptly Descriptive Team Nickname

Nos Glorieux____Mario's debt

Kick-Ass Team Bloggers

4 out of 5 Finnish hockey bloggers agree that FHF kicks ass____The Pensblog rules the internet. Just ask them.

Statistical Proof of Suckitude

Losers of 5 of their last 6____Mired in 10th place in the East

Cause of Suckitude

I don't even know where to start____The crazy yelling guy in the photo above

Gratuitous crotch shot to distract you from the suckitude

Don't worry, it's SFW

Disastrous Injury Team May Never Recover From

Robert Lang____Sergei Gonchar

Lingering Question

How can a team picked to contend for the East suck so much?____How can a team picked to contend for the East suck so much?

Finishing Move

Firing the coach?____Firing the coach?

So who ya got?

The Game Day Skate for Tuesday, February 3rd

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of smoking a little weed and not losing your endorsements...
  • Well the story says he's out "indefinitely", but surely it's the season for Robert Lang and his severed Achilles tendon. Have we entered the "spiraling out of control" part of the season yet?
  • Avs take the Flames 4-3;
  • Wings take the Blues 4-3 in a SO;
  • Ducks take the Sabres 3-2.
Pensburgh tonight. Hey, a team suffering just like us! Maybe worse! There's a chance!

Monday, February 02, 2009

NHL Disciplinary Arm Can Shove That Arm Up Its Ass


A fucking joke.

A real fucking joke.

It's going to take an NHLer in a wheelchair for the rest of his life for the NHL to open it's eyes.

So freaking irresponsible.

Rising Up for the Win: Habs 4 - King 3 BUT! Sleepwalking to a Loss: Bruins 3 - Pajamas 1

What can we say.

A split decision.

A potential 6-game losing streak, averted.

A loss to an important rival.

A last minute win against a promising young team.

Shut down by a formidable bruin defense.

Kovalev benched for the entire third (-57 seconds).

The confirmation that Montreal will not finish in the top four.

The real concern that the team won't get out of the first round.

The sudden realization that this 100th year anniversary season will be more about a tribute to past glory than future accomplishments.

The inevitable worries about the coach's ability to guide this team in the proper direction.

The arrival of Old Kovy in a new doghouse.

A team who's leading scorer will not tally 65 points.

A team who's leading scorer may not be a forward.

The diminished anxiety about planning a wedding in June.

The promise that I will receive a reimbursement for 90% of my playoff tickets.

The frustration that the paid 10% will have been a waste of money.

The real issue between Kovalev and Koivu.

The necessity for the GM to make a move.

The ship, while not sinking, is not going to dock where we had hoped it would.

The decision that this team isn't worth a picture.

The bullshitting you about that last one, because I just don't want to look for one.

The wondering out loud if Santonio Holmes can learn how to skate before the playoffs.

Sens Dump Coach Hartsburg - Anthropomorphic large feline considered for top job

The Sens have fired Craig Hartsburg. No real news yet on a successor, but there is a news conference scheduled for 11 AM.

Which Northeast coach will be next? I have a suggestion or two.

The Morning Skate for Monday, February 2nd

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of winning your sixth Super Bowl...
  • Not a good Super Bowl Sunday for the Habs. Lang hurt (maybe for the season), Gui! hurt, a benched Kovy, a fashion faux pas and a 3-1 loss to the Bruins do not a fun party make. Oy. More later;
  • Ovie gets a hat trick in a 7-4 win over the Sens.
Hell of a game. The football game, I mean.