The Morning Skate for Thursday, April 30th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of becoming extinct...

• Not much;
• Don Cherry's worst nightmare comes true as the Hart finalists are Malkin, Ovie, and Datsyuk.

Hawks and 'Nucks get the Round 2 festivities underway tonight. Canada's hopes rest on you, Vancouver.

The Ol' Puck Coach still has a few things to get out of his hairy head

Yesterday, La Presse published their interview with the old coach who we all now look back at with fondness. Or hatred. Or a little bit of both. Carbo had a few interesting things to say, which as usual we are happy to translate for all our friends south of the 49th who don't speak the language of Mitsou.

"Est-ce que j'ai regardé les matchs du Canadien en séries? Pas beaucoup...Pour moi, c'est important de m'éloigner un peu, de faire le vide"

Did I watch that piece of crap team in the playoffs? Fuck and no. It was important to put as much distance between myself and you dicks in the media as was humanly possible.

"Oui, j'ai entendu parler des partisans qui criaient mon nom au Centre Bell... C'est réconfortant, c'est plaisant de savoir ça."

Yes, I heard about the Bell Centre fans screaming my name. It's nice and all, but where the fuck were those fans when I was leading the team to glorious losses to the Leafs in February? That was the time to scream my name. Could have maybe saved my job.

"Ça n'a pas fonctionné cette année, mais ce n'est pas à moi de dire ce qui s'est passé"

Yeah, Habs had a pretty shitty year. How am I supposed to know what went wrong? I was only the head coach.

"Est-ce que j'aurais fait quelque chose de différent? Pas quand j'étais là."

Would I have done anything different? Don't be ridiculous. Well, except maybe the losing.

"Mais je ne pense en avoir commis une (erreure) quand j'ai dit publiquement que j'étais à court de réponses. Ça, c'était plus de la frustration, parce que je devais répondre aux mêmes questions des journalistes trois fois par jour."

You dicks in the media and your repetitive idiotic questions are now haunting my dreams, and I was frustrated back then not being able to tell you to fuck off.

(re who was really responsible for his firing) "Je ne veux pas embarquer là-dedans. Je ne sais pas ce qui est arrivé, je vais peut-être chercher à le savoir un jour, mais pas maintenant."

I have no fucking clue what goes on in the minds of hockey executives. Some day, when I become a GM, I'll know.

(re his future plans) "Ce n'est pas moi qui vais choisir où je vais aller, a-t-il conclu. On verra. Mais je pense que j'aimerais être de retour derrière un banc la saison prochaine"

God forbid I get a job offer after the Habs crappy performance this year, I look forward to coaching next year in a place where the fans don't understand hockey. Then I'm sure I'll be successful.

The Morning Skate for Wednesday, April 29th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of the first 100 days...

• Holy crap! Caps complete the comeback from 3-1 down over the Rangers, thanks to a late Sergei Fedorov goal for a 2-1 win. That sound you heard was Gary Bettman orgasming at the Ovie-Sid the Kid Round 2;
• HOLY FUCK! Canes score two in the last 1:20 of the third to beat the Devils 4-3 and advance to Round 2. Seriously, HOLY FUCK;
• Canada wins their Double Eye pool thanks to a 7-3 win over Slovakia. Jaro was pulled after letting in 5 goals on 17 shots. Can you blame him? He was really rusty.

Round 2 starts Friday Thursday, if, you know, you still care about hockey.

The Morning Skate for Tuesday, April 28th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of swine flu...

• Buh-bye Sharks. Every year, it's the same thing, and it makes us laugh;
• Buh-bye Flames. We actually feel bad about that one;
• BGL is still talking;
• STFU Jack Todd. Most of what you say is probably true, but fuck, what is up your ass must be growing.

Double Game 7's tonight! If the Devils and Canes play a Game 7, does anyone notice? I'm pretty sure I have nothing better to do on a Tuesday than hang out here and / or at MYFO's live blog, so pop in and say hi.

A Roster Spot is Now Open: Ranger Earlobes Now in Play

This guy will take a spot on the Capitals' fourth line to replace suspended Donald Brashear. With the gap in his mouth, it's unlikely the Rangers will bring any further biting charges against Washington. But the deterrent factor will be there. 

Look for the Rangers to play with earmuffs. 

The Morning Skate for Monday, April 27th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of winning in double OT...

• Caps force a game seven against the Torts-less, collapsing Rangers;
• WhalerCanes also force a Game 7. That looks like a hell of a series, to bad no one watched it;
• Marty St. Louis has a hat trick as Canada takes the all-powerful Hungarians 9-0.

Is it October yet?

The Weekend Open Thread of Love Makes its Triumphant Return

I just figured out one good thing from the Habs exit. TWOTOL (pronounced twat-all) is back, baby! And it's chock full o' redheads for Panger.

For those of you new around here, TWOTOL is the place for you to talk about anything. Care to discuss Ovie's highlight reeler from last night? Want to dis Torts for benching Avery? Stamkos lighting it up against Belarus? Share a recipe? Are you watching a game? Hockey? Hoops? Baseball? (Go Jays? WTF is up with them?) TWOTOL is the place to share your thoughts. Are you outside on this 25 degree and sunny day in Montreal? No worries, TWOTOL will be here when you get back.

Of course bitching about the Habs is always cool, even if TWOTOL is all about the love. What do you love?

Not Even These Guys in the Fake Suits Could Save Us

For a few minutes, there was hope.

Then those few minutes passed. 

The Morning Skate is looking for the light switch on Friday, April 24th

Hey kidz! How y'all doing on the sunny sexy Friday? TMS here. Thought I'd pop in just to let you know we're alive. No bullet points, but you did miss some stuff while you were tucked into your racing car beds. Marty came up big in a 1-0 Devils win. Flyers staved off elimination. The BJ's (giggidy) are toast. The Sharks are on the brink after a 4-0 shellacking at the hands of the FUCKING EIGHTH SEED (sorry, sorry, still some lingering bitterness).

The big story around here though was the Habs meeting the media. Here's Pat Hickey's take, but the best recap comes from our own LG77 and moeman who did an awesome job in the comments yesterday transcribing everything from the presser as it happened. Many lap dances to both of them. Go check it out if you missed it. And one last View from the Massholes - my forbidden love Raquel has penned an ode to the Habs. Pink jersey alert, but we deserve it.

So now we come to the annual "stick around, FHF is not going anywhere in the off-season" message. We've got the draft in our own building, UFA mania to deal with, and plenty of lame excuses to post hot chicks. As soon as I find where HF4 turned this thing to black, things will be back to normal before you know it.

GOODBYE MY LOVERS

The FHF declare 2 days of mourning. Team not worthy of full seven days of Shiva.

Post your condolence messages here. Don't cry my angels. 

Can you pass it on to your wife? - classic.