This just in. Injury Report for November 19, 2009.Brian Gionta: Broken foot, out indefinetley
Andrei Markov: Torn thingy in his knee. Out till spring, maybe longer. maybe he'll never be back.
Hal Gill: Torn something something. Out 3-5 weeks. That's impossible because injury periods are always estimated in even numbers.
Georges Laraque: Back busted up real good. Out like Neil Patrick Harris at a club in Ibiza.
Ryan O'byrne: Tugged purse strings. Out on bail.
Jaro Halak: Burned forehand making stew for team. Out of ideas for next Jaro post.
Matt D'Agostini: Razor burn from first shave. Out for the season.
Jaro Spacek: Severed ass cheek. Now has two but cracks, but ass wide enough to handle the added perforation.
Roman Hamrlik: Exploding appendix. 30 to 32 days.
Andrei Kostistsyn: Cracked ri, uh,.... no, no, just crack. Likes to smoke crack.
Scott Gomez: Ruptured vein in third finger of left hand. Out for the season.
Mike Cammalleri: Cataract in foot. Out indefinitely.
Glen Metropolit: No Rapid Eye Movement. Out of Time.
Kyle Chipchura: Four concussions. Out of his mind if he thinks he's making a career in the NHL.
Guillaume Latendresse: African Sleeping Sickness. Get out of Bed, Gui!
Carey Price: Harpooned at sea. Out of the water.
Josh Gorges: Drowned in failed attempt to rescue Price. 2-4 gallons out of his body, following CPR with tongue performed by Kyle Chipchura.
Max Lapierre: Dislocated location. Out 2-3 hours.
Tomas Plekanec: Unhealthy scratch following a night out with a girl met at a bar.
N.B.!!! (This just in from GG: Too bad Pleks isn't playing like a girl. You could've used "has his period, out 3-5 days and then cranky like a bitch for the rest of the month")
Sergei Kostitsyn: Deep bruise in the belly button. Out of the womb already you impossible child.
Jacques Martin: It's out of my hands for now.
Tomorrow's lineup:
Forward Lines
Pacioretty - Moen - Stewart
Defense Pairings
Mara
16 comments:
Harpooned at sea... this is killing me.. can't stop laughing...
following CPR with tongue performed by Kyle Chipchura
+1
Harpooned at sea literally made me spit out my tea. And this isn't my keyboard.
If you hadn't posted the lineup I'm not sure anyone would have noticed the difference. Four skaters and I bet they'd still manage to take a too many men penalty at some point in the game.
Absolutely hilarious! Best part is 60% are fact!
Gold, Jerry, Gold.
Amazing stuff!
Hey maybe we can call up Emelin, Valentenko, Perezhogin or Grabovski to fill the gaps?
Oh, wait.... nm
FREE PERNELL KARL SUBBAN!!!!
Good stuff, as always.
Is that what PK stands for? I just asumed it stood for penalty kill
Laughed until I almost choked! Great post - keep it up :)
hilarious! im reading it in class and am trying my hardest to keep from laughing out loud!!
We're number 6! We're number 6!
At least we're near the top in something...
This just in!
PK Suban: Crushed will to live. 3 to 5 teams.
/never passes up a comedy pyramid
Awesome post.
The only downside is that it's not so funny when you think about how JM will probably try a Patches-Moen-Stewart line at some point.
Between the rash of freak injuries and general on-ice crapitude, this season is starting to feel a lot like 1999-00. What have we done to anger the Forum ghosts? Oh right, the constant whoring of their legacy.
@DWGhost
Wanna be my date for the 100th centennial party on the 5th? You can wear the christmas shirt and I'll wear the pjs. But no undies as we'll be dressed as legacy whores.
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