So yesterday I had this whole thing planned about needing to get drunk tonight because the Habs sucked, making permanent some fine drinking game suggestions from the comments in Thursday's TMS and a couple of my own. Alas, our boys went out and shocked the world last night, turning a need to drown our sorrows into a glimmer of hope. Idea wasted.But then I thought, fuck it, there are a million other reasons to get drunk! Some of my favourites for tonight's game include:
- Celebrate! Optimism! Delusions! Interesting fact about tonight's teams - Habs actually have more wins (11) than the Wings (10). We'll just ignore the number of losses part of their records;
- Habs are wearing their 1910 blue and white Leafs jerseys. You can pretend you're a Leaf fan and then you will really need to drown your sorrows;
- Habs are dropping like flies (Gomez is out). Soon all those "let's just have Hamilton play" jokes from last week may really be true;
- Puck Daddy's McSplooging on the Habs;
- Your girlfriend just left you;
- Saturday.
-someone clears the puck over the glass
-a defensive turnover in our zone results in a Wings scoring chance
-The Urologist falls down on a PP
-Gui tries a wraparound
-Carey tries a reach around (around the net, you pervs)
-Pleks or Squid goes down with an injury (reach for the bottle)
For the RDS viewers
-BB says Guillaume
-BB says "j'ai pasd'problèmes avec ça"
-Joël flirts with someone rinkside
For the CBC viewers
-Bob Cole mispronounces a French-Canadian or Euro name
-Bob Cole does play-by-play of a play that happened, like, 10 seconds before
-Carbo tries to sound intelligent
Not-so-gratuitous Simpsons quotes to get this party started:
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get."
"Marge, I'm going to MOEmaN's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm coming back loaded."
77 comments:
@David Wilkie's Ghost
Thanks for the line! Legacy Whoring is my new favorite term.
@29
What do I do with the children after drink #237?
getCHa
One way or another Habs'r gonna find ya
They're gonna getCHa getCHa getCHa getCHa
One way or another Habs'r gonna win ya
They're gonna getCHa getCHa getCHa getCHa
One way or another Habs'r gonna see ya
They're gonna meetCHa meetCHa meetCHa meetCHa
One day, maybe this week
Habs'r gonna meetCHa, gonna meetCHa, They'll meetCHa
They'll drive past the blueline
And if Lidstroms not around
It'll be Osgood down
One way or another Habs'r gonna find ya
They're gonna getCHa getCHa getCHa getCHa
One way or another Habs'r gonna win ya
They'll getCHa, They'll getCHa
One way or another Habs'r gonna see ya
They're gonna meetCHa meetCHa meetCHa meetCHa
One day, yes baby this week
Habs'r gonna meetCHa, They'll meetCHa
And if HNIC's lights are all out
We'll follow our team on purelaine RDS
See who BB's hanging now
One way or another Wings'r gonna lose yeah
Squid's gonna give them the slip, a slip of the stick and another
Wings gonna lose yeah, Pleks gonna trick ya, Pleks'll trick yeah
One way or another Wings gonna lose yeah
AK's gonna trick ya trick ya trick ya trick ya
One way or another Wings gonna lose yeah
Even if CBC gave us the slip
I'll drink some wine with you all
Comment on this fun Fan Hab blog wall
Where I can see and feel it all
And not hear fucking bob cole's call
Cuz ron and don'll lead you, to, the, final, leaf checkout
Burkie's dog specials with rat food, get lost on the ACC crowd
One way or another Habs'r gonna getCHa, they'll getCHa, they'll getCHa getCHa getCHa getCHa
(Where Western Canada cannot see it all, not even Van Hab at all)
One way or another Habs'r gonna getCHa, they'll getCHa, they'll getCHa getCHa getCHa getCHa
(Where Alberta can't see it all, Montreal's Elisha gots some Phanoof gall)
One way or another Habs'r gonna getCHa, they'll getCHa, they'll getCHa getCHa getCHa getCHa
(Where in Kingston they can't see it all, even cherry's dick which is extremely small)
[repeat until fade or the late night express re-broadcast of another leaf loss, yeah!]
@Moe
First time I like Blondie. Nicely done.
Honest to goodness rule for a Habs drinking game:
Drink!
...every time MAB is on the ice.
...twice as much when MAB is on the ice with 2 minutes left in the 3rd.
Merci GG, love the 'legacy whoring since 2008' line and the drunk bob cole bottle. Très à propos.
Also, is BB upside down like opposite George? If so, yeah!
hnic says Capitals' loss last night was a 'heartbreaker'. For who?
Also, why does their pre-game show always concentrate on 'what will it take for the leaf to win?" No need to wonder why cbc>hnic>leaf are hated by millions and millions of smart, true and knowledgeable Canadian hockey fans.
WV = hearlven, as in I hearlven I see/hear these fucking leaf lovers on our supposed national network. Yeah taxes!
@moe - +1 way or another. unlike GG, i already enjoyed Blondie for obvious reasons. Debbie Harry's uh, er, ... great mix of 80's electronic pop and reggae
speaking of blonde, Cassie got very blonde
And those jerseys are freaking me out already
@GG11: Make them go fetch you drink #238 of course.
@29: You'd think the leaf-esque jerseys would have fooled HNIC into actually showing the Habs nationwide. It was worth a shot.
I want to kill that cartoon puck. With a rusty hacksaw blade so it will get tetanus.
Even many NON-HOCKEY fans know what a "Gordie Howe hat trick" is.
CBC has gotten mentally deficient. :(
@Baroque
I like the way you think when planning a death although does tetanus matter once you're dead? Can we get Youppi! too once we're there?
+1 to J.T. TOTALLY what I was thinking!!!
The jerseys look good but they aren't Habs colours... I'm just hoping that the Habs don't think that they are the Laffs and start playing like them
@LG
I don't care if they're nice. They are missing a color. At the very least someone better draw blood so there's red on the ice.
I'm just hoping that the Habs don't think that they are the Laffs and start playing like them
Toronto beat Detroit 5-1. :(
Both teams are a mess. I'm just hoping for a good game.
@GG11, at least the gloves are beige (is that a colour?)
TFS™ does it up nice with the red pads and similarly gLOVEd hands.
the unis are more Nordiques than Leafs
Hey, the game is on CBC out in the west! Huzzah to them finally realizing that OV8 terrorizing the Leafs is less entertaining than an O6 matchup.
WV: merio, as in Pleks has been looking a lot like Merio lately.
HF29 just blue my, brain.
@Moe
I like the gloves. As a kid my cousin was a goalie and those were the color of his pads. I think Carey looks great. That red will save this game. Hopefully Matador Price will survive the game.
@GG11, my goalie gloves, as a kid>teen, were the same light brown beige. To think that was just a few years ago.
Despite the fact that it seems like we've got three 3rd lines, I'm actually liking how they're playing.
Pierre Houde read HF29's mind about le bleu nordique des CHandails. Houde foamed in his pants whilst saying it.
Dirty play BGL. Shame on you.
6 PIM for BGL. Fuck.
I feel like I'm watching on a color tv from 1970. Everything is red wite and blue. The players, the coaches... I want to readjust the set for green and yellow.
I am now picturing our GG with bunny ears (old tv antenna ref. for you kidz), innuendo for everyone else.
As if a goal wasn't bad enough, still another 1:10 and now it's 5 on 3? Man...Moral victory if we get through all of this only down one.chral
@Moe
I have been known to hang out the window, holding tin foil and rabbit ears the size of my car just to pick up CBC while living in Cleveland (pre cable days).
Wow. This is getting a little ridiculous. I wonder if we can go 15 minutes of the 1st period shorthanded?
@GG, hope you wore a sweater.
Also, who is this ref? he looks like a Jr. version of kohahaharski.
Fuck you Wings.
Another fucking penalty!?
I thought the team in blue&white got the 5on3's?
The reffing is a fucking GONG SHOW!!!
Right call on Laraque. The rest is borderline or nonexistent bullshit.
@moeman: -slow clap- well played sir. well played indeed.
@Moe
Very pregnant at the time. No sweater necessary given the internal furnace set to inferno.
@LG77: Actually, those were all legit penalties. The guys are just being really stupid.
Speaking of stupid, I guess Laraque has debunked the myth that eating carrots makes you smarter. Dumbass.
I thought carrots made your eyesight better and fish made you smarter?
Maybe that explains it.
@Baroque: My mom always said carrots make you smarter. But then, she's a liar.
J.T. - oh they were penalties (with the exception of the last one - contact withstick was TOTALLY incidental). I would have given Laraque a game misconduct too.
But the problem is that the Wings are pullig the small crosschecking and holding the stick crap all over the ice... And they only just got caught for it.
Lame.
My biggest beef with reffing is how inconsistent it is from game to game. Frustrating to watch (and it's worse live).
For da kidz, Mom supplemented those veggies with Flintstones vitamins (or Wampole). Betcha didn't even know. Gotta love your Mom kidz cuz from internal furnace to you being an external showcase, she was there for you. (Luckily some of us can still just pop by for dinner). Call and hug you Moms.
@LG: Oh, I agree inconsistency in officiating is maddening. But when you're dealing with humans, you're going to get human brain farts. What bothers me most though, is the really sucky ones who blow important calls and there never seems to be any sort of consequence for them.
Fucking Laraque. What the fuck was that? Consider yourself suspended...
Still... how awesome were White and Pyatt on the PK there? Pyatt on the last 3-on-5 especially.
@LG77: Another sign the refs suck is that they didn't toss BGL. Now we have to live with the possibility of seeing him on the ice again tonight.
WV = bless, as in Collie bless the Habs and suspend Laracque for a lot of games.
@kevin: I hope the next time we see Laraque on ice it's in Battle of the Blades: Vegan Edition.
@J.T., maybe they can team BGL with tonya harding.
Also, did I ever mention in here that I had a crush on Dorothy Hamill? no? Well, there ya go.
This icing fest is very boring.
I hate Laraque. He's a disgrace to Craig Ludwig's number.
OK...I've just watched the entire 2nd period on RDS - WTF is with the Nords uni's and has no one mentioned to any of these fuckin guys that unless theys tart to shoot, they will notscore!? Oh yeah - BB is a dickhead!
SQUID!
Congrats on your 10th Habs goal Squid! Now go get your 11th ...
Ugh. How many times have I seen this this season? Canadiens should've cleared easily and then we get pinned in our zone for over a minute.
The prospect of AK46 and Squid having chemistry is very exciting.
@Moe
I'll be sure to email that mom blurb to the boys... if I don't throttle them all before Monday... in the most loving way possible, of course.
sMother dem boys GG11, they'll never regret it.
They are playing better...but I still hate the Nortds outfits - it's just not natural. Can we stop thei Centennial bullshit now please!! It's not like there is much to celebrate right now.
Double Squid! On a Lidstrom turnover, nonetheless.
Are we going to have to start throwing squid onto the ice?
And here we go again... delay of game. Max looks just as useful as Gu:( does.
@Moe
where do you think I was through most of the second.
BB says Laps had few options. Why, because he's a cheznous? FFSBBSTFU!
WV = squis, I kid you not kidz.
@GG11, getting a sweater?
WV = chokc <-- eesh!
The master plan, get it to overtime.
What a lousy week, Mr. Moey hurt his back last weekend, in typical male fashion, he was on his deathbed. I thought slavery was abolished, fluff my pillow, I can't turn over, can you make me a coffee? Oy vay.....
WV - rested. I kid you not. Mr. Moey is well rested, I need a vacation.
@Moe
Throttling 1-5
Hahaha. Even Carbo's ripping on JM's decision to have the Urologist out there late in the game.
@Moey
I hope he wasn't immobilized on top of the remote. I probably would've been happy to fluff DrGG's pillow... right over his face... for like a minute or two.
@Moey, Mr. Moey, he's a smart guy.
@ GG11, keep on sMotherin'.
~~~
Go you fucking Habs! ... and Bob, FWIW, waive/release/grind BGL off our fucking team.
GG11,
My cats are Siamese, they were cuddling with Mr. Moey, big talkers, no man is worth going to prison for.
Let's get this mofo to a shootout.
@Moey
Jail is quieter than my house... and neater. I could use a little time away.
Bag the point bitCHes.
Is BGL still a Hab?
Well, I'm just happy they worked hard in the 3rd and got the point out of it. 3/4 points against two of the best teams in the league back to back without Gomez and Gionta ain't so bad.
@GG11: My mom always used to say if she killed us, she'd have three meals a day cooked for her and free cable. It made us think twice.
GG11,
Three cats are my limit. I can't imagine three kids, kill.me.now. Bloody litle ingrates that could kill you in your bed. (the kids, not the cats).
@JT
I'd take two meals and wifi.... ok, wifi.
Wow...do you get wifi in jail these days? You can probably opt for veg meals too. My tolerance for my kids has just dropped slightly.
Is BGL still a Hab?
For now, yes - and thanks for taking out my guys third-leading scorer with a dirty hit. :(
At least two weeks with a sprained MCL - in 2005 he needed surgery and missed 52 games, but they won't know how bad it is until he gets some more testing tomorrow.
I know you guys hate that kind of shit, too. Fuck.
Squid had a pretty good game. Smart signing.
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