We're gonna need a big fucking plunger to get Zdeno out of thereWasn't Boston supposed to be the class of the East this year? They had a great season last year, they tweaked in the offseason to get better. Well, POOF! They now suck worse than the Habs maybe. If that's possible. Losers of 8 in a row (why do we always meet teams on streaks now?) and falling down the standings to 12th in the East. All we can say is BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's almost as schadenfreude-y as hearing Komisarek's season is finished.
Of course, I should just STFU because karma's a bitch. Habs are no prize. Hanging on to that toilet bowl rim (i.e. 7th in the East) for dear life. A blistering 4-4-2 in our last ten. By the Globe's Playoff Push calculations, Habs need to go 14-10-1 to make the playoffs now (I updated it with Tuesday's win). I suppose that's theoretically possible, but for a team that lives playing .500 hockey, well, hmm, ahh, we'll see. Anyway, bring on the toilet humour!
Waiting in line for the ladies room details - 7 PM start in Beantown. Habs riding a one-game win streak! Habs have won the two meetings so far this year, including the 5-1 win in the Centennial game when Squid got a hat trick (sigh).
In China there is often no bowl, just a hole in the floor - our good friend Cornelius over at The Hockey Blog Adventure is trying to stay positive: "it looks as bleak as a post-apocalyptic wasteland." Okay, maybe not so positive.
Awesome like a Japanese toilet that cleans your ass after you go - CHicken is our most consistent offensive force right now. Not bad for someone we essentially picked off the scrap heap. Pleks showing signs of life again after his slump. Jaro of course. Little Tits coming off his best game of the year. For the B's, Marc Savard has a point per game since coming back from injury.
Shit - The Mexican and The Urologist both pointless in 4. Gio just 1 point in his last 4. For the Bs, Satan and Ryder both pointless in 5. And Tuukka Rask is falling apart.
Needing a trip to an actual urologist - Squid and Big Tits are now officially your long-term injuries. Though the official NHL preview buried this nugget: "(Tits) could make his return before the Olympics." That's news to us. Anyone else heard that? Jaro 2.0 is probably back tonight, though Mara is still out. Bs are missing a couple of D I've never heard of, Ference and Stuart.
Post-game adult entertainment - I'll spare you linking to all the scat porn on the internet. OK maybe just one. I was freaked out to discover the existence of Scat Porn Tube (DO NOT FUCKING CLICK ON THAT LINK). This is some world we live in.
Go ahead and share your toilet stories in the comments. Hey, Deadspin does it.
210 comments:
1 – 200 of 210 Newer› Newest»I think I just saw the end of the world. Well, it's been fun. Take care. Off to pour hot bleach in my eyes.
The boys have to play it one game at a time. If they can't get psyCHed up to kick some Bruin ass, they shouldn't be able to play hockey for a living. It is the Boston Bruins! Forget the vegetable-munCHing, yoga-doing, meda-CHanting ways of BGL and get out there to win....
@gg11 pass the bleach
to be fair we were warned not to click on the link.
Why would you write (DO NOT FUCKING CLICK ON THAT LINK)it basically ensures that everyone will click on the link.
Well I don't know if its the link or the really strong coffie I just had but I gotta go.....
WV-Rosess, as in my shit smells like rosess
It is an interesting study in human psyCHology. Will anyone else avoid the link of disgust?
Yea, Sergei said to some reporter that his brother could be back before the Olympics. And then we'll get the pair of them on Pleks' line, WOO!
I learned my lesson with the Russian porn blog link ... THOSE WARNINGS ARE THERE FOR A REASON. And anything with "scat" in the topic... well, I like to think I'm broadminded, but, ewwwww...
WV: tatia ... a denizen of the aforemention Russian porn blog? Is blogger anticipating my comments again?
im still here my arm is cot in the thresher in the barn my celpone in the kitchen lucky i brought my mac out to surf the web wile i fixed the fucin thresher so i ned help fingers gone aready i think hope the habs do ok hate theoes bruns send help this really hur
Hadulf here...
Fuck, I miss Cornelius! He hasn't been gloating as much eh!?
I didn't click on the link for three reasons.
1. I figure if i want to see turd i just need to look for some pictures of Gary Bettman.
2. If being shit on is anything like what the Habs front office leadership has been doing to its fans for the last (oh i don't know 17 years) then there is no need to look we all have first hand experience.
3. I know how twisted lawyers can be.
People, if HF29 tells you not to click a link, for the love of Guy, DO NOT CLICK THE FUCKING LINK. Any man who knows of pterodactyl porn needs to be listened to when he says DO NOT CLICK THE FUCKING LINK.
Also, fuck Lucic, Chara, Savard, Thomas and the rest of 'em with a rusty chainsaw. Fucking Bruins. I hope they lose every game for the rest of their existence. (Nothing personal, Cornelius.)
I'm at work, so will refrain from clicking the LINK. I can imagine the call from my manager - "Mr Dude, please come to my office so you, me, Human Resources and IT services can have a chat about your 'issues'." I'll take a pass.
You know what I like. Those stainless steel troughs for pissing in. Can we get one at home? Anyway, we should stack the Bruins into a big stainless steel trough and piss on them. Fuckers.
@29: BTW, you're depriving the Habs of a crucial OT loss in your standings.
wv: brain - blink....blink
@ L Dude - thx, fixed
i remember the biggest pissing trough i ever saw - Rich Stadium bathroom in Buffalo. fuck that thing freaked me out. like cattle we all were.
I'm not clicking that link. A few months ago, for some unknown reason, a commentor here thought I was a guy and gay and told me to click on a link. It was the worst thing I've ever seen, and I've been to Bangkok.
I don't need to click "the link", all I have to do is look at Brian Burke and the rest of the leafs
@Moey: sorry. JK.
And heh, you said 'Bangkok'. My inner 12 year old comes out a lot.
@hfotwc: Good point. +1
Whatd I miss whatd I miss?
I went to the Indianapolis Speedway and they had a mega trough with a token poo in it.
You guys do know that It goes against Bloggers' terms and services to link to pornographic material on their sites?
You should take that down before your blog goes "pouf" and disappears.
@anonymous, after all this time i think that would already have happened. You obviously do not hang around here much do you!
@ano, "comments MUST include either profane language, links to pornography, or a reference to the Leafs or Bruins sucking.
in the spirit of the theme du jour
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=6905644&l=fd8de5c411&id=719995250
I will say that the Bruins have the best marketing dept in the NHL. Great ads. Sorry.
@ano "You should xxx xxxx xxxx xxxxxx xxxx xxxx goex "pouf" and disappearx"
@GG11, because you do such amazing photo work I won't hold that last statement against you.
@Robbie
Purely from a designerly/advertising point of view. Granted they don't have 24 cups to promote so what choice do they have but to go with humour.
I have been wondering what collective noun (e.g. a pride of lions, a murder of crows) would best describe Maple Leaf fans.
I propose circlejerk.
As in: check out this circlejerk of Leaf fans.
Condolences to Rhino for the passing of his mother.
--------
Anyone who watches hockey knew that this Bruins team was going to struggle this year. Basically, they were like us a couple of years ago where everyone had a career year and minimal injuries. Same thing with usm young guys who they expected to chip in with secondary scoring have regressed, such as Krejci. Fuck the Bruins.
Is there a reason my comments don't get posted ?
Ok Muthers...I have not clicked on the link...ok I did but left it just as quickly when my son came 'round the corner - Damm you guys are fuckin' gross!...I need to always read all the comments before I do any linking from now on...So like the last game, I am praying for at least 1 period of double digit shots on goal - Ah fuck it - let's go nuts, I'm praying for 2 periods with double digit shots on goal - and let's see what happens from there...Can I get a "Go Habs Go" from the regulars please!...?
btw: @Moey...wtf - you're a chick! I did not know...(sorry!)
wv - for Moey - Ladiss...as in - come on you muthers - win one fro the ladiss
@EPD: Is this some sory of psychological experiment? Because I clearly see your comment. Anybody else?
@Kmaxx: GO HABS, YOU FUCKERS, GO!
Please baby jesus, let Rhino beat the snot out of Lucy the hunchbacked cocksucker!
@Kmaxx,
No worries, but just for the record a STRAIGHT girl. High heels, makeup, bubble baths, the works and desperately wanted to be a ballerina when she was little.
@English Pig Dog: It's because your name makes you sound like a broons fan
@EPD or a leaf GM
@EPD - because this site is run by pure laine francophones?
i have bad news and good news. the bad news is i will be missing the game. the good news is that i missed the last game and we won.
go pants. and stay away from scat porn. with or without pants
Tuuka
My name is Tuuka
I live on the second floor
I live downstairs from Tim
I think you've seen me and him before
If you see something at the game tonight
Some kind of crease trouble, some kind of red light
Just don't ask Claude what it was
Just don't ask Chara what it was
Just don't ask Cornelius what it was
I think it's because I'm clumsy
Finns try not to talk too loud
Maybe it's because I'm fucking lazy
I'll try not to act too Bruins proud
That web scat shit will make you cry
After clicking that you don't ask HF29 why
Just don't bookmark that shit anymore
Just don't download that shit anymore
Just don't sign-up for that shit anymore
No I don't think we're okay
We'll circle the GG drain again today
Well, if you ask that's what Bs fans'll say
And it's not your fucking business anyway
I guess we'd like to be alone
With everything broken and kEsspo gone
Just don't ask me how shitty Ryder is
Just don't ask me how shitty Savard is
Just don't ask me how shitty Thomas is
Just don't ask me how shitty Chara is
My name is Tuuka
I live on the second floor
I live downstairs from you fucking Habs
I think you've laughed at me as a leaf before
If Bs fan feels something in his pants tonight
Some kind of tingle, some kind of height
Just don't ask Burke what it was
Just ask Chiarelli what it was
Visions of Taylor Hall is what it was
O'Reilly hit Habs but we didn't cry
Jonathan bloodied Bouchard but we didn't cry
Neely scored on Roy but we didn't cry
Finally won a playoff series but we didn't cry
After all that, Bs fans don't ask why
You just don't argue the record anymore
You just don't argue Stanley Cups anymore
You just don't argue standings anymore
You just don't argue too many men anymore
Fuck you you fucking Bruins !
@29
every-time you miss the game, we win
@moeman,
Splendid! Little gold "nuggets" are a nice touch!
Merci Madame Moey.
<3
@29 - same goes for me ... so far my recent record of glorious CH victories missed due to travel in the last few weeks includes the NJ steal, the NYR shellacking, and the 'nucks gnashing. But I'm home tonight, so maybe we can work out whether it's your fault or mine.
And where the fuck's Cornelius tonight? Staying home feeling sorry for himself? Should a few of us go over to his place and trash the joint?
I was next to the Boston ATM Garden 'tother night after the Caps game, folks didn't look too happy.
- Le12
Great, stuck with the fucking Bruins feed tonight.
kc meant Shit, stuck with the fucking Bruins feed tonight.
Jesus, this crowd is like a morgue. Shouldn't they be excited to play the Habs?
Nice dive you fucking Ent.
kc, they are all constipated.
@moeman: Well, maybe if they watch some "special" porn it might help them with that.
SK needs to learn how to hit the net.
The first rule of Shit Club is: you do not talk about Shit Club. The second rule of Shit Club is: you DO NOT talk about Shit Club!
People, it's Rask not Brodeur or Roy. Fucking shoot the puck instead of trying to make fancy passes.
Kovalchuk to the Devils. I'm sure he'll thrive in their system.
Christ, third penalty of the period?
I can't get over the fact that O'byrne is playing.
Fuck off. Maybe if this team could actually get pucks on net and stop taking penalties, we'll have a chance.
Just got in. 3 PP's for the Bruins in the first? Sounds like the refs have this one planned out.
They're pissing me off again, no excuse not to beat the Bosturd Bruins.
looks like JM saw tapes of the fast paced, go for it type hockey the habs played against vancouver and put a stop to it. back tp the oh so successful "system" you dumbo eared fuck.
wv= poling.as in i'd rather be poling rosie o'donnell than watching JM hockey.
@Jaybird: Sadly, this is all the Habs doing. Gomer probably should've gone off for tripping. Also, 15 Bruins shots to 5 Habs shots. No one to blame besides JM.
Oh fucking Christ. Bruins coverage just got better... Milbury during the intermission.
Just getting in here. Getting the Bruin feed. If vomit could be verbalized into a language, it would be the Boston accent. Shots 15-5, score 1-0. We've got 'em right where we want 'em.
Watching Canucks/Sens during the intermission and see that Raycroft is in net for the Canucks. Probably can guarantee a win for the Sens tonight.
How does no one know what Atlanta is getting for Kovalchuk even though everyone is reporting that the trade is done?
Isn`t Kovalchuck horrible defensively? I don`t get it.
I don`t know how they managed 15 shots because Bruins look like SHIT out there.
@RiRi, Habs looked shittier.
Come on you fucking Habs, don't be slump bsuters.
All this shit talk is gonna give me nightmares.
http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=516003&cmpid=rss-Feature%20Stories
Oduya, Bergfors and a 1st round pick (?)
Best hockey commercial =
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cr89xbl26g
@moeman: That's it!?
NJ is supposedly adding another player, Tedenby.
Hey, Habs, quit playing touCHy-feely and score a fucking goal or three.
Even when we have the Bruins stuck in their zone, we can't actually get any shots onto the net.
Having the #2 powerplay is useless when you never draw any penalties...
Habs play up/down to the level of their opponent. Weird system JM.
They do know that their shots have to hit the net for it to go in, right? Just checking.
Wow, a shot on goal! Amazing!
UGH.
FUCK.
Embarrassing.
That was the most pathetic display of defence I have seen in ages. And that's saying a lot as a Habs fan.
Witt, waived; http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=308785
I hate when commentators bring up obvious facts. "Bruins have only lost once with a 2 goal lead after two periods! And, get this! They're a perfect 10-0-0 when that lead is 3!" Well I would hope so. It's only interesting if every other team in the league has the same record.
A SHOT! HOORAY!
Shots are 22-6. They don't even care, do they.
I'm so sick of this, they can't play two decent games in a row. Are they doing this on purpose?
Leblanc @ the game. He looks bored.
@RiRi: He'd do well to stay in school for four years if this is what the future holds for him.
Halak is the only Hab to show up. It's not a new thing, just a depressing thing.
I hear Leblanc wants to be a lawyer.
QMJHL head-hunter Cormier part of the Kchuk deal.
After last game, Gorges said that the team was inspired by Halak`s big saves and picked up on that to play better. Bullshit. Any game they win from now on is strictly a fluke.
Why would anyone expect Pleks to re-sign and stay with this team of pig fuckers? Oops, didn't mean to insult pig fuckers.
i'd like to say this team has given up on JM but i really doubt he ever had them in the first place.
wv = forks. as in "stick the forks in us...we're done."
kc meant Why would anyone expect Pleks to re-sign and stay with this team of shit disturbers?
Is that what I think it is? A powerplay??
Hey hey, a power play.
Maybe the Habs play like shit because they like watching... oh, nevermind.
Metro!!
Pick up in aisle Métro!
Holy fuck, we scored!? WTF
Bruins fans' sphicters just collectively tightened.
what the hell was that? a GOAL?????
Métro scores and all houde and brunet can do is shit on him. Fuckers.
HAMR! 2-2
WHAT THE FUCK!? Two all! Wow wow wow.
Who are these guys???
WHATTHE???????
That's how you do it! You don't need to be pretty. Also, more PPs please.
Another one! FUCK! Holy shit! Fuck you Boston!
Chara looked Gillish on dat goal.
Maybe they now have learned that getting pucks on net is key to scoring goals, as others have said tonight.
Fucking retard habs will still lose in regulation i bet.
ummmmm....guys, the period is still going. Your job ain't done.
Lou Lam added another player to the Kchuk deal?
Add Samela and replace Tedenby with Palmieri
God, this fucking crowd. Was it free Nyquil night or something? These people would fit in perfectly in Florida or Atlanta.
Lil` Tits with the assist!! Point streak!
This team just loves getting outshot, doesn`t it?
I HATE the fact that this team controls my mood...
@moeman: gill-ish? Or gillis with a lisp?
@gillis, depends how tall and slow you are my fine FHF friend.
It looks like John Oduya, Niclas Bergfors and Patrice Cormier and a first round pick for Kovalchuck. I don't get it.
Also just learned that "From a Land Downunder" was ripped off from an Australian children's song. My perception of the world is just falling apart.
And you know now in that dressing room all the boys are like, "Duh, yeah. We scored good." JM: "Keep doing what you're doing!"
Add Anssi Samela to the NJ pkg for Kchuk.
Bonus is NJ playing Kchuk v. the leaf tomorrow and he pots a fucking hat trick.
NJ v. WAS games are gonna be fun.
@moeman: Hope Kovalchuk pots four against Giguere with Leafs Nation freaking out and torching the ACC.
Man, watching this team play hockey has apparently warped my brain.
Awesome, I can already tell the they're playing for OT.
Three shots to start the period, none on net.
@O-man, Habs are wicked good on the 4on4.
It's so frustrating because Rask has looked so weak, but the Habs just can't seem to get their shots on net. Just put it on fucking net!
That was a fucking dive.
Dirty fucking dive. Even the B announcers know it.
There better be a makeup call coming up.
Fuck off, Bruins announcers. Markov sold that high stick but your fucking whomever the fuck it was didn't dive?
Bs think their shit doesn't stink. Fuck off already.
Is it just me or is Claude Julien packing on the pounds?
B announcer during slow motion replay: "Markov really sold that call!"
Well, he did have a stick blade up his fucking nose, retard.
@RiRi: I'd eat in an attempt to find comfort if I had to be associated with the Bruins.
pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass give away breakaway.
Repeat.
SHOOT THE FUCKING PUCK!
Habs should be down at least one after standing around and just passing around the puck on the PP, along with giving up two breakaways.
Still, Andy Brickley & Jack Edwards can fuck off and die.
Claude is probably eating a lot of beans, which means he's also farting and shitting a lot.
Metropolit-Gomez-Darche, that's quite the fearsome powerplay unit right there.
First shot of the period? More than 10 mins in? Awesome.
@moeman: That is NOT a visual I need.
@kc, you are lucky I didn't give you an HF29ish scat-ish link to click on. Speaking of shit, JM's tie looks like he wiped his ass with it.
Moen's shot into Rask's glove at least gives us a offensive zone faceoff. See kids, shoot the puck!
@moeman: More importantly, JM's system looks like he wiped his ass with it.
@ronan - the $8 million-dollar-man, the AHLer and the toothless wonder! Only in MTL is this a powerplay unit!
Trudat KC.
Speaking of things merde-ish, did da Bs get rid of their shit and pissed stained (3rd cuz it rhymes with turd) poo-bear jerseys?
I found a site similar to the one 29 posted, here
vw. horagge
Methinks RiRi (great name BTW) just nicknamed our new SHIT line.
heh@gillis, I hovered but didn't click.
Hit. The. Fucking. Net.
Markov with the glove save. Also, he once delivered triplets in a driving snowstorm.
Despite the shitty, smelly play, FHF Habs v. Bruins game threads are always flies on shit popular.
Oh Max...
@moe - Ha! Glad I could help!
"Markov skids it all the way up". Heh.
Jack Edwards getting into the spirit of things.
MAB left the game...
I've been waiting all game to type CHicken! Shit!
My feed here is getting choppy and I thought that bouncing dumpin on Rask went in. I don't think I've ever acheived an erection so quickly before or such painful blue balls.
A point, at least. If you asked me during the middle of the second, I'd have taken it.
Habs aren't shitty on the 4on4. Come on boys, drop a load on these fuckers.
@moe- There`s still OT!
Trudat RiRi.
Great, another PP.
Habs are shitty on the 4-on-3...
Shitty, shitty move by Hamr.
C`mon, I want a shootout!
Fuck you, refs!
Who is shittier, the Bruins or the refs?
Fuck the Leafs for trading Rask to the Bruins.
Markov apparently doesn't want a shootout.
Cheap shitty glass. Who bought this shit arena? Jacobs?
If we get 200 comments, I hear we get ice cream.
Markov is due!!!
@kc: They tell you that, but it never happens.
RDS's favourite thing to talk about is broken glass, and bragging about the habs' maintenance crew. Then they always have to mention a nashville game when they waited half an hour. big whoop.
Ice cream?
Shitout coming up.
Fucking Rask, Fucking Leafs.
@gillis: Don't worry, NESN was bragging about their maintenance crew, also. I think it's something they teach you in broadcasting school.
200 posts?
how is halak in shootouts?
)-ma, HF29 owes us dedicated FHFers ice cream if we take the game threads to 200 comments +. Sadly the fine print is unreadable. Is that legal?
Isn't HF29 out at dinner? Maybe he'll bring us some on his way home.
At this point I'LL take you for ice cream if you all put a lid on the toilet talk.
Anyone who says they like the shootout is a fucking liar. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.
Holy shit! We win!
Jaro!
GG, dat wuz funny!
fuck yeah!!!! do i smell a sens-type winning streak coming up?????
no if you'll excuse me i have to go refill my ether bottle.
Is this the game that costs Claude Julien his job? Hopefully...
Also, why not go with Sturm in the shootout if you're the Bruins?
Wooooooo! Totally unearned!
Ha-lak *clap clap clap* Ha-lak! *clap clap clap*
Longest B losing streak since the 20s. Erection has returned.
The asswipes at anti-CH ask, could the Habs of made a better offer for Kchuk.
@moeman: To be fair, I think a lot of fanbases are asking that tonight. Always happens after a blockbuster trade.
@Moe
I feel like we just had a group colonoscopy.
sorry kc, but fuck julien, fuck sturm, fuck the bruins, we fuckin win this one out of our asses. yeah!
29 is never watching another game again. don't fuck with a streak
i meant litteraly
I love GG's probing comment. Also, GG, you gave us the funny spiralling terlet bowl pic as inspiration.
gillis knows, we cannot allow HF29 to stink up this joint (during game threads).
@Moe
Live and learn. Gotta rethink Saturday's rectal exam Photoshop now.
GG, put JM in a Penguin suit.
Also, 192 ...
Tonight was our 7001st point as a team. Can we borrow some to for this year? We can't? Really? Then WTF cares!
Pit Masters! is on ...
just walked in. SO close to free ice cream!
I'll TRY to go out for dinner in the afternoon over this weekend kids. but im not promising nothing
Well, I guess it was better than a poke in the eye with a stick. They better smarten up for the Pens game.
Ah shit, HF29, come on Bud, give us a 'comment deleted by author'
Sorry I'm late.
DEATH TO THE BRUINS!!
Oh good, it worked.
Since 29 can't watch anymore, I'm appointing myself as comment police, and I'm not a soft touch like him. You fuckers aren't getting ice cream on my watch, I don't care if you hit 10,000.
Still, beating the Bruins always puts me in a good mood ... so if you hit 500 on Saturday or Sunday, 29 will personally deliver meth to every commenter in the 514 area code.
So now we're fuckers!? Fuck that shit. I want ice cream. Rocky Road.
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