Habs' and Bruins' seasons heading down the toilet? Game preview and open thread

We're gonna need a big fucking plunger to get Zdeno out of there

Wasn't Boston supposed to be the class of the East this year? They had a great season last year, they tweaked in the offseason to get better. Well, POOF! They now suck worse than the Habs maybe. If that's possible. Losers of 8 in a row (why do we always meet teams on streaks now?) and falling down the standings to 12th in the East. All we can say is BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's almost as schadenfreude-y as hearing Komisarek's season is finished.

Of course, I should just STFU because karma's a bitch. Habs are no prize. Hanging on to that toilet bowl rim (i.e. 7th in the East) for dear life. A blistering 4-4-2 in our last ten. By the Globe's Playoff Push calculations, Habs need to go 14-10-1 to make the playoffs now (I updated it with Tuesday's win). I suppose that's theoretically possible, but for a team that lives playing .500 hockey, well, hmm, ahh, we'll see. Anyway, bring on the toilet humour!

Waiting in line for the ladies room details - 7 PM start in Beantown. Habs riding a one-game win streak! Habs have won the two meetings so far this year, including the 5-1 win in the Centennial game when Squid got a hat trick (sigh).

In China there is often no bowl, just a hole in the floor - our good friend Cornelius over at The Hockey Blog Adventure is trying to stay positive: "it looks as bleak as a post-apocalyptic wasteland." Okay, maybe not so positive.

Awesome like a Japanese toilet that cleans your ass after you go - CHicken is our most consistent offensive force right now. Not bad for someone we essentially picked off the scrap heap. Pleks showing signs of life again after his slump. Jaro of course. Little Tits coming off his best game of the year. For the B's, Marc Savard has a point per game since coming back from injury.

Shit - The Mexican and The Urologist both pointless in 4. Gio just 1 point in his last 4. For the Bs, Satan and Ryder both pointless in 5. And Tuukka Rask is falling apart.

Needing a trip to an actual urologist - Squid and Big Tits are now officially your long-term injuries. Though the official NHL preview buried this nugget: "(Tits) could make his return before the Olympics." That's news to us. Anyone else heard that? Jaro 2.0 is probably back tonight, though Mara is still out. Bs are missing a couple of D I've never heard of, Ference and Stuart.

Post-game adult entertainment - I'll spare you linking to all the scat porn on the internet. OK maybe just one. I was freaked out to discover the existence of Scat Porn Tube (DO NOT FUCKING CLICK ON THAT LINK). This is some world we live in.

Go ahead and share your toilet stories in the comments. Hey, Deadspin does it.