Goodbye, bitCHes

Your momma always said to go out with a bang. So, BANG.

More than four years ago, three idiots and me decided the internet needed a blog about the Habs that was funny, hateful, and told the honest truth about the Habs' suckitude (at the time). We also thought the internet had a shortage of half-naked CHicks that needed to be remedied. 2375 posts later, I would say we succeeded on both fronts.

Four years and 2375 posts is a long fucking time.

I've had a recurring thought lately as I've laid (lied? lain?) on the couch taking meth - when does a blog end? Now, I'm not talking about the professional bloggers who make a living at it; Puck Daddy will be around long after the nuclear war that kills the rest of us. But we're not professional bloggers. We make our living being pond scum lawyering types, or whatever the hell moe does. We blog for fun, and to have a creative outlet not present in suing the pants off someone. Any creative outlet has an ending. A novel has an end. A CD only has so many tracks. A movie's credits will roll eventually. A blog doesn't seem to have an end; it could theoretically go on forever.

And that's a problem.

Two of our closest spiritual hockey blogging brothers have come to end. Both of them came to an end after about four years. There must be something to that number, because dammit, after four years here, it's just time. The "this is fun / this is work" balance that most amateur bloggers deal with has finally tipped over to the this is work side. That blows.

So far, this has been just a long-winded roundabout bullshit way of saying we're tired. The thought of blogging another season was just too much to bear. Yes it's fun, and you guys are all awesome, but if we're losing our passion, the blogging is gonna suffer. We refuse to let that happen. Better to burn out quickly than to fade away, always leave 'em wanting more, go out on top, etc.

As this blog is not just me (thank God, or I would have been so tired I would have closed it down two years ago), I gave everyone a chance to write something one last time. Here's what they came up with:

HF10
Since last year's Stanley Cup final, thugs have destroyed Vancouver's downtown and irreparably damaged the city's reputation, the best and most exciting player in the game has announced he won't be ready for the start of the season because of recurring issues after a concussion brought on by a cheap shot, three separate "enforcer" type players have tragically passed away and an entire hockey franchise was wiped out in a horriffic plane crash in Russia. Clearly, the hockey gods are angry that the Bruins won, and I'm not tempting fate by writing on this blog for one more goddamn second.

LG77
OMG PONIES!!!!1!!!!!1 YOU GUYS I am soooooo looking forward to FHF's new season!!! My doctor gave me this shiny new set of pills and it means that I'm going to be totally positive about everything about the Habs because, people are right, this team is going to win the STANLEY CUP BABY ZOMG!!! I didn't pay attention last year, but I assume that a totally deserving team won it, 'cause, like, jerks never get rewarded for their jerkery, right? And this year, we're going to be the bestest ever because Markov has a bionic knee that will turn him into, like, the Steve Austin of hockey and now that Colin Campbell is gone Shanahan is totally going to make sure that when people goon it up against the Habs that they're called for their meanie pants moves because Gary Bettman is, like, TOTALLY into fair play now and I hear that David Desharnais grew, like, 12 inches over the summer (random growth spurt I KNOW) and Jacques Martin is finally going to put together a series of plays designed to put the puck in the net and we can even start campaigning now for PK SUBBAN AND CAREY PRICE to share the Conn Smythe because we are just that awesome, amirite??!! I can hardly wait to share my newfound positivity with our readers!! TRIPLE LOW FIVES ALL AROUND BABY, ÇA SENT LA COUPE AND PLAN THE PARADE!!!!11!!!!!!!1

Wait, what? This is FHF's last post? You're kidding me, right?
...

Thank God. Not sure I would have been able to keep that up all year.

GG11
Let me just say Go Admirals Go!

moeman (+ Mick)
I saw 4, 10 & 33 today at a CHez Parée reception
A glass of wine in their hand
I knew they would meet our danse-à-dix connection
Already at her feet was a Pants!loose ovenmitted man!

No, FHFers can't always get what they want
FHFers can't get the ice cream they want
FHFemmes couldn't always get the manly pics they wanted
And when I blogged sometimes you found
You got the moe-rass you needed

I saw LG today at an Apple reception
A glassy new iPhone4S in her hand
I knew she was gonna lose her WiFi connection
At her feet was a Pants!loose ovenmitted man!

Anonymous, you can't always get what the fuck you want
You can't always comment what the fuck you want
You can't always fuck like you fucking want
But when you logged in sometimes you might find we knew
You'd be the fucking jerk you needed to be

Oh yeah, hey hey hey, oh … What!?

And I went down to a 4/20 demonstration
To get my fair share of some hooCH
Singing, "I'm gonna vent my FHFrustration
If I don't I'm gonna blow a 50 gram fuse"
Sing it to me now ...

You can't always smoke what you want
You can't always meth what you want
You can't always drink what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
A Pants!loose ovenmitted man!
Oh baby, yeah, yeah!

I went down to the CHelsea drugstore
To get 29's presCHription filled
I was standing in line with Dr. & Mrs. GG
And man, did she look pretty CHill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavour, Habs CHerry red
I sung this song to Dr. & Mrs. GG
Yeah, and GG said one thing to me, and that was
Is that a Pants!loose ovenmitted man?

You can't always get what you want, (no bleu BR!)
You can't always get what you want (fuck ya McSplooge!)
You can't always get what you want (no bob cold!)
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need
Oh yes! Woo! PFK! TFS™ PleXXXE! Tits! Squid! Gio!

You get what you need--yeah, oh baby!
Oh yeah! GYFHG!

I saw Kristin today at the CBC's 75th reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well I could tell by her blood-stained ovenmitted hands

FHFers, we can't always get what we want
We can't always get what we want, a 25th Stanley!
We can't always get what we want, see you at i/o Hockey?
But if you login here sometime, you just might find
You'll get the ass you need
and just maybe
a Pants!loose ovenmitted man!

You get what you need, ah oui …

HF4
Final post? Didn't you guys pull the cord on your comatose blog after the readership sank to 6 when I left?

Panger
No thanks, I’m retired!

Good stuff team. You're the best 3/4/5/6 people I could ever blog with. Man I'll miss this place.

The one reason we hesitated to pull the plug was you guys out there. I've said it before and I will say it again for posterity, no hockey blog has the commentariat that we do. Witty, funny, angry, sexy, you guys are the absolute bees' knees. Hanging out in an open thread is like hanging out with friends (that I actually like) and even, dare I say it, like family (that I actually like). We need to find a (virtual) place for all of us to hang out. N31's place is pretty cool. Moey's pad is nice, though you may leave with some cat hair on you. And no doubt Steve has the best drugs. Of course, GG11 and I have other internet homes, drop by any time. And LG77 is one of the best Tweeters around, so say hi to her. It would just be a shame if we're like the group of friends that graduates high school and runs off to college all over North America, never to talk again.

Well I think we've gone on long enough, both in this post and forever. One last time: GYFHG, Die PHucktards Die, Bs suck, Fuck the CBC / HNIC / TSN / CotU media, and of course, Pants! Thanks to all of you for joining us for the ride. Your meth ice cream is in the mail.