The Totally Shocking NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft Goes Live! - All-Star Weekend Preview and Game Open Thread

[AP] Raleigh, NC - In a stunning turn of events, NHL All-Stars unanimously voted to change the 2011 All-Star game captains last night. NHL All-Star representatives have revealed the results of the new vote: Nik Lidstrom and Eric Staal are out, and Montreal Canadiens stars Andrei Kostitsyn and Carey Price are in. We now go live to TSN with James Duthie, Bob McKenzie and Pierre McGuire as they provide live analysis of the picks for Team Kostitsyn and Team Price.

James Duthie: Here we are live from the NHL Fantasy All-Star draft on TSN. A surprising day when NHLPA reps said they would go on strike if mega-talented Andrei Kostitsyn wasn't added to the All-Star game and made captain, opposite his superstar goalie teammate Carey Price. Kostitsyn has won the toss, so he gets to pick first. Andrei, you're on the clock.

Andrei: I pick for All Starring game Sergei. My brother all-star yes?

Duthie: Um ... no. Ruling?

NHL Reps: Fuck it. Sergei's in.

McGuire: That's a huge pick by Andrei Kostitsyn! The Tits brothers ride again! Monster! Double Dion!!!

Duthie: Carey Price, you're on the clock.

Price: This game's in Carolina, right? Gotta pick a man who knows where the good shit goes down. Eric Staal. I remember that bachelor party him and his bros had. Hell, gimme Marc and Jordan Staal too man. Let's fuck shit up!

McKenzie: Looks like Team Price is building strength down the middle and on the backline. Great picks.

Andrei Kostitsyn: I am picking Pasquale Mangiola for being All-Star friend.

Duthie: Off the board choice there for Team Kostitsyn!

NHL Rep: Oh, for fucksakes ...

Price: Awesome! Dude, I got Patrick Kane. That guy can party like nobody's business, amIrite?

McGuire: Patrick Kane's a party ANIMAL!!! Team Price is getting loaded! Dion!!! MONSTER!

McKenzie: Christ, McGuire, will you zip it?

Andrei: Is my turn? Tomas Plekanec.

NHL Rep: But he's not ... he isn't even in ... this fucking moron hasn't picked anyone in ... I quit. No, I'm out. Fuck it.

McKenzie: Great two-way player, Tomas Plekanec, but technically not on the All-Star roster. Interesting move for Team Kostitsyn.

Price: Hey man, have the Sedins and Kesler flown in from Vancouver yet? They're supposed to be bringing me a "care package" from home, you know? West Coast baby! [Agent whispers into Price's ear] Didn't get through customs? Five to ten years? Shiiiiiiittt. Alright, I pick that stripper from Supersexe. You know the one. Gotta give Kaner and the Staal boys some motivation, eh?

McGuire: That's a SEXY PICK FROM CAREY PRICE! CAREY PRICE!! CAAAREEEEEE PRIIIIICE!!!!

Duthie: Andrei?

Andrei: Carey Price.

McKenzie: Wait. What? Can he ... holy shit, there's nothing in the rules says he can't do that.

Price: Mindblow. Andrei, you just blew my fuckin' mind dude! I'm taking Ovie. Ovie's the man.

Andrei:  Ovie is good pick. I will take Ovie too.

Duthie: Fuck me, you're stupid. HE JUST FUCKING PICKED ... Seriously, I'm gonna beat your ass Kostitsyn.

Price: Hey, is my cousin here? Lord knows nobody else on the Coyotes would be. My mom says I better take him or my Aunt Milly will never let her hear the end of it.

Duthie: Shane Doan adds some punch to Team Price.

Andrei: My cousin Vadim Sushko is playing for Shakhtar Soligorsk. He also all-star for me.

McKenzie: I'm done. [Walks off set].

McGuire: Just took Bobby McKenzie's coffee! AWESOME BY ME!! PHANEUFOSITY!!!

Price: Kaner says Toews is a funny dude stoned. Plus him and me kicked it old school in that shootout in Grand Forks, dude. Man, I was sooooo high for that game.

Duthie: Okay, let's move this along. Andrei. Lord help us.

Andrei: Malkin.

Duthie: FUCKING HELL, ANDREI! Hey, that pick makes sense. Wait - no, no it doesn't. Malkin's hurt. Fuck my life.

Price: Hey, Jeff Skinner still on the board? Need a back up to show me around Raleigh if the Staaler gets arrested.

Andrei: Tim Thomas.

Duthie: Huh? [leans over to McGuire] I think that dunce might actually have a clue.

McGuire: TOTALLY!!!!! HE'S A DOUBLE DION PICKER!!!!!

Duthie: Shut it.

Price: Carey ... Corey. Carey ... Corey. Hey man, did anyone else notice that Corey Perry's name and my name are really close? It's like one letter off. Nice. He can be on my team.

Duthie: Alright dumbass, who do you like?

Andrei: I like Double Cheeseburger.

Duthie: No, for your pick, Andrei. You pick?

Andrei: I pick Double Cheeseburger.

McGuire: DOUBLE CHEEEESE!!!!! BAMMO!!!! BLEAAARRRGHHH!!!!! [Head explodes].

Price: Hey, who do you think would pull more chicks, Shea Weber or Steve Stamkos?

Duthie: Take them both so we can get the fuck out of here.

Price: Duthie, dude! Done.

Duthie: Andrei?

Andrei: Phil Kessel.

Duthie: That's the dumbest fucking pick yet. [Throws chair and storms off in disgust].

Andrei: So I is winner, yes?

Price: Dude, totally. Let's go get some fucking tacos.

We Steal From The Sports Guy, He Steals Right Back

Let's face it, any time you do any sort of humourous draft live-blogging or running diary, you'll be accused of stealing from Simmons. And we did TWO of them around here. But he always stuck to the NBA, sometimes the NFL. He gave up on hockey. So we were safe.

Not anymore. The SG did his own running diary of the NHL draft. We'll just say he stole it from us. And he really doesn't know hockey if he thinks McGuire was loud and boisterous. As I said in my live-ish draft blogging, McGuire was on valium that night. At least it's funny.

The Morning Skate for Tuesday, June 26th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of the parade on the usual route...

• The language debate of the draft rages on. The Gazette's Pat Hickey defends Bob, while the RDS.ca commentors are at each other's throats as usual;
• The "Should we have drafted Esposito?" debate seems like it will rage 'til the end of time. Marc De Foy of Le Journal de Montréal is actually the voice of reason and is telling people to chill out;
• Fuck the draft. It's over. Timmins and Bob know what they are doing, so let's move on to the UFA period, a mere 4-day work week away;
• Finally, special thanks to HF29's work colleague and D.C.-based HF Wendell, who designed our awesome new header. Really brings out the Youpster's eye colour.

The FHF wil be checking in all week with UFA analysis and snark. The Habs' 15-year search for a first-line center drags on.

Will PK Subban Play on the PK?

And the FHF all-draft-all-the-time long weekend drags on. If I may say so myself (and let's face it I may, given my Blogger account and all), the sheer volume of draft posts around here is amazing. TWO as-it-happens draft reports? Sure my posts were just drunken snark, but Panger brought the snark and the analysis. Nice. On a totally unrelated note, the FHF will soon be having staff meetings to, you know, discuss who is doing what around here.

Anyway, the story for the Habs was D and Minnesota. 6 defensemen taken. 4 picks from the 11th Canadian province. Of course, I have no fucking clue who any of them are. We'll leave the anlysis to Panger. All I see is the handsome young gentleman you see above, PK Subban, aka The Subbanator. Apparently he can't play D at all, is really an offensive D, so I'm guessing he won't be on the PK at all. Just tragedy for headline writers.

Always a story around the Habs is the Quebecers. We did manage to grab Olivier Fortier from the Oceanic, but he's the only one. Of course, this is part of the larger story of the smallest number of Quebecers drafted ever. But one Québecois for the Habs will not satisfy the 110% crowd, talent evaluation be damned.

Cheer up francophone media, the free agent period is only 6 days away. Then you can really complain.

A final note - for those of you who think I only posted the picture above to show The Subbanator's, er, background, I only posted it because I still can't find a picture of Kyle Turris' mom.

All Hail Our American Overlords

The first two picks are American. The Habs have two picks, both American. A record-tying 10 Americans in the first round. Thank God we still rule curling.

We'll see how the rest of the draft plays out. I'm off to the land of 56k modems for a couple of days so we'll see if any of the other FHF checks in. If not, I'll be back with a recap of the always-exciting 7th round later on in the weekend. Bonne fête nationale everyone. HF29 out.

Live-ish Draft Blogging 6 - The 22nd Pick FINALLY and We're Out

Maybe some day the FHF will all live-ish blog the whole weekend of a draft, but for one HF, 2 hours of live-ish draft blogging is enough. Yeesh. There's 2 hours I'm not getting back.

Trevor Timmons congratulates the Bulldogs. The Habs 2nd pick of the round is... Max Pacioretty. Everyone happy. Panger said we should trust Timmons, so I'll go with that.

And the story tomorrow will be Esposito playing with Pens. If he does turn into a good one, you think Pittsburgh will build an arena with that team??? Anyway, we'll figure it out over the weekend. I'm out.

Live-ish Draft Blogging 5 - Habs AND McGuire (My Head May Expolde)

Unfortunately McGuire only up to 70% Valium levels as he analyzes the Habs pick so his entertainment value is minimal. Calls Espo and Cherepanov the "sliders" of the draft (duh) and praises McDonagh. But he still says someone will "steal" one of the 2 sliders any pick now.

Live-ish Draft Blogging 4 - Habs, FINALLY

1:30 in and here's Bob on stage FINALLY. I really hate drafts. The same thanks to Columbus and everything else every other GM has said. And... Trevor Timmins announces... Ryan McDonagh? With Esposito still available? Just, weird. Cherepanov still available too? Anyway, another U.S D. TSN guys like him. Another Komisarek?

Bob with Duthie explaining the pick. Saying McDonagh was his choice all along. Bob saying Espo was "on their list" but not at 12.

Let the arguing begin.

Live-ish Draft Blogging 3 - McGuire

McGuire makes his first appearance of the night. He must be splitting time with Versus. But he's on Valium or something. He's calmly, rationally, discussing picks. Where's the scary MONSTER???

8:27 update - 2nd appearance has his valium level at 80%. A bit louder, but still not himself.

Live-ish Draft Blogging 2

Kyle Turris' mom (I guess), except for bad teeth, is a quality MILF.

Live-ish Draft Blogging

So I drank at work, I drank after work, now I'm drinking at home. I've got snide comments to make, and I've got a place to make 'em.

First, I'll hold off on the snide to give some props to the Columbus crowd. They actually seem into it. And their level of booing would make MSG fans proud. They would barely let Buttman speak. Awesome.

Kane goes first. Not much of a surprise imho. The surprise was the two hot chicks in his posse. One of them sort of looked like him, so I'm guessing sisters. Mmm, sisters.

Gonna be a MONSTER night on TSN

Hopefully by the time McGuire starts screaming I'll be good and drunk. Or stoned. Hopefully both, so I can just shut out his screaming. I think this may be an old picture btw - is Domi even there any more? I generally can't stand hockey on TSN, RDS is marginally better. We all know hockey broadcasting achieved perfection with Gallivan and Irvin in powder blue CBC suits; everything else is 3rd rate.

So who's watching the draft? If I have nothing better to do, sure what the fuck I'll watch it, with plenty of booze on hand. But I'm not one of those draft crazies who lives for it. Plus it's a Friday night. I do have a life. Well, not really. So I guess I'll be watching. Possible live-blogging of the Habs pick as it happens! That'll be my first drunken post. Can't wait.

For those who will be watching, be sure to check out the hysterical guys over at The Sports Hernia with their Essential Viewing Tips for the NHL Draft. It's targetted to our American hockey fan neighbours (all 8 of 'em), but still worth the read.

Draft night in Columbus! I wish I was there. Bring it on.

Angelo = Alexandre?

OK, OK before the hate mail flows in, I'm not saying that Angelo Esposito is going to be a bust of the magnitude of Alexandre "Do my legs look sexy in this nurse's outfit" Daigle. Most importantly, I've only ever seen A.E. play in last year's Memorial Cup final, where he was good - but he also had Alex Radulov on his wing. You know, the guy who ripped it up in limited ice time with Nashville, skill to burn, nose for the net, obviously some edge to his game (playoff suspensions??!!??).

But I'm seeing scary parallels here. They both dominated junior basically on talent alone, but the knock on both was/is their heart. A.E. is 6'1 180; Daigle was 6' 185 in his last year of junior (although he played at 200 wussy pounds). They have both been in the spotlight (at least in Quebec) since they were 15-16 - and yes, I understand that scouts have been looking at A.E. for so long they are looking for weaknesses. Maybe this works for players like Kyle Turris who was playing in a relatively obscure league, but have they not been scouting other players for years? Pat Kane plays in the OHL and is almost one year older than all the other players in the draft, so scouts had plenty of time to scout him, and his value has skyrocketed this season - cause he stepped up when it mattered.

But here's the kicker for me: how can a player on a team coached but the obsessively competitive Patrick Roy not be competitive himself? And if you look at the history of highly-rated players who dropped at the last minute, for every Zach Parise there is a Patrick Stefan or a (ugh) Brent Bilodeau. And Habs fans shouldn't forget that Sergei Samsonov was thought to be a #1 overall at one point.

That being said, Trevor Timmons is the best evaluator of talent for the Habs since Sam Pollock. Just compare our pre-Timmons drafts (David Wilke, Terry Ryan etc) to our more recent (Chipchura, Price). So if Gainey can swing the right deal and Timmons wants A.E., remember the FHF mantra: Trust in Gainey (and Timmins).

Think Faster Bob, You've Only Got About 12 Hours Left

This man looks contemplative. Or constipated. It's a fine line. Either way, he better come up with something quick.

Yes, the glitz and glamour that is the NHL entry draft begins at 7:00 P.M. tonight (prime time on a Friday, in Columbus - the definition of glitz and glamour). And the stars are aligned for the Habs to do... something? Bob's sitting on 2 first rounders (12 and 22) and there's deals to be had. Or not. What do I know? Player personnel and trades and drafts are Panger's domain around here, I just complain about the sucking.

So is there a Sutter in the Habs' future? Does Esposito drop to 12? Do we only want him 'cause he's from Montreal? Man, Phil Esposito would be neat; we could use 76 goals in a season.

We'll see which of the FHF checks in before 7 to give us some sort of analysis. Undoubtedly I'll just complain about the Habs' picks after they're made.

Friday's Draft

The NHL draft is Friday. We have a mantra among the FHF - trust in Gainey, trust in Gainey. But how can you trust someone being belittled by a giant fuzzy orange thing???

Maybe the Youpster can play center.