TMS regrets to inform you that the Habs' Coach of the Future will be Tampa's Coach of the Present

Well, you can forget about that dream you've had of Bulldogs' coach Guy Boucher taking over from Count Chokula any time soon. Multiple sources last night reported that Boucher will accept the job of head coach of the Lightning today. Apparently rejecting the BJ's offer yesterday was just step one in his devious plan to take over the NHL. Well played, Guy.

Boucher goes to a team that has a young star in Stamkos, established stars in Vinny and St Louis, a new GM (Yzerman) who should be pretty good, and a team that generally underachieved last year. Fuck, anyone would take that job. And according to Rue Frontenac he's taking Hamilton assistants Martin Raymond and Daniel Lacroix with him.

So to sum up, in that reactionary way Habs fans are famous for, the Canadiens organization is fucked for years to come. Good morning!

Hamilton crushes Pens, 5-3

Trotter.
White.
Desharnais.
DarCHe Vader.

The names just drip off the tongue, don't they? Sure, Gio had 2G 1A, Pleks had 1G 2A and The Mexican added 1G 1A, but today was all about the kids. Their work ethic rubbed off on the adults. I am still unsure how that happened. Only 21 shots against. That can't be right, can it?

Deep breath. Tomorrow's another day.

Keep Alive: The FHF Half-Assed Half-Season Sorta-Kinda On Time Review

Did you know the Habs hit the halfway point this weekend? Did ya? Huh?

Really? You knew? Well, bully for you Mr. Checking the Schedule Smartypants Fuckface. I guess you can stop reading right now.

Whatever. For the rest of you, in the grand tradition of the one other time I did this, here's The FHF Half-Assed Half-Season Sorta-Kinda On Time Review. In handy stream-of-consciousness form.

We're what? You're fucking joking. I'm pretty sure this team sucks!: Last year at this time? 2nd in the Northeast, 5th in the conference, 21 wins, 13 losses, 8 OTL. This year? 25-10-6, 2nd in Northeast, 4th in East. For all the whining and gnashing of teeth that gets done around this team, for all the worries about the Bruins morphing into the 1970 Bruins and destroying the planet with their awesomeness, the Habs are ahead of last year's pace and riding an 8-1-1 streak. Fuck, really?

All-Stars! All-Stars! All-Stars!: And so, after all the ballot-box stuffing, all the complaining, all the embarassment that is fan voting, your Eastern All-Stars feature Carey "TFS" Price as starting goalie, Markov and DOOM on defence and Kovy skating with two guys playing for the tenth place team in the conference. Of the four, Markov certainly deserves it, Price's numbers are good but not as good as some others (Tim Thomas immediately comes to mind), DOOM is an FHF and neutrals favourite for his hitting and general all-around badassery, and Kovy shouldn't be anywhere near the rink that weekend. If you look at DOOM as the fan's acknowledgement that maybe fancy-pants goals and stickchecking isn't all you want in a defender, then his election is a good thing. My only wish? That all Kovy and Tanguay's votes had gone to Koivu so he could be named captain, start, and get the ear-blistering ovation he so richly deserves from his hometown crowd. Now I get to hope DOOM breaks someone in half instead. I'll see the replay because I ain't wasting any time watching the game.

The New Guys: Gang Bang Lang is leading the team in goals, points, missed open nets, and ability to mesh with anyone. He's currently leading the charge of the Tits brothers and can also be found hanging out with Kovy in the "former Pens with groovy mullets on the downside of their careers who still weave magic sometimes" section of the dressing room. As a Plan B from "Fuck You" Mats Sundin, he's been terrific.

BGL keeps getting hurt, and he's slow as death when he plays. If he tears Chara's or Lucic's head off before the season is done, it's a successful signing.

Tanguay is also hurt after a promising start. He showed more goal-scoring skill than I anticipated, and the promise of Koivu/Tanguay/Higgins was enticing. Jury still out.

The New Kids: Dagger! Max Pack! Chips! Maxwell! (Okay, not really Maxwell). Weber! As the injuries piled up, Dagger provided a jolt of goal-scoring electricity and helped the team over a rough patch. Max Pacioretty continues to give us all glimpes of awesomeness, and makes the Rivet for Gorges and a 1st (Pacioretty) trade take on mythic proportions of one-sidedness. Chips finally got the call back up, and has looked fine ... which is what you want from your checking line centre-types. Maxwell needs some work. Weber looks to be struggling a bit with the speed and I shudder to think what might happen against a top-flight team. Still, Dagger! Max Pack! Whoooo!!!!

The Subbanator deserves his own damn paragraph!: PK F'in Subban is great. I hope Bob doesn't trade him. He's not even on the team and he might be my favourite Canadien.

The stat that made me go WTF? more than any other: It's not that our leading scorers (Lang and Kovy) are on pace for 64 points. It's not that Mad Max has more goals than Gui! Gui! Gui! and Little Tits, and only one less than ZombiePleks. It's not even that Max Pack has a shooting percentage of 33%. It's this: Josh Gorges, plus 16.

Habs would be dead in the water without: Mad Max and his fucking crazy channelling of Guy Lafleur the past few weeks. Josh Gorges and his mystifying chicken-head-cut-off style of defending resulting in a plus 16 and all sorts of important ice-time (he's averaging over 20 minutes a game!). Dagger and his timely goals. Lang and his timely everything. Breezer, routinely making the safe play and chipping in with a dozen points and a plus 6. Whoa. That and an inexplicable ability to pull games out of the fire. Hold on, kids.

Things to look forward to or worry about: What happens when all the walking wounded return? Where do Higgins and Koivu and Tanguay and Laraque and El Dandy fit in? Can Gorges keep it up? Is Price hurt worse than anyone is letting on? If he is, can Jaro keep winning? Is Bob going to mess the chemistry up with a monster deal for Jay Boumeester or Vinny Lecavalier or Ilya Kovalchuk? Can I get an indication of what sweater number PK F'in Subban is getting, so I can order it now? Will the fucking Bruins please fall back to earth, and will someone shoot Milan Lucic down off a building King Kong style before the playoffs? Can the Habs keep winning, hold down a top-four spot, and avoid a trip to Jeff Carter and Mike Richard's house of goons for at least two rounds? If Bob trades for Tomas Kaberle, do I have to refrain from calling him soft as Craig Janney? Can you believe El Dandy finished that shift with a fucking broken arm??? What the hell is with all the road games in the next few months? Will someone please explain how this is the 100th anniversary, so the Leaf fans can find something else stupid to complain about?

Habs sign some guy only Panger's heard of

Habs just announced that they have signed David Desharnais to a two-year, two-way contract. As I read that article closely, it says he played three pre-season games with us this year and even recorded two assists. Man, I really did not pay attention to pre-season, because I swear I never heard of him (make your own meth joke here).

We are going to need a game soon before I lose it.

Valetenko is just a family guy

Hmm. I'm sort of torn on this. Apparently, Pavel Valetenko supports his entire family on his hockey salary. His Hamilton salary just wasn't cutting it, so he had to go home to make more in the KHL. I can appreciate someone who just wants to do right by his family.

Here are some money quotes about the situation:

- His goal was to play in the NHL, but financially, playing in the AHL wasn't cutting it.
- He came over here to make the NHL. He didn't just run home. He had to do it. He knows he shouldn't have done what he did contractually, but he had to. It's not a Radulov situation.

Those quotes are courtesy of Rolland Hedges, Valetenko's agent. Most agents are lawyers, and most lawyers are full of shit. So those quotes may be suspect, and that's why I'm torn.

This up and down crap is making me nauseous

Our boy CHips, as a reward for his fine play last night, has been shipped back to Hamilton. This guy is gonna need some serious anti-psychotic drugs pretty soon.

Let the cutting begin!

So the Habs have announced the first round of cuts and it's as crazy as Lindsay Lohan with a knife. No, actually there's nothing really surprising at all amongst the 18 cuts. We were hoping the Subbanator would stick around longer just for the quotes, but he's headed back to Belleville. And our two best pre-season nicknames, Le-Who? and The Glue are headed to Hamilton. Good luck down there you crazy kids!

Breaking News from the WTF?!? Department

The Habs just announced that TFS(tm) and My Boy Chips have just been sent down to Hamilton, and Jaroslav Halak and Corey Locke have been recalled from the Steel City.

As HF29 pointed out in the pre-game thread, reports were that TFS(Tm) had the flu and Halak was taking his place on the bench tonight. However, this looks like a more semi-permanent move. Ostensibly it's because the Habs have few back-to-back games plus the All-Star breat in January, but it could also be motivated by TFS's less than stellar performance against Washington. Or, it could be a showcase for Halak in hopes of garnering some interest in a deadline deal.

As for Chips, who knows; although he hasn't had the impact of Little Tits, he's been a solid checking line center IMHO. While HF29 is a big Locke booster, we're reserving judgment on the unmotivated string bean midget with the slick passing skills. Wait, didn't a guy just like that sign for $5M a year... On the plus side, this has prompted HF10 to offer Higgins back as My Boy until Chips returns. HF10 thinks he jinxed My Boy Higgins (I think it had more to do with being put on Milk Carton's line), so now he's picking Breezer as his new Boy in order to prove/disprove the jinx. Maybe jinxing Breezer will make him play better...if so, you are brilliant man, HF10.

Although we're concerned about two of our favorite young players getting a bus ticket, for now FHF stands by our mantra: In Gainey We Trust.

BREAKING NEWS - FHF Resists Urge to Make "Price is Right" Joke

Well the final cuts have been made - and Carey Price will back up the Christo-wall to start the season. Maxim Lapierre and Ryan O'Byrne get the shaft and are off to Hamilton with Halak. The Breezer plays on.

Habs Chop Off Some Parts

So the Habs made a huge round of cuts today before they head up to the glory that is the St Jovite - Mont Tremblant region with its many bars and strip clubs that have their own rules.

Those who have been unceremoniously dumped like a 20 dollar hooker include Yann Danis, Sergei Tits, HF29 favourite Matt D'Agostini, Corey Locke, Jonathan Ferland, J-P Coté (he's still around???), and Duncan Milroy. Danis, Locke and Milroy all have to clear waivers before going to Steeltown. We're losing at least one of them.

There are 27 players left. Survivors of today's cuts include youngsters Kyle Chipchura, Ryan O'Byrne, and Mikhail Grabovski. I will drop dead if Chips or O'Byrne actually make the big club. They are anglo rookies! It can't happen!

Hamilton Not Dead Yet? (in the hockey sense)

Ahh Hamilton. You may not be the home of Steely McBeam, but those steel mills (well, OK, Blackberrys) are lining your pockets. You want a hockey team, you beg for it. You'd sell your soul for it, if you had a soul. But when the Preds were sold to a local Nashville group, it looked like the dream was dead.

Fear not, Hamilton! The Kansas City Star is reporting that the sale has hit a snag. There are some money and local politics issues; you know, the usual. The Star says this may be good news for KC, but of course it may be just as good for Hamilton.

Paging Balls-silly!!!

Keep Enjoying The Nashville Skyline, NHL

Well, the Balls-Silly saga (at least this round) is officially over. TSN (via the AP) is reporting that Nashville Preds' owner Craig Leipold has signed a letter of intent to sell the team to a group who will keep it in Nashville. For a reported $180 mill.

So Balls-Silly offers $220 mill, and the team is sold for $180 mill. I'm no mathematician, but I think 180 is less than 220. This can only mean one thing - lawsuit! The Four Lawyers of the Apocalypse, aka the FHF, are salivating.

Cheer up Hamilton! I am sure the Panthers, the Thrashers, maybe the Hurricans and the Coyotes will all be available for sale, er..., available for Bettman to screw you and block your bid to purchase those teams very soon.

Sorry Hamilton, Looks Like You're Stuck In Leafs Nation

So it looks like Balls-Silly is not getting his wish. No matter how many crackberries you sell, you cannot escape the reach of Harold Ballard from beyond the grave.

TSN is reporting that the Preds have found a different buyer, who is expected to move them to Kansas City. Nothing seems firm yet, though, so you Hamiltonians can always hope. But it looks like my vintage Kansas City Scouts jersey might have some real value now.

It's too bad, sort of. I wonder what a Hamilton-Habs rivalry would have been like. Angry and bitter like any Habs-Canadian team rivalry? Or a love-fest based on a shared hatred of the Leafs? Looks like we'll never know.